(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Life's Celebrations - Part 2

The Shepherd women and their extended family scattered throughout the country were anxiously awaiting the arrival of the newest addition, but the baby girl's due date came and went and everyone, near and far, in one way or another experienced Jenna's impatient behavior.

Meredith's phone vibrated as she drove to work on Monday and she picked up right away as she glanced at the screen. "Hi Maggie, is Jenna at the hospital?"

"No such luck," Maggie said, "she's with me in fact. I'm driving her home, and she's driving us all crazy...I swear..."

"Oh let me have that phone," Meredith heard Jenna's voice.

"I'm talking to her," Maggie told her sister. "You can talk to her later, when I'm done."

"Fine," Jenna said and took her own phone and dialed.

"Maggie," Meredith laughed, "Jenna's calling me."

"I expected she would," Maggie said, "don't answer," and earned her sister's glare.

"Just put her on speaker phone," Meredith said.

"I'd plan on it," Maggie laughed, "she's just too damn impatient," she said handing her sister the phone. "Put her on speaker."

"Meredith," Jenna said, as she continued to rub her very pregnant belly, "I have very mean sisters...and your goddaughter is determined to rival the gestation period of an elephant; I look like one, so she must think she's a little one as well...and taking her sweet time."

"You don't look like an elephant," Meredith told her. "You forget you sent the photo Rob took of you and the girls yesterday and you look amazing."

"At least last night she let me sleep, hardly moving ..." Jenna said.

"Jenna...she's not moving," Meredith's medical knowledge went on full alert, "but...you've just been to the doctor...did you tell him? Is it ok that she's not moving?"

"You didn't let me finish," Jenna said as she rubbed her abdomen, "she let me sleep last night, but this morning...she's been like a kick boxer doing double duty on a trampoline and has not stopped..."

"But," Meredith said, "the doctor said everything was ok...when she doesn't move..."

"Mer," Jenna said, "she doesn't have a lot of room so she's not supposed to be this active. Nothing's wrong...other than your goddaughter's determination to make me wait..."

"Are you sure," Meredith said quietly, "you didn't miscalculate her due date?"

"Oh no," Jenna told her, "sonograms are so accurate now...there's really not a lot of room for error, this little one is just nice and comfortable while I'm probably black and blue from all her kicking..."

"Well...you should talk to her," Meredith's voice filled the confines of the car, "and tell her she should behave...that she's a little too young to be a gymnast just yet...that she'll have plenty of time for that...and that her godmother expects her to be nice and gentle with her Mommy and that we're all waiting to welcome and meet her..."

"Maggie," Jenna said suddenly, "feel her..." and reached for her sister's hand, "she stopped kicking."

"She's rolling," Maggie smiled.

"Mer," Jenna said, "I swear...it's you...you started talking...and she stopped kicking...and instead just a little rolling motion..."

"That's impossible," Meredith said, "she doesn't know my voice..."

"Maybe," Jenna said, "she doesn't, but she's always liked your tone...Mer...from the first time you started talking to her."

"You're imagining things," Meredith said, "but...I'm glad she's quieted down..."

"Meredith," Jenna said, "I put the phone on my stomach, and yes don't make fun Maggie, I'm huge and I don't have to hold it...my stomach is a perfect resting place for it and Mer...I bet she can hear your voice..." she said, and the three women continued to talk, and indeed the littlest one of the family, hours away from being born indeed liked the sound of her godmother's voice and settled down.

"Jenna," Meredith said, "Maggie's driving you home...so you're alone later with the girls? Is that ok? I mean, if you go into labor and you're alone?"

"Meredith," Maggie laughed, "she's being pampered by everyone. Rob's rescheduled some surgeries he'd cancelled since this baby seems pretty set on teaching her mom the virtues of patience."

"There are no virtues in patience," Jenna said, "just wait till your twins make it impossible to have a waking moment without kicking and heartburn...and..."

"Maggie," Meredith said quietly, "you're pregnant?"

"What..." Maggie said, "of course not..."

"Don't pay any attention to her Meredith," Jenna laughed, "it's only a matter of time."

"I didn't realize," Meredith said, and then paused, though both sisters turned to look at each other at the difference in her tone, "you wanted to have more kids right now..."

"Mer," Jenna said, "for years she's said she's done, but it's hard to ignore Aunt Pat, when we know she rarely says anything about her abilities, but when she does..."

"So," Meredith asked, "you'll be happy...if you get pregnant?"

"I'd be happy," Maggie said.

"Mer," Jenna said, "you think I'm bad...that Rob pampers me...wait till you see John, he's already acting like she is..."

"Jenna, he is not. We're just," Maggie said quietly, "he...it's a big decision for us."

"I know," Meredith said without realizing how much her tone revealed, "and it's not always easy."

The two sisters had reached Carolyn's home, "Meredith," Jenna said, "sometimes the decision is taken out of your hands, and it just happens."

"I know," Meredith replied simply; the unusual silence that followed surprising them all.

"Mer," Maggie said, "we just got to Mom's, and I'm only dropping Jenna off here."

"Yes," Jenna said, "and it's not my idea, but Rob doesn't want me to be alone at all."

"That makes sense," Meredith said a bit distant, "and it's good you have help with the girls when they get home from school. I just got to the hospital myself, keep us posted about the baby and tell Carolyn I got her email and will call her later."

