(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Ice Cream

They walked down the hall holding hands, and then he stopped at the end of the hallway, "I thought you were going to run out of the room, when I walked over to you withTuck."

"I wanted to..."

"But you didn't...I'm proud of you," he told her placing a light kiss on her forehead.

"I was scared as hell holding that baby...you get that... right...I'm not good with babies Derek...and he's well more than a baby, like a little person.. and he spoke...and..."

"Silly is hardly speaking," he laughed.

"He understood what was going on around him," she contradicted him, "and what if he had said cocky...oh my God, that's not a good word for a baby...and Bailey would have killed me ... can you imagine, Derek... if he said that... it's not a good word..."

"Meredith...stop ...he didn't say it...he won't remember it."

"Derek, I'm not saying no... I'm not...it's just, oh God, it's scary Derek... you're good with...with babies... I never saw you with a baby before... and I could tell, how much...how important this is to you... and that's why you brought him over to me...and I'm not ... I'm not saying no Derek...just...I had a terrible mother, I'm a terrible daughter too, I shouldn't say that... I mean she's gone...and...I'd just be a terrible mother...and you... you deserve someone..."

He silenced her with a soft kiss on her lips, "so were you Meredith...you were very good with the baby..."

"I...well...Derek...I don't know... I just held him...and I don't know if I can..."

"Meredith...shush... we don't have to make that decision now....I can wait... we have time... we have our 100 steps...and we can wait...till you're ready... when...when and if you're ready...we can have that discussion...for now...one step...one step at a time."

"One step at a time," she said after taking a deep breath.

"Yes, and we're good, we're talking...that was good..."

"Derek... technically it's not 100 steps anymore..."

"Ok... we're at what...maybe 27?" he teased her.

"Actually we were at 26 before...and you lost a few points..."

"I did...when?"

"I don't know..."

"Oh," he said, looking so dejected, she felt bad for him.

She reached up on tip toes and kissed him briefly before placing her arms around him and hugging him close, "right now...I'd say....30's good..." she whispered.

"That's very good...we're making progress," he whispered back, smiling as he held her tightly to him.

"We're making progress."

"I've got to go scrub in..." he told her, as he kissed her before releasing her from his embrace.

"Ok...I'll see you later... it's a good day to save lives Derek..." she smiled.

"If I don't see you... meet me at my office after your shift...ends at five right?"

"Yes... see you at five..." she said, smiling as she watched him walk away.

They wouldn't see each other the rest of the day, both busy with their own unexpected surgical delays.

"Earth...calling Grey...Meredith...are you with us..."

"Cristina, of course I'm here, where else, exactly would I be," she snapped.

"That's debatable... as you seem to be coming down from a McDreamy high."

"You're just jealous."

"Jealous !! Of what, you're misery over the past week?"

She glared at her friend, and walked away, deciding she would not allow Cristina to undermine her happiness with Derek.

She could not believe her interns, it had been one thing after the other, and she'd practically been watching over them all day to keep them from making mistakes, one on top of the other, and what was worse is that he was even beginning to understand Cristina's frustration and lack of patience with her group, which was probably a really bad sign.

Meredith walked up to the table where Cristina, Izzie and Alex were sitting, and set her tray down with a sigh of frustration.

"What happened to you? Did McDreamy kiss another nurse?"

"Oh shut up, Cristina, I don't know what the hell made me think you'd be supportive," she said grabbing her tray and walking away.

"Dude, Yang...give her a break, the man's trying."

"Yeah, well, we've seen him trying before."

"You know Cristina, she was happy this morning, he makes her happy, why can't you just let them have a shot at it?"

"You're not the one that's been left to pick up the pieces, when he's screwed her over before."

"Well, maybe he won't this time, and you know what, I'm pretty sick and tired of your attitude as well. I'd like to see them work it out, and she deserves that. Stop being so insensitive."

"Yeah, well, you two go right ahead and live in fantasy land."

Meredith made her way across the cafeteria to an empty table, and suddenly found herself on the verge of tears. She could not understand why her friend had to continuously bring up things that would hurt her, while at the same time, she felt all her doubts creeping in, and sat staring at her food without touching it.

"Meredith, can I join you?"

"Lexie, hi, sure."

"What's with the long face, and not eating?"

"Just something Cristina said has me thinking...and all these doubts start taking over..."

"Mer, I know she's your friend...your person, but you know, she's not always right...and you really need to go with your feelings... your instincts...nobody else's."

"Aren't you supposed to be the younger Grey ...less wise and all that?"

"Yeah, but, the older Grey doesn't seem to do very well in accepting that people love her and care about her."

"Lexie...do you really think he loves me?"

"Of course I do... you just have to accept it, and you've both made mistakes...but, Meredith...what you have... from what I've seen...what he's said about yout...it's worth fighting for...don't let Cristina's bitterness get in the way of that."

"She is my friend, and Lexie it's just that she's seen how bad things have been in the past, between Derek and me."

"I understand that, but you can't have the past dictate your future...it's not fair to either of you...to anyone."

"You're also talking about us, aren't you?"

"Well...yes....maybe..."

"Lexie, I think we've come a really long way...and I'm rally glad about that, I think we...you and me...we're going to be ok."

"I hope so...but now...I just, I don't understand...last night you seemed ok, and now why are you even doubting that he loves you?"

"Because I'm a mess...and totally...hey, do you mind, if we finish lunch and go outside...I don't want everyone overhearing our conversation..."

