He Who Wants A Rose, Must Respect The Thorn

Insecurities

The days were passing by way too quickly for me. I felt like I still had so much to do but in fact most was now done. I had four days left, and the weekend to say my goodbyes to everyone. It was the end of the day and I was sitting at home going through all my old photos from growing up. I had planned on giving them to my mum to keep here when she last visited, but some I just didn't want to part with. Looking back at photos of me and my friends from Primary school had me smiling fondly, knowing back then the world was my oyster and I never would have dreamed what path my life would have taken. My phone rudely interrupted my reminiscing, but when I saw it was Olivia face timing me, I grinned, eagerly answering her call.

"Heeeyy!"
"someone's in a good mood" I laughed, "has Danny been over?!" I smirked, making her roll her eyes, but I didn't miss her blush either. "no actually," she smirked back, "he's coming over tonight though" she added grinning widely. I snorted a laugh at her. "but guess what?!" I could tell she was bursting with excitement. "what?!" I encouraged, resting my chin on my hand, "I'm going to the Victoria's Secret show in New York!!!!!" she practically yelled. "oh my god! Seriously?!" I gasped, she nodded so much I thought her head may fall off "yeah! I'm SO excited!" she gushed, "when is it?" I asked, feeling thrilled for her, even if I was totally jealous. "at the weekend" she told me, apparently there was a set back and their usual Christmas show was monumentally held back and this weekend was now the date. "I so wish you were here to come with me" she sighed sadly. So did I. "me too," I huffed. "have you booked your flights yet?" I shook my head, "I really need to get them booked, I know. I've been trying to get everything done so I'm not stressing about time." I shrugged, "I'm hoping to get a last minute flight out when I book it." I added, making a mental note to start looking at flights when I come off the call.

We talked for like an hour easily about the show and her outfit and all in between. She had me laughing at the fact Danny was invited as well and how she noticed he was trying to play down the fact that he was actually excited to go. We could imagine why...

.......

The rest of the evening, I spent looking at flights, well in between sorting out other small insignificant things that I felt I needed to do. I had a couple of messages and emails from my brother I replied to, and then I got another phone call, but this one I had been waiting for all night.

"hey beautiful lady" he purred down the phone, making me giggle. "hey hotshot, how's things?" I asked, absentmindedly playing with my hair as I talked to him. "awesome, had another busy day with some promo work with Puma, just getting ready to head out with Rob for some dinner now" he yawned, I briefly checked the clock, it was 7pm over there. "sounds good, where you heading?"
"I dunno, I think he's in the mood for sushi so" he yawned again. "how's your day?"
"good. Just same old stuff at the moment, tying up loose ends at work, getting things in place so everything is easy to hand over to my replacement" I told him, "I've been looking at flights tonight too..." I said, hearing an audible gasp from his end of the phone which made me stifle a giggle, "really?! Babe that's awesome. Have you got a date then?"
"not yet, I'll probably book a flight in the next day or so, but I'm looking at possibly Monday, maybe Wednesday at the latest" I told him, "fucking finally babe" he sighed making me let out that giggle. "I know I know" I sighed, "Olivia was hassling me earlier about it too" I laughed, "she wanted me back there this weekend, she's going to the Victoria Secret show with Danny" I laughed, thinking about our conversation about Danny's keenness to attend.

I noticed he went a little quiet but then hesitantly told me "yeah, I've gotten an invite too..." now it was my turn to clam up. "oh cool, I'd have loved to have gone to that" I managed to say, "never been to New York either" I added. "I don't know if I'm going to go yet though" he mentioned, almost as though he was waiting for me to give him permission or something. Danny was asking him to go along with them, but he said he'd not thought about it yet. Nothing else was mentioned about it, I didn't exactly want to talk about it and I guess he didn't either. We talked more about what we had going on through the week and of course for me to book my flight.

"I love you Pen" he said to me, making my insides swirl. "I love you too J" I replied, hearing noise and voices in the background. "I love you too Penelope!" a booming voice rang through the line making me roll my eyes. "hey Gronkowski" I smirked. "right babe I gotta go, text me tomorrow babe, I miss you" he said softly, "okay, bye J" I smiled, then cut the call.

I placed my phone on the carpet beside me and sighed. I couldn't wait to move there, I felt I was missing out on life over there, but Part of me felt a pang of insecurity. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't jealous in the way that I didn't trust him, probably just insecure that he'd be there seeing his ex there, and half naked. I couldn't stop him, and I wouldn't. I just needed to grow up.