"Mer," Maggie said, "you realize we have a bone to pick with you...since you actually respond to her...not to mention the blackberry world you've introduced her too," and the three women joked about Carolyn's latest discovery when she'd asked them all for their BBM pin number, before they each went on with their day.

"Mom," Jenna said as she attempted to get comfortable on the touch, "we were just talking to Meredith on the way here, and I said something about John treating Maggie as if she was already pregnant...and she got very quiet ...almost as though she's not comfortable discussing this...and said it would not be an easy decision. But, at the same time she's really been sweet and concerned over what's going on with me and the baby...do you know..."

"Maybe you should stop talking about future babies and pregnancies," Carolyn said, surprising both her daughters. "You did plenty of talking about them having kids when they were here. Tell me about you, what did the doctor say?"

"Mom," Jenna insisted, "is there something wrong...that they don't want kids?"

"Jenna Patricia," Carolyn said, "they are still newlyweds and she's a resident, they have plenty of time for kids. I'm sure that's all it is. And by the way..." she smiled, "Maggie, is there some reason you were discussing being pregnant...is that you're way of telling me I need to get ready for another..."

"Mom," Maggie laughed, "Jenna's bound and determined I'm going to have twins...that it's the only way there will be another six grandkids."

"Huh..." Carolyn said, "who knows."

"Ma..." Maggie said, "surely you don't think..."

"Honey," Carolyn smiled, "I think...if you and John decide you want more kids...I will be very blessed to have another grandchild."

"Mom," Jenna interrupted, she knew how her sister felt. "Do you have chocolate ice cream?"

"Actually," Carolyn turned to her daughter, as she was sitting on the couch between Maggie and Jenna.

"You don't have any?" Jenna pouted.

"I ran out Jenna," Carolyn said, "after you left yesterday, but if you'd let me finish my sentence," she placed her hand on her daughter's stomach. "She's settled a bit," the grandmother smiled, "little one...are you going to be as impatient as your mother...who doesn't even let me finish a sentence to let her know I actually went to the grocery store while she was making sure all's ok with you this morning..."

"Mer," Kathleen told her late the next afternoon, now five days after Jenna's due date, as she waited for her next patient, "Maggie, who is always the most patient with Jenna, has on more than one occasion threatened to disown her."

"I know," Meredith told her, "Maggie called me yesterday to vent as she drove home."

"Meredith," Kathleen said softly bringing up a sensitive subject, "I've been wanting to bring something up, and I know Derek's talked to you ...but, honey please let me talk to Maggie at least...I know the three of you have spent a lot of time on the phone and it's all baby talk... this has to be very hard for you right now."

"Kathleen," Meredith told her. "I'm grateful...I am that you and Nancy and Mom are trying to look out for me...being sensitive to my feelings now, but I'll be ok..."

"Mer," Kathleen said, "we're concerned. Remember, I know what it feels like, but for me, it was different since I was pregnant again shortly ...and I can only imagine what you're feeling, not only with Jenna...but the nurse friend of yours...Lisette I believe."

"Kat," Meredith interrupted her. "You have no idea what it means to me, to be part of this family...that likes me...and accepted me...and wants to ..."

"Meredith," Kathleen interrupted her, "we don't just like you...you became my sister the first time I met you, and you know I love you. Mom loves you, all the sisters do... and Nancy...Mer, she's worse than I am worrying about you right now. Let us do that...let us make it easier."

"No," Meredith said adamantly. "Kathleen, Jenna's having a baby...any day...and she's going to be my goddaughter...and do you how much that means to me? That Derek's sister...without really knowing me trusted me...all dark and twisty...the slutty intern, to be her baby girl's godmother..."

"Meredith," Kathleen told her, "you know we don't think of you that way. You became one more sister to each one of us...the moment we met you..."

"I'm not sure," Meredith tried to joke, "you can say that about Nancy."

"Well, maybe not Nancy, that first time...but now..." Kathleen said.

"Now," Meredith interrupted her, "she's been caring and thoughtful, and that makes all the difference, how much each of you and Derek and my friends...our family here cares, because Kathleen that makes me able to cope with it...for now," she said, and her sister in law detected the slight change in tone.

"You had an appointment with Dr. Wyatt today," Kathleen said, "how did that go?"

Meredith took a deep breath, and Kathleen could picture the tears in her eyes, "she says it's very normal...since what would have been my due date is coming up, that it's expected to be a fairly vulnerable time and I may feel more emotional and may be sad about what happened..."

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "it is normal...especially the next few weeks. Mer...there will be moments you will feel overwhelming sadness and it's ok...have you talked to Derek?"

"Kat," Meredith interrupted her again, "I have to go...I'm being paged, we'll talk tomorrow."

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "talk to my brother..."

"I will," she said.

"You're avoiding it," Kathleen said, "and I understand...remember I've been there."

"I'll call you," Meredith said, "ok?"

"Mer, I'm here, anytime you need me, don't look at the time...just pick up the phone."

"Kathleen," Meredith was quiet before she spoke again, "thank you."

"Mer, please talk to Derek, don't shut him out."

"I have to go..." Meredith said as she disconnected the call and wiped the tears away. She was trying not to let it get to her, but lately no matter how she tried to rationalize their loss, circumstances made it difficult to ignore.

