(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Family

"We hate to break this up..." Mark coughed and cleared his throat.

"Then don't," Derek answered, and to his absolute joy, heard Meredith giggle.

"Mark, stop teasing them, help me clean up so we can get going, I've got a phone call to make," Kathleen laughed.

"Let's make it speedy and go woman, who am I to deprive you ..."

"Ok, you two with minds in the gutter, time to go home," Derek laughed, and extended his hand to Meredith to get up, "I'll clean up, don't worry about it."

"Fine, you can help," Kathleen said, "three pairs of hands are better than two."

"I can help you know..." Meredith started to clean up, "it's not like it involves cooking, it's only cleaning."

"Sit down Meredith, we'll do this," Mark told her, "oh, I almost forgot," he said taking a card out of his coat pocket, "this card is for you."

Meredith took the card and walked to the bedroom and placed it by the flowers, and by the time she walked back they had finished cleaning up.

Mark was the first to embrace her, "get some rest, and talk to him...he needs to know you're ok."

"Thank you...Mark, for everything," she said hugging him back and kissing him on the cheek.

"Kat, don't linger, I'll be outside," Mark said, and went up to Derek, "remember our conversation...she loves you...and if you need anything, let me know," and they shook hands, and Mark padded him on the back, leaving the three of them together.

"Kathleen, I'm glad...very glad...you were here today."

"I am too Meredith, now you get some sleep tonight...both of you need some sleep, and call me in the morning, and we'll see if you're up to coming over to my place, it's quite lovely...and it may be good to get out."

"I'm not sure..."

"Think about it. You can get some rest there too."

"I'll think about it...thank you again," she said and hugged her, "thank you for being here...for sharing your story."

"Remember what I said...you can tell him" she said, unaware Derek already suspected some of the conversation the two women had shared.

"I will...you have a good night...though," Meredith teased, "I'm pretty sure you will," she smiled.

"Absolutely plan on it...I'll see you tomorrow," she said and kissed her cheek, and turned and slipped her arm through Derek's.

"Ok, big brother, you need to get some sleep..." she said, and when they had walked outside, "Derek, just listen to her...let her cry if she needs to...she may have trouble sleeping or nightmares over the next several days, just be there...that's all you need to do, except you need to talk to her too...ok?"

"Yes," he said and surprised her by giving her a bear hug and whispering, "Kathleen, I'm sorry...so sorry...for your loss, I had no idea, not till tonight."

"What..." she said quietly.

"Your talk with Meredith...it was more than just about our baby...you've lost a baby too...I'm sorry, I did not know."

"Oh, Derek," she said with tears in her eyes, "it was so long ago...and it still hurts...but...I told her...I told her to tell you...because it helps...it helps to heal."

"Tonight...on the phone, he knew you told her...when you reached out to grasp Meredith's hand, he knew you had shared the story with her..."

"Yes, he did...we talked about it earlier...she's the only person that knows...and now you...but, how, how did you know?"

"I know you...and her."

"It was good...very good to talk about it...I hope it helps her, and you...Derek, there's hope...just remember...after that, I've contributed tons of kids to the family..."

"I won't push her, it will be up to her."

"She wants a family...a family with you...you'll both know when the time is right again."

"I hope so."

"I know so...now, get inside...she needs you."

"We needed you too...I hope...talking to Meredith helped you too."

"It did...Derek, sometimes...have you stopped to wonder...how God works in mysterious ways..."

"Yes."

"Remember that...when we were kids, Derek, after Dad...that's the only thing that kept me...that gave me hope...that God looked after us...and Dad did too."

"I remember..."

"Derek...I think...I can feel Dad looking over you now."

"I...I hope so," he said, choked up with emotion, "I hope so...I love you Kathleen, I can never...never express how much it's meant to me to have you here."

"You just have...that's all I need and to know I could be here when you needed me," and to lighten the mood she added, "oh...by the way...I'm sending my kids out here to visit Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith...without their Mom & Dad."

"Don't stay up too late," he teased her.

"Good night Derek," she laughed and kissed his cheek.

"Meredith," he called out when he didn't see her, but realized the shower was running, and he opened the bathroom door, "do you need anything?"

