(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Forgiveness Part 2

He held her, soothed her by gently stroking her back, whispering tenderly that he loved her, that he would always be with her.

"You...you...heard..." she said after a while.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have...but...when I heard you say, Mom, it's me...I did...I thought you might need me..."

"It's ok...now you know...you know a little bit more," she said softly, quietly, "...and just now...when you came in, I needed you desperately."

"She hurt you so much," he said, and pulled back slightly to look at her, "and yet...Meredith...you forgive her..."

"She...she...was my mother Derek...she was all I had..."

He wiped the trace of tears away and cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her lips softly. "Well, now...for the rest of your life...you have me...and so many other people that love you and on whom you can count on."

"You...you are the most important...Derek, I told her...I found the love of my life..."

"I heard...she didn't like me..."

"I think...she was trying to protect me in her own way..."

"You amaze me...how understanding you are..."

"Derek, she lost the love of her life...she was judging based on her experience...please don't hate her."

"I'm not going to lie to you...I did not like the way she treated you, I was angry at her...but I did not hate her..."

"Thank you...because, I don't hate her...and she hurt me the most..."

"I don't hate her...how can I? Because of her I have you...because of her I found the love of my life..."

"Oh, Derek...you say such things like that...how can I not cry..."she said as she did just that.

"You have to admit," he said holding her close, "you've even turned me into a water pot lately."

"Derek, even...even...if I couldn't forgive her...before, for so many things...I would forgive her now...because, she was there...at the end...and she pushed me...she did...and because of it, I have you...and our baby...and for that I can forgive just about anything..."

"What do you mean," he asked confused, "she was there, at the end..."

"It's a long story...I don't want to talk about it right now...but I will...when the time is right...I will..."

"Meredith..."

"I'm not avoiding, I'm not...I'm accepting many things, but I have to deal with them...and I will share them with you...I will," she said and reached for his hand.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes...and Derek, we have a lifetime...to talk...and it doesn't all have to be right now...but it will be...sooner than later..."

"We do, we do have a lifetime together."

"Derek... do you think she heard me...that she knows...about us...our baby?"

"I believe she did...and she knows."

"Really?" she asked with such hopefulness in her voice.

"I really believe that she can be close to you, I'm not sure exactly if they hear or see...but Meredith...there are so many times, I just know...that my Dad is nearby..." he said with tears in his eyes.

"You do...you feel that way..." she said, gently squeezing his hand, never looking away, "you never talk about it..."

"No. No I don't."

"Are you ok...talking about it now?"

"Yes...I just want you to know...that I think they are close by...and Meredith...sometimes...I talk to him too."

"You do..."

"Yeah...I do."

"Thank you...for sharing that with me."

"Seems like there's lots of sharing...for both of us...the rest of our lives."

"I think so...we just have to start..."

"We already have Meredith...we already have," he said and kissed her lips lightly, and they exchanged a tender kiss meant to heal old wounds and give hope for the future.

When they pulled apart, she asked, "Derek, isn't Kathleen with you?"

"Downstairs."

"Derek, that's so rude," she said and started to get up.

"Where are you going?"

"Downstairs, to talk to her, spend some time with her."

"Maybe you should just rest."

"Derek, I told her I wanted to spend time with her."

"So she can come here and you two can talk, and bond...or whatever it is you've done, since she is totally and completely biased about you."

"Are you feeling left out?"

"No, I'm feeling like I'm on the losing side no matter what I do," he teased.

"Really," she said seriously.

"Meredith, lighten up, it was a joke."

"Derek," she said, "that's not nice...telling me to lighten up...you've just ...well... that's not nice or ...supportive...and maybe you prefer she'd hate me like Nancy did?" she said, and lowered her gaze.

"Meredith...I was kidding..." he said and kissed her softly. "I love you."

She wasn't budging, "Meredith..."

"What?"

"I love you...I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"You know Derek...you know I'm extra sensitive...you could be nice."

"You're right...I'm sorry...I will try harder..."

"Fine."

"I love you Meredith," he said and brushed her lips with his, but this time deepened their kiss.

