Hey it's Cat :P
So right now in Literature we're learning about the Holocaust and we're reading this book called Night and it's a memoir from a guy who was in Auschwitz death camp and I absolutely hate it.
Look, don't get me wrong, the Holocaust was a horrible, horrible thing, but I feel like I just can't read about it anymore.
My teacher (this is Mrs. Doucette btw) showed us this documentary on Auschwitz a little while back and it had video footage and pictures and I felt like I was going to throw up and cry and scream all at once while we were watching it.
Just to know that people actually did this kind of stuff to each other is so sickening and awful and it actually hurts me to even learn about it.
Now I know that we should learn about the Holocaust because we don't want to repeat history and stuff (even though it's literally happening right now with ISIS and stuff) but I just wish we wouldn't go into so much detail with my teacher.
The other day she took the nicest girl in my class and lined everyone else up in a straight line in the back of the classroom and she made this girl point to which side of the room she wanted each person to go and decide if that person would "live" or "die".
Then she locked the "dead" people in a closet to represent a gas chamber and she made me guard them.
I was legit shaking when this girl was picking who was going where because all of the non-white (not trying to be racist) people were going on my side of the room and thinking of nazis, I had a pretty bad feeling that I was on the dead side.
And yet I somehow wasn't.
Don't ask me for logic, because I still don't understand it fully.
But I just hate learning about this stuff because today we were reading Night and we were only like 4 pages in and I felt tears building in my eyes.
Mostly because they were talking about throwing babies in the air and shooting them for target practice.
I honestly want to throw my copy of the book across the room and just run out while we're talking about all this because it's all so horrific and terrible.
And Mrs. Doucette is like "I'm not going to show you the rest of that one video because it gets quite graphic".
Then I'm sitting there thinking "YOU SHOWED US ANOTHER VIDEO THAT INVOLVED SKELETON-THIN DEAD BODIES INTO A GIANT PIT HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO GET MORE GRAPHIC THAT THAT YOU BITCH"
I feel sick now.
I'm going to grandma's house in Maryland tomorrow for the weekend and I'm terrified because I'm going to see my little cousins and I have an awful gut feeling that one of them is going to say "I'm going to have a new baby sister soon" to me because they don't know what's wrong with her and I can't tell them because they're too young...
Someone please help me 😶😬
