(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Uncontrollable Destiny

Meredith had found the day to be endless, she was absolutely exhausted and wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and go to sleep, it was just after three which meant she had almost three more hours left on her shift, and then had her first appointment with the therapist at six.

She thought about calling Derek, she just wanted to hear his voice, but decided against it, she knew he and Kathleen had a lot of catching up to do, and she only hoped she would not hate her like Nancy did.

She was on her way to surgery, when she passed Lexie on the hall.

"Mer, what time is dinner?"

"Probably seven thirty, maybe eight, I have my first appointment with the therapist at six, so that's about right," she said, suddenly feeling faint.

"I get off at four today, so just text me, where we're going," she said, but stopped as she noticed her sister become pale and walked quickly to her side. "Meredith, are you ok? You're very pale."

"Yes...I'm fine," she said, feeling anything but that, and was thankful there was a wheelchair next to her, where she placed her hand to hold on.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, run along, I'll text you."

"Ok, I do have to run and good luck with your appointment."

She had been feeling odd today and couldn't quite describe it, but just a sense that something was off, though she hadn't experienced any physical symptoms until now.
She was not going to take any chances, and walked to the lounge, retrieved her lab work results and walked over to the ob/gyn's office.

She introduced herself and asked if the doctor was in, as she would like to discuss a patient's test results, but was told he had scheduled c-sections the rest of the afternoon, but she could speak to the nurse practitioner, and she agreed.

"I'm Dr. Grey, and well, first...I just want to make sure our conversation is confidential."

"Of course it is."

"I've made an appointment for next week, but, I'm not feeling well, and I was hoping to see him, I realize he's not here, but I wanted to leave the lab work with you, and I'm hoping I can get an earlier appointment."

"Is your appointment a regular check up?"

"No, I'm pregnant."

"Oh, congratulations, Dr. Grey."

"Well, yes...thank you...but, I don't want anybody knowing... I mean we know...but, we don't want to say anything yet, till I've seen the doctor."

"Dr. Grey, it's all confidential, don't worry about that, and my boss is very reserved about his patients, especially amongst colleagues, I promise you."

"Thank you, you know how the gossip mill is fed around here."

"I'm aware, and as far as the receptionist is concerned, we are discussing one of your patients. You said you were not feeling well?"

"I'm not sure what it is, but it's just odd, and I thought if I could get in earlier, get a little piece of mind."

"What are you feeling?"

"That's just it, nothing I can pinpoint, other than I've been exhausted and just had a bit of faintness...but the rest I think I'm ok."

"Let's do this, let me take your blood pressure," she said, "have a seat here. This is fine, it's normal. The faintness and being tired that's not unusual. Have you had anything else, spotting, cramping?"

"Is that bad? It is right?"

"It doesn't have to be. Have you had those symptoms?"

"A few days ago, I had some cramping, but not recently, and I thought I was getting my period since I had a bit of spotting, but it stopped, and I took a pregnancy test and we had some lab work done, and it's positive, I'm pregnant. I brought them with me, so I could leave them for him to look at."

The nurse took the envelope and opened it, "do you have any idea how far along you are?"

"Seven weeks."

"You're pretty certain," she said glancing at the results, without revealing any concern.

"We are."

"Dr. Grey, these say Maloney..."

"Oh, yes, I didn't want to...well...when we did the labs...yesterday...we didn't use Grey...we used Maloney."

"I'll make a note, but he may need for you to run some test with your name on it, for our records. You haven't had any cramping or spotting today? Just the faintness?"

"Yes."

"Let me take a look at his schedule, and see what we can do."

"Thank you, I really appreciate this."

"Not a problem, Dr. Grey, I understand, when I had my first baby, I was very protective as well."

"How many kids do you have?"

"Two. Ok, he has a pretty full schedule tomorrow, but if you can come in around ten, I will make sure you can see him."

"Yes, of course, I'll be here."

"If he were here, and you were not feeling that well, he would tell you to go home and get some rest."

"Do...do you think...there's something wrong, that I have to be concerned, today, that I should go home?"

"No, just that you should take it easy, I know being a resident is not very conducive to that, but when you can, try to get some rest, I'm sure you're feeling very tired and want nothing more than sleep when this time rolls around each day."

"Yes, that's exactly how I'm feeling today."