She sighed after he released her lips, "I love you too."

"Should I ask Kathleen to come up?" he smiled.

"Yes."

"I'll be right back, do you want anything? Are you hungry?"

"I opened a can of soup."

"That's not healthy, too much sodium."

"It was soup...Derek...Campbell's... you know, soup is good food."

"Oh God...cold pizza, grilled cheese sandwiches and now canned soup advertising...those are not nutritious foods Meredith."

"Derek, go get Kathleen...and bring me some ice cream...any chocolate will do."

"Any chocolate," he asked while standing at the door, "how many do you have?"

"Two flavors," she replied with a smile.

Derek led Kathleen to Meredith's room. "This is a lovely house Meredith," she said as she walked over to her, and leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek, and sat on the bed next to her. "It's good you're staying in bed."

"But, you know, Dr. Cameron did not say I needed to...I don't mind, but, he ..."

"No, he didn't, but it can't hurt, and Kathleen suggested we go out to dinner," he said, and went around the other side of the bed and stretched out beside Meredith, handing her a bowl of ice cream.

"Actually, I suggested we stay in and I make a nice home cooked meal..."

"You can't do that...you're here...as a guest..."

"Meredith, I'm here...as family, and I haven't cooked in days, I'm missing it."

"Are you kidding? You miss cooking?"

"Actually, I do, and I'm a great cook."

"She is, better than Mom," he laughed, and turned on his side to look at Meredith.

"Better than Mom, Derek Christopher, she would skin you alive..."

"But, she's not going to know...is she..." he stated.

"That is tough... Derek... very tough...can you imagine," she laughed.

"Kathleen..."

"I won't say anything...not now..."

"If you do, I'll have to tell her about you moving in with..."

"She knows...that won't work..."

"She does not."

"Derek, she's not stupid, she's known for years."

"What won't work...you two, it's not nice...keeping me in the dark about gossip..."

"Oh, thank God, you finished that statement... I thought we were going to deal with another hormone "nice" issue..."

"Now, Kathleen, THAT was not nice..."

"Just think, it could have been Nancy out here...instead of me," she said, and all three laughed.

"Meredith, Kathleen suggested we go to Joe's, you up to it?"

"Joe's, but Derek, that's where we hang out...we should go someplace nice tonight, she's been stuck at your trailer and here last night."

"Mer, Joe's would be just fine...no hassles, I didn't dress for nice...and I'd much rather stay in jeans like this...than worry about anything fancier..."

"Well...it's just a bar and not very formal...and we should take you out..."

"Meredith, I really want to go to Joe's...maybe meet up with some more of your friends here...and definitely want to see the place where it all began..."

"What began?"

"Your love story..." she said.

"Oh."

"Yes...it was that," Derek said smiling.

"I'm not sure...well, that it started out that way..." Meredith said, "you do know...that first time..."

"I know it all...and I think, it was the beginning of a wonderful love story."

"Fate," Derek said, "undoubtedly fate," he said and leaned over to kiss Meredith.

"Derek, why don't you go do something, and leave us to talk..." Kathleen suggested.

"Why...Meredith isn't keeping secrets from me...I can just lie here, relaxing, I enjoy talking with you, both of you."

"Derek...you are not that brainless," Kathleen told him.

"Why?"

"How often have you enjoyed sitting around with just the girls talking?"

"I don't mind...that's how I used to hear everything that was going on..."

"Just get out...I'm going to fill Meredith in on lots of family secrets...especially those worthy of blackmailing Nancy..."

"Hey, I want to hear those..."

"Go away Derek," Kathleen ordered.

"Biased. Totally," he said walking away.


Kathleen and Meredith had been talking for a while when her phone vibrated. "Hi Lexie," she said and listened to her sister's ramble and smiled, "that's ok. I'll see you at Joe's, yes, I'm fine."

"She was coming over here after work, and just got pulled into what she called an amazing surgery...so she's going to be late."

"You've become very close, in a very short period of time...that's very good, as far as trusting people."

"I'm trying."

"You're succeeding, that's more than trying. Don't undermine yourself."

