(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

A Lifetime Ago

"Derek," she whispered, their bodies entwined and her fingers gently caressing his back, "why don't we go inside, we can take a nap."

"You're tired...I'm sorry...I should have realized," he said, and she interrupted him.

"Derek, we're both tired...neither of us got much sleep last night...and you don't have to worry about me all the time."

"Earlier you said..." he paused, thinking of how she'd brought up the miscarriage, and the doctor in him knew there was a chance she was not fully recuperated, either physically or emotionally, but he'd follow her lead.

"Right now, I want to be the one worrying about you..." she said softly.

"I'm fine, Meredith. You don't need to worry about me."

"Ah..." she said as she brushed his lips, "you're fine..." she smiled.

"You're mocking me," he pouted.

"I'm trying to put into practice all my wifely duties," she teased him.

"Your wifely duties," he said raising an eyebrow and smiling, "I think you've perfected them..."

"Now...you're mocking me," she said, with deliberate innuendo in her voice, "I am not talking about sex."

"You're not?"

"Those are not duties Derek," she said in a low seductive voice, "all of your...our favorite things...only pleasure."

"So...then, you think I need a nap...your old panther..."

I think," she paused before meeting his gaze, "we have been through a month that was hell...and at the same time...we found ..."

"Our small piece of heaven," he said as he bridged the inches between them and kissed her. A tender kiss that spoke of comfort and healing, and most of all trust.

"Mushy...and sentimental..." she whispered against his lips, "that's what we've become."

"I love you...all mushy and sentimental..."

"Me too," she sighed, "but don't tell anyone."

"I think they've already been able to tell," he said, nuzzling her neck, "and when we get back, I'm not hiding it."

"I know," she went along with his playfulness, "but we don't have to admit it, I still need to be hard core to keep up... you know how competitive they are."

"I love you."

"You've changed the subject," she said softly, "again."

"I did not."

"Derek..."

"Meredith..."

"Do you remember, that night...when we broke up...and the nights that followed?"

"Mer..." he said, the tone of his voice registering surprise that she would bring that up.

"No..." she said as she brushed his lips, "it's not a bad thing...it's not."

"You're bringing up the most painful...shameful..." he started to say, and his voice broke.

"What I was going to say...what I wanted to say," she said as she cupped his face, her forehead first resting gently against his, then kissing him, "is that it seems like it was a lifetime ago...that night...when we broke up and then, the days that followed. Derek, I've loved you forever...just like you told me, remember...I've been in love with you forever too..." she said her eyes misty.

"Of course...I remember," he said with equal emotion, much like that night long ago in her kitchen.

"And...today," she said as she continued to gently caress his face, "all I wanted was to be the one to comfort you...as you have been comforting me...you've heard...all my dark and twisty secrets..."

"Meredith..." he tried to stop her.

"No...let me finish," she insisted, kissing him softly. "This month...the last twenty nine days..."

"You've been keeping track."

"Only because I wanted you...needed you...so desperately, because in that time Derek...we've grown...matured a lifetime."

"We have...but Meredith, there will never be a day I don't regret how I hurt you."

"I hurt you too, but Derek...yesterday, when we spoke our vows, when we made that commitment to each other...we agreed...we've learned from that, but we're not going back...we're letting go of that."

"You just brought it up," he said, perhaps a bit defensively.

"What I brought up," she said tenderly, "is that just like you have been there for me...through that time...and even before, but especially these last few weeks, I want to be there, always...for you...to offer that same comfort, that same strength...because without you...those first few days...and then ..." she paused, "Brianna...it was you...only you that made it possible for me to believe in our future...to believe all was not lost."

"I love you...there was no place else for me to be, no other options for us, for our future."

"There was Derek...but you would not give up...you fought me...and would not give up, and even through all that happened, the sadness ... our sadness...I have no regrets, because it made me realize that life without you was merely existing."

"That's how I felt...the night I left...when Lexie gave me the house plans."

"I'm sorry," she said simply.

"I did not take them."

"I know."

"I drove that night...and when I got to the trailer...I knew...I would do whatever it took to have you in my life."

"You started to break down my defenses...the ones that I seem to have no control over where you're concerned...when you made me walk out with you...from Joe's and then my dream...later that night, I knew it was going to be pretty hard not to give in...eventually."

"You didn't give me any indication of that..."

"You were insensitive and..."

"Mer..." he said adding levity to their conversation, "I'm glad you didn't turn me into a pretzel..."

She laughed, remembering when she'd told him that, "so am I...it be pretty hard..." she giggled at his reaction to her choice of words, "to enjoy...all of our favorite things."

"You still tease."

"Should I stop..."

"Never...but Mer...you were pretty irrational..."