"Then, consider giving in to that, if you can."

"I'm going in to surgery soon."

"Just listen to your body."

"Thank you, for seeing me, without any notice."

"You're welcome, I'm glad I could help. We'll see you tomorrow at ten."

She had to scrub in for surgery at three thirty, again with Mark. He must have manipulated the schedule to keep an eye on her, she thought, and smiled at his protectiveness while Derek was away from the hospital.

Walking in to the scrub room, he was already there, "Grey, how are you today?"

"I'm fine Dr. Sloan, how did I get to be so lucky to scrub in with you two days in a row?"

"I might have had something to do with that," he said and winked at her, "to keep an eye on my godchild."

"Mark, you're going to have to stop that, someone is going to overhear you."

"It's not like you're going to be able to keep it a secret."

"We're not planning on it, just till I go to the doctor, ok?"

"Yes, and Derek was right, Mama Bear."

"He told you that," she asked smiling.

"He thinks it's cute. I think it's corny as hell."

"He's teasing me about the bears on the island," she said, as she got ready to scrub in, and it suddenly hit her again, the sensation of faintness.

"Bears on the island...Grey, come on..."

"Mark," she said quietly, but he did not hear her, "Mark..." she said again gripping the edge of the metal sink, "I'm going to..."

He heard her the second time, and reached for her immediately, as she began to collapse in his arms.

"Grey," he said in a panic, "Meredith, stay with me, you can do it," he said as he realized she had merely allowed herself to fall into his arms, but had not fainted. "Meredith, tell me what's wrong, what are you feeling?"

"I...I was just very dizzy and faint suddenly...I..."

"Don't talk. Can you stand, can you walk...I'll hold you."

"I'm ok now."

"You are, are you?"

"I'll be ok...but, Mark, I don't think I should scrub in..."

"Damn right, you're not, let's go get you checked out."

"It's normal, I just went to the doctor's office."

"What do you mean, this happened before?"

"Earlier...so I went..." she stopped, feeling the sensation of faintness again.

"Let's go, we're going to check you out."

"Your surgery."

"Can wait," he said and walked her out and led her to an examining room.

"Mark, you need to get back...I'll be fine."

"Tell me what happened," he said, as he sat her down and took her blood pressure.

"Are you giving up plastics," she joked.

"Don't be a smart ass. Your blood pressure is good, now tell me what happened, before I call Shep to fill him in."

"You're not calling him, he'll only worry."

"As he should, what's going on?"

She told him what had happened earlier and the change to her appointment for the next day, "I'm not taking any chances Mark, the doctor wasn't there, but I spoke to the nurse, and she said to just listen to my body, and I'm doing that, I'm not scrubbing in."

"You're going home."

"I don't think...I have another couple of hours, and I have an appointment..."

"It can wait."

"No, it can't, I don't think...it's my first...I'm...I can't cancel it."

"What's so important that can't wait?"

"I'm going to therapy. It's my first appointment."

He reached for her hand, "that is very brave of you, believe me I know therapists, I had lots of $ 400 an hour sessions...but, right now, what's most important is you getting some rest, can we compromise...you reschedule your appointment and go home?"

"I don't think I can do that so late..."

"What if you got stuck in surgery and couldn't make it?"

"This...this is more important..."

"Yes, it is, so let me go change, I'm going to postpone my surgery for an hour and drive you home."

"Mark, you can't do that, I will drive home."

"Meredith, you're feeling dizzy and faint, you sure as hell are not driving home."

"You're right. Don't worry, I'll go home, and I won't drive."

"How?"

"I'll get a ride...or a cab...really, you go on to surgery."

"No, I'm going to wait."

"Mark..."

"Meredith..."

"You're as annoying as Derek."

"That's my job, when he's not around. Except, I can't sleep with you."

"You ass," she smacked him. "It's almost four, Lexie's shift is over, I'll ask her."

"Go ahead," he said, and waited for her to page her sister. She also called Dr. Wyatt's office explaining an emergency had come up and she wanted to reschedule for the first available appointment, which they confirmed for the following week.

"I have to call Derek."

"Yes, you do."

"Mark, you're very thoughtful. Thank you."

"We're talking about my godchild and my future sister in law, not taking any chances."

Lexie knocked on the examining room's door and Mark opened it.

