(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Brother in Law...

"Another chance..." she repeated, staring straight ahead, sitting in complete silence for several minutes after taking her hands out of his.

"Cats, Derek... cats may have nine lives...but I don't," she looked at him, and then beyond, as though she could not meet his gaze. "I think I've already used two."

"Meredith," he said, shocked at the heartbreak he heard in her voice.

"They haven't been great lives," she smiled slightly, "and this one has certainly been short lived, but, no Derek, I'm certainly not going to stick around for a third chance."

"Meredith," he shook her, "what... what are you saying," he asked desperation in his voice, more than anything at the coldness and calmness in her speech.

"Don't worry, I don't plan on hurting myself or drowning myself again, if that's what you're thinking. You're off the hook. I'm not giving you another chance."

"I am not going to let you give up," he said tears gathering in his eyes, and deep sorrow in his voice, "I am not going to let you. I will hound you every day, until I can make you believe me again and trust me when I hold you in my arms and tell you, over and over again that you're the love of my life... my soul mate, all that matters to me."

"Let's stop... please...please," she pleaded as she allowed the tears to flow, "just stop."

"I can't. I won't give up on us. I'll regret what I've done for the rest of my life, but I will not give up on us, and I'm not letting you give up either."

"Derek, just stop, please. Can't you see I'm weak...I've already fallen apart. How much more do you want to hurt me... how much more do you think I deserve to be hurt... have you punished me enough for me hurting you..." she sobbed.

"Meredith," he murmured almost reverently, "I'm not trying to hurt you...though I have...but, why...why would you think..."

"Because... you may not mean to... but...I know...I hurt you...I know I did...when I drowned... I know...I broke you too... and I'm sorry...that's my regret to live with, for the rest of this life but now... please, let's just stop...because I do have to survive...and I can...I have to....but I won't be able to...not knowing I'm never good enough...of always disappointing you...I know I failed you...but... Derek...I don't deserve this constant pain..."

"Oh my God...Meredith," he said as her words came rushing at him at a speed he could not begin to understand, but could comprehend only one thing. He needed to get through to her.

"It's ok," she almost sounded as though she was comforting him, " I'm always a disappointment to people, my mother, father... now you...but you hurt the most... the most painful of all...is to know you too, are disappointed in me."

He grabbed her forcing her to look at him. "You are not a disappointment to me. You are not weak. I am in awe of your strength, do you know how strong you are to have accomplished all you are on your own. I'm proud of everything you are."

He wasn't getting through to her.

"Knowing...knowing you could think of me as an obligation...as your responsibility...I can't deal with that...so go...just ... just go."

"You're right," he said as he reached out and held her, against her will, and continued to caress her hair, to gently massage her back. "If you were an obligation or a responsibility to me, you're right, I can understand how painful that would be to you. But, Meredith, you're none of those things to me, I feel none of those things for you...you are not a responsibility or an obligation...you are the only woman that I want to spend my life with."

"Stop... please, let's stop saying anything else that's only going to end up hurting each other more than we already have."

"I don't want to hurt you, and until right now, I didn't realize how deeply I have, and I'm deeply deeply sorry. I've been selfish and engrossed in myself without seeing the pain I've caused you."

He held her allowing her to cry till he felt her sobs subside. "I can't change the past, and I know you're not really listening to me. But, I promise you...I promise you, I will spend every moment I can trying to heal the wounds I've caused, the pain I've made you feel."

The front door opened at that moment and he heard George and Lexie chattering as they started to enter the room, and he motioned for them to leave. She stirred in his arms, and tried to get up from the couch, away from his hold on her.

"I will walk away...I will, if that is what you want, I will walk away, for now, tonight. But, Meredith, walking away does not mean I'm giving up on us. It only means I'm giving you time...time to get some sleep, to figure things out...time for us both to try to understand why we've reached this impasse... why, after all we've been through, we can't simply find the way to love each other...I'm giving you time... time for us to find the way back to each other."

"It's too late...it's already too late. There's too much... too much water under..."

"Too much water under the thing, or whatever..." he interrupted, tilting his head just so, and offering a sight smile, trying desperately to lift the darkness surrounding them.

"Our... our bridge collapsed Derek, we...we weren't meant to survive."

