He Who Wants A Rose, Must Respect The Thorn

Done

21.00pm

My clock beeped. I stared out of my bedroom window, as the heavy rain hit the glass. I'd been back home 24 hours, and the weather seemed to reflect my mood. Miserable. Exhausted, confused and conflicted.

I'd gotten home and after messaging my brother to let him know I was safe, I was heading straight to bed. The next morning, which was today, I was summoned into work to a meeting, it was totally unexpected and set my day off to an interesting start. I managed to get to the supermarket and buy my food for the week and then I headed home to cook and chill out. And that's where I find myself now.

My head was spinning. I had so many thoughts in my head regarding my job and the meeting I'd been in today, and the people it would affect. That's when Julian came into my head. I sighed. I'd not called or messaged him today, I was so busy I just let it slip my mind. But I was about to find out that maybe it was a good thing...

Babe, why didn't you tell me you and Julian split?! Xxx

I stared blankly at the text from Olivia. I checked the sent time, 2.35pm. How had I only just seen this?  I swallowed hard, rereading the text. Then I found myself calling her.

"hey"
"what was that text about?" I asked, getting straight to it. "have you heard from him?"  she asked. "no" I answered. I heard her sigh. "there's pictures of him last night, at the after party to some fashion show. He was there with Amendola, but there were girls all around them, and they're saying that one of them was comforting him 'after the mystery girl he was seen kissing at the last Pats game has vanished'" she told me, quoting the online paper she'd seen the article on. "well, if that's the case, then I guess it makes my new job offer that much more appealing"

"What job offer?"

............

Another couple hours passed and I was still wide awake. I couldn't shake off the thought of Julian with all those other girls. His lifestyle is so different to mine, and yeah he is Julian Edelman, he was gorgeous and it came with the territory that he'd have women lusting after him. I couldn't compete with that. Maybe it is a good thing that I'm staying here. Then I wouldn't have to be subjected to this kinda thing all the time. Don't get me wrong, he's an amazing man, but I guess I just didn't belong in his world.

.......

Vibrating woke me up. I'd not realized I'd fallen asleep but my phone buzzing disturbed me, and I looked to find 3 messages and 5 missed calls off him. Off Julian. That was unexpected. I hesitated. Did I really want to hear what he had to say? Sure I could let myself fall into his arms and forget about his reality, but soon something would always come crashing down on me and remind me that I couldn't run away from his persona and what came with it. Besides, what if he had moved on, after what? 24 hours? Was I just a stop gap?

Before I had chance to even think about what I was going to do, he text me again. I opened up my texts and read what he had to say.

Hey babe, did you land safe? I've not heard from you since you left Xxx

Hit me back short stack, let me know you're home xxx

Babe please call me. I'm worried xxx

Please. You're scaring me babe. Why won't you answer me?

I felt guilty not returning his messages, but after what I've just learned, I wasn't so sure I should be feeling that way. But I needed to end this. So I called him.

"baby" he breathed what sounded like relief down the phone at me. "Julian" I replied, more harsh than I'd intended. "what? No J?" he chuckled nervously. "Julian, look..." I sighed, I was dreading this. "You're blowing me out huh." he said, not letting me speak, "It's those stupid damn photos from last night isn't it"

"Julian, I-"

"God dammit Penny! It was nothing!" he barked, then went into this tirade of yelling "I went to the stupid thing with Danny! I didn't want to really, but if I stayed at home I'd have been getting drunk and missing you! So I thought I'd do it with him instead!" He shouted, "I briefly said hello to these chicks and now I'm accused of cheating on you!" 

"Julian!" I shouted at him, wanting to try and speak too. He quietened down a little for me to talk, "look, I don't know what happened with those girls last night. Sure you're telling me it was nothing, but that's kinda easy when I'm not there-"

"but it's the truth sweetie. C'mon man, you should be able to tell by now what I feel for ya" he said softly, his voice more huskier after his outburst. My heart fluttered at his words but tears began to fill my eyes. "J..." hearing my nickname for him caused him to chuckle lightly, "I called you to say that I can't do this" I said, swallowing the huge ball of emotion back down my throat. "it's not just last night. It's everything. My job, moving, and me and you it's just...it wouldn't work" I said, praying the tears held back. There was just silence at the other end of the phone, so I chose to carry on, "when I'm with you, just me and you I was so happy. But now I'm back home, in my reality, I realized that all the stuff that comes with you, and your job, I just couldn't handle that. Our lives are like a million miles apart, not just cause I'm here, but even if I was over there. I couldn't deal with seeing you with all these models and all the stuff that's in the papers." I swallowed, my throat was dry, "maybe I've realized I'm carrying more insecurities than I thought." 

"Babe...it wouldn't be like that, it's not like that." He finally spoke up, "I just want you over here, with me, so I can prove it wouldn't be all what you think it is." God he wasn't making this easy for me. "Julian, I have to go, I'm still at work" I lied. "babe please..." 

"I'm sorry Julian. I really am. I'm stupid to do this, you're an amazing man. But I just can't be with you" I said, right as the first tear fell down my cheek. "We need to end this before it's too late. Goodbye J, good luck with the rest of the season" 

READER'S POV

"Its already too fucking late!!" Julian yelled down the phone after he heard her hang up. He sighed deeply, "I fucking fell for you the first moment I saw you" dropping his phone on the floor, he held his head in his hands and completely broke down.