He Who Wants A Rose, Must Respect The Thorn

Helpless

JULIAN'S POV

"Has Olivia spoken to her?" I asked Danny as we stood in the locker room. I was throwing myself into training, extra time in the gym, on the field. Coach was getting fed up of me being around so much. "course she has man" He sighed. "they don't talk about it" he added. I looked round at him, seeing Danny shrug. "that's what she tells me" I frowned even more. "yeah, or she just doesn't want you telling me what's going on" I grunted. "perhaps" Danny shrugged again. "you've not heard anything from her then?" I shook my head. "not since I got drunk and left those voicemails. That was like over a week ago now man" I said, feeling sick at the thought of her totally blocking me out. I was this close to flying over there again, but we were right at the end of the season with it all to play for and I was in the zone. I couldn't ditch, no matter how much I might feel I wanted to. Danny didn't think it would help this time either. And most of me agreed with him. I think I had to come to terms with the fact that it was probably over. 

.......

That afternoon I was driving away from training, passing by the candy store I met her. My eyes fixated on the place. Thoughts in my head flashing back to the moment I met her. That smile, those eyes, fuck. Why was I so stupid? Why did I have to step outside of that place with Adriana that night? Why didn't I fucking realise what it would do to her? My eyes stung with tears I'd been desperately trying to hold in. I ran my hand down my face and sniffed hard, I needed to keep it together. 

I felt pissed at the world once again. Feeling low, angry and desperate. The same feelings were bubbling under the surface from years ago, when I was arrested for something bad I didn't do. I was still pinned with that rumour, and only I knew the real truth. I never liked to think about it. It had been a difficult time and one I prayed some day everyone would forget. Rage over came me once again and I punched the steering wheel. "Fuck!" I yelled at the top of my voice. I needed to pull over, I couldn't see the road for my tears.

.......

I turned off the engine after I parked up. My head was pounding and it was driving me insane that I couldn't talk to her. I didn't care if she yelled at me, cursed at me, or tell me she hated me. I just wanted to hear her voice, at least manage to get her to answer the phone to me. It frustrated the hell out of me that Olivia was talking to her, and I had no clue what was going on. Danny didn't want to do anything either, but I guess I wouldn't have either, if the tables were turned. I felt completely useless. What the hell could I do from here when she was in England?

Man fuck it. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and took a heavy breath. I scrolled down for her number and pressed call. the call connected after a few rings and I sighed with relief. "Julian?"

"Hey Mom"

..........

"I don't know what else to do mom" I breathed, finally calming down a little. It felt good to get everything off my chest to the one person that would love me no matter what. "Oh my boy. what were you thinking?" she sighed. I knew I had disappointed her. That hurt almost as much as breaking Penny's heart. "You need to give her time" She said, "let her have the space she needs, but don't give up. she still needs to know you love her and you are sorry." she added, "her friend, Olivia is it? You need to show her too, if Penny won't talk to you, Olivia can still let her know how you feel. Believe me son, if the best friend has anything  to report back to her, she will. No matter how small. It's what we do." she said. I nodded, taking on board everything she said. It was the first time as a man that I had gone to my mother for dating advice. I've never needed it in the past like this. But I've never been in love like this. In fact, I don't think I've ever been truly in love. And I royally fucked this one up. 

"thanks ma. I love you" I sighed, "I love you too Bub. Now, promise me you'll go home, have something to eat and for goodness sake sleep tonight. You worry me sick you kids" she said with a slight laugh towards the end. "I will ma, I promise." I told her. We ended the call and I felt myself calm down a little. I just hoped that I'd stay that way and give Penny the space that mom advised me I gave her. But I know me, and my temper and impulsive nature. Maybe Danny needed to keep an eye on me still.