(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Doctor's Referral

"Derek, I meant it, I'm not helping you cook fish, I can eat it, but can't stomach the smell of it cooking, so please grill it outside."

"You know," he said, as he came up behind her and put his arms around her waist, "you really have risen to the occasion, with your renewed acquaintance with bossiness," he teased her, "you could at least toss the salad."

"I thought you liked bossy," she told him, turning around and lightly biting his lower lip, and was about to deepen their kiss when she saw a movement at the door.

"Chief," she said.

"Oh, no...sorry, didn't mean to interrupt...I'll go..."

"You don't have to leave," Derek told him.

"The door was open, Shep, why did you leave the door open..."

"I left it open, figuring you'd be coming over here."

"I'm that predictable?"

Yeah, you are, join us for dinner."

"Ah....well... no, I think I'll just..."

"Mer we traumatized him... a grown man, and still can't get over..."

"Derek, stop it. Chief, have dinner with us," Meredith told him, "but maybe, I can come visit you for a while, Derek's cooking, and I can't stand the smell of fish cooking."

"It never bothered you before, I think you're just lazy, and don't want to help."

"Yeah, well, before...I was pretending...that it didn't bother me... just like listening to The Clash, and I'm not doing that anymore."

"Come on Grey, join me for cocktails," he laughed.

"I'll be sure to ring for dinner," Derek joked, and continued gathering his ingredients.

Meredith and Richard walked out and he grabbed one of Derek's deck chair and brought it over to place next to his outside his trailer.

"Meredith, you came to see me today, I'm sorry I wasn't there. Is everything ok?"

She took a deep breath, "I'm trying to be, and... I'm sorry...that...I'm going to bother you with this...but...I didn't know, I don't know...who else...who else I could ask... or trust to talk about this."

He reached over and stilled her hand, "you've been doing that since you were a little girl."

"Sorry, I talk with my hands a lot."

"No, the rambling."

"Really? It's funny Lexie does it to."

"The two of you, you're getting along?"

"Yes, she's not so bad...and we've really come a long way."

"I'm glad, Meredith, the last time...when I heard the two of you arguing, I haven't asked...but is that all worked out?"

"Thatcher is apparently more often drunk than not, but, Lexie and I...we're trying to get to know each other."

"That's good...it's good you have each other."

"Do you think my mother knew about them? His other family?"

"I'm not sure how much she knew."

"Part of me always wished my father hadn't left...that he'd secretly tried to see me....but he didn't...and then finding out he had another family...just wasn't easy."

"I worry about you...what did you want to talk to me about?"

"It's...it's been a very hard year...well, really since I started my internship... it's been...well, lots of things have happened...and I'm not sure ...I'm really not sure about what to do...well, I'm sure... but..."

"Meredith, Derek is going to be ringing that bell for dinner soon," he teased her.

"I told Derek...I'm thinking about...I think I need to see a therapist or psychiatrist...I need help dealing with a lot of issues... and he and I are trying...sorry, I don't want to ramble with all the details..."

"I'm glad you came to me, Meredith, and I know, you've told me, I'm not your father, but I've known you since you were a baby... I changed your diapers, and I promised your mother I would look after you..."

"You did?"

"Yes, I did, so please, let me help."

"I was hoping you could refer me to someone...and I don't want this all over the hospital, and well, I don't really trust too many people, that I could go to...and talk about this..."

"I'm glad you came to me...I want you to know you can turn to me for help anytime, not because she asked me, but because I've cared about you since you were a little girl, and I'm proud of you...the woman you've become."

"Thank you, that means a lot to me," she said quietly.

"You are an exceptional young woman and doctor, and you should never doubt that."

"When did you talk to her...I mean, when did you promise her... did she ask you to?"

There was such doubt in her face, such sadness; he wished he had known about Ellis' illness earlier, that maybe he might have helped heal some of the wounds that were part of this lovely woman's life.

"The day she was lucid, before you came in, we had a chance to talk, and she knew she didn't have a lot of time. She asked me to look after you...she loved you Meredith, though she may not have always known how to show that.

"That day....that day..." she said, and had tears rolling down her face, which she did not attempt to hide, but did wipe them away, " she was so angry at me... and at Derek...at me for being in love with Derek... I told her... I was happy, and she was disappointed...disappointed in me, and told me I was merely ordinary..." she stopped as a sob escaped her, and he got up and reached for her and pulling her to her feet, simply hugged her, and let her cry.

"I tried... so hard... so hard to take care of her, and her last words....her last words to me were only to tell me what a disappointment I was."

"She was sick, Meredith, she was sick...and she may have said those things in anger, but know she loved you, she was worried about you, about you being alone and she regretted so much of what her life had been... when she had not been there for you, she did... and she wanted me to promise her that I would look after you."

"Fo you really think she loved me...she...she told me she wished...she....had never had a child..."

"I know she did, because she told me...and of her regrets, and we talked about many things, personal things between us...and if she had been able to do it over again...her wish was that she'd been able to provide you with a family."

"Thank you...thank you for telling me this."

"I wish I had told you sooner," he said as he hugged her again, "I'm here Meredith, whenever you need me, I'm here."

"Chief, there's something that's been bothering me..."

"This is probably something I don't want to hear."

"Well, I'm just...I sorry...about you walking in on Derek and I...it was embarrassing..."

"I knew I didn't want to hear this...Grey, I still think of you as that five year old..."