"Actually, yes...please get me another towel, I decided to wash my hair after I came in here."

She came out a few minutes later, wrapped in a towel, and he gathered in his arms, "did you leave enough hot water," he said nuzzling her neck.

"Yes..."

"I'm going to take a quick shower as well, your car kind of got stuck in the mud...and..."

"My car got stuck in the mud...why and how did you get it out?"

"The rain made it very muddy...and a bit of manly efforts from your two knights, got it out," he teased.

"I only have one knight...I told the other one he's only a semi-knight" she teased him.

"That's good to know..."

"Derek...do you mind...I mean, Mark and I, the teasing between us..."

"No...not at all...I have my brother back...and I trust you...completely..."

"But not him..."

"Yeah...I trust him too..."

"I'm glad Derek...because, Mark...he, it means a lot to him to be your brother."

"It means a lot to me too."

"I'm glad he was there for you tonight."

"What did he say to you, when you saw him...you cried."

"I...I told him he would have been ...a wonderful godfather," she said softly.

"He would have been."

"Derek...I'm not ready...I'm not ready now, but I will be...to talk...later...about another baby."

"We don't have to talk about it now...we have time. Why don't you get dressed, it's cold in here, and I'll be right out."

She got ready for bed, though she felt she'd done nothing but be in bed all day she craved its comfort, but especially wanted to be held in Derek's arms.

While he was in the shower, she picked up his phone and entered a text message, and felt the vibration indicating a response almost immediately.

-Mer did you get some rest
-yes xena
-you ok
-so so
-mark spoke to everyone, well you know not everyone but
-he told me thanks for the flowers beautiful
-he was kind of nervous that he told us
-it's ok glad he did easier for us
-do you need anything
-yes, want to see you tomorrow
-really
-yes, and would you bring me couple of things
-of course, what?
-call me
-call you now?
-yes, d's cell
-ok

She picked up the phone on the first ring, "hey, thought it would be easier to tell you what I need," she said, and named a few things, including her phone charger.

"I'm off tomorrow, so I can be there whenever you want."

"Lex, I'm not going to stay on now...because if I do, I'm only going to cry...ok...but I'll see you tomorrow, I'll text you about the time...maybe around lunch."

"Get some rest Mer, and tell Derek I said hello...ok..."

"Ok," Meredith said getting misty eyed at her sister's concern over him, "I'm going to say good night now."

"I love you Meredith," she said, and heard her sister's intake of breath.

"I knew you were going to make me cry..."

"It's ok to cry Mer...I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night Lexie...thank you..."

"Who were you talking to...you've been crying," he said as he came out of the shower wrapped in a dark blue robe, and stood by the bed.

"Lexie, she's going to bring me some things tomorrow."

"She called you?"

"Yes, but briefly, I asked her to call me...I didn't want to cry...but I did..."

"It's ok."

"Yeah..." she said, and got up from the bed and stood next to him, wrapping her arms around him, "you're wearing my favorite robe..." she said and kissed him softly, "and I love the stubble...even if it is a bit ...well you now..." she said and snuggled up to him.

"Meredith....are you ok?"

"I'm better now."

He held her, lightly massaging her back, "I love you."

"I love you too," she cried softly.

"Hey, do you have any idea," he said and sat on the bed, and cradled her in his arms, "how very much I truly love you?"

"I ...I think so," she said burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"Uhmmm...you only think?"

"I know...I know you love me..."

"Do you know...when we were...well, when...I couldn't stay over..."

"Oh, Derek...I wish I could take all of that back..."

"Hey...all those things got us to now...it's ok...because...you and I have never been stronger."

"You really believe that?" she whimpered.

"I know it will all my heart."

"What...what were you going to say?"

"I can't sleep without you...I would be up at three in the morning...not being able to sleep...and I'd find myself fishing for trout at that time..."

"At three in the morning?"

"Yeah...the chief even started to give advice that sounded like my life was a country and western song."

She giggled, "I'm sorry, that's not funny."

"No...it is...I love to hear your giggle...it makes me feel alive."

"It...it does..."

"You make me feel alive Meredith...only you...since the first day you came into my life."

"Derek, you do the same for me," she said and snuggled closer to him.

"You ready, to call it a night?"

