(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Romantic & Sentimental

Derek held her close, surprised by her unusual display of affection in front of everyone, but he was not complaining. However, he was concerned when she took a deep breath and he heard her sniffles.

"Hey, what's this...I try to surprise you ...and you cry," he murmured against her ear.

"You...you...got me a gift," she said softly.

"But, not to make you sad."

"I'm not sad...just...really, I'm not sad," she spoke quietly, keeping their conversation private, but he could hear she was trying to keep from crying.

He hugged her closer to him and looking over to the nurses, said, "Tracy, would you mind holding that box for us, we'll be right back to get it."

"Of course Dr Shepherd, I'll put the wreath back inside and you can come back later."

He released her from his embrace and reached for her hand, pulling her along to the small quiet room near the nurse's station. He walked in and closed the door, and again held her close in his arms.

"Hey...what's wrong...?"

"Nothing...nothing's wrong."

"They why the tears?" he said as he caressed her hair and placed a light kiss on her forehead.

"It...it was just special...that you'd want to do that...for me..."

"Of course I want to do this for you...don't you realize how special you are to me?"

"Derek....it was..." she paused, "it's thoughtful and beautiful...thank you," she said as she still held the small linen sachets in her hands, but didn't look at him.

"Meredith, look at me...talk to me..."

"It's... it's... really....the first time...the first time...anyone's been so thoughtful...about finding me a gift," she said, and without even thinking, blurted out as tears streamed down her face, "even my mother...she never took the time...maybe money... or had someone buy me something...but never the time to pick something out that would mean something to me..."

He was stunned, because he realized it was the first gift he'd given her and that was again, inexcusable. But also, by how much she was revealing about her feelings.

He walked her over to the chair and sat down, pulling her down to sit on his lap.

"Meredith," he said as he kissed her lightly on the lips, "I wish I could erase some of those sad memories for you, but I can't ...but I hope...from now on...to help replace some of them with good memories."

"You are helping...it's just that I never had a lot of gifts or anything..."

"Meredith, I know Ellis was not the most nurturing mother, but what about friends... and family growing up...you don't talk much about that."

"My mother... after she left Thatcher...she wasn't big on family, even before, she never was... and I never had lots of friends Derek...and ...and you don't get too many presents from one night stands..."she said looking down at her hands, avoiding his eyes.

"Hey...stop thinking like that..."

"It's true Derek...it's ok...I've never really been that special to anyone ..."

"You are so very special to me...and if you let me...I plan on making this the first of many good memories."

"Today...your gift...it's a good memory," she said as another tear rolled down her cheeks, and she brushed his lips with hers.

"Then can you do me a favor?"

"Yes...what..." she asked while biting her lower lip.

"Can you please stop crying," he said as he kissed the lingering tears away," because, I've seen you cry a lot the past couple of days."

"I'm sorry, Derek...I feel like an emotional roller coaster...and I can't help it, everything that's happened...so many things we've talked about... and then you do things like today...and it's your fault I'm all emotional and sentimental."

"Meredith... I'm the one who is sorry, because I know most of that is my fault, and even today I though it would make you happy, and instead you're sad and crying."

"Don't be sorry...I am happy...really... I just wasn't expecting it...and...it's...it's the first gift you give me...and...it means a lot to me..."

"Meredith, I am sorry, that I didn't take care of you as I should have...that I haven't showed you how much you mean to me...or how much I love you...as well as I should have...that I was so involved in myself or hung up about God knows what... that I didn't realize I had never taken the time to buy you a gift before... but I promise you...today's gift...will be the first of many...and I'll never take that for granted again."

She laid her head on his shoulder and softly said, "you don't need to buy me gifts...but thank you...for making me feel special...for loving me."

"Don't ever forget that I love you."

"I won't," she whispered, and snuggled closer to him, "but...sometimes...you may have to remind me...Derek, I'm not used to anyone thinking I'm special...and...I'm... I'm not used to people loving me."

He felt a lump form in his throat at the sincerity of her words, the vulnerability he heard in her voice.

"You're going to have to get used to it...because I'm going to love you for a lifetime."

"Promise," she asked, as she raised her eyes to his.

"I promise."

"I'm getting ready...Derek...I promise you...I am."

"And I will wait as long as you need."

"You won't mind...taking things..."

"Slow..." he teased.

"No...well...yes...but more like one step at a time."

"I can do that...since we're already at 23..."

"I think we're a bit more than that..."

"Really."