"Hey," she looked up minutes later as she heard Derek's voice, and put a smile on her face.

"Hi," she said, "I thought you were in surgery."

"Just scrubbed out," he smiled, "and came looking for you. Can you have dinner?"

"Not really," she said, without looking at him, "I still have..."

"Hey," he stopped her and lifted her chin. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she denied as she smiled at him.

"Ok," he said, "let's go talk about nothing...for a little bit," he left her no choice as he grabbed her hand and pulled her along with him to his office and when he closed the door behind him pulled her into his arms, and she held on to him tightly without saying a word.

"I love you," she whispered as she felt the gentle touch of his hands on her back.

"Talk to me," he whispered in her ear, and then pulled back enough to meet her gaze and tenderly touched her face.

Her eyes reflected the unspoken sadness he knew she would experience in the days ahead, accentuated by the fact that his sister and a colleague were due to give birth within close proximity of what would have likely been Meredith's due date.

"I'll be ok," she said to reassure him

"I know you will," he said, "but, I don't want you to go through any of what you're feeling alone. I'm sorry I could not join your session today, the patient coded and it took us a lot longer than expected...I couldn't walk out at that moment."

"Derek," Meredith said, "the fact you want to be there...is enough."

"It's not," he said, and admitted some of his own feelings; those he rarely allowed to surface as he focused all the attention on Meredith's. "I need you too."

"Derek," she said as she attempted to smile, "I need to be there for you too."

He led her to the small couch in his office. "Did you speak to Jenna again?" he asked as they simply held each other offering comfort.

"Kathleen called," Meredith began to speak, "she knew I had a session today..." and the proverbial door was opened for communication, and as Kathleen had commented and they'd both promised the other, they dealt with their emotions, hers in particular, without the past behavior of avoidance.

Doctor Wyatt was an excellent doctor. Derek reflected hours later as they lay in bed, but he had reached out this his sister that evening to discuss what Meredith was going through. He trusted Kathleen's judgment completely, given her specialty and the support group she'd began years ago, but he wanted the to talk to someone who also cared about her as he knew his sister did, and wanted to ensure he could understand what his wife was going through and respond to her needs. Kathleen had assured him all Meredith was experiencing was normal under the circumstances, and commented that the website Mark had found long ago dealt with the situation accurately. Both of them, Kathleen had told them would deal with their loss differently, but for Meredith, certain events such as the impending births would trigger inevitable sadness. Time, she had assured him, would bring healing, but this first year, given the circumstances with two impending births, would be the hardest.

Their conversation earlier that day at the hospital, and then when they came home that night after he'd spoken to Kathleen, part of which he'd shared with Meredith, prepared them both a little better as they too eagerly anticipated the birth of their godchild.

Wednesday dawned on the East coast filled with expectation and the typical concerns of three sisters and a husband who are doctors, and a soon to be laboring woman that hours earlier swore she would simply be pregnant forever. Her sisters, mother and mother in law had smiled indulgently at dinner the night before, certain the baby would make her entrance within twenty four hours. The West coast branch of the Shepherd family slept blissfully in the predawn hours, but not for long, unaware of the recent events about to take place at home back East.

Derek picked up his phone as soon as it vibrated and saw the same message from Carolyn appear on his screen.

-Call me, all's ok

"Jenna's in labor I bet," Derek turned to Meredith.

"How do you know?"

"Look," he said.

"Why didn't she call me?"

"She's called me fourteen times before...when my sisters have been on their way to the hospital. Except Nancy, one time it was so unexpected and fast, there was no time for Mom to call until after the baby was born."

"She had the baby at home?"

"No, but there was barely enough time to get to the hospital."

"You should call her," Meredith said.

"Why don't you dial for me?"

"She didn't call me," Meredith shrugged, "she wants to talk to you."

"She would have called you," he reached for her hand. "She's trying to protect you."

Meredith dialed the phone and handed it to him. "Ma...Meredith and I are on the way to work, is everything ok?"

"Oh sweetheart, I wanted to talk to you first. I'm worried about her, so I wanted to make sure you were there to tell her."

"She's ok," Derek looked at Meredith, "I'm going to put you on speaker phone."

"Meredith dear, good morning."

"Hi Carolyn," she said, insecurities often resurfaced about her place in their lives and at this moment she was unsure she was entitled to say Mom. "Is everything ok with Jenna?"

"I believe so, but you're going to be a godmother, you're going to be godparents very soon. I'm on my way to the hospital now."

"Carolyn, how is she? Is the baby ok...she wasn't moving a lot she told me, but that it was normal that the baby slows down, is she at the hospital now...how long has she been there?"

Derek reached for her hand and squeezed gently. "Mom...I got an email from Maggie this morning, she said Maeve cooked dinner for everyone last night and that you were all at Jenna's, but she didn't mention there were any signs she was in labor."

"No, but did she tell you we all told her she'd have the baby within twenty four hours?"

"No," Derek said.

"We did." Carolyn chuckled, "you have to remember, we've had so many kids between all of us, we know these things. She was a bundle of energy and Rob had a hard time getting her to just sit and enjoy the evening."

"Carolyn...you're sure everything's ok?"

