(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Sisters

"I love you too."

"Hey, why are you crying?"

"Because...I made you sad, and I hurt you...and I said horrible things to you, that you did not deserve... and I wish...I wish...I could do tonight over again."

"I do too, but we can't," he said, and knowing he needed to be supportive, he added, "but what we can do is make sure we talk to each other, and remember our first rule...ok?"

"Ok."

"Meredith..."

"Yes..."

"We're going to be ok..."

"I hope so," she whispered unable to disguise the intermingled whimper.

"We are...we'll get through this..."

"Derek..."

"Yes..."

"Did you feel you had to call me back...just now?"

"Of course not, I wanted to call you..."

"Did you feel you had to tell me...or maybe you wanted to forget... to tell me ...since you were upset with me..."

"How can I forget the only thing I know for sure is true to my heart..."

"But you didn't say it..."

"I am upset, you already know that...and we said other things, and we hung up, but I did not forget...I called you back, the minute I realized I had not told you that I love you."

"Thank you, I ...I needed to hear that...tonight...I needed to hear that."

"I know...just as I needed to say it."

. I love you Derek...I do..."

"I love you too... now, would you do something for me?"

"Would you try to get some rest...for you and our "maybe" baby..."

"Our I'm pretty sure baby..."

"Yes...please."

"I will...and will you get some rest too..."

"Yes...I love you Meredith ...I love you both."

"We do too..."she whispered, after he had already disconnected the call, and laid her hand softly on her abdomen.

"Hey, little one, your daddy called, and he said he loves you."

She heard a soft knock on her door, "come in Lexie."

"How did you know it was me?"

"Nobody else knocks."

Without asking, she went and sat on the side of the bed. "Are you ok?"

"I thought you'd be in bed by now."

"Well..."

"Derek called you..."

"Yes."

"When did he call you, I was just on the phone with him."

"Just now."

"You know Lexie, this is when rambling is ok...I told you earlier...spill the beans...tell me everything..."

"Mer, he's really worried about you...and he was really broken up...I've never heard him like that...and he wanted me to come in and make sure you're ok...I could tell he was crying...and I can see you were too...will you tell me what's wrong?"

She had asked her to ramble she thought, and reached for her hand, "thank you, for caring."

"You're my sister...of course I care."

"I care too Lexie...I'm glad you're in my life."

"Will you tell me what's wrong?"

"We're not in a good place right now...I think, we'll be fine...but, I was awful tonight, Lexie, I said some things I should never have said, and I've hurt Derek so deeply."

"But, he called me...he wanted to make sure you're ok...he cares...he loves you."

"Yes, I know he does...and I love him too, but tonight I crossed the line, when I said some things that...they're unforgivable."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm very ashamed."

"I won't judge you Meredith."

"I think you might. I would."

"What did you say?"

"After I saw him leave with her, I came home, and was totally irrational, I know this...but then...and Lexie he was so calm, he didn't want to upset me, and I was still such a bitch...and I told him the way he made me feel, the way he made me feel tonight by walking out with her...and touching her...it would have been better if I had drowned..."

"Oh my God," she said before being able to stop herself.

"I told you...it was bad, but that wasn't all."

"There was more," she exclaimed.

"Ok...where did the no judging go?"

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"I told him...if it turned out I was pregnant..." she paused, "yes, close your mouth, I think I might be...I told him... that it wouldn't be any of his concern anymore."

"Oh my God, Meredith, how could you..."

"This is where you are supposed to be supportive instead of making your possibly pregnant sister more upset."

"I know...but you really think...you both think you might be..." she said smiling.

"This is also, where I told you so, is not allowed."

"A baby," she said reaching for her hand, "are you happy?"

"I'm scared, but yes."

"Why?"

"I think there may be something wrong."

"But why? Oh...your symptoms...the cramping...the..."

"Yes."

"You need to see a doctor."

"I've already made an appointment."

"Is Derek going with you?"

"Yes, but, he was going to draw some blood for labs today, just to make sure and we were both so busy, in and out of surgeries, never coincided ...well, we agreed we'd do it tomorrow...and then we'll figure it out from there."

"It makes sense, Mer, it all makes sense. But, you do have to get checked out, I know when you first...when that first fainting spell and your cramping...I thought...well, you know...it could be..."

"Say it, I knew you stooped yourself that time...but I wasn't even thinking of the possibility."

"Just...check it out..."

"Say what you were thinking..."

"I'm sorry...but you know, your symptoms...Mer, it...it could indicate there's a chance of a miscarriage."

"Yes," she said softly, "we both know."

Lexie saw the tears begin to slide down her face, and hesitantly reached out to embrace her, afraid Meredith may not be receptive, but she was wrong.

Meredith clung to her and for several minutes and cried softly in her sister's arms.

