KNOWING ME KNOWING YOU ⇒ jegulus one shots

OH, HOW I ADORE YOU, EVEN AT YOUR WORST

TW: Miscarriage, discussion of miscarriage.

Regulus Black hates being pregnant. But he won't tell James Potter that.

Regulus sits at his desk, scribbling on a pale yellow sticky note, jotting down his to-do list as he goes about his day. Absent mindedly, he rubs his palm down his belly. He's grown a lot more in recent weeks, he's reaching five months soon. He isn't excited, not in the slightest.

He isn't excited in the manner that James is excited.

James talks to their baby, he sings and hums and tells their little one stories about all that he and Regulus have done and all that three of them will do. He lays for hours, chatting mindlessky away to their unborn baby, even when he thinks Regulus has long tuned out or has fallen asleep and is no longer actively listening to his private conversation with Regulus' baby bump.

James' loving, strong, tender hand never stray far from Regulus' belly, always gently patting his bump, offering the pale, stretched skin a light kiss every so often.

But Regulus isn't excited.

He is filled with woe and misery and anxiety; and guilt as a result of all of those feelings. He isn't maternal, he isn't the kind of person you would want as your mother. He feels disconnected; isolated from his own body as it changes and morphs to house his child.  He is sick often, his morning sickness never quite fading away or even lessening. Instead, it only seemed to grow much worse and much more inconvenient for him, especially as he has now been reduced to an office group, rather than coaching his star quidditch team.

The constant, irritating nausea is bad enough; but the migraines and heartburn kill Regulus in the most agonizingly horrible way. Despite his pain and misery, he will never tell James any of this. James knows he's sick a lot more than he should be, always throwing up and turning down food; but Regulus can not bring himself to weaken and admit to James that he feels like a stranger within his own body.

He has been taken over by pregnancy hormones entirely. He has been taken over by his impending role as a mother and Regulus hates that.

He no longer feels like coach Black, like James' doting husband, like Sirius' younger brother. He just feels empty and void. He feels like he should feel more than he does. Regulus yearns to have his life back, to be simplicit and content again, to fly and practice his skills, furthering his abilities. But his baby comes first. His baby has become a priority over his own needs and he can't help but dislike that feature of pregnancy.

The little one had been a happy accident. Originally, Regulus had never wanted children, not after everything his own parents put him through. But when he has his suspicions confirmed after weeks of throwing up constantly, James had been so happy. He had been ecstatic, beyond joyful, completely and utterly enamored by their baby already. Regulus couldn't ruin his happiness. He wouldn't be the person to destroy James' ideals and eventually his own marriage as a result.

So Regulus had sucked it all up, swiftly bottled up his emotions. He had grown to love this baby, naturally. But he doesn't think he can mother them the way they deserve to be.

As Regulus scribbles the new warm ups for his team, he feels his baby kick impatiently. "What's the ruckus about, little one, eh? Mumma is busy right now, and daddy isn't here to put you at ease with his voice," Regulus murmurs softly. He presses the tips of his fingers to his belly, hoping to calm his little one just for a few more minutes.