(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Absolute Certainty

"Hey, you want your ice cream, before it melts?" she heard him whisper.

"Yes...but I don't want to let you go."

"Then you'll just pretend it was a chocolate milkshake," he teased her while holding her tighter.

"That works too," she giggled.

"What did you eat tonight?"

"Some soup."

"You need more than that, it's a long shift."

"I wasn't hungry, but it's fine, it was lentil so it's good protein."

"You ate lentil soup?"

"That's all they had...and I can eat healthy...you don't have a monopoly."

"No, but that's almost as difficult to believe as you having a healthy breakfast."

"I'm perfectly healthy."

"I just want to make sure you stay that way."

"I am...I will."

"How bad was the OR with the patients from Mercy West?"

"Not that bad...I had one surgery, and couple of others came in simultaneously, so I assigned the interns, I'm surprised they haven't paged me."

"Debbie told me they had more cases transferred here."

"Yes, but I didn't deal with them. Why did she tell you about it?"

"I stopped by the fourth floor hoping to find you and asked her if she'd seen you."

"Oh, God, the biggest gossip, I know you like her Derek, but..."

"She's a good nurse...but, you're right, and she's not like the Fab4."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "I can't believe you and Mark, named them that."

"Hey, they are fabulous ...they've been in your corner all along."

"This morning, when you got them coffee, that was nice, it surprised me...but it was nice...that you were thanking them..." she looked down, a bit embarrassed, she wasn't used to anyone sticking up for her, not even Derek.

"For being supportive of you...when a lot of others weren't...not to mention helping me with your surprise," he said as he held her hand in his.

"Just don't ever bring Debbie coffee," she said "I know she's been behind ...well, she started the gossip about you in the parking lot."

"I know, and don't worry, she won't ever get anything but the basic courtesies."

"My knight in shining...armor..." she whispered leaning closer in and kissing him.

When they pulled away from each other, to breath, he chuckled and teased her "did you just get that right...your knight in shining armor..."

"I've been hanging around Lexie too much," she said rolling her eyes, "it must be osmosis...she knows all these quotes."

"Don't forget it...I want to be your knight...to be there for you...always."

"I'm going to hold you to it, always."

Her cell phone vibrated indicating a message.

-All ok with u did u see see derek do u need anything

"Speaking of," she said and showed him the message.

"Xena," he chuckled, "even her text messages ramble."

-U stood me up, didn't see Derek

"Meredith that is mean," he laughed along with her, as two seconds later her phone was ringing, and she let him answer.

"Yes, Xena."

"Derek, what...why are you answering Mer's phone, is she ok...but, wait... I just sent her a text...and she said...oh, that is so not nice..."

"Talk to your sister," he said handing the phone over to Meredith.

He got up and went to grab the carton of ice cream and sat next to her again.

"You stood me up."

"I did not, he told me...Mer, I'm sorry...he asked about you, and I told him I was taking you home, and Derek said he... I thought...""

"Lexie, it's ok."

"You're not mad at me?"

"No, I'm not, I'm glad you told him. We're ok."

"Oh good...but Meredith, that was mean...your text."

"I couldn't resist, and I knew I was going to be talking to you soon."

"Well, what if I hadn't called you...not nice."

"Lex, I'd have called you. Are you home?"

"Yes, and I think George and I found an apartment."

Derek had removed the lid from the ice cream carton, which was still frozen
and brought a spoonful to Meredith's mouth.

"Uhmmm..."

"Mer, what the hell are you doing... I'm on the phone...can't you two keep your hands off each other."

She laughed at Lexie, "your mind is in the gutter, Derek just put a spoonful of chocolate ice cream in my mouth."

"Ok...it's time for me to go...and Mer...it's now chocolate ice cream?"

"Yes... do you have a problem with that...you should try it...variety."

"Mer, I'm glad you and Derek are ok."

"So am I, and Lex, I'm off tomorrow, maybe I can go with you and see the apartment...ok...I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night Xena," Derek said loud enough for her to hear.

"Derek, I don't want you to go...but it's late, you should be going."

"Throwing me out of my office," he said as he kissed her lips, tasting the remnants of chocolate ice cream.

