MCYT oneshots

Huddled on the beach, in a mist, I wanna die with you - Tommy

Title is from, "Born to Run." By Bruce Springsteen. I'm going to start doing lyric titles again.

T/W Anxiety

Tommy's P.O.V

I knew from the moment I woke up it was going to be a difficult day. I just woke up with a pit in my stomach and a feeling of dread following me around like a shadow. I felt it as got changed, had breakfast and grabbed my bag that I had packed before. I felt it as I slipped on my shoes, making my way out of the house after yelling to my mother that I was leaving. I felt it as I walked down the road, heading towards the train station, twisting a fidget cube in my hand. I was going to Bogner to meet up with Tubbo and Ranboo. Well, actually, Ranboo and I would end up taking the last two trains together. I had to take two trains, one to Leicester and one to Oxford, before I would meet Ranboo and we would take the last two trains together, Oxford to Southampton and then Southampton to Bogner. As much as I seemed like a confident, extroverted person, I hated social interaction. I had major social anxiety when it came to real-life situations, like crowds, or being called on in class. It made me shake and my breathing hitched. My mind would become hazy and suddenly the air felt really heavy, pressing against my skin and squeezing my lungs. I bought my first ticket and got onto the train. Thankfully, due to covid, not many people were taking public transport so I was in an empty carriage. I curled up on one of the uncomfortable seats, putting in my headphones (while being careful of my mask) and trying to relax a little.  The ride was going to take roughly 45 minutes, including the time it should take for the two stops. The first time we stopped, an elderly couple got into the same carriage as me but they just walked to sit at the front, content on giving me space and keeping at a good distance. They got off at the second stop, while four other people got on. They also gave me a reasonable amount of space but it still put me even more on edge.

When it got to my stop, things got so much worse. I made my way off of the train and onto the platform, curling in on myself slightly from all the loud noise. People were talking and shouting to one another, kids were screaming and a baby was crying, it was a horrific amount of noise. I walked to the ticket both getting a one-way ticket to Oxford, praying that the train would be empty. I had to wait at the station for longer than excepted as there was a delay so I just pressed myself into the corner, trying to distract myself with my phone and playing with a strap on my backpack. There were a lot of people around but not enough to tip me over the edge, just enough to leave me shaking and my hearing staticky.

Thankfully, it was only 5 minutes before the train rolled in. I was quick to board getting onto a carriage with another 10 or so people. This carriage had a row of seats on either side, facing each other whereas the last one had rows going backwards like a bus or a plane. This carriage was much smaller than the last only designed for about 30 people so it was a third full. So, it wasn't much but it was enough to freak me out. I sat in one of the plastic chairs, putting my headphones back in and trying to stop my legs from shaking. I wasn't very successful. This time the train ride would take 2 hours so I had plenty of time to kill. There were several stops on the way, one of them being London. Now, London is extremely busy and that day was no different. About two people got off the train and another twenty-two got on. Every seat was taken, people were standing, everyone pushed close together in this tight, stuffy space. My mask felt too tight, suffocating almost and I blinked back tears as I remembered I still had another hour before I got to Ranboo. I closed my eyes, taking as deep of breaths as I dared before deciding to message Wilbur while I waited for the nightmare to be over.

Taking to Will actually worked, it felt like it had only been 10 minutes when the train pulled in at Oxford Station. I quickly messaged Wilbur that I would talk to him before we were due to meet up the next day and then stood up walking to the doors as they opened. This platform was even busier than the last. There were people everywhere. I knew that I had around half an hour before the next train so I took my chance and darted out of the station.