"Meredith, sweetheart," Carolyn said softly, "what happened to Mom?"

"I...am not sure...I mean...now it feels like...it's a family moment...you know..."

"Sweetheart, you're a part of this family... and we're about to welcome our newest family member..."

"She's ok...Jenna and the baby?" Meredith asked again.

"As well as expected, given how much she's complained the last few days. But, yes, she is just fine. Maggie was with her and drove her to the hospital. Nancy was already there and Kathleen is on her way."

"How long do you think it will be?" Meredith asked.

"You never know dear, each baby is different. But from the sounds of it, I don't think this one will take very long at all."

"Mom," Derek said, "we're almost at the hospital. Why didn't you call me instead of texting?"

"I wanted to make sure I could speak to you first," Carolyn said.

"Mom," Meredith said, acknowledging her mother in law's concern. "I'm ok...you don't have to worry about me."

"Of course I do," Carolyn said, "I worry about all my daughters."

"Thank you," Meredith said, "for wanting to protect my feelings...I told Kathleen how much that means to me, but now...it's about Jenna and my goddaughter..." she smiled at Derek and squeezed his hand gently.

Meredith's phone began to vibrate and she reached for it and frowned. "It's Maggie, she's calling, but isn't she with Jenna...Mom... you said..."

"Answer it dear," Carolyn said calmly, "see what she wants."

"Maggie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong...except your sister in law is driving me crazy, and wanted to talk to you. Because you are the only sister that is not here, so she at least wanted to talk to you before the baby is born."

"Oh..." Meredith said, as she felt the gentle squeeze again. "I'm on the phone with your Mom."

"Tell her everything is great and ask her how far away she is. This baby is not going to take long to get here."

The exchange of questions continued for a few more seconds before Carolyn disconnected. "Derek, Meredith...I love you both. I'll call you as soon as the baby's born."

"Meredith," Jenna's voice rang out, "don't let anyone tell you that you forget all about it...it's crap," she said as she felt a new contraction, and Maggie took the phone away from her.

"Yes, you do forget. Don't pay any attention to Jenna, she is cranky and bitchy and keeps complaining about being eighty weeks pregnant when she's ..."

"Derek..." Jenna's voice was heard, "you're not here...the first time...that you're not here," she sniffled.

"Jeni," Derek's voice was quiet and gentle, "I'm with you...in spirit...both Meredith and I are," he said, and Meredith heard and saw the deep emotions reflected in his eyes, "and I do wish we could be there...but...we'll be there soon to meet our goddaughter."

"But you've always been here, and I'm not having any more kids...and she's your goddaughter," they heard the sniffles again. "There's no way I'd do this again...I've been pregnant forever and..."

"Stop complaining," Maggie told her. "Mer, she's actually had it good; she's gone from 3 cm to 8 in about 3 hours, and she didn't even know she was in labor except her water broke while we were at the zoo, which is appropriate given her behavior right now...not very rational at all."

"You were at the zoo?" Meredith said incredulously. "Your sister is about to have a baby and you took her to the zoo?"

"She wanted to go," Maggie said, "even Nancy said it was ok...walking would be fine, and we'd just gotten there at nine...and by nine fifteen her water broke. Thank God, Meghan did not realize what was going on...she was too enthralled with the penguins."

"Where are Nancy and Kathleen?" Derek asked. "I thought Ma said they were there."

"They are," Maggie filled them in on everyone's whereabouts, "but Nancy has a mom in the last stage of labor, and Kathleen took Rob to get something to eat, he was in surgery all night. The girls are with Maeve so she can bring them over as soon as the baby's born."

"You try being rational," Jenna joined the conversation again, letting go of her sister's hand, "when you're twenty weeks late," she said and all of them laughed.

"Twenty weeks late...are you?" They now heard Carolyn's voice.

"Mom," Jenna said, "you're here..."

"Of course I'm here," his mother said and immediately went over to hug her, "haven't I been here for all my grandchildren?"

"Mer...I'm sorry, I'm being a bitch and I don't want to scare you about having kids...you really do forget. But it hurts like hell...and just make sure you get an epidural as soon as you can... Oh God," they heard Jenna's gasp, "this one's bad...strong...get Rob..." she said as she took deep breaths, "please...I need him here now..."

"Maggie," Meredith said, "call us...keep us posted, tell Jenna..."

"Wait," Jenna said, as she breathed through the contraction, Meredith and Derek simply waited.

"That was bad," Jenna said, "very bad..."

"Why didn't you get an epidural? If you're telling me I should?"

"Healthier for the baby..."

"Jenna," Meredith said, "then why would you tell me...I should?"

"Because I want those three nieces and nephews from you..."

They all were able to laugh in the couple of minutes between contractions. "Mer," Jenna said, "we're doctors, it's perfectly healthy," her husband was now at her side.

"Meredith," Rob said, "she has not had an epidural because it was too late with Katie, and it wasn't that bad, and she did not want it with Meghan."

"Well...this is the worst one," Jenna said, "and if you think you can expect sex...after this...forget it."

Rob chuckled, "you know you can't resist me."

"Jackass," Jenna said, though she smiled at her husband.

"Jenna," Meredith said, "I wish you a healthy baby and hope she won't take too long to arrive. Maggie, make sure you send the photos... I can't wait to see my very first goddaughter..."