"I didn't know it yet..." she said quietly, "but I had an excuse."

"Yes...love...you did," he said and wrapped his arms around her as they lay quietly basking in the sun's rays.

"Derek..."

"Uhmmm..."

"You know... there are going to be times...both of us... we may forget things...and we need to remind each other...our promises Derek...to do this together...to talk..."

"Always...and we won't forget."

"We will," she told him, "you know we will...we both seem to have that ability to avoid sometimes, but we can't Derek...we have to remind each other...sometimes things are not necessarily black and white."

"We promised," he said, "and we will not forget...we'll talk Meredith...we will. But why are you bringing this up now?"

"Married couples talk Derek," she said matter-of- factly.

"Not this seriously," he said, "the morning after their wedding," and kissed the top of her head.

"Well...they do, when one of the spouses withholds sex," she said jokingly.

"You, Mrs. Shepherd, are one hell of a tease."

"But you love me," she smiled.

"I adore you," he said as his lips devoured hers.

"Derek...I know you're trying to be sensitive...about...sex..."

"Yes..."

"I love you for that..."

"I love you too."

"Derek, you did change the subject...about your Dad..."

"Mer...it was so long ago."

"But, you had not shared that with me...after all the time we've been together...and you know about me...and my mom...and I just...I need you to know that I'm here...that I won't turn away...not anymore...I want to know what you're feeling...and I thought, today...you may need me..."

"I did...and you were there...you let me," he said, his voice choked up, "you let me release so many emotions...so many feelings I'd held inside me for so long...you did that..."

"Derek...but...if you need to talk...I want to be there...just as you have been there for me...that's what I meant...about wifely duties...being there, for you...whenever you need me."

"You were," he said, kissing her softly, "you said and did the perfect thing...just holding me...and you were my comfort...and your words...the words you chose...they warmed my heart again...and filled my doubts with hope."

Their eyes locked. One last penetrating gaze before they both reached for the other, and remembered a night not so long ago when all he'd seen were tear filled eyes that no longer sparkled, and all that remained were the dying embers of what had been a flame of hope and now that impenetrable wall of steel that had brought him despair, but now he was humbled that she had forgiven him and the flame of hope was reignited and the reflection in the other's eyes spoke of promises and dreams waiting to be fulfilled..

Raw vulnerability and hope in his eyes made her forget all past hurts and giving in to faith and trust, snuggled in the comfort of his arms, in the safety of his love.

Once, weeks ago, he'd looked in her eyes and was met with a coldness and emptiness that made him want to bow his head in shame, and he had and he'd done all he could to prove his love to her, to make himself worthy of her trust again.

The moment lasted barely seconds, but long enough to see the tears that gathered in the other's eyes, and understand that this time, they had made it. The stakes had been higher than ever before, and the possibility of losing each other had been too much to bear.

Twenty nine days ago, doubts and mistrust had them both falling apart, and yet, this time, love had been more than enough. Love had been everything.

"Derek..."

"Uhmmm..."

"Do you think..." she paused, not sure if she wanted to say anything more.

"What..." he encouraged, "tell me how what you feel..."

"From now on...just like I told you...remember...after I drowned...I wanted to be better..."

"You are perfect...to me you are perfect."

"That's stretching it," she joked with him.

"You are Meredith...to me...you are...and we can face anything...together."

"I want to put aside my severe emotional limitations..."

"Mer..."

"I know I have them...stupid and senseless...but I'm working on them...I am..."

"You have...and none of that matters as long as we're together."

"I want to give my husband the comfort he needs...when he's just revealed more about himself than ever before....and for you to mourn your father...his absence...here....at our wedding, I know you'd have liked for him to be here."

"I would...but...Mer...I think he was...he was there...watching over us."

"He was...I believe he was."

"Derek...the next few days...or when we get home...whenever you need me,
please...tell me. I may not always know...or realize it...but please...tell me so I can be there for you and just as you've comforted me through my grieving, for my mother," she said, entwining their fingers, "for our baby...for dreams that were shattered into a million little pieces...and now...we turn all that to hope for our future."

"You know," he said long after he'd heard the last words shed spoken, "I was so angry with him...for betraying me...for so long...I was so angry with him," he stopped, and she turned to look at him, as his lips trembled.

"Mark...are you talking about Mark," she said, soothing him as she gently moved her fingers on his arms.

"My dad," he said, taking deep breaths, "for leaving us...for abandoning us, I felt he had betrayed our trust...to be there and raise us."

"Oh...Derek...I'm sorry..."

"I've never," he said, "never admitted that to anyone in my life, and it's so disloyal and dishonorable to feel that way."

"He understands. Derek, I'm sure he understands...you were just a boy."