"Yes, but I feel like a weakling...it's barely nine thirty."

"It's been a long day..."

"Yeah...long twenty four hours..." she said quietly.

"Come on, lie down...I'll join you in a second," he said and went to grab pajama bottoms and t-shirt, and in fact would join her within seconds.

"Derek, hand me the card...by the flowers."

"Flowers are nice..."

"They're beautiful...I'd never seen tulips in that combination of colors...petals of soft pink and white...they...they made it special."

"You are special Meredith...you're their family...and you're special to everyone you meet."

"Derek...don't make it harder for me to stop crying..."

He lay back against the pillows on the bed, and realized Kathleen was right, they needed to get on with their home, this was not the most comfortable...Meredith's bed was much better for sitting up to talk, she at least had the headboard.

He felt her reach for his hand, "what are you thinking?"

"Uhmmm...that Kathleen's right, there's not a lot of comfortable places to sit in here."

"Never bothered us before..."

"Never mattered before...we were..."

"Otherwise occupied..."

"Uhmmm..."

"I'm sorry," she said and started to retreat emotionally.

"Meredith," he said, while he found some pillows and had her lie against them, raising her slightly, and turned her to face him, "there's no need for apologies."

"I...it's..."

"Shhhh...." he whispered against her lips, and kissed her, and cupping her face, caressed her and kissed her again, "I love you."

His face was inches from hers, and brought her hand to his face, stroking it gently, "I love you Derek...for always." She snuggled up to him, and asked him to open the card.

"Don't you want to read it?"

"We both can," she said, and he opened it allowing them both to see the card, and both had tears in their eyes as they read the handwritten messages.

- Whatever time off you need, I'll cover for you. Sorry, Alex.

- I'm so sorry, truly, I wish...there was something more I could do...but, at least...if you need me too, I can cook, so you don't have to well Derek really, or go grocery shopping, seriously Mer, whatever you need, I can make sure you two are fed properly. Please, let me help out, love, Izzie.

- I'm praying for you both, that God gives you strength and comfort in this difficult time.
You are both going to be fine, with affection, Miranda.

- Mer, we love you. We're here, whatever you need from us, from me, you and Dr. Shepherd, just ask, George.

- I love you Meredith. Please let me help, let me know what I can do for you and Derek. I'm good at family things Mer, this is one of those times I hope I can be there for you, Lexie.

Meredith, I'm sorry, very sorry for your loss. I know how much this baby meant to you both. Cristina.

As she read the last one, he heard her sob, "Derek...I'm sorry...so sorry our baby is gone."

"Shhhh...I know...I know...I'm sorry too...so sorry...you had to go through this," he said and simply held her, and let her cry, and as her cries subsided they lay in each other's arms and emotional exhaustion lulled them to sleep.

It was after midnight, when she began to become restless, and he could tell how disturbed she was in her sleep, and as the time passed two, she whimpered softly, and then started to cry in her sleep and she became more agitated, and when he heard her cry out, his heart broke into a million pieces, it was the exact time when she had lost their baby.

"It's not true...it's not...I wanted my baby...I did, I took care of myself...I did...I always have to take care of myself...you can't say that...it's not true...I did, I was taking care of myself...no, it's not true, they're lying...I loved you...it's not true, oh baby please...believe me, I loved you so much...we loved you so much...you were our baby...we wanted you so much... " she sobbed.

"Meredith, wake up...please...wake up....you're having a nightmare..." he repeated a couple of times before we got through to her.

"Derek..." she sobbed, "oh, God...it was awful...it was...and it's not true."

"What was...tell me about it...it's ok...it's ok," he said as he continued to hold her and she quieted down, and then retreated behind that ever present wall of steel.

"Meredith," he spoke to her gently, "you need to talk to me...please...I'm worried about you...what you said...you were having a nightmare, and it helps to talk, it does...will you tell me about it..." he said, but got no response, so he continued, "you know...when I was a kid...sometimes I would be having a nightmare, and my dad would come in and wake me up, and sit up in bed with me, and make me talk...and then it would feel better, and he would stay with me until I fell asleep, and all would be better...but you know," he said stroking her hair, "after he...after he was gone...well, nobody came in...and the nightmares stayed with me...and wouldn't go away..."