"For the first time in my life," she whimpered, "I let myself dream...of a family...of the fairytale...of a family with the man I love...the most wonderful man in the world...that loves me...and I've just accepted that...and now...we have this...that may be taken away from us in a moment's time."

"Meredith, it doesn't have to be that way... have you told him, have you told Derek how you feel?"

"Not in so many words, but he knows...he knows...if I am pregnant...that something could go wrong."

"When are you going to find out...you should not wait."

"We're doing my labs tomorrow...and I have an appointment in a few days."

"Maybe you shouldn't wait."

"I won't...after I get my labs back... I won't...I just have this feeling Lexie..."

"Let's not assume the worst...some pregnancies have these symptoms and everything turns out ok."

"I hope you're right."

"I'll be praying for that...Mer, I'll say a prayer for you both."

"I hardly do you know..."

"Pray..."

"Yes...my mother didn't really believe in anything."

"That doesn't mean you have to be the same."

"I'm not."

"No you're not, from what I've heard of your mother...you're definitely not. Hey, I'm here, aren't I... you gave me a chance."

"We need each other...I think..."

"We do... I know I need you in my life Meredith."

"I need you too."

She wanted so much to tell her, that she already knew, that she was pregnant, just as she had needed to acknowledge the baby was real and went to buy the onesie, she wanted to share the news with someone that would care as much as she did right now, and she realized that Lexie would. But she needed for Derek to be the first one to know, she needed that moment, the intimacy of that tiny bit of hope that remained to be shared with him...only him.

Then, she thought of the others, what they would think, especially Cristina, and well, she wasn't ready for anything other than acceptance of the baby she and Derek had created, unexpectedly, but nonetheless, a tiny little being conceived in love and passion shared by its parents.

"We are two very sentimental emotional rambling..."

"But Mer..."

"Yes..."

"There's not a chance I'm pregnant," she smiled.

"You mean Alex practices what he preaches," Meredith teased, effectively and temporarily lightening the mood.

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't tell you...no glove, no love," she said, and they both laughed.

"Plus, I'm on the pill. Mer, that first time, that night, when I found out you lived here, well...I don't really sleep around, Alex was just well, you know."

"I don't supposed that's one trait I want to encourage we share...the inappropriate boys."

"Mer...since I've known you...you've always just been with Derek."

"Yeah...the ways I've changed...you know Lexie, I'll have to fill you in on a little more of that sometime...the vodka, the inappropriate men..."

"But is that important now?"

"Uhmm...you always manage to do that..."

"What?"

"Be the wiser...older sibling..."

"I told you...lots of years of practice with Molly."

"When I know... when I know what's going on, we'll make plans...so I can see her, and Laura, ok?"

"She'll like that...the three of us..."

"Tell me about Derek, you said he was upset."

"I understand now...after what you said."

"Please tell me what he said, all of what he said tonight."

"You mean...earlier..."

"Yes, please...I need to understand what I've done."

"He just called me, right before I came to see you, and he told me..."

"No, I mean when he first called you to come here."

"Meredith, why did you leave Joe's, nothing happened, why didn't you let him explain?"

"You are not answering my questions."

"I will, but, it's relevant, why did you leave?"

"Do you realize you ask a lot of questions..."

"Yes, and it will be good practice for you...when you have kids, they ask a lot of questions."

"You are not a kid."

"But you have to learn that sisters and friends do that too, when you care, Meredith, you tend to ask a lot of questions."

"I don't suppose I have a lot of experience with either one of those...Cristina, well you know how she is."

"Yes, I do...now stop avoiding my question, why did you leave like that?"

"Because, I was hurt and angry, and we'd shared a very special evening and morning...and suddenly, I found myself realizing I might be having a baby...his baby, and all of these emotions were overwhelming, Lexie...I never in my life had thought about that...not until Derek, and then...here we are, in the middle of fighting, and breaking up, and being back together...and a baby...and I was happy, and wanted to tell him, and I walked away, and Cristina tells me he walked out with her...I couldn't...I didn't hear anything else but that..."

"Meredith, I'm not going to say anything about Cristina, but it was not like that at all, the way she said that implied that Derek willingly and happily walked out with her."

"You are not going to tell me about Derek, are you? Lexie, I'm going to be very angry with you."

"Fine, I'll tell you that first."

"What did he say?"

"When he called me, after you walked out, well, Dr. Sloan came back in, and he said you'd left and Derek had driven after you."

"Lexie..."

"It's important. Dr. Sloan was really upset, and he was very angry with Cristina, told her she needed to understand what the definition of being a friend was because what she had done tonight was what a bitch would do."

"He said that?"

"Yes, he was totally on your side, and anyway, after a while, he got a phone call from Derek and he wanted to talk to me.

