words from a broken soul

Suvivors

We're all survivors of something or another
And there are things that we just accept
Not because they're good they were just
Familiar We've known it longer than our life
For me pathological liars and manipulators
I've known those for nine years they shaped me
In many ways but it was enough that those
Ways they got branded into me I'm always
Gonna be just like them found out one got
Hit by a car at first I was happy karma was
Finally catching up to those two but now
I feel just as hollow as the corpse of some
Guy I never met stares me in the face yet
Know I'm not him I watched him die I took
His place but a mask stares back at me
Another mask wondering what's underneath
You don't want to know it's all fucked
But now I just..... don't know I've lived a life
But was that life mine no it wasn't for I
Wasn't meant to exist I was made for a
Purpose to survive but what to do with
This life I've never wanted always felt like
A poison I'd force down just to please who
I've never know who it was for I'm a dick
It's all I've ever known I'm nice but it's fake
Or it's always felt fake for me but it wasn't
Words from someone who's broken a soul
Holding on just so they can make another
Smile a savior complex but a sacrifice for
My smile doesn't belong it's jagged and crooked
We're all survivors of something or another

And yet I push on with a life I've never cared
About just need to out live my abusers
That's the only thing that's kept me going
But I'm tired of things that feel like every
Limb, muscle, organ they all have a noose
Wrapped tight around them why do I persist
When what I got what I wanted felt hollow
Revenge even when ignored kills you just
In a different way they say to dig two graves
When you go for revenge I haven't dug
Any but it feels like I dug a pit I've
Been slowly sinking into it without knowing
Whatever you survived revenge feels hollow
A sound in space unheard but felt just space
Is my mind already full of sound unheard
Yet heard just not resolved is better this way
Fuck no but sometimes the choices we
Make are just fucked at the start so much
Pain and yet no catharsis just raw truth is
Is it worth it to bleed with no one watching
Yes there's always something to bleed for
I just don't know what that is for me any more
Not that I knew what it was before or ever
And yet I keep getting up somehow despite
How freeing death sounds I force the cold
Grip off of my throat flames burn the ropes
Remind me what I take for granted and the
Things I've lost because I'm just like those
Who lurk in my nightmares I'm one of them
I'm just more vivid disgusted with what I've
Done what I've cost myself because I was
Trapped in a tunnel caged Mind doing what
It perceived as normal knowing how wrong
The actions were too stubborn to say sorry at
Least when it should've been said the time to
Do so has long since moved on but have I
Who's to say is it me you I them or us I'll never know
We're all survivors in some way or another