"Kathleen, tell me about Derek...when he was a little boy...tell me about him..."

"He was adorable," she started, and told her stories that made Meredith fall deeper in love with him with each passing moment, but felt a melancholy longing for the chance to experience the same with their baby.

Derek stood at the door to her room and marveled at the closeness that had developed between them, watching as Meredith shared her album of photographs with Kathleen, and both giggled at several pictures.

"Hey, you've been talking for over two hours...it's lonely downstairs."

"Are you feeling neglected?"

"Yeah," he pouted.

"Join us," Meredith said.

"You kicked me out."

"I didn't, Kathleen did."

"I spent all day with you yesterday, and the day I got here and today..."

"So...what is your point?"

"Now I want to spend time with Meredith, we're not going to see each other for a few months."

He understood the significance of that and relented. "Women. I'm going to run to the store, there's not a lot of nutritious food in this house. Meredith, is there anything in particular you want?"

"Just don't stock up with healthy stuff only...bring some junk food," she said as he walked toward the door, "Derek, bring chocolate...lots of chocolate."

"He is really being wonderful," Meredith told her.

"McDreamy...is it..." Kathleen said, and laughed.

"Absolutely."

"He will never live that down when you guys come home."

"He's earned it...he really has," Meredith said, with a bit of dreaminess in her eyes. "Kathleen, it's meant a lot to me...spending time with you, I hope you know that."

"It's meant just as much to me, and I can't wait for the next time we can spend time together. You know I expect Mom will want you to stay with her, whenever you visit, she certainly has the room for guests, but, I'd love for you to spend some days with me."

"I would like that. You know, I'm a bit intimidated at the thought of meeting your mother."

"She is going to love you...and she loves to mother... and you can use some mothering."

"Yeah," she said, and remained quiet.

"What are you thinking? I can see the change in you."

"Derek does that all the time."

"Read you like a book?"

"Something like that," she smiled.

"So, what is it?"

"You really are bossy...Derek and Mark are right."

"And you are excellent at avoidance."

"Lots of years of practice," she joked, "but, I'm not, it's not about that...I'm just thinking..."

"About what?"

"Kathleen, will you pray for us...not for me so much...but for the baby...I already asked Lexie..."

"Honey," she said, and reached for her hand, "of course I will, I have been already. But, why don't you?"

"I have...more than ever...and I hadn't in a long while, my Mom, she didn't really believe in anything...so we didn't, but ...now, I'm afraid...I'm afraid to because I may already know the answer," she said honestly as tears gathered and slid down her cheek, "and I don't want to feel...I don't want to know He didn't answer my prayers...though I know... that things may already be happening...so maybe I started to pray too late..."

"It's never too late to pray...to have hope."

"You're a doctor, Kathleen...some things...they just...happen..."

"You can still pray...sometimes, it's only for Him to give you strength and courage...and acceptance of whatever life brings."

"Does it work? Do you find all that...? Are those prayers answered?"

"Yes, but you know, even if you had not asked for that, they've already been answered for you."

"What...what do you mean?"

"All those things, Meredith, you already have all that...it's who you are... strong, and courageous, you're a beautiful, kind, compassionate woman, who happens to love my brother."

"Kathleen," she said, still teary eyed, "do you think he's forgiven me?"

"For what?"

"For what I said...the night he called you...?"

"I think he has forgiven you, but you still need to talk about it."

"We will, we are talking about lots of things, we will."

"He told me that today, that you two are committed to making things work, to talking through everything..."

"We are."

"Meredith, I know Derek's been teasing about me being biased...but, I want you to know, I'm just a phone call away...I'm not going to be on his side, or yours for that matter, but I'm there for you. Specifically...for you, if you need to talk to me, and don't worry if it's about my brother...he's right, I may be a little biased towards you."

"If I need you...I'll call you."

"That makes me feel better, all of this, that you two can count on me. But, Meredith, I hope you will call...even if you don't need me."

"Kathleen, have you forgiven me?"

"For what?"

"For hurting him...when he called you..."

"That is in the past...now, you concentrate on your future."

"You did not answer me."