"I prefer coffee..." he said, kissing her again and making her forget all about ice cream.

"You have a long drive...but, I'm thinking...maybe you just want to stay at my house."

"You're not there."

"I don't have to be...and you wouldn't have to drive so far...and there's ...you have some clothes there."

"Not tonight, I need to get home."

"Oh," she said with a hint of doubt.

"What's behind that oh..."

"Nothing, just I thought...well, it's my home...and...well...you're welcome to stay...and I want you to feel like it's home for you too."

"Yes...and when you're there...it feels like home to me too, but tonight, there's a couple of things I want to do."

"Like what? It's late, close to eleven by the time you get there."

"You'll just have to wait till dusk..."

Her pager went off as he spoke. "It was too good to be true, I have to go."

"We can't really complain, we've had some time to spend together tonight."

"You're right...now I have to go deal with whatever my interns have done."

"They can't really be that bad?"

"They're worse! We were a great group of interns."

"I can certainly vouch for one," he teased her and held his hand out to help her get up, "do you want what's left of this?" he pointed to the ice cream.

"There's not much left," she smiled, "let's just throw it out."

They left his office holding hands and walked to the fourth floor nurse's station.

"Debbie, I was paged."

"Yes, Dr. Grey, the patient in 4211 needs the CVC flushed and your interns weren't available."

"You paged me for that? Since when is that a procedure that requires a doctor," she challenged.

"Meredith, don't...let's go."

"Dr. Shepherd, I'll take care of this."

"Dr. Grey, you are the resident on duty."

"Yes, I am, but you are e being insolent, for whatever reason, and you know there is no need for a doctor for that procedure. Next time, I suggest you page me when there is real need for a doctor," she said and started to walk away towards the patient's room.

"Dr. Shepherd, would you like to assist me, since it obviously could not be handled by a nurse."

"Shit Meredith," he said as he walked next to her, "pissing off Debbie was not wise, she's going to make your life miserable."

"I can take whatever she can dish out, and I'm sick and tired of all her comments about you and Rose, so don't push it Derek."

"You know about that?"

"There aren't a lot of secrets kept around this place."

"It's probably only going to get worse now...Mer, that wasn't ...and calling me Dr. Shepherd...really!"

"Save it Derek, come on, you're flushing out the central line."

"What... I don't..."

"You don't what...an important neurosurgeon can't flush out a line, let me remind you how it's done...you owe me, for what I'm now going to have to put up with from her."

"How did I get blamed for this," he pouted.

"I sure as hell didn't go around kisses nurses, now did I?"

They finished the procedure in just a couple of minutes and they walked towards the elevators for Derek to go home, and Meredith chose to be very public about her conversation with Derek, knowing full well it would be repeated.

Standing near the nurse's station she told him, "you did an excellent job Dr. Shepherd, I'll have to ask for your assistance for these simple procedures more often."

He brought her closer to him and played right along with her, "anything you need me for Dr. Grey, you know where to find me."

She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, "thank you for tonight."

"You're welcome. I'll see you in the morning."

"I hope you miss me tonight," she told him as she kissed his lips softly.

"You know I will," he murmured against her lips deepening the kiss before they heard the all too familiar elevator chime.

"Me too."

Meredith smiled at him as the elevator doors closed, and then turned around and walked to the nurses station.

"Debbie, you will rarely find me contradicting the request of a nurse, as I do highly value what you do. But, I will not have you undermine me in any way, and that is what you have been doing all week, both on a professional and personal level."

"Dr. Grey, I merely asked that you perform a procedure."

"Yes, a procedure that does not require a doctor. So, I will ask that you refrain from involving yourself in my personal life, and do not bring any personal feelings you may have about me into our professional relationship in the future. I will certainly do the same, and I apologize for my reaction earlier, it is not like me, and I regret that I allowed myself to respond from a personal perspective"

"You are correct, Dr. Grey, that procedure did not require that you be paged."

"Thank you. You have a good evening."

