(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

What? Seriously!

Her reaction immediately confirmed two things. One, she could be pregnant. Two, it had never crossed her mind.

She immediately became rigid at the sound of his words, he couldn't possibly think that, there was no reason for him to think that, and she couldn't believe he'd joke about something like this.

"Derek," she started quietly as she disengaged herself from his embrace.

"Uhmm... Meredith..." he said softly, teasingly, not letting her go.

"WHAT? What in the world are you talking about...are you crazy? You seriously think I'm pregnant?"

"Are you?"

"Let me go."

"Answer my question."

"I have no idea what you're talking about... Derek, let me go."

"Meredith, it's not like we would be able to avoid this subject for years."

"Let me go, now."

He consented, only because he did not want her becoming more upset than she already was, and he could see the storm was brewing by the look in her eyes.

"Meredith, it's not the end of world," he told her smiling, looking down at her still laying against the pillows, and softly caressing her face.

"Don't patronize me Derek, and don't give me that Mcdreamy crap... I'm not in the mood for it."

"Then answer my question."

"You are absolutely out of your mind," she said sitting up, "seriously Derek, what would possess you to think such a thing? Pregnant? Are you nuts? I am not pregnant."

"I'm not crazy...I'm just thinking about your behavior...and it makes sense...Meredith it makes sense..."

"Derek, I'm not pregnant, don't you think I would know if I was..."

"Would you ? You've never been pregnant, have you?"

"Of course I would know...and no, I've never been pregnant, you know that...but I would know... I know my body Derek, I would know..."

"You're right, you do... you would know best...but let's say, for the sake of argument...if you are, if you were...would you tell me?"

"Oh, my God," she choked back a sob, "that's why... that's why you've been like this...pretending that everything was fine... and that we would work things out... and you....you've been supportive and patient... and it's only...only... because you think I'm pregnant... not because you meant any of those things... Derek, how could you...how could you do that to me...to let me think...you loved me...that you still loved me...and instead ....it's only because you think I'm pregnant..."she was sobbing now, and started to get up from the bed.

He was too stunned to react at first, then he was angry, but he knew it had to be the hormones talking. He was convinced now that she was indeed pregnant.

"Stop it..." he said, reaching out to keep her from getting up, "Meredith... stop it right now, and listen to me..."

She used all her strength, and pulled away from him getting up from the bed and glaring at him, "how could you, Derek... how could you, it's only because you think I'm pregnant, which I'm not...that you ...that you...you were being all sweet and caring...and..."

He got out of the bed and immediately reached her side, and she turned away from him.

He turned her around to face him, not giving her an option to move away from him, "Meredith Grey, you will listen to me...and stop this nonsense...because you are making me very angry...very angry..."

"You're angry with me...what right do you have to be angry with me... I'm the one that should be angry...mad as hell that you've been lying to me again..."

Derek took a deep breath in an effort to remain calm. "If you let me finish without interrupting ...yes, I'm angry... but most of all I'm sad...sad...that you'd think all of those things you've told me. Damn it ...I love you... I love you...and you better get that through your head because that... has nothing to do with you being pregnant or not... and if you think I've hurt you... well you're hurting me now...you're hurting me more than you ever have before," he finished the sentence, and both faced each other without attempting to move, and she could see he was indeed hurt by her accusations, she could see it in his eyes, the very expressive eyes that never failed to let her see into his very soul.

"You're sad... I hurt you," she cried, "I don't mean to hurt you...you don't mean to hurt me...but that's all we do...all we do to each other..."

"Meredith...please...listen to me..."

"How long... how long...have you been thinking....that I'm ...that I could be..."

"Pregnant"

"Yes," she said her eyes brimming with new unshed tears.

"About 5 minutes."

"What? But you...you've been so ...so Mcdreamy..."

"That's just part of my charm," he teased her, going along with whatever emotion took hold of her.

"You are an ass."

"I've heard that before."

"Five minutes...you've been thinking about this five minutes?"

"Give or take..."

"But why? What makes you think..."

He reached out and touched her, placing his hands on her arms, and gently caressing them as he pulled her closer and kissed her.

"We are both doctors, we are not totally oblivious to these things...granted, I'm a brain surgeon, and not particularly bright some times..."

"I can agree with that," she joked back.

"But... just tonight... not even a few minutes before I said anything, I realized that there was a possibility you could be pregnant, and I asked you... thinking you might have been thinking the same thing...and hadn't wanted to say anything to me..."

"But, Derek...I wasn't... I wasn't thinking that... why would you even think I was," she said and fresh tears were sliding down her cheeks.

He reached for her hands and since they were standing by the bed, pulled her with him to sit down.

"Look at you...listen to yourself...when are you like this... Meredith...I've never seen you like this, all week, you've been emotional, you yourself said tonight you had no idea why your emotions were all over the place...you've been overly sentimental... that's not a bad thing... I love that in you...your food cravings have been a bit wacky...Mer, you're eating coffee ice cream... you hate it...you couldn't stomach the smell of fish cooking...Mer...I was just naturally jumping to conclusion...that's all..."

"You really thought I could be pregnant?"

"I was thinking out loud," he said, realizing this was not the time to pursue this conversation, if she was pregnant, it would be early enough that she...they... could deal with it later, this was not the time to push her.

"So, you don't really think I am?"

"You know," he said gently, as he placed a soft tender kiss on her lips, "I was just reacting to the symptoms...which could be confused...or could mean that you're pregnant...but, it was a very quick judgment, just a few minutes ago, I told you...it's not like I've been thinking about this for a long time, just a few minutes, and I asked you...I didn't think it through."

"Derek, I'm not...I would know...I had my period last month, and I'm about to get it now...I told you the other night..."