"I have. Meredith, that's what sisters are for."

"I'm learning...because, I know Lexie has forgiven me, the way I treated her, when she first came here...but we've come a long way."

"I can see that."

"Can I ask you...well, sort of a professional question...psychiatrist related?"

"Yes."

"Today...I found myself talking to my Mom...I mean, I felt like I wanted to talk to her, tell her about being a grandmother...and Derek came in...he overheard...do you think, I mean as a psychiatrist, do you think there's something wrong with me, that I did that, I mean, I know she's dead... but I just needed to feel close to her....is that something I should tell my therapist, in case there's something wrong...you know...emotionally with me by doing that."

"You can tell your therapist if you wish...but only if that is going to help her understand you, but as far as talking to your mother...Meredith, I talk to my Dad a lot...I have since he passed away."

"That's what Derek said, when I told him...'

"Derek," Kathleen said with visible emotion, "he told you that....he said... he spoke to our Dad?"

"Yes...but, I'm sorry, please don't tell him I said that... he doesn't like to talk about it...and it was just that he saw me crying...and I said something, and he told me that..."

"Meredith, I won't tell him...you can trust me...but, you don't understand, he never talks about him...about our Dad...and that's just made me realize how much that impacted his life...all our lives, but especially his."

"He...he said, we'd talk about it more...that we'd be talking about it...again."

"Meredith," she said, "I have no doubts" and reached out to hug her "my brother has completely forgiven you..."

A couple of hours later the three were walking down the stairs that led to The Emerald City Bar, Meredith and Derek holding hands and searching for a booth.

"Hi Joe."

"Dr. Shepherd, Meredith, it's really good to see you...and you must be his sister."

"You know about me?"

"Dr. Sloan over there was talking about you, said he was determined to beat you at darts, plus, the looks, you can't deny you are related."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Joe, have heard a lot about this place. As for Sloan, in his dreams...I've only gotten better."

"Welcome to Joe's...I can't wait to see that."

Meredith slid in the booth first with Kathleen sitting across from her. "I'll get our drinks, Kat, usual red wine..." he asked but was interrupted.

"This round's on me..." Mark said as he reached the table, "Kathleen, you've already met Tracy...I told her we're picking up on our last darts challenge..."

"So I heard. I'm going to beat you, just like last time."

"You did not beat me..."

"Get me a beer Mark," she said

"You don't drink beer, you drink wine."

"Not tonight. Darts competition requires beer..."

"Oh crap, she's going to beat me," he muttered under his breath.

"Did you say something Mark," Meredith teased him.

"Grey, you stay out of this."

"Mark...that is really not nice..."

"I'm on to you...save the nice," he said as Meredith and Derek laughed.

They were sitting exchanging stories, enjoying the evening having already placed a dinner order when Lexie and Cristina walked in to Joe's, and Derek felt Meredith tense.
As they approached, he called out, "Lexie, Yang, join us," he said, and reached for Meredith's hand under the table.

"Hi guys, we just had the most amazing surgery, Cristina ...she decannulated a heart, Meredith all by herself, it was awesome...and she said she might teach me eventually...it was oh my God, an incredibly surgery high."

"Congratulations Dr. Yang...that's quite an accomplishment, again."

"Thank you...Dr. Shepherd."

Everyone at the table detected the tension, when Derek broke the silence, "hey guys, while we're waiting for dinner, Yang, Lexie you order something and have them bring it out together, but I think it's time we took on Mark's challenge. Kat, are you game?"

"Absolutely," Kathleen said, "let's go beat this pretty boy's attempt."

"Kathleen," Tracy commented with a twinkle in her eye, "they've dubbed him prettier" while Mark looked at her with a smirk.

"Prettier," Kathleen laughed, "than whom?"

"Dr. Shepherd," she told her.

"This town is just full of nicknames," Kathleen laughed, "pretty and prettier...McDreamy and McSteamy...I can't wait to get home and tell all."

"Don't forget manwhore," Derek added.

"Shep, don't go there..." Mark warned, "and that's old."

They all started to get up, "Cristina, take my seat," Derek told her, and she hesitated, but sat down, while he saw the puzzled look on Meredith's face.