"Oh...I'm sorry," she said, and kissed him, "I'm sorry you didn't have your Dad."

"It's ok...while I had him, he taught me that if I woke up and talked about it, they would go away..."

"Where was your Mom...after your Dad was gone...she didn't come to your room?"

"Dad was a light sleeper, Mom wasn't, so she didn't hear most of the time...but if she did, she'd come and make me talk about it too...and it helps...it really does..."

She remained quiet in his arms, and many minutes later said, "nobody came when I had nightmares, nobody took care of me."

"I'm here now...talk to me...let me take care of you," he soothed, kissing the top of her head.

"Derek, all my life...since I was a little girl... I knew I had to take care of myself..."

"Where...where was your mother...when you were five years old," he asked anger evident in his voice.

"It doesn't matter..." she said and suddenly was lost in her memories.

"Meredith?" he prompted, instinctively knowing there was much more to be revealed than just her recent nightmare.

"I knew...I had to depend on myself...she told me...not to depend on anyone...but Derek, with you in my life...it's only since you that I've ever felt it might be ok...to turn to someone, to have someone to feel safe with..." she said and remained quiet, though he knew it was just the beginning of what she had to say.

"Meredith...talk to me..."

"When you said...earlier, you said about not being able to sleep..."

"Yes," he said, and lacing his fingers with hers, gave her encouragement to continue.

"The night, well the day...the day we conceived our baby...that day Derek...I wanted so desperately to turn to you, and tell you I loved you, that I needed you...that I could not live without you in my life anymore..."

"Why didn't you?" he asked and wanted to kick himself.

"My mother...I remembered my mother..."

"What about your mother?"

"Months ago," she continued as though she never heard his question, "I found myself unable to sleep...I could only sleep when I was with you, and it had been weeks since we'd slept together...and it just went on...and...I knew I couldn't continue like that...that night...I was telling Cristina...she helped me you know, try to figure out what was wrong with me, pouring through psych books, and all we could come up with was severe abandonment issues...totally stupid."

"And then I screwed up..."

No...don't, don't bring that up...let me finish ...I want you to know...how I've felt...what you meant to me..."

He held her closer, kissed her lips softly.

"I told her...I was having panic attacks..."

"You were having panic attacks since then...why didn't you tell me?"

"You...you said I was no longer your responsibility..."

"I never said that to you..."

"You didn't have to...you told Cristina..."

"I should have known better...not to trust her...Meredith...she was not supposed to say that to you...I have never...ever...for one single second stopped loving you...I said that, which she had no right to repeat because I had given up...I had given up on you loving me...and I wanted to take care of you...I did..." he said, and he had tears in his eyes, "but you wouldn't let me...that day...I thought you'd open up to me...but you didn't...and I sort of gave up...I'm sorry...I didn't know what else to do...except I needed someone to take care of you, and you would not let me..." he said, and she was biting her lip to keep from crying...and reached over to him, and holding his face in her hands kissed him.

"I'm the one who's sorry...I wish I had told you how I felt...Derek, we could have avoided so much heartache...if I'd spoken to you from my heart...and maybe...if we were still together...all those weeks...instead of me being stupid...and us being apart...maybe our baby...would still be with us..."

"No...no Meredith...that is not the way it works...it's not...you need to know that, these things happen, there was nothing we could do..."

"But, I wasn't sleeping...and had panic attacks, and that had to hurt the baby, Derek...I...could have helped...and I didn't...I did nothing to take care of our baby..."

"Look at me...look at me..." he said and forced her to meet his gaze, "what happened, it's not your fault...I could blame myself too...for not being there for not insisting...but we can't do that...Meredith...why this happened we will never know...but we cannot, we cannot blame ourselves or second guess what could have been...nothing would have been different...please...don't do this to yourself...don't do this...please..."

"If...if I had come to you...and talked to you...instead of talking to Cristina...I should have been with you that night...Derek...and told you I loved you...because I did...I told her...I couldn't...I wasn't ready ...Derek, I told her, and I should have told you, and I know I told you later...since we've been back together, but I should have told you that night, that being with you, it wasn't about the sex...it never was...it was what you made me feel...being with you...that it was about that moment afterward, when the world stops, and I just feel so safe, so safe...being in your arms...and I wasn't ready to give that up..."