"I know...and all of this, the emotions and all, can just be the result of the stress you've been under, and I realize that everything caught up with you this week... and the last few days, Meredith...both of us... both of us have been through lots of emotional turmoil, and it's probably just that...that's why you're so sensitive...I understand...so, I'm sorry... I'm sorry for being insensitive, and bringing something like that up, without any warning."

"It's ok...I...I probably did overreact...but Derek...that was...I mean...you had to know... what my reaction to that would be..."

"I know...I'm sorry."

"It's ok...I'm sorry too...I ruined our evening."

"No, you didn't...we've had a lovely evening...and now...we just worked through a misunderstanding...that's very good...good progress as you would say."

"It is...thank you...for not being angry with me."

"Let's go to bed...ok..."

"I'm not really tired anymore."

"Yes, I can see where this was a wake up call."

"I'm sorry...for being mean to you," she said and leaned closer to him and kissed him.

"Want to make it up to me..."

"Can you handle it...?"

"I think...where you're concerned...tonight I've proven my surmountable self-control,"
He said and gave her an intense, penetrating look, she knew she would not be able to resist much longer.

"Maybe...we shouldn't push our luck."

"Maybe you're right...I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"You'll see..."

She saw him reach the refrigerator, and smiled when he took out two gallons of ice cream, and came back with one bowl for each.

"You missed dessert."

"You're trying to break this to me slowly aren't you?"

"What are you talking about..." he said without looking at her.

She reached out for his hand, and smiled, "you really think it's a possibility..."

"I told you, it was something I said off the top of my head, don't worry about it, ok."

"Derek,"

"Uhmm..." he murmured, as he fed her a spoonful of coffee ice cream.

"You're humoring my denial...aren't you?"

"I love you," he told her, "that's all I know."

She reached into her bowl and brought a spoonful of strawberry ice cream to his mouth.

"Sympathy cravings," she joked, and both laughed easily, placing the bowls aside, they reached out for each other, and hugged and cuddled, with him offering all the love he felt for her and possibly their unborn child.

"Derek...what if I am...what if...by some fluke... I am pregnant..."

"You tell me...what if you are..."

"How would you feel...under the circumstances," she said, reaching out for his hand, and again both laid side by side facing each other.

"Meredith, I would... I could never suggest...that you...you look at options...but...I can't...won't...force... "

"Derek, what are you suggesting...would you...you would want me to consider options..."

He cleared his throat, before trusting himself to speak, "it's...it's not what I would want...but, I would...would have to understand...that it's ultimately your choice."

"Would you...would you understand?"

"I would have no choice."

"How can you say that....it would be our baby... Derek...our baby...I can't... I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to do anything else...it would be part of us...and you'd...you want me to consider..."

"I don't want you to consider any options...but to have the baby...but..."

"There's no buts..."

"Thank you..." he said, "because if that's what you wanted..." he paused, raw emotion in his voice.

"It's not...it wouldn't be...no matter how scary that possibility seems...there would be only one option."

He leaned close to kiss her, and then held her close in his arms, as she laid her head on his chest and snuggled closer.

"Derek, I'm sorry..."

"About what?"

"Overreacting..."
"Meredith, you're not...I'm sure I would be feeling just as you are... after everything that's happened lately...and all you're dealing with...including making the decision to seek therapy...and us...it was overwhelming for me to throw that out there..."

"I'm sorry, I know you wouldn't mind a baby...and that you're probably disappointed... but, Derek, I know I'm not pregnant."

"It's ok...we have a lot of things to deal with...when the time is right... if you're ready... we'll have a baby."

"Derek, we never...ever... do things...when the time is right, " she laughed.

"Yes, you're right... we don't," he laughed, "even arguing about nonexistent babies."

He couldn't help himself, he laid her back against the pillows, and gently caressed her abdomen, and she saw the longing in his eyes, and laid her hand on top of his.

"Derek, do you remember my dream..." she asked softly.

"The one you wouldn't share with me..."

"I'm sharing it with you now... when the time is right...whenever that is...we'll have our babies... Derek... I have that feeling...I know we will."

"Babies...not one...but babies..."

"Yes...babies...well.. kids...but, I have to be ready...and that...that dream...the beauty of the moment I saw, Derek, that made me realize I have to get ready...sooner than later."

"That's more than I could ever hope for... that you'd want to consider it...a family."

"I do."

"I love you Meredith."

"Derek,"

"Uhmm..."

"Whenever...whenever...it happens, I'll be happy...I'll love the baby Derek... and I'll try to be the best mom I can...but you have to help me...I have a lot going against me, and... don't want to be a mom like mine...you'll have to help me..." she whispered at the end with tears in her eyes.

"I'll be there...whenever it happens...we'll be there together, and Meredith, you're wrong...you've got everything going for you...you're going to be an exceptional mom,"
he told her as he continued to gently caress her, never lifting his hand from her abdomen.

"I can do that...not right now...but I will, I can...handle it... a baby...our baby, being a mom," she smiled, and snuggled closer to him, thinking, how wonderful it could be for them to one day be a family. Just like in her dream...they'd be a family.

Derek held her close, smiling, still convinced she was pregnant, and that she had no idea, but he could indulge her denial a little bit longer, he'd just have to keep an eye on her.

There were too many symptoms, he thought, too unlikely they were coincidences, and he was willing to let it go for now; if she was pregnant, they would be dealing with it soon enough, and he couldn't be happier. But, he'd have to help her accept that becoming a mom might be happening sooner than she realized and the rest, well, their love for each other would take care of the rest.

He had no doubts, none whatsoever, about her feelings for him. She may not be saying those three words, but every other word and emotion she expressed left him with no doubts she loved him.