"Sure...we can ...Mer...what are you eating?"

"What does it look like I'm eating...salad...french fries...chocolate pudding..."

"Meredith...you've been dipping your fries in chocolate pudding ..."

"Don't knock it... it's a good combination...tastes even better than ketchup..."

"That is revolting...Mer..."

"Just how do you know...if you haven't tried it..."

"Mer...are you...ok...I mean...you're really acting odd...and emotional... "

"I always have liked weird food combinations...that's something you didn't know about... me...and not liking apples...Lex that's worse than this...everybody likes apples."

They finished lunch and walked outside to sit in one of the benches, enjoying the early afternoon sun.

"Mer, can I ask you something?"

"You can...I don't necessarily have to answer."

"Oh...sorry, look, I don't mean to pry...I ...just thought..."

"Lexie, I'm kidding, yes, you can ask me..."

"I know you have this whole thing... with Dad...and with us...and I get you didn't really want us in your life...and that well, getting to know me wasn't something you wanted... but I know you cared about Mom...and..."

"Is there a question..." she teased.

"Molly...she...she knows we're working together...and that you and I have been talking...I mean I haven't said anything... not spoken to her about anything that's happened... I wouldn't do that...I respect your privacy...and I wouldn't want to jeopardize...this...this between you and me..."

"Lexie! Stop! What do you want to ask me?"

"She's wondering...if maybe in the future...you'd agree to meet her...I don't mean meet her... you've already met her...I mean you were there when Laura was born...and...I know you talked to her.. and all but...maybe you'll..."

"Derek is so right..." she said as she reached out and stilled her hand movements, and brought her hand down, placing hers on top "yes, in the future, I'll agree to see her... is that what you were trying to ask me?"

"Yes."

"Ok."

Lexie looked at her misty eyed, and gently squeezed her sister's hand, "good."

"Are you doing ok? I mean, with Thatcher...have you seen him?"

"Not for a couple of days...and well, you know... I'll manage"

"No, I actually don't know...so if you need me, to talk to...I want to be there for you...just as you've been here for me this last week."

"I'll keep that in mind... thank you...why did you want to come outside...and not be overheard?"

"We don't know each other very well...or rather, we didn't... and I want you to know that I'm not very good at talking about my feelings...but the last several days...I've found myself being very open with you...and that's not something that comes easily..."

"Blood is thicker than water."

"Lexie, do you really remember all those quotes...sayings... whatever."

"I love those...they're so accurate."

"Sure..."

"Mer, I was valedictorian, a book worm...and well prom queen too..."

"And cocky as well...I can see why you and Derek get along."

"He's great Mer... he really is..."

"Just ... so we understand each other...very well..."

Lexie laughed, "he's off limits...totally... completely...Mer, he's going to be my brother-in-law."

"Yeah..."she smiled conceding to her ramblings about it, "I think you may be right."

"I know I am..." she smiled.

"I just wanted to tell you that I have appreciated your support...truly, I mean that...and what Derek said last night, at dinner, it's true... we are trying...but I'm not sure...how it's all going to work out."

"But, Mer...you two seemed ok...and last night, I mean...when you went upstairs, I wasn't too sure...but when I saw he spent the night...I thought you'd worked things out."

"We did...it was...painful...and emotional... and you're right I've been very sensitive and emotional lately...but...it's hard to explain...we've been though a lot the past year, and there's so many issues... I have so many issues to deal with...it's not easy...and I'm just not sure..."

"You know what...I'm sure...I'm sure it's going to work out...trust me...it will..."

"A fortune teller too..."

"No, just really good instincts....and I'm not wrong about this."

"I hope you're right."

"Meredith, if you need me...to talk...whatever...I do want to be there for you..."

"I know...and that's why I'm telling you this...there's a lot you don't know...things I don't talk about...but I may...and I want you to know, it's not going to get easier for me...all the emotions...so know that... and maybe bear with me..."

"Meredith, is it ...will it be a problem with Cristina...that you and I are talking...I don't think she's very pleased about it."

"She's my friend...and she's always been the one I turn to...now there's you too, and I'm not going to change that...you...are...you bring a balance I realize I need...and I'm not going to give that up...not when I know I'm going to be an emotional wreck..."

"Mer...why? Are you ok? Is there something more...something you're not saying."

"No...I just...I told Derek I was thinking about this....and I'm actually going to do it...for the first time in my life...I'm going to face my issues head on...and going to see a therapist..."

"Mer...that's a huge step...I think it's amazing that you're going to do that..."

"You would...my rambling counterpart..."

"Stop joking...you know this is a really important step...and you should be proud of yourself for doing this...and talking to him about it."

"Well, I kind of suggested we both might need to go together...but that's going to be up to him...I just know I need to deal with my issues and be able to move on...especially if Derek and I are going to be able to have a healthy relationship."

"Thank you for telling me...I'll try not to ramble on at the same times you do. Have you chosen someone already?"

"No, I'm actually going to talk to the Chief , and ask that he recommend someone, I'm not necessarily sure I want it to be from here...my life's public enough as it is."

"I'll be here...Meredith...for whatever....talking...crying...or being emotional, or just being silent, sharing ice cream."

Meredith laughed and reached out to place her hand over her sisters, "we may actually be doing a lot of that...eating ice cream that is...very best comfort food around."

"As long as you're willing to share the strawberry ice cream," Lexie smiled.

"Oh...I think we may be ok with that...but I'm a bit partial to coffee ice cream lately."