"I love you Jeni," Derek said, "we'll talk to you later today," and the call ended.

"We're going to be godparents," Meredith said, "together..."

"We are...and it sounds like very soon," he said, and as they had reached the hospital, leaned over to kiss her. "I love you."

"I love you," she smiled at him, and while he got out of the car, she closed her eyes and tried not to think of what could have been.

"Hey," Derek said after opening the passenger door and drawing her close to him.

"I'm ok," she said, and let him embrace her.

"You are," he said, and held on to her several minutes before he helped her out of the car and they walked toward the front door holding hands.

"Derek," she said as they waited by the elevators. "You'll let me know right away..."

"Mer, I think, Jenna's more likely to tell you first, or have Maggie email you first..."

"Maybe at the same time, that's what she told us back home, that we were supposed to be the first ones to see her." Meredith locked gazes with him and conceded, "she really wanted you there."

"We'll be there in a few weeks for the baptism."

"Uhmm..." Meredith said for an answer.

Less than two hours later, a baby girl was welcomed into the Shepherd family and within minutes of her arrival Meredith and Derek received a text at 1:57 PM EST from Maggie.

-Baby is here; all well with her and Jenna. Emailing you photo as soon as I see her.

Derek read the message and smiled and texted his wife, hoping she was not in surgery or tied up with a patient.

-where are you
-on my way to see you
-my office?
-yes

Derek waited a few minutes and had begun to pace when he heard the door open.

"Baby's here," Meredith smiled at him, and he knew she was genuinely happy, "we're godparents...well...you already are...but...me...Derek," he saw the glimmer of tears, and immediately closed the distance between them and reached for her, "they trusted me to be her godmother..."

"She's a very lucky baby," he kissed her temple, "the luckiest little girl in the world."

Their phones vibrated at the same time, briefly interrupting the moment to read the email from Maggie sent at 2:15 in the afternoon.

Your goddaughter is beautiful. This is her very first photo. Jenna wanted you two to be the first to see her, 8lbs. 7oz. 22 inches...born at 1:51 PM...saw her before she was taken to the nursery, though Nancy, Kathleen and Mom cheated...they were waiting right outside and nothing was going to stop them and said they were sure you would not mind. Derek, wait till you see her...tell me what you think."

"Our goddaughter," she smiled, but a tear escaped, "let's look at her on your computer, this will be too small..."

Derek kissed the tear away, "let's see..." he reached for her hand and went to sit at his chair, pulling her down to sit on his lap.

"Oh, Derek," Meredith smiled, while at the same time she held her lips together, to keep from crying, "she is...so beautiful..."

"She is," he said, as he too was teary eyed. "She looks just like Jenna as a baby...all that black hair...and her features...just like Jeni..."

"I've never seen such a beautiful baby..." Meredith said, "look at her nose...and her lips...and she's just a few minutes old..."

"Maybe we're biased..." he smiled at her.

"Oh no," Meredith said, "Derek's I've seen lots of newborns, well not lots...just in the hospital and I've never paid too much attention...but I can't wait to see her and Derek, look at her little fingers. I'll have to shop... I saw the most adorable little outfit...and we'll need to bring a special gift."

"Godmother role suits you," he smiled at her, as he cupped her face before, caressing her cheek tenderly, "this is going to be one very spoiled baby."

"Is it ok...I mean...do you mind?"

"Of course not," he told her, as he kissed her lips softly.

"You should reply," Meredith said, "it's rude if you don't Maggie asked..."

"Mer...I don't think she meant right that moment."

"Yes she did," Meredith told him, "and your Mom's probably waiting too...look, they're copied on the email too...she sent it to both of us, but copied Mom, Nancy, Kathleen, and Jenna and Rob..."

"Ok," he smiled at her.

"Congratulations Jenna & Rob, she is beautiful. Jeni, she looks just like you, I hope she'll be as special as you are. Maggie, that's what you're asking, if I noticed the resemblance, hard to miss. Mer and I are looking at her together, and get ready she is already thinking of ways to spoil her. Ma, you're copied on here, congratulations on grandbaby 15. Girls, we have a beautiful new niece, we love you all."

Not long after that was delivered, Meredith's phone rang. "I'm a godmother," she answered, "is she as beautiful as the photo?"

"More so," Kathleen answered, "just precious. I think she's one of the most beautiful of all the grandkids, though I'm partial to mine, but they weren't all beautiful."

"Have you held her?" Meredith rested her head on Derek's shoulder, and he had his arm around her waist.

"We're waiting in line..." Kathleen told her, "Mom gets her first...then Maggie and Nancy...I get her last this time. But that's ok, because I'll keep her longer."

"Kat, is everything ok with Jenna?"

"Mer, as things go...she had a very easy delivery. From the time her water broke less than five hours of labor, she has nothing to complain about," Kathleen chuckled.

"I'm sure she won't." Meredith said.

"We'll see," Kathleen said and there was a brief silence before she said. "Meredith..."

"I'm ok."

"Is Derek with you?"

"He is," Meredith told her, "I'm with him right now."

"You're ok..."

"Yes...Kathleen," Meredith told her, "we both are," she added and smiled at him.

"I just wanted to make sure...and if you need me, you call me."

