KNOWING ME KNOWING YOU ⇒ jegulus one shots

THE REVENGE PACT

Sirius is surprised when his curtains are drawn back and Remus' face appears. "Hi," Remus mumbles.

"Hi," Sirius' voice is heistent, filled with caution, just in case Remus decides to turn around and head back to his own bed, leaving Sirius to miss him.

Remus swallows, glancing back to his own bed and Sirius fears that he just might retreat back beneath his own duvet covers. Somehow, Remus seems to change his mind as he stumbles onto Sirius' bed, sitting, curled up at the very end of the bed, closing the curtains behind him.

Remus draws his knees up to his chest, making himself appear so much more than frail; avoiding Sirius' eyes. "Your little bother is pregnant," Remus utters. "Prongs got your brother pregnant."

Sirius nods, unsure of what to say next. "Y-yeah," He whispers back. "Um, yeah, I...I know,"

Remus hums. "And how do you feel about that?" He asks quietly.

Sirius shakes his head. "I feel like a selfish prick," He mumbles. "A total selfish prick,"

"Well, you are," Remus says dryly. He looks up to see Sirius' fallen expression. Remus shrugs. "If you thought I was going to disagree with you and tell you that you weren't in fact selfish, then you don't know me as well as you claim to," He adds.

Sirius sighs gently. He clears his throat, mustering up the courage to speak again. "I'm sorry, Rems," He speaks quietly. "I'm sorry for always being so selfish, so stuck in my own world that I'm too self assured to see the rest of the world," Sirius pauses. "I'm really, really sorry, Remus. I...I swear I never meant to hurt you so terribly but I know that I have and I'm so very sorry,"

Remus doesn't reply, ergo, Sirius continues. "And...and I'm rubbish at showing it, at showing how much I care about you, y'know? I...I don't know how to do emotions very well, but I have so many emotions for you and...and some of them are very big ones and sometimes I can't explain them, and...and I can't explain them to Reggie either, I can't explain how much I...I love either of you,"

"And then...then I end up doing horrible things to you and him. I...I don't show how much I love you two," Sirius whispers in a choked voice. "You're...you're my boyfriend, Remus, and you're my best friend. You know everything about me, I don't have a single thought that I don't run to tell you about," Sirius adds softly.

Sirius sighs. "I...I promise that I love you, no matter what changes between us after everything, no matter if you decide that we shouldn't be together as boyfriends...or...or as friends," Sirius breathes. "I...I won't be upset with you if you decide to stop both of those things. I...I'd understand, even. I...Remus, I love you and I want you to be able to be with somebody who doesn't fuck you over so much,"

Remus doesn't speak. And Sirius just keeps going. He's crying now, and when he looks over to Remus; he can see the wet tears slowly sliding down the other teenager's pale, slender face.

"I've been so awful, I've done so many awful things. I...I don't even know if Reggie allowing me to hug him means he forgives me, but...but I wouldn't blame him if it wasn't him forgiving me. And...and Remus-" They make eye contact for the first time in months. "And I wouldn't blame you either, sweetheart,"

Remus openly sobs now, burying his face in his folded arms. "I don't even know why I can't bloody hate you," Remus whispers wetly. "I wish I could fucking hate you,"

Sirius doesn't know how to respond. So he doesn't. He watches Remus cry. He isn't sure what else to do.

"All...all my life," Remus pauses to hiccup. "Since I was a little kid, I...I thought I was this terrible, horrible monster," He shivers. "I thought...I thought that's all anybody would see me as. And then, well, then I met you, and Wormy...and Prongs, and I thought it would be alright, I had friends and then suddenly I had a boyfriend and I thought I'd be alright,"