He Who Wants A Rose, Must Respect The Thorn

Frozen

I stare at the photo, in the middle of the street. Frozen to the spot. Not knowing whether to cry or lash out in anger. The number that sent it is strange to me. There was no accompanying message either. What should I do? My head was fuzzy from the morning that had just been, and I wasn't thinking clearly. Who should I call? Should I call anyone? I felt lost. A little panicked. Pissed. So I headed down the street, on my original route, to the bus stop. I briefly thought about turning back and going to talk to Amelia. But I couldn't do that. I'd left there, it wouldn't feel right turning back around and going in there again. If I did maybe I wouldn't leave the place. Pretend this all wasn't happening to me.

I found myself getting on the bus, not even having any recollection of doing so. Kinda like when you're driving your usual route to work and you arrive there and sort of don't remember getting there cause you do it so many times it becomes the norm. I sat gazing out of the window feeling like I had no idea what the hell had just been dropped on me. Yet it still felt like a million tonnes of bricks being dumped from a humongous height.

I blinked a couple of times, hoping the tears I'd held back at work were going to stay put until I was back home. The buildings passed by the window in a blurry haze. Too emotionally tired and battered now to even register where the hell I was on the route. How had I even paid for my fare? Oh, my Oyster card, that's right. Where did I put it? In my Tiffany's bag. Flowers? On the seat beside me. My phone? That's right, still clutched in my hand. My knuckles turning white at the tight grip I had on it. I swallowed hard. I needed to get home.

The crying of a baby a few seats away from me had my eye twitching in annoyance. Someone eating a bag of crisps behind me was making me grind me teeth. My head swam with thoughts and I was about to lose my shit. So at the next available stop, I jumped up and got off the bus.

.........

I gasped for air as I stood there in the wake of the bus, the fumes billowing around me. A wave of nausea hit me and I scurried to the nearest doorway just to catch my breath and calm down. Where even was I? I took a breath and looked around. Thankfully I was about three streets away from my flat.

I took another deep breath, straightened my jacket and with my bag and my flowers, I headed in the direction of home. Right as my phone began to ring.

Another bout of confliction fuddled my brain, seeing Olivia was calling. I chewed on my lip. Deliberating on whether to answer, time was ticking. But I wasn't in the mood. But it was Olivia....

"hello?"
"hey Pen, how are you honey?" she asked, sounding perfectly normal on the line. I tell her I'm fine and she then proceeds. "babe, are you home?"
"almost" I answer quite curtly. "oh, well I kinda wanna talk to you about something"
"if it's about Julian, I know he went home with Adriana after the show"