"I will," Meredith assured her.

"I love you Meredith," Kathleen said, "tell Derek I love him too."

"We love you too," Meredith said as she disconnected the call and couldn't help the sentimental tears. "Derek," she hugged him, "our family...is very special."

"They are," his hands continued to caress her as he held her. "Especially, your big sister."

Just as he said that, and email came in addressed to them both. "Thinking of you...I'm here, if you need anything, love, Nancy."

"She's been very thoughtful," Meredith said, "you know how much it's meant to me."

"I do," he said, and again kissed her lips.

"And you," she said as she cupped his face, and kissed him tenderly, "you...are the most special of all...I love you Derek."

"I love you," he said and kissed her back, with the gentleness and tenderness befitting the bittersweet moment.

Later in the day, Meredith and Derek had a chance to talk to Jenna and hear how both she and Rob were absolutely over the moon, and that yes, she was the most beautiful baby she'd ever seen...and they had no idea what to name her yet; which was Rob's fault because the minute he held her and she opened her eyes, according to him, made the mistake of saying she didn't look like an Emily. By the end of the day, they'd both spoken to all his sisters and Carolyn.

Late that evening they lay in bed facing each other, hands entwined, "can you believe it," Meredith smiled at him, "the baby's here and no name."

"Rob is probably regretting he said anything," Derek said.

"He shouldn't," Meredith told him, "they should both agree the name suits her."

"Knowing my sister," Derek said, "she has a list of names she hasn't told him about, and will remind him how she was the one that had to go through labor, and he'll agree to whatever she wants."

"It's amazing," she said almost absently, "that Jenna could have everyone there...I can really understand...she'd want you there too."

"She understands," he said, "that I couldn't be there."

"You've been close to home for all the others...if there really are other grandkids...like Aunt Pat said, maybe you could try to be there, at least right after they're born."

"Meredith," he said, "it's not easy when living across the country from each other."

"If your sisters have more kids, you should try to be there. Family being there is important," she paused long enough for him to understand it had become important to her too, "to them."

"What about you," he said, following her lead on the conversation, "when we have our kids...would you like for some of our family to be here? From the East coast I mean, I'm sure we won't be able to keep those here away."

"I'd like your Mom here...anyone else...I know would be hard," she told him, and he knew at that moment, when it was time for them to have a child, he would make absolutely sure his mother was there. What he didn't realize is that in her heart, Carolyn Shepherd had already made that commitment to her new daughter, and that his sisters would likely feel the same way.

"I doubt you can keep her away," he smiled at her, "and maybe even a sister or two."

"You think," she said, "they'd really want to..."

"I'd almost bet on it," he said and closing the distance between them, barely inches apart already, kissed her lips.

"It could be nice," she smiled. "But, I know it's not practical."

"Whatever you need, whatever you want, I'll make sure it happens..." he said as he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, and they reached to embrace each other.

"You..." she leaned into him, "you are all I want or need..."

"I'll remind you of that," he said with a light chuckle, "when you're cursing me to hell during transition."

"I won't be one of those women," she told him, "the stereotype...of yelling curses...and telling you there will never be sex again..."

"I'd know you'd be bluffing," he teased.

"Probably," she giggled, just as her their phones simultaneously vibrated with a message.

-Your goddaughter seems to be a night owl, which is good since you're on the West coast, when she keeps me up I can always call you. Finally got a photo with her eyes open, and hope you can see them clearly, though b/berry not best quality, they're gorgeous...I think they will stay blue. Derek, another Black Irish baby in the family. She's really alert and nosy, guess she takes after her aunts.

"She's beautiful," Meredith smiled, "and wide awake at one in the morning, but we're going to have to zoom this photo so we can see her eyes."

"Nosy," Derek laughed, "like her aunts, funny how she doesn't include herself."

"I guess," Meredith said and smiled, "she's entitled to a little forgetfulness, after all those long hours of labor she's going to remind Rob about."

Derek chuckled, "I still can't believe they were at the zoo this morning...and she hadn't even realized she was in labor."

"I know," Meredith answered, and without advance warning her eyes filled with tears.

"Hey," Derek said tenderly, "Mer...what's this...why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry..." she said as a quiet sob escaped her.

"For what..." he met her gaze, but instinctively knew what the answer would be, as he saw the unmistakable veil of sadness.

"I couldn't...I didn't...it would almost be time for us..."

"It will be time for us," he caressed her face, "one day...you know we will have our family..."

"What if ...if I can't...if something goes wrong...again..."

"If that happens," his tone was gentle, "we will deal with it together. But, Meredith...I know...deep in my heart...it will happen, and you know it too...Meredith...don't ever forget your dream...and every single gift we've been given; the stars...that night...Kelly in our life...hearing our baby bear...tell us how much she loves us..."

"You," Meredith took a few broken breaths, "really believe that...all of it..."

"I do," he said, "I believe it with all my heart," and he kissed her tenderly, and whispered words meant to reassure her; reassurance that later became her own, as she once again accepted the spiritual gifts she'd been given; a loss so profound and inexplicable that had in many ways restored their faith in their love and each other.

Each word, each caress, each kiss would once again lead to the most intimate expression of the love and commitment to each other; their lovemaking, on this night, a testament to months of growth and healing and the deep spiritual bond that transcended the physical.

