(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Lover's Quarrel Part 4

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating

Their gazes locked, and each was taken aback by the reflection in the other's eyes.

She saw raw vulnerability and hope, and it made her want to forget everything and run into the comfort of his arms.

He saw a coldness and emptiness that made him want to bow his head in shame.

The moment lasted barely seconds, but long enough to see the tears that gathered in the other's eyes, and understand that this time, the stakes were higher than ever before, and the losses might be too much to bear.

Her first reaction was to get off on that floor and avoid him completely, but she glared at him instead, and refused to give in to the comfort and security found in long established patterns of behavior.

"Meredith, good morning," Mark teased lightly.

"Dr. Sloan," she acknowledged.

"What a lovely way to start my morning, a meeting of the DM club."

She was in no mood for Mark Sloan and simply ignored him.

"Meredith," Derek whispered as he stood close to her.

She told herself she would not react to his proximity, but she did, and she knew he had noticed the slight shiver that went through her body involuntarily.

"Mer," he murmured, getting closer, "you have to speak to me, acknowledge me sometime."

The elevator stopped and she walked out before reaching her desired destination, inadvertently providing additional gossip to the rumor mill.

Derek watched her go walk away and to Mark's amusement, saw his friend run his hand through his hair in frustration.

"Shep, you've really done it this time. I think I'm going to try to change my bet."

"Bet," he looked at him in disbelief as they got off the elevator, "there's betting on us, that's what you were doing earlier. You bet $ 50 bucks on what, you ass?"

"You're losing your touch old man, Mcdreamy has lost his status, you are now a mere mortal man, an idol with feet of clay, and the bet's are against you."

"What the hell can they be betting on, for God's sake, is there nothing sacred around here."

"You've got to be kidding, sacredness; you're really getting old and senile, if you don't know how many bets have been placed on you & Grey, it's constant."

"Why the hell are they betting on us?"

"Derek, you guys are like fucking rabbits all over this hospital, you don't think people notice, and than you go do something stupid like break up with Grey in a hallway, and tell her you kissed a nurse, and you don't think there's going to be bets? You guys are the main form of entertainment here, keep up with the program."

"What the hell did you bet on, and what was the 23 days?"

"Fond memories Shep...fond memories... 23 are the number of sexual encounters with nurses in the last two weeks."

"You really are a man whore."

"Proud of that title, Shep, very proud, of course I may have to alter my ways when Erica gives in to me."

"In your dreams Mark, that's never going to happen. Answer my question, what are they betting on?"

"Well, I didn't have enough time to find out all the details."

"More details of what? Do people around here ever work?"

"Keep up with me here, this bet is about how long it's going to take for you to redeem yourself and be worthy of your name again."

Derek Shepherd had been silently pleased with his Mcdreamy designation, by Yang no less, and he knew they teased Meredith about it, but he also knew he had failed to live up to that expectation, he had let her down again, and apparently the entire hospital knew about it. Derek Shepherd prided himself in doing the right thing, living up to a perfect image at all times, and it stung that it had suffered as a results of his recent despicable behavior.

"I can't believe you bet $ 50 bucks on us."

"Not us Derek, YOU, how long it's going to take you to redeem yourself. I should probably make a bet for you, and give you the edge so you can win, cause this is going to cost you money, you're going to have to spend money to work your way back to Mcdreamy status."

"Mer's not like that, she's not materialistic, that's not what our relationship is about, I just need to make her understand I know I screwed up and make it up to her."

"Denial.... I see that's a common trait you two share. You've never been in this kind of trouble before. Take my word for it, it's gonna cost you, and you better start thinking of your strategy, because right now, man, you can't even refer to what you have as a relationship. You're in the shit house, and that's a fact."

They reached the coffee cart and Derek ordered, taking out his wallet, but Mark paid, "save your money, you're going to need it," he chuckled.

"Good morning, Dr. Stevens," Mark greeted as she approached the coffee cart.

"Good morning Dr. Sloan,"

"Izzie," Derek acknowledged and was completely rebuffed.

"Oh man, this is worse than I thought, I've just lost $ 50 bucks, you're not fixing this anytime soon."

"You're wrong, I'm going to talk with Meredith, and I'll make her understand."

"Denial...yep...denial is where you're living. But, this was worth $ 50 bucks to get back with the nurse's good graces."

They made their way back to the surgical floor and came head on with another familiar face.

"Lexie, it's good to see you this morning, I appreciated your thoughtfulness last night."

"Well, Dr. Shepherd....it's not good to see you, and ... you ... you really had me fooled. I thought you meant all you said last night, but obviously... I was wrong," she accused and walked away without looking back.

"She rambles just like Meredith," Mark commented.

"I don't get it, I had a pleasant, well as pleasant a conversation as we could have given the circumstances last night. She was friendly, and even sympathetic."