"But, I'm not..."

"No you're not. I'll get over it, I'm not traumatized."

"Good, because, I'm going to be spending more time here...so just make sure you knock."

They both laughed, ending the intense emotions they had shared.

"About that therapist, can you recommend someone?"

"Yes, I know the perfect person. She did her residency at Seattle Grace a few years back, and I was very fond of her, brilliant doctor, and I'd trust her with anyone I care deeply about..."

"Chief, I think my rambling is contagious... you still haven't told me her name."

"Angelique Beaumont, she's an excellent psychiatrist, and I know she will help you.
I'll give you her number, and if you don't mind, I'd like to call her and let her know, you're like a daughter to me."

"I don't mind."

"So, you and Derek...things are ok with you?"

"I'm sure you've heard the rumor mill."

'Yes, and I was none too happy with him."
"We're trying, we're trying to work things out...I know... I think...he loves me...and I don't want to risk us losing our chance at being happy...so I want...need to deal with my issues."

"He loves you Meredith. I'm sure of that."

"Thank you, for everything...today..."

"Meredith...when you speak with Angelique...be honest, be open with her, the panic attack I witnessed...you need to discuss all of that."

"I know..."

Derek had grilled the fish outside, but had gone inside while preparing the side dishes, and had not witnessed most of the conversation between Meredith and Richard.

"Dinner's ready he called out from the door, unless you need me to carry you here."

The three shared the evening meal with light hearted teasing throughout, including discussing the newest bet at Seattle Grace; which Derek was sure Mark would bring up the next day.

"Richard, it's still early, you want pick a movie for us to watch?"

"You want to watch a movie?"

"Yes, don't you Mer?"

"That would be nice."

"You want to watch a movie? The three of us...here?"

"Mer, I told you we traumatized him...we like movies...yes, that would be nice, you even get to pick."

Meredith stared to pick up the dishes and clean up, and Richard spoke to Derek in a low voice, "you two are here alone, and you want me to come over and watch a movie, since when do you want company when she's here?"

"It's fine... I'm telling you...we're working things out...she needs time to trust me again."

"Meredith, what would you prefer to watch?"

"Chief, you pick... just nothing too violent."

She was finishing with the dishes when Richard walked out. Derek walked over and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her, "when you came in, you'd been crying, why?"

"I went to see him today, needed to talk with him and he wasn't there..."

"Why," he interrupted her, concern in his voice, "what aren't you telling me? What's wrong that you had to go see him and is making you cry?"

"Derek, there's nothing wrong," she said and turned around to face him, "I asked him to refer me to a therapist or psychiatrist."

"Oh...you, just told me about it last night, I didn't realize you were going to follow up right away."

"Derek, I've already wasted enough time... I don't want to waste anymore, I want to deal with my issues and move on."

"I'm proud of you, very proud of you Meredith."

"He told me that too...and it means a lot...from him...and especially from you."

"But, why were you crying?"

"We spoke about my mother...and he shared some things with me, and it made me sad...and..."

"Here we go... an old classic..."

Derek and Meredith did not pull apart, he'd have to get used to them displaying their affection in the privacy of their home.

"What did you pick, Chief?"

"Rear Window... James Stewart and Grace Kelly, classic thriller."

"Derek, do we get popcorn?"

"Mer, we just ate."

"But we're watching a movie, you need popcorn."

"I've got popcorn, I'll get it and be right back."

"How can you possibly be hungry?"

"I'm not...but we still need popcorn during the movie, and you didn't serve dessert."

"I'd planned on serving it during the movie."

She leaned in to kiss him, "Derek, I'm really just teasing you, you're being so agreeable...and not contradicting me...I'm just ...kidding around."

"I'll show you teasing...later...tonight..."

Meredith sat nestled in his embrace as the movie began, and within ten minutes she was asleep, within fifteen she was snoring.

"Good Lord, Shep, is she always like this...how do you sleep?"

"Wax ear plugs," he said and both men laughed.

"We can watch the rest of it another night."

"No, let me just lay her down on the bed, and we can finish watching it."

Derek carried her to bed and she didn't even stir, and went back to join Richard.

"I asked her why she'd been crying earlier, she said she asked you to refer her to a therapist and you'd ended up talking about her mother. Was she ok, we didn't get a chance to talk."

"Yes, she was ok, I'm sure she will tell you about it, I just wish I'd done it earlier.

"You're sure, she was ok."

"I'm sure, she will be fine. I recommended someone I trust implicitly."

"Good."

"Shep...you're my friend, and she's like a daughter, I need to watch over her like a daughter, but you...I think you should consider seeing someone too."

"She asked me to...I didn't discard the idea. I'll do whatever I have to do so Meredith and I can have a lasting relationship."

"I'm glad to hear that. Because, lately, I think you'd been acting like an ass."

"You're right, I was."

"So, we understand each other? Don't hurt her again."

"I don't plan on it."

"Ok then."

"Richard, I want to marry her, she knows that, but she's not ready."

"I think she may surprise you, Derek, she's taking a huge step. I've seen her mature lately, and I think this is going to help her be ready."

"I love her...I can't let her down again."

"I don't think you will, just keep an eye on her, she seems quite vulnerable right now, and at the same time she's a survivor, she had to be with Ellis for a mother."

"I'm going to marry her, if she can trust me again....I'm going to marry her."