After long moments of silence, Cristina spoke.

"He told me you're happy."

"He...Derek?"

"Who else?"

"When?"

"He came to talk to me."

"He did...when?"

"Don't you have another question?"

"No. When?"

"After he took you home."

"He didn't tell me."

"He said he would."

"I guess this was his way."

"I told Lexie, I'm the hard core cool aunt..."

"What?"

"Meredith, are we playing the 5 W's?"

"Why?"

"Why did you tell her that?"

"Because, I am the cool aunt, and she can be the baby stuff aunt."

"Baby stuff aunt," Meredith said, coming to full realization of what had happened.

"Yeah, I'm not going to be cooing and changing diapers or baby sitting."

"He told you?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad you know."

"Me too."

"I asked Lexie to be the godmother. I hope you won't be mad."

"You did the right thing. More her style, I don't want to deal with 'it', well with the baby...till you know later, when there's actual talking and they make sense, maybe like seven or eight...."

"Who's been coaching you...you said baby...not it."

"Lexie," she mumbled.

"She's been good to me, Cristina, I'm learning about sisters..."

"Figured you're acquiring lots of sisters...if I didn't adapt to the changes, I was going to be left out of my person's life."

"I'd have approached you and kicked your ass, eventually. Just right now, a lot's going on...hormones...all over...the baby...just a lot," she said with tears glimmering in her eyes.

"I know. I'll be here Mer...if you need me..."

"I do."

"I'm sorry, about today...and lately..."

"We're good – it's in the past."

"Ok."

"But, Cristina, about Derek...he loves me. Don't underestimate what we have together. I won't let anyone do that anymore."

"That's almost exactly what he said."

"Seriously?"

"Right now, he's truly McDreamy for you... isn't he?"

"He is."

"Meredith," she said, and put her head on her shoulder, "I hope your baby is ok."

"That means a lot to me."

"I know."

"Thank you."

"You're my person," Cristina said, as hurts began to heal.

Shortly after all made their way back to the booth and pulled a table next to the booth to make room for everyone, and the evening became a relaxed and enjoyable couple of hours with family and friends.

When Derek sat down next to Meredith, she leaned close to him and held his hand, "I love you Derek, you ...you...what you did..." she said, and he saw the emotions, and whispered, "we'll talk later, I love you too."

"Kathleen, I think we need to make a toast..." Tracy teased Mark, "to you solidly beating Mark at darts."

"Thank you Tracy, he will never concede, but, I have again, beat him!"

"You cheated, somehow you cheated."

"It's called practice, I have teenage boys...remember...lots of practice during long winter nights stuck in a basement with ten know it all boys...I have to beat them, it's my way to establish authority...they know not to mess with me."

"Good God. You do not have ten boys..." Cristina blurted out.

"Good heavens no, Cristina but all their friends hang out. I'd rather know where they are than be worried about them on the street."

"Kathleen," Meredith said, "you didn't say what it was Derek can't bribe you with anymore."

"Shep, you tried to bribe her, she comes all the way out here, and you tried to bribe her," Mark egged on.

"Tried is the operative word," Kathleen said, as they all teased Derek.

"She thinks Mom knows...about..." Derek countered.

"Derek, Mom's known I was living in sin before we got married..." she laughed.

"She does not."

"Shep, of course she does, she walked in on them one afternoon, and it was hilarious."

"Wait a minute, how the hell do you know that, and Mom, and I don't?"

"See what you get for trying to mess with your older sister?"

"Why didn't I know?"

"Because...you'd have been a pain in the ass, and tried to bribe me... just like you did today, and it was so much sweeter that you find out now," she said and Mark and Meredith joined in her laughter.

"Why did he know, hell that was twenty years ago..."

"Shep, I always know...don't forget that..."

"That was not nice Kathleen, that you would tell him, and well, I thought you trusted me..."

"Wait...are you becoming Meredith," she teased... "pouting...and not nice..."

"I don't pout," Meredith, said lightly, "Derek, don't pay attention to them, they are not being nice...at all," she smiled and kissed him deeply.