"Meredith...don't you see...even if you didn't say it then...you have already told me...and you're saying it again now...and that day...those feelings you had...that love you knew you felt..." he said, and tried to hold his emotions under control, for her sake tried not to breakdown over the pain he was feeling in his heart, for the loss of time they could have had together, "you know what I believe...I believe our baby knew that...how you felt...how our love was responsible for that tiny little miracle we had for such a short period of time...our baby felt that...but it just wasn't meant to be...but I'm sure our baby knew that his mom and dad love each other so much, if they could...if they could have done something to make things different they would have...and I know...with all my heart that you and I would have done anything to keep our baby safe."

"Derek..." she said locking gazes with his, both reflecting the pain the other was feeling, "it was a little girl...our baby...was a little girl."

He was stunned. "How...how do you know?"

"That dream...that nightmare...I know...they were wrong...Derek...all wrong about me not loving or wanting our baby...but...now, in my heart...it was a little girl..."

"A little girl..."

"I'm sorry...please...forgive me..."

"There is nothing to forgive...and you know what...I feel it, in my heart, I also feel our little girl knows that."

"Derek...that ...that nightmare...there was a clock...and it showed the time ...the time when I lost her...last night."

"Our little girl..." he said reverently, "she knows Meredith...she knows how much her mommy and daddy loved her," he said and held her and soothed her until she fell asleep.

The rays of sunlight filtered through the window their reflection this morning promising lighter hearts and further strengthening of familial bonds.

Derek rose without waking her and came back later with a cup of chocolate, and sat by her side, "good morning," he said kissing her softly.

"Uhmm...sleepy."

"It's almost ten...you can sleep all day, but it's beautiful out, you may want to sit outside a bit."

"No more rain?"

"No rain in sight."

"Derek...last night...after ...we talked, did you sleep?"

"I did..."

"I'm glad...I wanted to make sure you got some rest."

"We both did."

"I'm kind of hungry..."

"What would you like to eat?"

"Whatever you already cooked," she teased him.

"Smart choice," he smiled and kissed her softly.

"I'm glad...you're still waking me with a kiss...."

"We'll make that one of our traditions..."

"Promise."

"Always..."

"And if you forget?"

"Then you will remember for me..." he said.

"I can live with that."

"Kathleen said I should come spend some time with her."

"Do you want to do that?"

"It could be good...I'm still feeling tired, but she said her place is nice, and has a nice view, and I could get some rest there, and she's going back tomorrow, so it would be good, I think...she won't mind I we spend some time there, and she's right, there's nothing comfortable here to sit on...we have to work on that Derek..."

He laughed, for the first time in days, truly carefree, "did you breathe?"

"I don't think I got much air in there..." she laughed in return.

"Great...and I get to hear Lexie later ...and Kathleen is now contagious as well..."

"But you love me anyway..."

"I adore you...Meredith...don't ever forget it"

"Derek..."

"Yes..."

"I feel a little better today...after last night...talking helped, is that bad...should I be able to feel better so soon?"

"Yes...that doesn't mean you are forgetting and Meredith...I'm sure...our little girl, she does not want her mommy to stay sad."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too," he said and held her close to him, until she was ready to get up.

She picked up his phone while they were getting ready to have breakfast and dialed, "good morning Lexie."

"How are you feeling today?"

"I'm better... I was thinking you could come over and then stay with us for lunch,
I mean...if you want...you don't have too."

"Meredith, stop rambling."

"Did you just tell me..."

"Yes, it's too early in the morning, on my day off," she said and heard her sister laugh.

"Derek, talk to Lexie, she just told me to stop rambling, give her directions to get here, or else she'll really think I'm rambling, when I tell her which tree is the landmark."

"Good morning Xena..." he said, and gave her direction to the trailer, "call me if you get lost, ok, we'll see you in a while, yes...she's better."

"She didn't believe me..."

"She's worried about you."

"Derek...we're lucky...you and me...we...we...our family...and friends...they're helping ...helping a lot right now."

"Yes...we are very lucky," he said and sat next to her and kissed her.