"That's where you're wrong. We've always been meant to survive. Maybe we've just been swimming up stream. Meredith, it doesn't need to be this hard."

"Derek, we can't. We just keep hurting one another."

"Yeah, we can, and we have hurt each other, but we're going to work on that."

She sat looking at him, both emotionally worn, "I don't want or need to be pitied."

"You're not. You're loved. I adore you Meredith Grey, and I'll do whatever it takes until the day you believe me and trust me again, and then, I'll prove it to you all over again."

Tears started to slide down her face, and she whimpered, "I want to believe you... I want to trust you."

"You will," he said leaning in to her and lightly brushing her lips with his, and felt her response with the light pressure of hers on his. He helped her rise from the couch, "do you want help getting upstairs?"

"No. It's ok."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're not...you're not going to give up?" she asked hesitantly.

"I'm not giving up," he murmured gathering close in his arms, kissing her lightly on the forehead, "I've just began to fight for the most important thing in my life."

He walked to the kitchen, and spoke to Lexie. "Look after her. She's not in good shape."

"So, you're just walking out on her," Lexie challenged, "giving up."

"Mark was right Lexie. I'm glad you're her warrior. She needs you."

"You didn't answer my question. Are you walking out on her, giving up on her?"

"No. No, I'm not. But, right now, being here, I'll do more harm than good. She needs a good night's sleep and hasn't had anything to eat."

"Dr. Sheph...Derek, before you leave, can you tell me...what's wrong?"

"We have some issues, many issues to deal with. I didn't even realize many things until tonight, but we'll get through them. Can you walk out with me?" he said, unwilling to reveal anything else in front of George.

"Lexie, Meredith is a very private person, and we do have a lot of problems to work on, not least of which is the mess I've made with this situation with Rose. But I did not lie to you, when I told you she's the love of my life, she is, and I'm going to prove it to her."

"So, what's really wrong?"

"It's kind of complex, and some of it is really up to her to share with you. I just wanted you to know that I think you're good for her. I'm glad she has you to confide in right now, because she needs someone a little bit gentle, and from what I've seen watching the two of you lately, I think having her sister is making a big difference. But, please keep an eye out for her tonight."

"What aren't you saying Derek. What else happened?"

"I'm concerned about her, but please, I didn't want to say anything in front of George, I don't want to betray her privacy."

"I'm not going to say anything. I'm not a gossip, and she's my sister."

"Yes, she is your sister. Lexie, she had a panic attack, and she wouldn't discuss it with me, but I gather it's happened before."

"Yes, it has."

"You've seen this."

"Yes, unfortunately, I know I was responsible for one of them."

"Why was that?

"There was this big scene with my father at the hospital, and I said some nasty things, and she had believed him about being remorseful, and I set her straight, without really knowing what he had said to her, and she freaked out. Dr. Webber was there for her."

"You discussed it, after it happened?" he was surprised and sorry he had not paid close enough attention to her developing relationship with Lexie.

"Yes, we've talked and she understood the situation."

"Were there other incidents?"

She hesitated, fiddling with her watch just as Meredith did.

"Lexie, when else?"

"The other night...when she left your office...that's why I was here."

"I see. I really do have a lot to make up to her."

"Derek, I'm pretty sure she does not want you feeling guilty and for that to be the reason you are trying to make things up to her."

"I'm not, it's for me I'm doing this, because the though of not having her in my life, is just too much to bear."

"Mer will kill me for saying this... but I told her today I really like you."

"You told her that," he questioned smiling," and she reacted...how?"

"Derek, I'm not flirting with you...I told her I really liked you...and hope to like you much more as my brother-in-law one day. I'm trusting you."

"That will happen Lexie. I just don't know how long it's going to take, but it will."

"Don't give up on her. She loves you."

"Ah...yes, I wish that were still the case."

"Derek, you don't believe she loves you."

"I want desperately to believe she will, that she'll tell me she loves me again, but I've hurt her a lot, and I'm not going to push her anymore."

"We're just getting to know each other, Meredith and I, but Derek, even if she hasn't said it, she loves you."

"Thank you."

"Good night Derek."

"Good night... Xena."

"You heard?" she laughed.

"Oh yeah... no secrets at Seattle Grace."