(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Slow...Rules...

The toast set the tone for the rest of the evening meal, and everyone, including Derek, participated in light hearted banter.

"Ok, all kidding aside, now. Mer, can you give us a little clue as to when McDreamy might be back officially? We can even share a part of the pool...it would be so cool to win."

"Izzie, that's exactly what I told Derek, that he and I should agree on a date...and place some bets ourselves."

"You can't do that, that's unethical."

"Unethical...Cristina...seriously?"

"Iz, give it up, you've already lost your bet...6 days...that's over."

"Alex, it's not... it's only been 4 days since their fight."

"You are honestly keeping track of how long Meredith and I...have been ...uh..."

"The word is probably estranged," Lexie said, and Meredith and Derek looked at each other and laughed.

"Dude, rumor does have it that last time you two had sex was in the hospital supply closet, so if you can confirm that, that'll pay for part of Joe's tab."

"Mer, do you live with this every day?"

"Afraid so...but, I've learned to ignore them, and just enjoy sex with you... wherever..."

She felt him shift uncomfortably next to her, and looked at him and smiled.He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, and leaned over to her and whispered, "you're so going to pay for that."

"Promise?" she whispered for his ears only.

"Just say when."

"Ok, Mer...Shepherd....stop that."

"What?" the both echoed.

"That crap, at the dining table."
"I'm still in the game...but guys, I think we need to find a more interesting subject. It's starring to seem unlikely these two are going to screw it up this time."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Yang."

"Yeah, Shepherd, just remember you answer to all of us."

"Maybe I should leave the room, and come back later," Meredith commented.

"What, you're going to skip dessert," Derek teased her.

"What did you get?"

"Chocolate cake and ice cream."

"I'll wait."

"I'm going to bring dessert," Izzie commented and Lexie followed to help her.

"You know," Derek commented, as they were enjoying dessert, "I've got a bet for you guys."

"Really, an inside scoop."

"Nope...Mark Sloan bet."

"Manwhore?" Cristina blurted out. "What kind of bet."

"How long before Hahn agrees to go out with him?"

"You're joking. She's not going out with him."

"My point."

"Wait, you want to make it more of a challenge for him."

"Cristina...it's one way of diverting his attention from us."

"Derek, that's awful, you shouldn't be encouraging her."

"Why the hell not, he was the first one putting $ 50 bucks on us."

"Still...that's not nice, poor Mark." she giggled.

"It was nice he initiated the bets...and gossip with the Fab4?"

"Fab4?" several voices echoed.

"Tracy, Steph, Amy and Lisette."

"The nurses?"

"The same...they're the only ones not subscribing to the Nurses Against Mark Sloan Club," he said, and all of them laughed.

"At least they seem to be on my side," Meredith laughed.

He looked over at Meredith, she seemed happy. He had not heard her laugh or giggle in such a carefree manner in a long while, and suddenly it felt as though things would indeed work out.

"Dude, who's in on this... I say he's in her pants in 3 weeks time."

Most of them made corresponding bets, with Derek's being last, "$100 bucks, she won't go out with him, at all."

"Oh, that is so good. You've just issued him a challenge."

"Yang, you got that right. That will keep him busy for a while."

"Ok, everyone, clear the table, let's get this done."

"Cristina, you're going to help clean up?" Meredith asked incredulously.

"No. I'm just giving order," and everyone laughed.

Meredith and Derek started to help clear up the table, and Lexie said,
"we said we'd take care of it. Go, watch your movie."

They sat on the couch, and he held her close against him, her head on his shoulder as they found a movie to watch. Everyone made themselves scarce, giving them the privacy they each understood they craved.

Within ten minutes of the movie starting, she was fast asleep, and soon after he could hear her snoring.

"Meredith, let's go upstairs."

"Uhm...no...watch the movie."

"You fell asleep."

"I did? When?"

"About 10 minutes after the movie started."

"Oh..." she said, slowly becoming more alert. "You should have nudged me awake."

"You're obviously tired, so I let you sleep, but it's late now, we should get to bed."

"You really should have woken me up, I mean, now it's late, and you need to go...and it...it's a long drive. Are you...am I ...am I going to see you tomorrow...tomorrow night, do you have any plans?"

"I had plans to see you in the morning...wake up by your side in the morning, but since I'm being kicked out...I guess yes, I plan on seeing you tomorrow night."

"Derek, I'm not kicking you out."

"No?"

"No...I mean... I just... figured... about earlier...you know...and I'm sorry, but... I'm not ready...and I thought....I mean...thought you'd want to go home...and not spend the night... since, well...I'm not ready Derek... I want to...I want to be with you, I do...but I'm not ready...and... earlier tonight... that wasn't nice... and I shouldn't have..."