"I love you," Meredith whispered upon his lips, their bodies still intimately joined.

"I love you," Derek whispered, and for a long while after, his words continued to feel like a lover's gentle caress.

"This," Meredith said, and he saw the depth of her emotions reflected in her eyes, "Derek...this moment afterward...it's never been about sex...it's always been you...what you make me feel...I don't ever want to forget this...what we share...what we feel..." she closed her eyes briefly.

"This," he said, and she felt the softness of his lips trailing kisses on her face, "for me too..." he said recalling her words long ago, "makes the world stop...and you...bring meaning to every second of my life," and yet another kiss was shared before falling asleep for the rest of the night, the end of a day that began and ended rejoicing in life's celebrations.

The next several days were filled with constant communication with the family back East, and sharing countless photos and videos of the newly welcomed baby, her parents, sisters and the rest of the Shepherd family, and the inevitable teasing from the West coast family each time she shared a new photo of their goddaughter; that being a godmother had turned her soft and sentimental.

Their seventh month wedding anniversary fell on a Monday, and both were working.
Derek surprised her with a pre-anniversary dinner at recently discovered small and romantic restaurant on Bainbridge. Their celebration continued long into the morning hours, with intermittent sleep, including the delightful wake up call right at the hour they'd been married, when he was woken from sleep as she straddled him and they fondly recalled their wedding night. He also told her they would go away in two weeks, when both had the weekend off, and after much insistence from Meredith, he told her it was a trip to Vancouver Island.

Meredith had managed to find emotional balance to deal with the birth of Jenna's baby. However, two days after their anniversary, Lisette began experiencing irregular but painful contractions, with borderline high blood pressure, and was admitted to the hospital for observation overnight. Thereafter, was sent home for the rest of the pregnancy. Meredith, had visited Lisette before she went home and been supportive, but once again confronted with the reality of her loss, became distant. Derek, though aware of the old habits of avoidance was frustrated as any attempts he made to communicate were met with silent resistance, and assurances that she was fine.

Late one night Derek woke to find her gone and went looking for her, concerned over how unusually quiet she'd been, including during her session with Dr. Wyatt; one he'd accompanied at her request, but sensed it may have been better if he had not been there.

"He's so supportive Kathleen," Meredith said quietly, the hoarseness of her voice an indication she had been crying. "I can't keep burdening him with what I'm feeling. I already told you, we were in therapy today and I couldn't bring myself to talk about what I was feeling...it seems...he must think all I'm doing is wallowing..."

"You are not wallowing," Kathleen told her, "we've talked about this Meredith. Honey, you've been forced to face Jenna's pregnancy and the baby's birth and now your friend's...and it's perfectly normal that you would be emotional at this time, and then when you add these other reminders...it's ok Meredith. What you're feeling, it's normal...healthy in fact that you're dealing with it...but you can't keep avoiding this, you can't protect Derek by keeping your feelings from him..."

"I know..." Meredith said, "but I have to remember he felt the loss too...and he's been my strength over this for so long...I don't want to put him through this anymore... and sometimes I feel so angry...and such overwhelming sadness," she cried softly "Kathleen, I don't even know when the baby was due...but...it would have been now...just like Lisette...the next few days...and I didn't even know," her tears flowed freely, and she did not notice when the door to his office in the den opened.

Derek heard her voice, though it was so very quiet, and knew right away she'd been crying, and without hesitation he went to her side and startling her at first, he sat next to her and reached for her and held her in his arms.

"Derek..." she brought her lips together, "I'm sorry..."

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "is Derek with you..."

"Yes," she answered, as Derek took the phone from his wife.

"Kathleen," he cleared his throat, "I'm here."

"Derek," Kathleen said, "just listen to her...but you need to talk to her about what you're feeling too, it's never been more important, listen to each other."

"I will," he told his sister, "thank you."

"How much did you hear?" Kathleen asked.

"Enough to know we need to be here for each other," he said to his sister, "thanks for caring Kathleen."

"I love you both Derek, and just remember what she's feeling is normal, you and I talked about it the other day," she said.

"I know," he said, "we'll talk tomorrow," and disconnected the call.

"Meredith," he said tenderly, as he held her and gently rubbed her back, "you don't ever have to keep your feelings from me...I may not understand exactly what you're going through...but I do understand that you would be sad...and I can at least help with that...don't shut me out...I want to be here for you...even if you don't want to talk...I can hold you..." he caressed her face, "and I hope that would make you feel a little better."

"You do," she said, "you always do...but, I wanted to keep you from being sad too."

"Just because you don't talk to me," he said, "doesn't mean I don't see how you're feeling, and you know it helps...to deal with things together..."

"I know," she said, as she wiped away the tears, "but..."

"But," he said softly, "we don't do well with that, do we?"

"No," she said, and he saw just a trace of a smile.

"We promised...to be there for each other," he said, "and that means not keeping things from each other either..."

"I know," she said, "it's just...I felt I could spare you...and you've been happy since the baby was born...and I didn't want to spoil that..."

"Meredith," he cupped her face, then one hand soothed her hair back, "we can be sad...together...for a little bit...it's ok to feel that way right now."

