KNOWING ME KNOWING YOU ⇒ jegulus one shots

AND I STILL CALL HOME THAT HOUSE IN NEBRASKA

AUTHORS NOTE
This one is gonna be so angsty, sorry in advance! i chose ethel cain's song purely for the lyric "your mama calls me sometimes to see if i'm doing well and i'd lie to her and say that i'm doing fine". also, this one is NOT jealous!reg, just for context! it's sort of a very, very tame emotionally abusive james, poor reg isn't acting out or being jealous, i hope the way i write this translates that well! the lyric "and it hurts to miss you but it's worse to know that i'm the reason you won't come home" is so james coded in this one shot. the whole song inspired this one shot, as angsty and painful as it is but i hope that you all enjoy! This is gonna be a long one! ❤️

As long as Sirius Black exists, there is no room in James Potter's heart for little old Regulus Black.

It has always been Sirius Black for James Potter. They have been intertwined ever since the ripe age of eleven, upon that first meeting on that fateful day in September of 1971.

Regulus knows this. He knows that James' love for Sirius burns much brighter than his love for the younger Black brother. He just didn't think it had been so obvious. He never considered just how much brighter James' eyes shined when he looked at Sirius, than when he looked at him.

This crippling awareness haunts Regulus, makes his heart bleed and ache. Except his agony is hidden, much more hidden than James' adoration for Sirius.

Regulus is a surrogate, this he knows, this he has grown to be suffocatingly comfortable with. He has no other choice but to be, if he wants to keep James. But at what cost?

The closet that James can get to Sirius. Regulus is merely just the spare, perhaps just as Sirius has been the spare when they were growing up.

"Must be painful, is it?"

Perhaps his pain is not as well hidden as Regulus had suspected.

Regulus stares blankly at Peter, before he allows his eyes to drift back towards James and his brother, Remus Lupin sitting in Sirius' lap, James' brown eyes almost black with envy. It is Mary's birthday, and the music is loud, the drinks are plentiful. "Excuse me?" He replies, as nonchalantly as he can manage.

"Watching your boyfriend fawn over your brother, I mean," Peter clears his throat. "How he must see you as some kind of fill in for Sirius," He drawls.

Regulus shakes his head, bringing his glass of wine to his lips, taking a generous sip. He breathes in deeply. "That's not true," He mutters.

"But you are watching, aren't you?"

"What do you want me to say, Peter?"

"Nothing," Peter answers truthfully. "But I want to say something to you," He adds. "Why do you do it?"

"Do what?" Regulus asks dryly.

"I don't think Prongs deserves you, you know?" Peter begins, pursing his lips. "You're much too good to put up with what he puts you through," Peter pauses. "So why do you do it? Why do you play second fiddle?"

"I love James," Regulus states.

"Loving someone isn't a good enough reason to put up with him fawning over your brother, Regulus," Peter shakes his head. "Everyone can see it, you know?"

"Is that supposed to make me feel ashamed? Embarrassed, even?" Regulus snaps. "Do you think this is funny?" Snapping is his only defense.

"I'm not trying to make you feel any sort of way, mate. Just trying to warn you," Peter replies simply.

"Of what? What exactly are you warning me about?" Regulus grits out.