"But, Derek..."

"But...is not a very good word..."

"I was going to say...that the most important person in my family is you...you are all I need to feel like I finally, finally can have a family."

"We do Meredith...we do...and if you're ever ready..."

"I will be...not today...but I will be ready, for our own family..."

Meredith was surprised at how physically tired she was, and giving in to the exhaustion went to lie down after breakfast and fell asleep. She woke up to voices coming from outside and went to join them, knowing it had to be Lexie.

As she walked outside she heard her sister's voice, standing by her car, "Derek, you have a trailer, and the other one...the chief's," she laughed, " I wonder if this is similar to the trailer park Izzie keeps talking about growing up..."

"Lex...you have just insulted Derek tremendously..."

"I...I'm sorry...Derek, I didn't meant to, I just thought it was....well, two trailers on your land...it was funny, I'm sorry... really."

"Lexie, don't pay attention to her," he said, as he walked up to her and kissed her check, "she's pulling your leg, besides you need more than two trailers at a trailer park," he laughed.

"Derek, are you ok?"

"Yes, Xena...I'm going to be ok...go see your sister."

The two sisters faced each other, and Lexie walked slowly to Meredith and without hesitation embraced her, "I'm sorry...very very sorry," she said, and as Derek expected, both started to cry, and he walked back to the trailer and gave them some privacy.

Meredith sat down on the wooden floor with Lexie joining her, "how are you feeling? Are you going to go to Dr. Cameron today?"

"I'm better, very tired, but better...and I'll go to Dr. Cameron when I go back to work."

"Meredith...you should ...he should examine you."

"It's ok...everything's ok."

"Mer...there could be an infection, I've been reading up on it...and..."

"Lex...I had a complete miscarriage..." she said, "it's ...it's ok..."

"I'm sorry...you...you had to know that..." she said and reached for her hand.

"Yeah...I wish I didn't know...but I do..."she cried softly.

"Does he know?"

"No...he doesn't need to know...it will only hurt him that much more."

"But...you..."

"It's ok...I'm at peace with it now..."

"Meredith...I...I want to help...if I can...if you need me...I want to be there for you...if you need to talk...or just be silent...or cook...or something..."

"Cook...you and me?"

"You know what I mean...I really hope you let me be your sister...and take care of you."

"You are...you are my sister Lex...and I'm glad...very glad I have you."

"I love you Meredith."

"Lexie," she said and gently squeezed her hand, "I love you too."

"Mer...you do?"

"I do," she said, and hugged her, "I really do."

Derek watched the exchange from the door, and decided to join them, he'd seen Meredith cry enough, "hey, my two favorite watering cans...how about you come inside..." he said, and helped Meredith get up, and placed his arm around her waist and walked inside.

"Derek...this is pretty small...I mean...where do you fit everything?"

"Great, now I have both sides of the family...both sisters ganging up on me about lack of space."

"Well, we're right, Kathleen must have said something, and she's right, where do you have a comfortable place to sit," she said and both Meredith and Derek laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"It seems everyone is noticing that in the last twenty four hours."

"Well, it's true Derek, this seat is not the most comfortable...and you only have the bed..." she said, and laughed herself, "never mind...that's really all you use anyway."

"Your sister is going to look at the house plans, the ones she didn't throw out."

"I told you she would come around."

"So you did."

"So you're going to build the house?"

"We're going to look at the house plans, and we'll take it from there, "Meredith said.

"Of course that's why you asked me to bring them," Lexie commended.

"You asked her to bring the house plans?"

"I thought it was the right time...we'll be off a few days, I mean that's ok?"

"Of course it is," he said, suddenly feeling another heavy weight being lifted off his shoulders.

"Maybe we can show Kathleen, she's already seen the property..."

"She would like that..."

"Derek...before we go...maybe you can take Lexie to see the land..."

"Are you sure you want to go..."

"No...I don't think I can...not up to the hike there...but take Lexie and then we can go spend some time with Kathleen."

While Derek took Lexie to their home site, Meredith placed another call.

"Meredith, how are you?"

"I'm trying to be ok."

"Are you feeling all right?"

"Physically I'm very tired. Emotionally I'm a mess."

"Can I help?"

