It's Cydad. I'm currently crying right now.
I've had a major fear of death. Like, what happens when we die? What do we do when we die? It just worries me so much, I don't know if I'll be stuck in an endless void as pure energy or if there are ghosts or if there actually is an afterlife.
Like... The meaning of life is death.
THAT SCARES ME SO MUCH.
I DON'T WANT TO DIE, I KNOW I'LL BE FORGOTTEN AND BE A WASTED LIFE. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT STUFF IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO CRY AND PANIC AT THE MENTION OF IT. I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK A WHILE AGO OVER IT AND PANICKED REALLY HARD BECAUSE IT WORRIES ME AND I'M TOO YOUNG.
IT COULD HAPPEN ANYTIME AND ANYWHERE. I CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPEN EARLY. I KNOW I SHOULD PRESERVE MY LIFE AND TAKE RISKS, BUT THEN ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN. BUT I CAN'T STAY INSIDE FOREVER OR MY ONE CHANCE AT LIFE WOULD'VE BEEN BEING LOCKED AWAY INSIDE A ROOM WITH A COMPUTER AT HAND.
IT JUST FRIGHTENS ME AND I'M JUST CRYING LIKE A SCARED LITTLE CAT.
