(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Falling in Love

"Uhmmm...chocolate cake, fond memories...I gather..." he said smiling and tilting his head just in that way that made her melt completely.

"Not at all," she smiled and then laughed at the look on his face.

"I thought you said..."

"I said, I was remembering..." she teased him.

"You smiled," he pouted, "usually, well that means a fond memory."

"Usually," she smiled, and tried to keep from laughing. He was actually pouting, and she took a bite out of the chocolate cake, and decided to go with the playfulness she was feeling, "want some?"

"No, I'm not overly fond of chocolate cake," he said curtly.

"Derek..."

"So... you regretted that you were falling ... in love...lust...whatever..."

"Derek..." she said softly, no longer teasing, "did you regret it...falling in love with me...or lust...or whatever..."

"Did you...do you still?" he said, and for the first time she realized he had his own set of doubts to deal with.

She got up from the chair and went to him, "Derek, I was teasing you...but you, you were pouting...I thought you were being playful as well," she said and sat on his lap.

"I have doubts too, you know."

"Where...is this coming from...you doubt my feelings?"

"Maybe...I'm feeling as insecure as you do...sometimes..."

"Then, I'm sorry...it wasn't my intention...I was just playing with you..."

"Did you...do you regret it?"

"Do you?"

"You know I don't, Meredith," he said, unaware of the rash of emotions his words and mood had evoked.

"Then...then, why...why would you think I do..." she said, and he saw the tears gather, and wanted to kick himself for his stupidity, but she let all of it out, without taking a breath in between, "I can't...I can't do anything right...I try..." she said quietly, "try to be playful...and nothing works...nothing I do...makes you happy... just...just the opposite...we're stuck in this sadness...and I tried to make it a little better...and I can't even do that..." she finished, started to get up, "I'm sorry I've made you so miserable, that you feel this way...I'm...I'm going..."

"Hey," he stopped her, "I'm the one that needs to apologize, there's no excuse for making you feel this way," he said and kissed her, but did not get any reaction from her, as she sat there looking distant. "Meredith, where do you think you're going?"

"To bed...and we should just leave in the morning, don't waste your money or time on me...I'm obviously not worth it," she said as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Not worth it...you are the most important thing in my life, there isn't enough that I can do for you...and I'm very sorry for making you feel this way, I was selfish and stupid, and instead of paying attention to what you were saying, and how you intended it, I acted like a brainless, stupid, moronic jack-ass..."

"You did..." she said, softly...lifting her eyes to him with tears still brimming.

"I did...I'm sorry...I don't know what possessed me to question you...when I know you love me...Meredith, I don't have those doubts...I was just ...an ass..."

"Derek...that wasn't nice...not when you know my hormones are on their own rollercoaster ride, that I have no control over...and I feel sad one minute, and like crying, but ...sad mostly...but, I tried...to go with the playfulness and you get all pouty, and broody on me...and you can't do that, Derek, not now...later...you can...if you want, and I can yell and scream at you ...but right now...I don't have a lot of control over my emotions."

"I'm sorry...you're right, and I need to be more sensitive...but, Meredith...it's not an excuse, it's not...but...this is new to me too," he said, and kissed her softly.

"I know...but, Derek...what we just did...it's good, it's progress...we didn't let the other pull away...that's good right?"

"That's very good...and it is progress...tremendous progress...do you forgive me?"

"Yes," she said as she brushed his lips with hers. "Derek...we are a mess."

"But...we're working on fixing it...right?"

"If we don't kill each other first ..." she joked lightly, "with an overdose of emotions," and got him to laugh, and they touched and kissed with tender care given to the other.

She reached over the table and brought the chocolate dessert closer to them, and placed some on her fork, "care to try again?" she smiled offering him a bite, which he accepted.

"Not bad," he smiled.

"That's not what I said to Izzie," she smiled.

"Uhmmm...so it was Izzie...that witnessed the first admission..."

"Oh no...well, kind of, but not really...because Cristina knew first, that you were McDreamy and all, but she didn't know that I was really falling for you, just that we had great sex...and I hated Izzie that night..."

"Uhmmm...hated her...how did you feel about me...other than the great sex," he joked.

"I guess I kind of have to tell you the whole story," she said scrunching her nose.

"We have time...especially to hear about the great sex comment."

She rested her head on his shoulder, "you would focus on that..."

"You don't think about it..."

"What do you think?"

"You're thinking about it right now..."

"Kind of..." she smiled, "you've had me on your lap a lot lately."

"I'm not complaining," he smiled and kissed her.

"Neither am I," she said and kissed him back, "Derek, are we talking too much?"

He let out a hearty laugh, "talking too much? It's what we should have been doing all along," he assured her with a kiss.