"Ok..." Mark commented, "maybe it's time you two go home."

"Before we go, we need to make a toast," Kathleen said, looking around the table, "and since I'm the out of towner...I'll go first..."

"Kat, a toast..." Mark told her, "not a monologue."

"Oh be quiet...you're being a sore loser."

Meredith rested her head on Derek's shoulder and his arm was around her waist.

"First, I'd like to say...well, good old Catholic guilt, is going to make me confess..."

"This should be fun," Mark told her, raising an eyebrow.

"Derek...I lied..."

"You lied...what kind of a toast is that..."

"It's not, I just feel guilty...you and I...well, I can't lie to my favorite brother..."

"You're only brother."

"Ok, my favorite sibling...."

He started laughing, "Mom does not know..."

"She doesn't and prettier here, just made that up..."

"Derek," Meredith started to protest, "I'll tell you later," he said.

"Forgive me? For lying ...and making fun of you?"

"Always, Kathleen."

"Ok...now, my real toast."

"They all have shifts in about six hours, Kat."

"Mark, let her talk," Tracy said and swatted his arm.

"I just want to say...that I had no idea what my brother's life was like when I got here three days ago, and I'm so glad I'm here...and had the chance to see him and Mark again, because I have missed them...terribly, and I'm delighted to have met all of you, who are part of his life now, and I can go back home, knowing he is happy, and assuring our family that Seattle is perfect for him...that he has found his home."

"That's not a toast...Kathleen..."

"Mark, if you don't ...."

"Children..." Derek laughed, "it has been more than twenty ...thirty years...can you two behave."

"Be quiet..." Mark & Kathleen said and laughed, "we understand each other," Mark finished.

"See," he said, and turned to Meredith, "the abuse I get from them."

"But, not from me," she said leaning in and kissing him.

"True...that's all that matters," he said and kissed her back.

"Ok...I agree with Dr. Sloan," Cristina said, "you two can go home."

"Kathleen, go ahead and make your toast, these people just don't know how to keep quiet, and let someone finish what they want to say...seriously, guys...she's been trying to make a toast for the longest time, and all of you just keep interrupting...thank God, the rest of the bunch wasn't here...we'd be here till morning."

"Lexie," Kathleen said and smiled, "I cannot wait for Mom to meet you..."

"Thank you...I think..."

"Oh yes, I already told you...get ready..."

"Kathleen," Derek said as he saw Meredith attempt to hide a yawn, "Meredith's going to fall asleep on my shoulder if you don't...."

"Derek," he heard, and then felt the light slap on his chest, "that is not nice, I am not..."

"Right...that's why you're ..."

"Yawning, it's called being tired...and you know that," she reprimanded.

Tracy was paged at that moment, "sorry...I have to answer this," she said, and left the table.

"My toast is simple..." Kathleen said while smiling, "it's to love...the power of that single powerful emotion...I've seen it here amongst all of you...friends...family...and I know Derek and Meredith are very lucky to have each of you. Lexie, Cristina...Mark...because we all need that support system in life...and I won't be here, but I'm glad I had these three days to spend with them... and know that they have you."

"Cheers," all echoed.

"Not done yet ..." she said, holding back her emotions, "most of all, I really want to make a toast to my brother and my new sister... I know, that Meredith will be my sister in law one day, when they are ready...but in my heart, she is already my sister...so to love...in all its forms...and to the love Derek and Meredith have for each other...it's been my privilege to witness it first hand...and what you two have is extraordinary."

"Thank you, Kathleen," Derek said with deep emotion.

In various degrees, all had the glimmer of tears in their eyes, though Derek leaned over and kissed Meredith, and wiped the tears from her face.

"I love you Kathleen," Mark said, "it was the best of toasts."

"To Joe's," Cristina said, "and tequila...this where it all began."

"To sisters," Lexie said, "Meredith...Cristina...Kathleen..."

"To..." Meredith began softly, and paused while swallowing the emotions threatening to overwhelm her, "to answered prayers," she said reaching for Derek's hand and locking gazes with him, "to my family."