He silenced her ramblings with a kiss.

"Do you want me to stay?"

She didn't look at him, but murmured softly, "yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, but, I'm not being fair to you...and after earlier..."

"Meredith, I'm not a randy teenager that can control his urges..."

"Really...I'd have sworn."

"That, is what you can't do... no unnecessary teasing."

"I can't help it... sometimes...you are quite irresistible."

"Well, try to control yourself," he teased her.

"Derek, I'm happy you're staying. I'm able to sleep when you're here."

"Are you having trouble sleeping? You didn't tell me that...and the panic attacks...what else aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing...it's just been hard...since...we don't...since we don't spend the whole night together...I've had trouble sleeping."

"Then we go back to how it used to be...before your bright S & M idea..."

"You agreed..."

"No...I went along with it..."

"But...you already know...I didn't want that anymore, when I told you...no dating other people..."

"Yes...you did...."

"So... rules...you're ok with some rules..."

"I'm ok with some rules."

"We're dating...only each other..."

"Yes...and spending the night, together, sleeping through the night...till you're ready for more."

"You're not going to be mad at me...if it's not...not...right away...we have to try Derek...because...it's not just sex...between us...it's more than just sex..."

"I love you, Meredith. I told you, I'm in this...and as long as you need... that's how long I will wait, because... sex is good...incredibly good...amazing...but...you and me...it's much more than just sex."

She wanted desperately to say "I love you," but something held her back...she wanted to trust him...she did, but there were still doubts, and she wasn't ready, not yet, to place all her trust him in him again. She got up and reached for his hand, "let's go to bed."

They reached her room and each got ready for bed. Many of his personal items were still there, and he'd brought another pair of pants and couple of shirts with him that evening, that now hung in her closet alongside other items that had been there previously.

He joined her in bed, both were laying on their backs, side by side, then he turned sideways to look at her.

"The wreath looks nice in your bathroom. I'm glad you liked it."

"I do... it's beautiful. It was a beautiful gift Derek, thank you, again," she said, as she reached out for his hand and laced their fingers together, "I'll always treasure it."

"Is that...what your comment was about earlier? I don't want to be presumptuous, but you said memories to treasure, and I couldn't help but think of our conversation at the hospital."

"No, you're not being presumptuous, it was exactly what I meant. Derek, I will always treasure that moment today, when you gave me a gift...my first gift from you...and the first time anyone cared enough to be as thoughtful as you were in choosing it."

"I just wish I had done this...that I'd done this before... you deserve many gifts, and I plan on making up for that."

"I told you, I don't need gifts. I need you."

"You have me...for as long as you want."

"I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," he told her, reassuring her, as he kissed her softly, quickly.

She reached for his hand and their fingers intertwined. "How did you remember...I mean when you picked out the wreath, you said there was one here...it's not something I would think you'd notice..."

"I notice many things about you.... around you...there's one on the kitchen wall, under the clock by the window."

"You really noticed that?"

"I really did... so I thought, you'd like this one... but maybe for your bedroom, more... ours."

"It's perfect, but I think I found the right spot in the bathroom, where I can see it, when I lay in the bathtub...and think of you...and how it's your favorite color... and how I long to have you there with me."

"So, you only long for me in the bathtub..." he teased.

"I long for you ...everyday you're not with me."

"Meredith...you're pushing it."

"Oh...yes...so, Derek, what was the movie about?"

He laughed, "I don't know, I fell asleep through it as well."

"Then I guess that's the right movie for us to watch....while....we're taking things... slow," she said, and both of them laughed as he reached out to hold her, gathering her close to him, as she laid her head on his chest.

"Derek..."

"Uhmm..."

"You remember...this afternoon...when you knew I had something on my mind.?"

"Yes."

"I did...I wanted to ask you something."

"I know you did."

"I think...it's important that we tell each other things...maybe our rules, our rules can include that we tell each other things."

"We can do that."

"Do you remember, the last time we made love...well, maybe that day it was sort of quick...and fast...and sex..."

"Six days ago, in the storage closet, early in the morning...we made love Meredith, not just sex...even if it was quick...and you were running late for a briefing with Sloan."

"I...I reached up to fix your collar, and I wanted to stay with you ...and tell you...to tell you what I was thinking...and I walked away and didn't say anything....and I think...that maybe if I had... if I hadn't waited till the end of the day...to tell you I didn't want you to date other people...maybe...things would have been different, and we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Is that what you're really thinking now," he coaxed, gently caressing her hand.

"I'm wondering...if I had told you....if I had told you that morning..." she said, looking straight into his eyes, "if you had already known how I felt...would you still have kissed her?"