words from a broken soul

Pit

When does the pit end is there even an end
What's a pit to an abyss is there any difference
One or the other I'm stuck in both a pit of
My own making isolation is salvation yet
There's an abyss in this pit I've created how
Did the anomaly get here was it always in
This pit I've known for so long no No it wasn't
So when did it break through when did it form
Where does it originate from questions
So many lack directions to answers or I
Choose to be blind to the answers to not
Hate myself even more yet can the come
To fruition when I see my face I hate myself
For things I had no control over but was
Subjected to anyway made to fit a husk
When does the pit end is there even an end

Sit in silence and observe a world pass me
By questioning have I ever belonged to it
When I wear the face of the dead yet alive
A case of shordingers cat yet even I can't
Tell if this is living when the life wasn't my
To begin with a husk of a corpse a ghost
Shoved inside the body as the psyche was
Breaking trying to maintain itself by making
Things to fit the horrors endured yet damaged
All the same a line of sanity became insanity
Masquerading as sane knowing deep down
Something is wrong very much so but not
Sure of what is wrong or right what's there
To distinguish normal and abnormal
When does the pit end is there even an end

When you've known neither when you see eyes
In a mirror did they have joy once or can
You only see the battle waged with in them
Can you lose yourself or have you found
Something in them that's worth treasuring
I know my answer do you know yours is
There anything in these eyes below the
Face value that you see but I can't will I
Ever find out before it's too late as I'm left
In this pit I've dug for myself the darkness
Is my home for its all I've truly known was
There light in here perhaps once but that
Time has moved on left me in the shadows
And in these shadows of a pit I've called
Home lurk the demons of my past threatening
To pull me further down to drown me in the
Things I can't escape from only to fight till
I'm exhausted staring at myself as I cough
Out smoke and ash but where did it come
From the embers of flames flickering out
Before catching alight again no warmth
Just the unsettling cold a bite of winter
Trapped within me was it to survive or just
So I could endure the nightmares that I try
To run from even if I have to bleed this curse
Out of me the poison will go with it and yet
I know that's not true the blood is half dead
But it's need to keep me going is it worth it
Am I worth it are we worth it will letting
Others in be worth it or will I stick to the
Same script that put me in the fetid pit
Within my minds mind a psyche etched
Into the skull things it couldn't handle
Had to break down to be able to bear the
Weight of everything knowing it was saving
Only the body chose it over who was meant
To control the body and mind now its a mess
When does the pit end is there even an end