"Why would he call Mark to talk to you?"

"Because he didn't have my cell number."

"Oh, I guess he does now..."

"Yes, he does. I have his too."

"So I can expect both of you checking up on me."

"That's probably true."

"He asked you to come over."

"Yes, he said you would not listen to him, that you didn't want to hear anything he had to say, and he didn't want you to be alone. So... I asked him why he was walking away, and he said he was just giving you what you wanted....anyway, I told him that he gave up too easily, and I expected him to fight for this, not just give up."

"You said that to him? Lexie, he's kind of your boss..."

"He was calling me on a personal issue, that doesn't count."

"He was calling his sister in law," Meredith added, and smiled.

"Yes, yes he was."

"And you made sure he knew that."

"When I got here he was in his car, and his eyes were red and he was so upset, and he just asked me to be with you tonight. I told him that I was sure everything would be different in the morning and that you two were very lucky to have each other."

"Your optimism amazes me."

"I keep telling you Mer, you two are meant to be together...and I'm going to be an aunt to a whole bunch of little Shepherds."

Meredith took a deep breath, and Lexie reacted immediately.

"Hey, no matter what happens now...the two of you are going to be fine, Mer, I know it, I feel it in my heart...and even...even...if now...well, I'm going to be holding nieces and nephews I know that..."

"Lexie..."she said softly, and didn't try to hide the tears in her eyes, "I know that will happen, I just...hope...you know, Lex...I'm really going to pray...this baby...if I'm really pregnant..."she added for good measure, not wanting to admit she was to anyone but Derek first, "is one of those nieces and nephews."

"I'm going to pray right along with you."

"Thank you."

"Mer...for someone who never thought of a family...how many kids are you planning on having?"

"Three."

"Really?"


"I saw it Lexie, I saw my family in a dream"

"I'm glad Meredith, because where you and Derek are concerned, I have no doubts that will happen."

"I just think, we're in for a bit of sadness...tonight, and therapy, so many issues I've avoided for so long...it just feels overwhelming sometimes...this sense of knowing...yet there's hope at the same time, that it's all going to work out, but then, when I start to feel all these things...and the spotting and the cramping...I just don't now whether it's just my imagination and there's something else wrong."

"Ok, stop it...no more negativity. You are going to get a blood test tomorrow, and we are going to find out what's going on, once and for all."

"You're right."

"Of course I am."

"Lexie, tell me the rest, how did Derek sound."

"Meredith, you need to understand, when you walked out, what you saw, whatever it was, he had just been trying to avoid you getting hurt."

"That's what he said."

"Mer, she was awful, and I know you want to know about Derek, but you have to understand, why he reacted like he did to what you said, it's because all he wanted was to spare you getting hurt."

"What happened Lexie?"

"She was totally drunk, and came over to the table and made some remarks about his precious Meredith Grey, and he told her she was drunk and it was very unbecoming...and she called you a slut...and Derek told her never to speak your name again or breath in the same air, and she went on, and Mark tried to stop it...but... she called him Mr. Whore, and mentioned sexual harassment, and Derek asked him to keep you away while he got her in a cab so you would not be subjected to all that."

"Oh my God, Lexie, I said such horrible things, if only I'd listened to him...we could have avoided so much hurt."

"I think it's ok now, I mean you've talked, and now you know."

"I would not let him tell me tonight, when he called me, I told him it didn't matter, that I didn't want to know. Lexie, I needed him to know I was trusting him...I hope he understands that."

"I'm sure he does, but Mer, you need to realize how much what you said hurt him."

"Are you trying to make me feel worse."

"No. I'm trying to make you understand how important it's going to be for both of you to communicate, to stop this constant avoidance. He was really upset when he called me again, he was concerned about you, that was the most important thing, but Mer, the defeat in his voice...he was a broken man tonight, and you have to help him, you have to help each other by talking about these issues...and they're big...what you said, about ...about drowning...and the other... Meredith, you have to talk and truly understand each other."

Meredith cried softly as her sister spoke. "Thank you...for being here...for caring...for being there for him...he needed you tonight as well."

"I'm here, for you. But, being there for him is helping you."

"I know. He called his sister tonight, asked her to come."

"He has four sisters, doesn't he?"

"Yes, but he called Kathleen, the psychiatrist."

"Oh."

"Yes, that was just as big for him, as for me to admit I need to go to therapy."

"Meredith, you're going to be ok, both of you are, but you have to talk, you can't avoid these problems anymore. I know there's more, but you need to start with tonight, what happened tonight, both of you, I can see, I can hear the pain you are both experiencing, and you have to deal with this now."

Completely taking Lexie by surprise, Meredith reached out to her, and hugged her.

"Thank you. I really needed you tonight."

"I'm your sister."

"Yes, you are."