MCYT oneshots

Arms on show - Tommy

T/W Somewhat graphic Self-harm

I know this probably won't make much sense. Just imagine you can be in year 9 when you 16. I'm too tired for this.

Tommy's P.O.V

I hadn't felt that way in a while. The heavy pressure, weighing down on my shoulders and chest. I knew what triggered it but I really didn't want to think about it. I just couldn't stop.

It was sports week in our school, meaning we were wearing P.E kit all week. Therefore, short sleeves. By now, I had grown accustomed to the scars on my arms. Everyone in the house knew about certain aspects of my past that lead to me self-harming for a while and eventually attempting to take my own life. The harming scars were just white lines against my pale, freckled skin but the suicide attempt was 3 thick, jagged purple-white lines on the inside of each wrist. I could walk around the house in a short sleeve t-shirt without worrying about anyone saying anything. If they did say anything it would only be out of worry but at school it was different. I got mocked for my scars and it only served to make things harder. I wore a long-sleeved shirt and a blazer, or a shirt sleeve shirt but wouldn't take off the blazer. I wasn't ashamed of my scars at all but the taunting was never fun.

The fact that it was sports week meant that my arms would be on show. Constantly.

That was terrifying enough.

Monday was a normal day, but I had P.E meaning I had to be in the kit. I didn't care too much, just kept my arms close to my sides. I was in a small group for P.E and both Ranboo and Tubbo were always there anyway so I just stuck with them. 

Tuesday was our first whole year thing. My week, month even, had been going badly. I wasn't in the right mental state, to begin with, but something just set me off. I saw this girl, from my class, who had cuts all across her arm, and some sick part of me wanted to remember the feeling. To be able to see that on my arms again. Feel the uneven, bumpiness on my skin. I knew that I shouldn't be thinking that way again and that I should talk to Tubbo, Ranboo or one of the adults in the house but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Saying it made it real. It wasn't real.

Wednesday, I couldn't get myself out of bed. Wilbur came in a few times to 'wake me up' for school but each time I gave no response. I didn't even try to move. I didn't see much point in it anyway. It was 30 minutes until the time I was supposed to leave when Jack came in. Jack, Tubbo, Ranboo and I all went to the same school. Jack was two years above us though and I was the youngest in my year. Year 9. Jack was in year 11. He sat on the end of my bed, placing a hand on my leg through the duvet. "Tommy?" He said softly, "Are you alright? Wilbur said you weren't very...responsive and he's getting worried."

I didn't want to tell Jack the truth but I didn't want to lie to him either so I decided to tell him an evasive truth. "My head hurts really bad," I murmured. It did, it just wasn't the reason I couldn't get up.

Jack's hand moved to my back - I was laying on my stomach "Oh Toms," He said, lowering his voice a significant amount. He moved his hand to my forehead, "You do feel quite warm. I'm gonna go get Tubbo and Ranboo cause we need to catch the bus but I'll tell Phil that you don't feel good and get him to bring a thermometer and some painkillers up." 

"Thanks, Jack." 

"No problem, love, get some rest. I'll see you in a few hours." 

"Bye." 

"See ya." 

I rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling as I heard Jacks footsteps trail down the stairs. Throughout the day, there was little that I could do. I couldn't eat without feeling like I was going to throw up. My head hurt really bad and I didn't feel up to get up for anything other than going to the bathroom. At midday, Nikki came into my room. She pushed the curtains open, much to my disliking, and came to sit on the edge of the bed. "Come with me Toms," She said softly. She helped me up and then took my hand and led me to the sofa in the living room. "Staying in your room all day won't do you much good." She murmured, closing the curtains. I lay on the sofa and Nikki draped a blanket over me. She left for a moment going to the kitchen before coming back with a bottle of water. In the end, Nikki, Dream, George, Sapnap, Karl and Wilbur joined me in watching a film on the sofa. I was feeling a little better but I still had my mind made up.