words from a broken soul

Confidence

It's something we all lack in some way
Yet its the hardest struggle to gain it
We have a decent voice or so we think
Don't sing in front of others consciously
Just listen to music our own world the
Thoughts drowning get washed out and
It just happens unabashed yet embarrassed
Ironic how it happens yet we do it anyway
Yet the only thing we sing about that comes
From this damaged psyche is depression
The words the tumble out yet the voice is
Unabashed raw with things unknown to most
Lost to us for they're things that are best
Unsaid they eat away at us maggots on
Wounds yet we've grown detached let
The wounds fester because sometimes
It's easier being something you're not but
Not something you've never known a mask
Under a mask face under a face brace the pace
Of the pain behind eyes grey yet blue once
Joyful know only sorrow broken by nightmares
Haunted by a blood half dead yet a curse
It's something we all lack in some way

The words all feel hollow yet said but what
They mean do you know can you decrypt
The encryption understand the things we
Can't hide but force down as if the poison
Will be salvation from the unspoken words
The emotions killed to be numb yet they'll
Always resurface a place to belong never
Knew one was focusing on surviving even
As my mind was breaking kept living but
Who am I not who was I for I never met I
He chose death left me in his place oh the hell he escaped from
Oh the hell I endured in his stead
Oh how it all haunts me someone I'm not
For I'll never be who I should be a ghost
Who's meandering in life unsure of purpose
What was it survival yeah but now it's just
A flickering ember cold and dying staring
At a forest fill with a noose everywhere I see
Wondering when the past is gonna tighten
One round my neck grip deathly cold yet
It'll always slacken from my neck the only
Confidence is to out live my nightmares
Was once a me myself and I haven't been
That way for a long while just didn't want to
Believe I was altered into a we us and them
Yet the cards I was dealt are missing a winning hand
Got a high card not a pair sure as hell ain't
A full house definitely not a straight nor is
It a flush just an ace and random numbers
Fighting the odds hoping to win yet always
Lost to the grand scheme the house wins
No matter what you think I'm still there in hell
Just now it's my mind against my psyche
One damaged beyond fixing or mending
The other scared like an atom bomb testing
Ground yet both still alive yet trying for life
What is life anymore when the line between
Sanity and insanity is a tightrope getting tired
Of balancing in wonder what to do in this
Maybe cut it add another noose to the collection
To stare at wondering where it all went wrong
Got no one to blame just myself start a fire
Just to feel some warmth yet I don't deserve it
It's something we all lack in some way

All these words only come forth in my own
World lost between a beat and someone else's voice and lyrics
Got the ears for sound just no soul for
Making my own not enough sparks just
Dying flames withering away an inferno
Wiped away by a hurricane of doubts yet
I keeping making these words tumble out
Lost in a world of my own helpless to the
Machinations of brain damaged as it is
It'll always keep stringing along no matter
How sluggish and muddled it feels even
As I choke inhale ash cough out smoke burn
The rope around my neck face my battles
In the shadows my blood is poisoned my
Own hand is the cause seeing all the family
Sins in it can't escape them won't pass them on
This shit has to die with me harm no more
When I'm gone I'll be free yet death won't
Collect me is it my time no its not you wish
It was but there's more to you then the soul
Weighed down by the pain others inflicted on you
Just be strong even when you're weak you'll
Out live those nightmares just gotta keep
Going even if your lost confidence it not
As cut out as the world paints it to be you
See a ghost in the mirror I see someone
Who's suffered more than they should trying
To live a life they never should've had yet
The body is a hollow corpse we control
Me you them us doesn't matter anymore
Just keep going even when the ropes snap
We're a puppet but strings were cut long ago
You saw to it yourself but now we're lost
A face forgotten in a sea of crowds but
Free in a way we never once were before
The mirror looks back you see a face you
Couldn't call your own you see what you're not
We all do but you roll with the blows got used
To having the losing hand of cards time to force
A winning hand now the house isn't here just
Us in this damaged psyche along for the ride
Can we handle it maybe mayhaps not who
Cares this is our life to be made not someone's
Puppet a corpse controlled by a ghost a husk
Full of fire begging to burn brighter yet can't
It's something we all lack in some way