"I don't want to bore you, you know."

"Meredith...you could never bore me, trust me."

"It started with Mr. Levangie, me falling for you...even when you..."

"When I was a jack-ass..."

"Yeah...but, if you recall, in spite of that...by the end of that night..."

"You brought a peace offering with a bottle of wine..."

"A peace offering...you conceited ass..." she said, hitting him gently on the shoulder.

"What would you call it," he said as he poured two glasses of red wine.

"Getting me drunk is not going to help you out of this one Derek."

"Who says I want you drunk, I want to hear your version of not bringing me a peace offering," he smiled, "let's...go sit on the couch by the fireplace."

"Can't handle me on your lap..."

"Something like that," he teased, "and we don't have a fireplace at home."

"At my house...we do."

"Along with a herd of roommates."

"They can be a pain...but..." she said and he heard the melancholy in her voice.

"They are your family..."

"Yeah..."

"Well, you know, after Bailey caught us, I though we really needed to end it, and..."

"You really did, want to end it?" he asked incredulously, "we were great together."

"Are you going to let me tell the story..."

"I can ask questions...this is the story...the tale for our grandchildren..."

"Our grandchildren," she whispered.

"If you want...Meredith...we don't have to...only if you want."

"I do Derek...not yet...but I will," she said and kissed him softly, and then rose and held her hand out to him, "let's go to the couch."

He settled her next to him, so he could look at her face as they spoke.

"So, you wanted to end it..."

"That's what I told Cristina," she shrugged, "and then you were such a jerk, treating me like crap in front of Bailey, but then you paged me and brought me back in on the case, and well, I'm weak...and you know the rest..."

"The part where you brought the bottle of wine as a peace offering..." he joked.

"You were very close to me ending it..."

"Seriously?"

"Yes..."

"Seriously...you were going to end it?"

"No..." she half smiled, "I couldn't end it...I was...already falling for you..."

"Really..."

"Don't be so smug about it..."

"Why not...I was already falling for you too..."

"You were..." she said wistfully.

"Completely..."

"Really..." she said, pushing back the curls from his forehead.

"Totally..." he said, and they kissed reliving those past emotions.

"Talking is good..." she said..."very good..."

"We'll have lots of talking...years of talking," he said as he tugged her bottom lip lightly.

"Mr. Levangie, Derek...he was a sweetheart...poor thing, so determined to be left alone," she said as she transported herself back to that moment, " his daughter was heartbroken at losing her father...she told me, I didn't know what it was like...to watch a parent...but I did...I did know... I was watching my Mom slowly slip away..." she said with tears in her eyes, "I knew...and I told him...it was her life too, not just his life that was affected...and somehow, after that, he decided to go through with it..."

"You...are the most amazing woman..."

"Why..."

"Your compassion, how you care about your patients, about people...I didn't know then...about your mother..."

"I know...but, if my experience...it could help him...I had to try...make him understand..."

"I wish I had known, earlier...to have been there for you...I could have helped more."

"You did."

"Did I?"

"Yeah...until..."

"Addison..."

"It's ok...it's worked out, it did...here we are."

"Here we are."

"We'd been successful with Mr. Levangie, he could walk...and I'd watched you lose the other patient, the lady with the tumor, remember?"

"I do...I tried ...didn't want to give up on her...but...it was too late..."

"I watched you, from the gallery..."

"You did?"

"Yes...and I knew...I knew then...I didn't want to give up on us...it was the first time...you know...that I wanted it...a relationship...that I allowed myself to think of the future...a future with you...and even if it turned out to be a mistake, I had to try..."

"You were thinking it would be a mistake..."

"I was thinking ...we were worth trying...worth not giving up on, so I went and bought a bottle of wine..."

"And waited it for me in the rain..."

"You remember..."

"Every single detail...of you...and you in my arms as the sun rose over the ferryboats..."

"Derek..." she smiled, "I don't think we can tell that story..."

"We'll have to modify it somehow...but ...we...we will never forget it..."

"That's when I knew...in my heart I knew...but I wasn't admitting it..."

"Till the chocolate cake...I gather, Izzie baked..."

"Chocolate cake...very healing you know..."

"I can see that," he said, "do you want another one?"

"Probably, but...I'll get fat."

"You never get fat, and you eat quite a bit."

"That's just cause I'm younger..." she joked, "as you get older...metabolism slows, you have to try harder."

"You think I'm old?"

"I love you Derek..."

He laughed, "nice try."

"I'm kidding, you're perfect, I never think about your age..."

"Uhmmm."

"Seriously...I would not trade you for anyone younger or anyone else...ever..."

"Uhmmm."

"Derek...I love you...just as you are...faults and all..."

