The Interview

Chapter 103

"Lisa what's wrong." Chris asked me.

I could feel my heart beating faster and faster.

"Lisa, talk to me, tell me what your feeling, you've become distant, i can feel you pulling away from me." he said

I got up and walked over to the window and looked outside. The wind was blowing the leaves on the trees that surrounded the yard.

"You really wanna know what I'm feeling, I'll tell you. I feel empty Chris, I feel like living in the past that doesn't matter, remembering the past and how great things used to be doesn't matter because life, our life will never be like that ever again." i said

"Honey, things will get better, you just have to believe it will." he said putting his arms around my waist.

"You don't know that." I said pushing his hands away from me.

I could feel my blood begin to boil.

"You want me to believe life will be that good again. But it won't be, don't you get it. Life will never be good for us again. There will always be the memories that I'll never be able to shake."

I looked at Chris and I could see his face, he was trying to figure out what to say. And what he said set me off.

"I know a way to make some new memories. I have an idea let's go back to LA, you said it yourself you always loved going to the house in LA." he said

"No Chris, this is what I'm talking about, you can't buy me flowers, or jewelry or take me on a getaway someplace cause no matter where we go i will always have the picture in my head of the life i will never have."

"What are you talking about, we have a good, no we have a great life together, yes we've hit some bumps in the road but that doesn't mean we can't pick up and make some new memories. Lis I'm really trying here but i don't know what else you want from me." he said

"I want you to understand that life as we know it may never be the same, i need you to understand that I'm not that person you fell in love with, I'm broken, I'm so broken that I'm scared I'll never be myself again."

I tried so hard to swallow the lump in my throat and try to stop the tears that were about to fall but I couldn't.

"Honey your not broken." he said

"Yes I am. But you don't see that, you see someone you can just make remember the good old days, when life was good, when life was perfect well guess what life will never be perfect again."

"No one's life is perfect honey. But we can work on things, we can still be us, you me and dodger." he said

He tried to comfort me but I kept feeling so frustrated.

"No Chris, stop saying things will work out, they never will, don't you understand that. Can't you understand how I'm feeling."

"No I can't cause you won't open up to me, you push me away when all I'm trying to do is help you. But i can't help if you don't let me in, Lisa please just let me in. Let me help you. You promised you wouldn't push me away." he said

"That's the thing you can't help me, you have no idea what I've been going through."

"Then tell me, tell me what your going through so I can help you." He said

My whole body began to shake, I was scared to tell him fearing it might make him see that he shouldn't be with me anymore.

"I just think I'm beyond help, this is the life i have to live with, i have to live with not being the person i use to be, i have to live with the fact that I'm not the women you married and the worst of it is i have to live with the fact that you will never have child to carry on your name."