"Looks like she's already heard the rumors. Wonder if she's going to make a bet as well."

"What the hell else is there? She's not going to be on her sister."

"It seems you've lost your touch...you have to take some lessons from Mark Sloan, and you have to be a little more secretive about your indiscretions."

"Indiscretions!! What the hell kind of indiscretions are you talking about?"

"You need to be more careful Shep, there's rumors of a not so quiet good night kiss in the parking lot."

"What, she kissed me, I didn't kiss her. I walked her to her car, and I told her nothing could happen between us, but she leaned and kissed me, I did not kiss her back."

"Go figure...and it's all over the hospital, you need to be more careful during shift changes, you never know who the audiences is."

"Oh God, I'm so screwed, if Mer finds out, she's never going to listen to me, she's never going to trust me. I can't lose her Mark."

"I think you've already managed that, she doesn't trust you at least that's the rumor mill, and from the reaction in the elevator, think you've already lost her."

"You're an ass Mark."

"Think of the bright side, you had lost your touch, and now, well, if I'm going to be honest, my bet's on you Shep, you have a chance here...have your pick...a nurse and a resident...more fun to play with the nurses...Grey's too serious lately."

Derek walked away in anger, while Mark chuckled, he knew just what buttons to push. Oh, yeah, he thought, he was going to win that bet, in fact, he was going to see what other bets were going on, because these two were meant to be together, and the way they looked at each other in the elevator, there was no way they'd make it two weeks without the other, and he felt he owed Derek, he owed him because of Addie.

Both Meredith and Derek spent the morning in surgery, blissfully unaware of the increasing interest in their lives, but it was short lived.

Meredith joined Alex, Izzie and Cristina in the cafeteria, and at first she though she was becoming paranoid, but there was definitely something going on when the animated conversation her friends were having came to a halt as she approached them.

"What's going on? Why did you stop talking?"

"Nothing," Cristina was the first to speak, "we were just planning on getting together after work, and hope you're going to join us."

"I don't believe you, what's going on."

"Nothing's going on Mer, really," Izzie said at the same time she elbowed Alex to keep him from speaking up in his usual, blunt, keep no secrets attitude.

"Fine, I imagine I'll find out myself sooner or later," she said and walked away leaving her unappetizing lunch behind.

The rest of the day kept her busy, but, regrettably she soon found out what they were trying to keep from her, as she sat undetected in the room behind the nurse's station while
completing her charts.

"Tyler I still can't believe it, I know love when I see it, and Dr. Shepherd is in love with Dr. Grey, no two ways about it, the looks between those two are enough to steam up the entire hospital. I just can't believe he took that woman out to dinner and kissed her goodnight....and then, from what I could hear, he apparently said...."

She listened to the conversation between Nurse Tyler and Debbie, and became increasingly agitated, thinking back to her mother's last day of lucideness, and what she had repeated as she had so often in her childhood, "people who hover on doorways, are coming from nowhere and heading nowhere," and she wasn't hovering, she wasn't eavesdropping, but at that very moment, she felt like nowhere was the place she belonged.

Derek saw her sitting at the desk, and thinking luck was with him, iwent to speak with her.

"Meredith, I'd like to speak with you."

She was completely absorbed by her thoughts, and the look in her eyes expressed such dejection, he wasn't even sure how to reach her.

"Meredith," he said again, touching her hand lightly. She was startled at first, but quickly withdrew her hand from his touch.

"Please, I'd like to speak to you"

"There's nothing left to say between us."

"There's a hell of a lot to say," he said raising his voice, immediately regretting it. "Meredith, we're going to talk, I'm not going to let you do this to us. I'm not going to give up."

"You no longer have a choice," she said and looked at him with such haunting sadness, "because, I no longer care," she said, unable to keep her voice from cracking, and got up and tried to get away as quickly as she could.

He could see it in her eyes, she was about to break, and he was responsible. He followed her and reached her right by the door of a small staff quiet room.

"Leave me alone."

"No, I will not leave you alone," he said as he locked the door and closed the blinds.

"I can't... I can't talk to you right now... and not here...please," she glanced at him quickly.

"You're going to talk to me, and you're going to talk to me now, and we're not leaving until you listen to what I have to say."

She looked past him, and though he could see how much she was hurting, how much effort it was costing her to stay I control, she almost broke down when she said, "It's appropriate I guess, this is where I found you when I told you we had to put Doc to sleep. Go ahead and talk, it will be a fitting place to put an end to us as well."

Every word felt like sharpened knives piercing his heart, leaving him unable to utter a word.

"What do you need to say, let's get it over with."

"We are not putting an end to us, I'm not going to let you."

She snickered, "really, and what are you going to do to stop me."

They stood facing each other, the unbending will of two passionate, heartbroken lovers gauging and testing the others' response.