"I was so angry with him...when I was old enough to realize he could have given up that watch...that's what they wanted...he should have given up that damn watch, and he would have been here...we would have been here all these years," he said, defeat and sadness in his voice.

"I know..." she said softly, tenderly, "that if he could do it again...he would have...he would give up that watch...because...the alternative was to leave you and your Mom...and your sisters, and I know...he would have made a different choice."

"She can never know...my Mom that I feel this way, it would break her heart."

"She never has to know."

"You know...when I spoke to her, the other night in her room...before she sent me to you, to stay with you...she told me she'd wished she'd met you before."

"She did," she said as her eyes filled with tears.

"She said...if she'd met you before...she'd have given me her ring, her engagement ring, that he'd always meant for me to have it...for the right girl...and that you were that girl...no one else."

"Oh...Derek..." she said, letting the tears fall. "I'd have been honored...to wear her ring."

"Dad...and I...we both...both made wrong choices," he said, a tear escaping, "wrong choices that affected the loves of our life."

"I'm here with you," she smiled, "how can that be the wrong choice?"

Oh...Mer," he said, and pulled her into his arms, "I promise...to make it all up to you."

"Derek...we talked about this yesterday, that we'd put all of that behind us...and today...now... here on this first morning of our life together...let's remember that...and hold on to what got us through this...that we love each other...that we don't want to live without each other...that you and I can both believe that those dreams...shattered dreams...not so long ago...that one day...we'll make our dreams come true.

"We've come a long way," he said, "you," he added reverently, "amaze me."

"That night Derek...when you called me...remember...and I told you...I'd had this dream...that I'd share..."

"I thought you had," he said, not knowing what else she wanted to add.

"Yes...but today...I can see it so clearly..." she smiled, and kissed him softly and then locked gazes with him, "the view from our porch...and my three boys...playing, giggling...calling out my name... as my eyes meet yours, the blue I love so much."

"Three boys..." he whispered, "we have three boys."

"We..." she laughed softly, and his heart knew no greater joy, "we have two boys..."

"But...you just said...your three boys..."

"I was counting you..." she laughed again,

"Really," he said, nuzzling her neck, biting her gently, "you're thinking of me as a boy..." and then tickled her, making her attempt, but with very little real effort to move away from his arms.

"My favorite...ever...ever...boy, "she said, shifting her body to get closer to him and she felt his desire pressed intimately against her, "the love of my life...my knight in shining armor...the most wonderful...man that loves me," she said, echoing what she'd told Lexie months before, "who made me believe that fairy tales can come true...my husband...

"No more looking back," he said, kissing her softly at first before deepening their kiss and losing themselves in its pleasure. Lips biting lightly, tongues mating gently, then urgently and tenderly again, knowing their long pent up passion had been partially fulfilled long into the hours of the night and the early morning dawn.

"I love you Derek," she whispered breathlessly at the first opportunity she had, "I love you so much."

"I love you Meredith, adore you...my teasing...enchanting...beautiful wife."

"Still calling me a tease."

"If the shoe fits..." he chuckled.

"I'd rather it didn't," she joked, "let's just take everything off," and they both laughed.

"Patience...love...patience..."

"Once upon a time," she smiled, "a very patient..." she paused, "wife...

"Tease..."

"Let's go inside," she said, "take a nap."

"And then..." he said in a low growl, "the beasts..."

"After you feed me lunch," she said.

"After I feed you lunch," he laughed, "let's go...I'll feed you first...then we can nap."

"Uhmmm..." she smiled, "I get the feeling...we won't be napping..."

"Ah...she gets it..." he said, as his mouth found hers.

"I always get it...Derek..."

"Yes..." he laughed, and hugged her to him, "you always do..."he said, and those were just some of the many words of love exchanged as two lovers, bodies entwined lay near a lake of blue sparkling water, one often immortalized by artists, writers and poets for its quiet beauty, and of which had been said, "The precise location of heaven on earth has never been established, but it may very well be right here," and a century before, "exceeds anything I ever beheld in beauty." (**)

"Meredith," he whispered, as he continued to stroke her body, "maybe...Mom's ring...one day...if we have two boys...our second son...he can give that ring...to that special girl."

"That would be a beautiful tradition," she said before wrapping her arms tighter around him.

Meredith and Derek had found their piece of heaven, not in location as much as in the depth of their souls. Now, two newly married lovers enjoyed the beauty of a memory that would forever live in their hearts, lovers secure and safe in the knowledge that theirs was a love of legends, and one day, in the not too distant future, of dreams fulfilled.


(*) Quote by Herb Caen, Pulitzer Prize winning columnist. (1916-1997)
( **) Quote Percy Bysshe Shelly (1792 – 1822)