365 Days of Starshipping (Part 1)

Vulnerability

2/27/19

Judai'd been pacing around the room for an hour now, and Yusei was starting to get worried to the point that he couldn't focus on his work anymore. With a sigh, he closed his laptop and spun around in his chair, determined to figure out what was wrong.

"Judai, what's bothering you?" He asked, noting that the other had startled ever so slightly when he spoke up - definitely not a good sign. The last time he'd seen Judai pace so much had been just before the first tournament he'd dueled in, and even then it hadn't been nearly this much.

"I'm fi-" Judai started to say before seemingly thinking better, cutting himself off with a sigh and tousling his hair, "I just... It's..."

While Judai struggled to get his words out, Yusei took it upon himself to lead him over to the couch and pull him into his chest; he smiled when he felt Judai relax slightly, bringing up a hand so he could stroke his hair soothingly.

"...I can't stop worrying about what their reactions will be," Judai eventually whispered, pulling as close as he could to Yusei, "They're- they're all going to know, and it's going to happen any day now."

"The most you're going to have to worry about is getting lectured and then cried on," Yusei hummed, "After all, they're your friends - clearly they care about you."

"I know that but I can't help feeling like they'll hate me or something," Judai admitted, his grip tightening on his jacket.

"They won't," Yusei reassured, "Sure, a lot of them will be angry with you, but not out of hate; they're upset because they love you and missed their friend, who disappeared for twenty years without a trace."

Judai laughed softly at that, "Yeah, that's true - I deserve that much at least for not telling anyone besides Yugi what I was doing. For them it will have been years of worrying, while for me it's been barely a year since I last saw one of them."

"...I already kind-of assumed you hadn't, but if you don't mind me asking, why?" Yusei asked curiously, making sure to press a kiss to the top of Judai's head in reassurance.

He didn't respond for a minute or two, but right when Yusei was about to move on from the topic he spoke up, "I didn't- It was selfish, but I didn't want to hear their protests and worries. Don't... feel like I deserve that from them, not after what I've done."

Yusei stayed quiet, letting Judai talk at his own pace - clearly this was something he'd never talked about with anyone else besides the two he'd fused with, and that didn't really count when they were involved as well. He rested his head on top of Judai's and made sure that he never stopped his ministrations to his hair, trying to help him remain as calm as possible.

"At one point, Haou woke up and was the one in control, though I was still relatively aware of what was happening and could talk to him. The entire island the academy was on was stuck in one of the spirit dimensions, and Yubel was going mad due to the influence of the Light of Destruction, and- even though it was only five days, in that time period we nearly killed everyone," Judai continued, voice shaking slightly as the words just started to spill out, "Yusei, I nearly killed them all- I was still there, I saw everything, but I was too caught up in my own turmoil to even try to stop what was happening.

None of us want to kill, obviously, but at that point in time with the Light of Destruction manipulating everything... I was the only one that could've possibly done anything to stop them, and I didn't. It was sheer luck that a draw was enough to push Haou away and bring me back into control.

The point is, I don't- I tried to kill them all, I don't deserve all their worries and anger and-"

"You didn't though," Yusei stated, cutting him off, earning him startled look from the other as he pulled back slightly so he could look him in the eyes, "You didn't kill any of them."

"But I tried to-"

"But, in the end, you didn't. There's a lot of extenuating circumstances that led to it, and clearly there were a lot of evil forces at play; Judai, you're not at fault for any of that. I guarantee your friends never blamed you either, because if any of them did, then they were never your friend in the first place."

Judai stared at him wide-eyed, not having any response to what he'd said because it was true and he knew it.

With a soft smile, Yusei leaned down and pressed their foreheads together, saying, "I'll remind you for as long as it takes to get it through your head - you're not a bad person, Judai. Not in the slightest."

He noticed Judai's eyes turn slightly watery, the other exhaling shakily at his words; he quickly laced their fingers together, holding him tightly to show he was serious about what he'd said.

"...You'll be there when they come, right?" Judai asked quietly, squeezing his hands back just as tightly.

"Of course - that's not even a question," Yusei replied, "I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you," Judai whispered, finally letting the few tears fall.

Yusei was quick to wipe them away before pulling him in for a long, soft kiss; they wouldn't part for quite a while afterwards, though once they did, Yusei was elated to find that Judai was smiling in genuine happiness.