"Dr. Sloan," and then she was her sister, "what's wrong, Meredith?"

"Your sister had a bit of a fainting spell...and she's going home."

"Mer...that's what happened earlier, isn't it... why didn't you tell me, why did you tell me you were fine, when you're not, Meredith you promised you would look into it, and you didn't, and now, you're not ok...does Derek know, I mean he has to know, and you're going home...and..."

"This is my cue to leave. Xena, will you drive your sister home?"

"Yes...yes, of course...Dr. Sloan, thank you...for looking after her."

"She's going to be my sister in law Lexie, that means we're going to be related somehow, so, take care of her, make sure she gets home and gets some rest."

Before he walked out, he leaned in to Meredith and whispered, "get some rest Mama Bear," and she laughed, "yes, I will," she said and kissed his cheek.

"Grey," he said as he was walking out, "I'll take care of reporting you're going home, just go."

"Meredith, what happened?"

"You need to change as I do. Meet me in the lounge, and I'll fill you in."

"Meredith..."

"Lexie, I promise. Let me do this my way."

"Ok, but, you're ...nothing's wrong?"

"I hope not."

Meredith got to the lounge and changed, and placed a call to Derek, but it surprised her it went to voice mail.

They drove the short distance home and Meredith engaged her in chit-chat, but Lexie would not let her get away with just that, so Meredith told her of the fainting incident as related to Mark taking her blood pressure, and that she'd agreed to go home because it did not seem responsible to scrub in on surgery when this had happened twice.

Lexie still had more questions, but Meredith changed the subject by asking about the apartment, and telling her she'd like to go with her to see it, and was taken aback by Lexie's response, "Mer it's awful, really really awful, so you have to wait, till we can fix it up."

"Why are you moving there, if it's so awful? Lexie that doesn't make sense."

"It's all we can afford, and I'll fix it up. I will."

They got to Meredith's and she was getting ready to go upstairs, "Meredith, can I get you anything? Did you eat today, maybe that's what it was, why you were feeing faint?"

"Maybe...I could eat something, you know, I'm going to take a shower and lay down, why don't you give me about fifteen minutes and come upstairs...bring some ice cream."

"What kind?"

"Surprise me...maybe a combination of whatever's in the freezer."

"A...a...combination?"

"That can work."

"Ok."

Meredith was surprised Derek had not called her back, but did not want to call him again and interrupt his conversation with Kathleen, as she knew he intended to bare all. Her original appointment was not till six, so she still had a little time before needing to reach him to keep him from driving to the hospital, which she knew he would, even though she had left him the message that she'd see him at home.

Derek went inside the trailer to grab his phone, and was surprised to have a missed called and message from Meredith. At first he panicked, and started to listen as he locked the trailer behind him.

"What's wrong?"

"Meredith called, that's unusual," he said as listened to her message.

- Derek, something's come up, and I had to reschedule my appointment. Call me when you hear this, otherwise I'll see you at home -

"Uhmm..."

"Is everything ok?"

"Yes, she was just letting me know her appointment was rescheduled."

"That's odd, isn't it."

"Are you trying to worry me here?"

"No, just...it's odd for a therapist to reschedule."

"You're not helping Kathleen, she said she had this feeling."

"Just call her."

He did, but her phone went to voice mail, "Meredith, I heard your message, call me back, I'll stop by the hospital, should be there before your shift ends."

He dropped Kathleen off at the Inn, "I'll meet up with you later, enjoy shopping."

"Call me, and let me know what's going on."

"Mother hen..."

"And proud of it...go, I'll see you later."

She saw the missed call as soon as she was out of the shower, and called him.

"Hey, we keep missing each other's call."

"I was talking with Kathleen and was charging the phone when your call came in. What happened, why was your appointment rescheduled?"

"Are you still at home?"

"No, getting ready to board the ferry, and then I'll drive to the hospital."

"Derek," she paused trying to quickly figure out how to tell him she was home and keep him calm.

Her pause alerted him, "Meredith, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"There is, just tell me, you've had this feeling...and I shouldn't have been close to you today."

"Derek, I'm pregnant, I get tired, and dizzy and a little faint...it's normal."

"You've been faint and dizzy today, whey didn't you call me?"