"So..." he teased her, "I'm old and full of faults..."

"You are perfect in every way I could have ever hoped for...and yes...flaws and all."

"You're going to have to do a lot of ego stroking you know...along with payback..."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"I love you Meredith."

"That...knowing that you love me, is what's making all of this bearable," she said, "knowing...we've finally...truly found each other."

"Don't ever forget it."

"Derek...before...before we go on...I just want to tell you, I read, while you were with Kelly...I went online and read some of the symptoms ... what I might be feeling...after...after...the miscarriage," she stopped and took a deep breath, "and everything you've done...all you're doing...it's perfect...just perfect...and if I didn't already love you more than I ever thought possible...I'd love you even more right now."

"Thank you...even after all the ways I've screwed up... and tonight...making you cry...and sad...thank you."

"You're welcome...and I do love you...and thank you for all you've done, and Derek...I'm trying...really want to be sensitive to your feelings...it's our loss...and I want to be there for you...just as you have been for me."

"I love you too, more than you can ever imagine," he said caressing her face, cupping it gently and kissing her, "and what I'd do for you...what I'd be willing to do for you...just to make sure you're happy."

"We're a pair of sappy...corny people Derek..."

"We're two people...finally...talking about their feelings...two people lucky to have been given another chance...after almost losing each other...to be here...to have found the love of each other's life...that's priceless."

"It is...and Derek...we can't ever forget it..."

"Not in a million years...you're stuck with me...remembering..."

"For always..."

"For always...Meredith," he said as he gathered her in his arms, and they held each other, hands entwined in utter and complete contentment.

She'd relaxed completely, falling asleep, and he smiled as he heard the light snoring sound, and stroked her arm gently, whispering lightly in her ear.

"I...I'm not sleeping...or snoring..." she said in response.

"Uh huh..."

"I wasn't..."

"Ok..."

"Indulging my denial...again..." she smiled.

"I love you," he whispered with a smile on his face, and kissed the top of her head, "ready to call it a night."

"No...we've done ...I've done nothing but sleep...and relax...we can stay up a little longer...enjoy the fire...it's nice and romantic...I can have another glass of wine."

"That brings fond memories of you getting me drunk...that first night...and taking advantage."

"Ok...I did not get you drunk...and you took advantage of me..." she said indignantly.

"This again..."

"Yes, Derek, again...we're going to get that straight...once and for all..."

"Can I hear the chocolate story first...that one may be easier to agree on..."

"Oh...you...infuriating..."

"Brainless...moron..." he questioned, raising his eyebrow.

"Yes."

"But you love me anyway..."

"I do..."

"That's all that matters," he said kissing her softly, "tell me about Izzie's awful chocolate cake."

"Oh it was to die for."

"But you hated it..."

"No, I hated her and maybe you..."

"What...you said...you realized you were falling for me...now you say you hated me..."

"Derek..."

"What..."

"Stop being a child..."

"I am not..."

"Stop pouting too..."

"I love bossy Meredith..." he joked, "not sure what to say when she's quiet."

"That's another issues...but back to the chocolate cake..." she smiled, "it really started that morning..."

"You're smiling..."

"That was a semi –fond memory..."

"Uhmmm...so it involved sex..." he joked.

"It did...do you remember...the morning George and Izzie saw you sneak out of the house?"

"Uhmmm...semi fond memory...makes sense..."

"I have very fond memories," she said, "of the night before...but Derek, they were awful, and I did not know why, until we got to the locker room, and Izzie was bitchy as hell, and told me to warn her about getting a hotel room, and I still didn't get it...and then George said I was too loud," she told him, and was interrupted by his laughter.

"They heard us...and they knew it was me..." he continued to laugh, "no wonder O'Malley was so pissed, I remember he wouldn't even shake my hand...over something else, a surgery."

"Derek," she scolded, "it was not funny...and why was George pissed?"

"Now I get it...I knew he saw me leave the house, but didn't realize they'd heard us..."

"Derek...it's not funny...and I'm not loud..."

"Oh...but you are...I love to hear you...turns me on even more...and I love to hear you moan..."

"Derek..."

"What...it's just us talking..."

"Still..."

"You...you're not shy...Meredith..."

"Well, I'm not...whatever...do you want me to finish the story or not...it's going to be morning soon."

"You're the one who's talking..."

"Derek, I can stop...I can go to sleep you know..."

"Finish the story..." he said bringing her into his embrace.

"Cristina made a comment that maybe they had seen you...but I dismissed it, and then my day just got worse...and Bailey knew, well she already did, but before...I'd talked to her about before we went in to surgery with Mr. Levangie, and apologized that I did not know you were my boss when I met you..."

"You apologized for that...why?"

"She wasn't speaking to me?"

