MCYT oneshots

Abandoned - Tommy

T/W suicide, ending 1 = major character death!!! self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, neglect, lonliness and a bit of derealisation

Tommy's P.O.V

At first, it was just an idea. A stupid joke that Tubbo made up, mid-discord call after joking about me being clingy. He told everyone in that call that he would leave for America just to escape me. I laughed, shifting in my seat as I tried to hide how uncomfortable the joke made me and instead of telling them that, I just made a joke back. That's how the idea started. For many months and lots of streams and calls afterwards, Tubbo made the same joke, over and over again. If it had once been funny then it wouldn't have been any more, not with the amount he was saying it. Then he brought in other people saying they would go with him, everyone I knew would and then I would be left by myself. He said it would be hilarious and good for content, staring at me through that computer screen even as he knew one of my deepest insecurities was that everyone would suddenly realise I wasn't good enough for them and they would leave me. I wasn't sure if he had forgotten or just didn't care but either way it hurt.

Then Ranboo came down from America and everything was okay again, well, for a moment anyway.

Soon, Twitter, Instagram, literally every social media platform was full of Beeduo and as selfish as it may sound, I felt extremely left out. I mean, Tubbo was supposed to be my best friend. I wasn't trying to suggest that he couldn't be friends with anyone else or I didn't want him to be happy or anything, I just missed him. He never spoke to me anymore, when before we would call every day. Now, he was too caught up with Ranboo. At least I still had other friends.

I had grown up with Freddie - knowing him practically all of my life. I liked to think that I was his best friend. That's what he would tell me anyway but it soon became obvious that I was wrong. I introduced Freddie to Tubbo and Ranboo as we were going up to see them and Aimsey and Bill but throughout the entire trip, he teamed up with Tubbo to make me miserable. It probably wasn't their intention but my brain couldn't see that. Every sharp jab, off-handed comment or side-eyed laugh made my chest hurt in low pulses. It felt constantly as though my lungs were restricting and my face burnt as I tried to keep the tears at bay. Surely they should have known. They couldn't have been so oblivious as to not realise that I was desperately uncomfortable. Wilbur was busy with Lovejoy, Phil and Kristen had gone out for 'date night' and almost everyone else was streaming so I was narrowed down to one person. Sapnap. Sapnap was at Karl's house at the time so I felt a little awkward but I didn't know what else to do. My 'friends' had locked me outside in the freezing cold and I was tired and upset and so, utterly done with their shit so I curled up on the small bench outside, resting my head on my knees as the phone rang.

It only took two rings for Sapnap to answer and I could picture the relaxed grin on his face as he spoke into the mic. "Hey, Tommy!" He said, I could faintly hear Karl walking around in the background.

"H-Hey," I murmured, wincing at how weak I sounded. Well, there was no way I could lie now.

"Woah, are you alright?" He asked almost immediately, worry evident in his tone.

"I- uh. I don't know."

"Okay, can you tell me what's making you unsure?"

"I don't know I just feel...out of it? I can't think or concentrate, my head hurts and I just...I don't know."

"Alright sweetheart, where are you right now?" The nickname rolled smoothly off his tongue.

"I'm... I'm outside."

"What time is it? Where are you?" The panic was back again, rising quickly and beginning to freak me out a little too.

"It's..." I paused, checking the time on my phone screen, "2 am and I'm outside of Tubbo's."