"Uhmmm..." she murmured against his lips, first kissing him lightly, then allowing him to take control, making her forget all but the pleasure of kisses that made her long for more.

The vibration of her pager intruded in the intimacy of the moment, but when she looked at it, said "it's not urgent, it's Cristina."

"So...you were saying we've progressed from 23..."

"Just a little.. maybe 26..."

He laughed, " so the gift was worth 3 steps..."

"Only because you've never given me a gift before."

"I take it you like these...since you haven't let go of them."

"They're so delicate and beautiful...and that you'd think of this..."

"You're delicate and beautiful to me Meredith."

"Derek...I...I'm still scared...that...we won't make it...I have this feeling...that...it may not be so easy."

"Then we'll have to make it easy...but if things get hard...we just need to remember that we both want to make this work...that we both want to be together."

"I do Derek... I do...want to make this work...but.. I'm not sure I will know how...I can only promise that I'm trying... trying really really hard... and I don't want to live my life without you."

"That's all we need...for now."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said kissing her softly.

"Derek..."

"Uhmmm." He said as he ran his hand down her arm, caressing her, and linking his fingers with hers.

"When...how did you think of the idea for the gift..."

"Well...you can't get mad at me..."

"You think I'll get mad."

"You might..." he said, and felt her stiffen in his arms.

"Why?"

"Maybe it was kind of selfish...because I love how you smell...and well, the other day, when we were arguing...though you did not find it funny, I said something about roses..."

She gasped, "you're going to bring her up..."

"It's not bad Mer...it's not about her...not really."

"Seriously...seriously... you bring her up as we're having this nice... romantic ...sort of conversation..."

"You think this is a romantic conversation..."

"Well what do I know," she snapped, "it's mushy and sentimental..."

"You do huh...mushy...romantic...and sentimental," he couldn't help but smile.

"Don't change the subject... how could you, Derek...how could you," she said, and started to get up.

"Hey...hear me out..."

"How can you be so insensitive," she whimpered, as she lowered her head and he saw she was holding back tears.

"Mer...you asked me how I came up with the idea."

"Yes, but I didn't think it was...was... going to have to do with her..."

"Well, it doesn't really, but maybe because of her it gave me the idea."

"WHAT..." she yelled.

"Wait, that didn't come out right."

"Derek Shepherd, you are an ass..."

"Well I've been called worse, but listen to me before jumping to conclusions."

She sat rigidly with her arms crossed across her chest, but at least she hadn't made a move to get up again.

"Fine."

"When we argued, though you did not see the humor, I said, I should remember never to send you roses."

She glared at him, "you realize you are digging a deeper hole here."

"And you said I had never even sent you flowers...and I realized it was true, and I wanted to make it up you, so it dawned on me you love lavender, and maybe there was a way to send you a bouquet of lavender."

"Oh...." She said softening a little.

"Yes...oh..."

"Don't count your chickens... or eggs or whatever... you're not out of the woods yet."

He laughed, "well you got one right...the 'not out of the woods' part."

"Make your point Derek, I have to go."

"So I went on the internet..."

"That's what you were doing the other night..."

"Yes... but found that lavender is in bloom for a very short period of time, and it's not the season now... but that once the blooms are cut they are dried and that the dry lavender will maintain it's scent for years."

"You read all of that?"

"Yes, and then I saw the wreath, and since I've seen one in your house...I thought you might like one...maybe... for your bedroom...and it would last a long time...and then got all the other stuff."

"How did you get it here... I mean I know how... but you ordered from a shop n Provence?

"Well that was challenging... I found what I wanted, and it was quite a feat to get them on the phone and have them ship it so it would get here as soon as possible. They had all these issues about taking longer from Provence, so I told them just to get it to Paris, and from there it was overnight... so they actually had one of their workers take the train so it would make the cut off time for Fed Ex."

"You did all that...for a gift...and paid all that extra...just for...a gift..."

"No Meredith, not just for a gift...but something I thought would be special, for you."

"Oh, Derek...that's ...you're right...I don't care how you thought of it...our fight..."


"I also found that there's many types of lavender, but what I got you... true French lavender... is indigo blue...and I thought... surely...that it was not a coincidence... that long before I met you... your favorite flower...now my favorite scent...was also one in my favorite color."

"Oh, Derek... that's ...that's... just...romantic...and ...thank you..."she said reaching out for his hand.

"No more tears... remember..." he said as he wiped them away.

"These are happy tears...very happy tears...and your gift is ever so special... I'll treasure it always," she said as she wrapped her arms around him and held him close.