"What...why didn't you tell me, she can't do that..."

"Derek...it was fine...anyway, she really had me jumping through hoops and told me it was just the beginning..."

"Of all the inappropriate, unprofessional things...you should have told me...I'm her boss."

"Exactly the point...it was fine...really, but then I realized Izzie knew, when in the locker room she told me they were all at a disadvantage, because obviously they couldn't do what I did for you..."

"What...and you didn't kick her out of your house..."

"Derek...she was right..." she smiled.

"No...we never...we did not let our relationship interfere with work...I never favored you...you were...are a brilliant doctor...and surgeon...there was no favoritism..."

"I knew that...well, not the brilliant doctor part...but I knew you weren't really doing that...so...I let it go..."

"You...are too damn nice."

"I got home that night, and her rant continued, she accused me of sleeping with you for a few good surgeries and hot sex..."

"Was it?"

"What?"

"Hot sex?"

"Uhmmm...every so often," she answered dismissively.

"I agree...it was the same for me."

"What..."

"I'm agreeing with you."

"You thought sex...was...only hot...sometimes..."

"Isn't that what you just said," he said...

"I...I didn't really...I was ..." she said quietly and paused.

"Meredith..."

"Yes..." she answered quietly.

"Look at me...feel...my reaction to just having you close to me..." and to prove his point, brought her hand down, "has it ever been...sex between us...anything other than hot and full of passion?"

"No..."

"Then...you better be able to take what you dish out...and stop teasing...unless you realize I'm doing the same thing."

"You were..."

"What does it feel like to you right now..." he said, shifting uncomfortably at the touch of her hand.

"The way it's always been...the way it's always between us..."

"Don't forget it...now...since we really aren't going to take this much further than that...tonight...get ready to finish the damn chocolate story, when I get back," he said, and walked away for a few minutes, leaving her just a bit guilty, because, sex... talking about their past was one thing...but physically, right now was the last thing on her mind.

He left her side for a few minutes and took the opportunity to call room service and ask they pick up their dinner, and then walked out of the room and placed a call to the hospital.

"Where did you go," she asked, and handed him a glass of wine as he sat down beside her and reached for her hand.

"Quick walk...and I called the hospital, checked on Kelly, she's fine. Unbelievable...but she's fine."

"You saved her."

"You..." he said, "had a lot to do with that...I couldn't have done it...not ..."

"Hey...you saved her...she's going to be fine, and she is absolutely precious."

"She is adorable..."

"Dr. Shep..." Meredith smiled, "very cute."

"Hey...finish the chocolate story...before we go to sleep tonight..."

"Kind of anti climatic now..."

"Not really...you'd just admitted we had hot sex..."

"I was very annoyed with her, and told her it was not the sex..."

"Uhmmm..."

"Yes...even then...I should have known...I did..." she said rolling her eyes, "she saw it in my eyes."

"That we had hot sex..." he teased.

"That I was falling for you..."

"And you were jumping for joy..."

"I hated her...told her I hated her...told her she was wrong...and it was not true, and that I hated her warm delicious chocolate cake..."

"And you hated Izzie...because..."

"She forced me to acknowledge my feelings...all warm and mushy and full of secret feelings she said, and I hated her...but, she cut me some slack after that..."

"So, you passed up the chocolate cake...but didn't hate her anymore."

"I sat in the kitchen and had two pieces..." she giggled.

"I adore you, Meredith," he said and kissed her passionately.

"Derek..." she said breathlessly, "let's...let's stop..."

"Uhmmm...you're right...another glass of wine...Dr. Grey...even if you're not going to take advantage of me again..."

"Hey...it was tequila and you had double scotches...so don't blame me for you getting drunk...and taking advantage of me..." she smiled.

"Meredith," he said, and holding her face in his hands whispered, "can we compromise on our first meeting ...?"

"What...what do you mean," she said, totally lost in his gaze...and willing to compromise on just about anything at that moment.

"As the story goes...once upon a time...two lonely people...hiding their pain... met...and knew in our hearts...if not our minds... we'd found our soul mate...and yes we drank to that many times over...and then were smart enough to not let the other go...and we took mutual..." he said, kissing her, "consensual," and deepening the kiss, "hot...passionate..." and further as she was totally lost in his caresses, "advantage..." and they paused to gaze into each other's eyes, their reflection exact in the love and passion silently communicated, "of each other..." while their tongues joined in the eternal dance of legendary lovers finding and enjoying one another with each touch, each whisper, each tender and loving caress, until the moment baser needs could be fulfilled.

Later, she whispered, "Derek...you were right...that night...that first night..."

"About what..."

"Knowing you...even just part of you...made me love you...made me fall hopelessly in love with you."