"Thanks for the flowers and the card, what you said, it meant a lot to me Cristina."

"I meant it. I'm sorry."

"Derek...and I ...we're not going back to work for a few days...but, when I go back...I'm going to need you, keep me from breaking down."

"I'll be there Meredith...I want to be there for you."

"Thank you. Thank you for caring."

"You're my person. Even when I haven't been there lately."

"That doesn't matter, I'm counting on you when I get back."

"I'll be there"

"I'll see you soon."

"Mer, take care of yourself. You need rest. Let him take care of you, he needs to do that."

"I'm letting him. He's letting me take care of him too," she said, "we'll talk soon."

"Bye Mer."

Meredith drove with Lexie into town and to the bed and breakfast, which she had never visited before. "Kathleen this is lovely, it really is," she said as she settled on the couch overlooking the bay.

"We'll plan on coming back here, in fact they have another suite so we can accommodate the kids, even Mom if she decides to come."

"It's good, it's close to us...and I hope you're going to visit, I mean not wait till the house is done, because then, well you will stay with us, the house will be big enough, we haven't talked about it, but it's going to have guest rooms and maybe...your Mom, she'll have her own room, and you...and well the rest I don't know...stop me now, Lexie, help..."

"I could only make it worse Mer..."

Kathleen laughed, "you two are unbelievable, and I am so delighted I had a chance to meet you, and be an older sister to you both!"

"You're very kind Kathleen...I mean, to include me...I know...Mer and I we just kind of met, and it's nice that you'd think of me as well when you think of being her older sister...but...I mean...please don't feel you have to..."

"Lexie...stop rambling, we're family now...and by the way, your influence, the two of you have made me ramble more since I've been her than in my entire life," she said and all three women laughed.

"Kathleen...I think you may have some rambling traits yourself, because it was just too easy to fall into it..." Meredith teased.

"You may be right."

"Meredith, where's Derek, wasn't he following us?"

"No, he went to get groceries and told me he had some errands to run, I think he probably just wanted to give us some girl time."

"Girl time," Lexie teased her.

"Whatever...don't make fun of your older sister, that is not nice," she said, and suddenly felt a pang of melancholy at the recent familiar line.

"Lexie," Kathleen changed the subject immediately, "I think you mentioned you had not been to the trailer the other night, what did you think?"

"I think I insulted my brother in law calling it a trailer park, and then telling him he had no comfortable place to sit," she said noticing Mer's distancing.

"Only what he deserves, I hope he is going to at least bring a comfortable chair to sit on, but I was told..." she paused, "Meredith, honey, do you want to go lie down?"

"No...I'm ok...really...just..."

"Meredith, it's going to happen...you say things that remind you that the baby's not there anymore."

"Yes...not...nice..." she said softly and tears filled her eyes, while she felt both her hands being held, one sister on either side, each offering emotional support.

"Kathleen, Derek has the house plans and as soon as he gets here, we can look at it, and not that they're going to listen to us, but we can certainly give our opinion, right Mer, you don't care if we give our opinion, though Derek might, cause I think he's pretty set on some ideas..."

Meredith could not help but smile, "yes, Lexie, I would love to hear some ideas, and Kathleen should be an expert on what works best in a house."

"You just need to be grateful Mom's not around, because she would make you want to jump off that cliff before you even got started with the foundation..."

"Who's jumping off a cliff?" Derek walked in and asked.

"You and Meredith if Mom were anywhere around those house plans."

"Hey," he leaned down to kiss Meredith, "you ok?"

"I will be..."

"You need a break?"

"No...I'm fine...us fine..."

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh..." she said and kissed him lightly.

"How was your evening last night?" he asked Kathleen.

"You mean before or after phone sex ..." she laughed.

Lexie choked on her coffee, and Meredith cracked up.

"I guess the right response is during?" Meredith said with a deadpan expression.

"Let's just say, I had a very good night's sleep, and the minute I land...we have plans."

"Remind me never to ask..." Derek commented.

"Lexie, did you know your future brother in law is a prude?"

"Kathleen, not according to the hospital rumor mill... Meredith and Derek's escapades are rather...legendary," Lexie teased, and sounds of healing laughter echoed throughout the room.