"Part of me," she told him, "wishes I'd have at least known when she was due...that's why I called Kathleen. I left a message for Dr. Cameron today, and I told her I was going to ask him...he can tell from my sonogram...fairly accurately...when ..."

"Meredith," he said softly, "do you want to put yourself through that...love, that's only going to make it harder."

"I have to know," she told him, in between soft broken breaths, "somehow...I think...it will help...not keep wondering..."

"You know that date would only be an estimate...and what does it help..."

"I need to know Derek...please..."

"If that's what you want," he held cupped her face and kissed her, "we will go together."

"Are you angry with me?"

"Of course not," he assured her, "though I do wish you'd have talked to me."

"I'm sorry..." tears gathered quickly in her eyes.

"Hey," he held pulled her close to him, "it's ok...we're dealing with it now."

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"I love you," he told her, "you don't need to thank me for doing what I want to do, for being there for you, when I know you would do the same for me."

"I know you do...I love you too," she said, and after spending the next hour talking about how they each felt and the many reminders forcing them to evoke their loss, they walked back to their bedroom hand in hand. The next day, they spoke to Dr. Cameron at length, and after reviewing her file he told them, it was likely their baby would have been due on November fifth.

Their conversation and subsequent appointment with her doctor helped to stabilize her emotions once again, until Lisette was delivered of a seven and a half pound baby boy on November third and everyone stopped by to visit one of their favorite nurses, including Meredith and Derek both of whom were significantly affected by the close proximity to the date Dr. Cameron had provided.

"You know Lisette," Mark said, "if you'd had the baby just two days earlier...I'd have won my bet...or at last, he could have been a girl."

"Dr. Sloan," Lisette laughed, "my husband is very pleased we have a boy, though he was convinced it had to be a girl since the baby kept us guessing to the last minute."

"Lisette," Amy Lynn said, "Dr. Sloan forgot to tell you there were three bets going on...and he made out pretty big on the weight, he got it right."

"Big mouth," Mark said, "I did...but it was for a good cause."

"For a good cause," Stephanie laughed, "really?"

"Yes," Tracy defended him, "it was, and I can vouch for him," she smiled at him.

"See," Mark said, "not all nurses that dated me hate me," he winked at Tracy.

"Spare us," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Tracy, how do you stand him?"

"He's a good friend," Tracy said, "a very loyal friend."

"He has his moments," Derek laughed, "but he can rise to the occasion."

"Damn right I can," Mark said seriously.

"Mark," Meredith teased, "there's a baby in the room...must you make everything ..."

"Grey," Mark drawled, "of course I do..." and everyone laughed, waking up the baby, who began to whimper and turned to his mother's breast.

"I think," Amy Lynn said, "it's time to give Lisette some peace and quiet...and looks like this little one is hungry."

"It was wonderful to see all of you," Lisette said, "thanks for stopping by. But wait, Dr. Sloan," she smiled, "what was the bet worthy cause?"

"Oh that," Mark said, "you'll just have to wait. Lexie is taking care of it."

"You're going home tomorrow," Meredith said softly, thankful they'd all visited together, as it had made it a little easier for her, "he's truly adorable."

"Dr. Grey," Lisette said, "thank you for visiting..." their eyes met in understanding.

"I wouldn't have missed it," Meredith said, and gently placed her hand on the baby's head, "he's a very lucky baby to have such a special Mom."

"Lisette," Derek said, "congratulations again...Meredith is right, he's a lucky baby. We hope to see you and the baby again soon."

"Thank you," Lisette said, "I'll probably be around before I get back to work," and Meredith and Derek walked out holding hands; almost all the reminders behind them.

"Mark," Meredith said, "what exactly is Lexie taking care of for you?"

"Grey," Mark teased her, "you have a dirty mind..."

"You better not have any dirty thoughts about my sister in your mind," she glared at him, though her demeanor was not quite as serious as she'd intended for him to believe.

"You are very nosy," he told her. "Derek did you know that about your wife?"

"It's my sister we're talking about," Meredith told him. "That's not being nosy. I'm giving you fair warning."

"Relax Grey," Mark told her, "I told her the money from the bets I wanted to give to Lisette, a baby gift...she and Tracy helped me decide, and Lexie went to get it as soon as we found out the baby was born...I was in surgery so she did me the favor."

"What is it?" Meredith asked.

"It was two hundred fifty dollars worth, so we got her, well Lexie went to get it, all sorts of baby things including diapers and something about welcoming blankets...and spit clothes," Mark commented.

Derek chuckled, "receiving blankets and burp cloths."

"Something like that," Mark answered, "she's getting it now...so we can give it to her today."

"That was very thoughtful," Meredith told him. "You could have sent Derek shopping with Lexie, he knows what to buy," she teased.

"Fourteen nieces and nephews Mer," Derek told her, "and I was spit on plenty of times to know a burp cloth was always good to have handy."

"You two want to meet up for dinner? Grab something at Joe's?" Mark asked.

"Mer?" Derek turned to her.

"Sure," she said and smiled, wanting this for Derek.

"Maybe Yang and Lexie can join us too," Mark said, testing the waters, wanting to be sensitive to Meredith and Derek's feelings, he too had been in touch with Kathleen, "the rest of your roommates if you want."

"Lexie and Cristina," Meredith said, "just a quiet dinner, Italian maybe, if you don't mind."