"Derek, I'm going to be pregnant for a bit...and being dizzy and faint is apparently normal, and I can't be calling you every time I feel that way, but I did, I called you."

"Then that means something else is wrong...if you were calling me."

"Listen to me, I'm ok. I called you because, I felt faint earlier, and it happened as I was scrubbing in for surgery, and thank God Mark was there, and I told him I didn't think it would be good for me to do the surgery, and he sent me home."

"You're home? Meredith, are you telling me everything, you felt so bad that you went home?"

"I'm home because I'm not taking any chances...I didn't feel well, and just like Kathleen said, I listened to my body, and I came home, and plan on getting some rest before dinner tonight."

"How did you get home, you didn't drive home, did you? I could have come to get you, you could have waited for me."

"Mark was going to drive me home..."

"Mark, but...Meredith, that sounds like it was worse than you're telling me."

"He was just being you...he said, while you were away it was his role...he's been sweet Derek, very sweet."

"Mark, sweet..." he laughed, "that's a first."

"He wouldn't let me drive home. Lexie did, she's here with me now."

"You're sure, you're ok?"

"I'm sure, so just drive over here, ok?"

"We're about to drive on the ferry now, I'm probably going to lose reception till I get out of the car, I'll call you back."

"It's ok, I'm going to talk to Lexie now, she's all worried. I'll see you in a while."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"Yes, since she's going to be with Kathleen tonight."

"We can cancel dinner."

"No, we can't, but I would like to stay in tonight."

"Of course. I love you Meredith."

"I love you too."

She heard a light knock on her door, "come in Lexie."

Meredith was sitting up in bed, her head and back resting against the headboard.
"Good you brought ice cream, but I didn't think you were bringing the entire selection."

"Don't criticize, you said to bring a combination, but it did not seem very appetizing, so I brought three choices," she said and sat next to Meredith.

"That was smart," she said looking at the three bowls on the tray.

"Meredith, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"I hope nothing is wrong, and yes, I'm going to tell you."

"Did you go to the doctor?"

"Not yet, but we do know what's going on."

"Are you drawing this out purposely?"

"Do you remember," she smiled, "when you came to talk to me, and told me five things about you...five things, you said you hoped would make it harder for me to hate you..."

"I...I remember..."

"I've been thinking...it's time you learn some things...about me..."

"Do you...do you ...still need to know more things...about me...not to hate me," Lexie said in a quiet voice filled with sadness.

"I still need to know more things about you...but not because I hate you...I never really did..."

"You didn't...but...you said..."

"I never said I hated you...I said you were not someone I wanted to have to know, there's a difference...and I think...I hope you know I don't feel that way anymore...I haven't felt that way for a long while..."

"I think I know...just sometimes...there's doubts...I don't have too many people to turn to...not many friends here..."

"You have me."

"I do..."

"You do...just like I have you, don't I?"

"Yes," she said, and both sisters had the same look of melancholy and emotion reflected in their eyes.

"Getting back to those five things," Meredith said while dipping a spoon in the strawberry ice cream and then mixing it with coffee.

"Meredith that's a disgusting combination.

"Don't knock it, unless you've tried it," she said and dipped into the chocolate bowl.

"Can I guess...one of them..." she asked, suddenly realizing where the conversation might be headed.

"No..." she smiled, "I listened to your five things without interrupting."

"That's fair."

"Do you know, that I admitted to you that I loved Derek, before I told him"

"When...when I drove you home...that night..."

"Yes...and I'm so glad that you are my sister...that I have you in my life."

"You are..." Lexie said while tears pooled in her eyes.

"No interruptions, I want to finish our conversation before Derek gets here."

"Three...I'm terrible at that thing...whatever you called it...etch a sketch..."

"Meredith, that's very silly..."

"Not really, it's going to come in handy..."

"Why?"

"You don't follow instructions very well Lexie, no interruptions," she said as her sister smiled at her.

"Lex," she smiled, but tears were brimming in her eyes, "you're going to be an aunt again..."

"You're...you're really...today...what was wrong, you coming home...you're going to have a baby..." she said in wonderment.

"Yes...and I'm really really happy about it," she finished, as tears rolled down her cheeks

Lexie looked at her for a few seconds, debating, but then followed the feelings of her heart and reached over and embraced her sister, and both accepted the other and cried happy tears for the first time in their lives, together as sisters.