Debbie watched her walk away, and could not help but wonder at some of the things Rose had said, it certainly did not look that Dr. Shepherd had eyes for anyone but Meredith Grey. Professionally she was undoubtedly an excellent doctor, probably would follow in the footsteps of Ellis Grey, except this girl had compassion, and she'd just earned her respect. Though she did not agree with public displays of affection, she'd been that age and in love, and if she had McDreamy, she'd be doing the exact same thing, claiming her territory indeed.

Meredith went looking for her interns and attempted to provide some teaching guidance, and she made a concerted effort to see things from their point of view, they really weren't that bad, just not competitive like most of her group had been, not to mention having Dr. Bailey as their resident had certainly made the stakes to succeed that much higher.

It was almost midnight when she saw the message from Derek, and walked away for a few moments of privacy.

-try to get some sleep. I love you.

She dialed his number and he quickly answered, "hey, you're not busy?"

"I was, but just wanted to hear your voice."

"Try to get some rest."

"I will, you too, have a good night's sleep."

"I love you Meredith. I'll miss you tonight."

"I'll miss you too, I have to get back."

"Good night."

"Good night Derek."

The rest of the evening became a blur of activity as some additional cases had to be transferred to Seattle Grace, and by the time it was three in the morning she was exhausted and cranky and couldn't wait to find a bed. By five thirty she didn't think she could last another hour, and was thankful to finally make her way to an on-call room.

Sleep eluded her in spite of being exhausted and she lay on the bed thinking back over the last twenty four hours, forcing herself, or rather unable to keep avoiding her feelings, and the emotions she'd be confronting soon enough when she met with the therapist.

The last few days had been a rollercoaster ride, but yesterday had been overwhelming,

She had loved going home with Derek, even with the fact that he and Addison had shared the trailer, she though of it as theirs, it had been their place before her, and there were plenty of fond and wonderful memories created to override the "wife" period.

She had not expected the intensity of the conversation with the Chief, and dealing with all the emotions about her mother's last day with him had taken its toll, as had making the decision to ask him for help in regard to a referral.

Then, Derek had totally blindsided her when he asked her if she was pregnant. She really didn't understand, actually she thought, she had not understood why he would think such a thing, but if she was honest, she was even beginning to see the signs of her irrational behavior, except she really was certain she was not, could not be pregnant.

Today, everything had been fine between Derek and her until she'd been paged to Mark's surgery and she'd been there. Even in her thoughts she really couldn't bring herself to say her name, though she had mentioned her earlier, before Derek went home. Mark had been wonderful, she had never expected he'd ever display any kind of support for her as he had, and she'd always be grateful. He was an incorrigible flirt, man whore in fact was the perfect description, but, she smiled to herself, if ever the time came when she and Derek decided that marriage could work between them, Mark would undoubtedly have to be the best man.

She really wished she could sleep, but her thoughts could not be silenced.

Replaying the last hours were the most difficult, she went over every word exchanged between her and Derek, and found herself crying each time she thought of how close they had been to having things end very badly that night.

Now that avoidance was no longer an option, and this she did recognize, a flood of images kept flashing through her mind, emphasizing the vulnerability and fragility of their relationship. She truly regretted how she had acted, pulling away from him, having lied to him, but what had brought her face to face with her most urgent fear was the way he had retreated, the way she had seen his demeanor transform itself and she could see the hopelessness and fear in his eyes.

It was at that moment, when she felt him slip away that she had recognized that she needed to put all her own issues aside and deal with his, because, if she didn't, if she failed to acknowledge the pain and fear he was experiencing, they would be lost to each other forever.

Losing him she thought, losing what they had together was not an option, and just as he kept telling her he would do everything he could to remind her of how much they meant to one another, she would not give up on the dream that was now so clear. The dream of a family with Derek, this man that had come into her life and made her believe there was such a thing as love, that he was the man to spend the rest of her life with, and even after all they had been through, she knew unequivocally, they were meant to spend their life together.

It was up to her, she knew, to take the first steps to healing, and she hoped seeing the therapist would help her to that. She wanted so desperately to trust him, and though this last estrangement had brought all her doubts to the surface, she wanted to trust him.

Most important of all, she had finally realized that Derek did not trust her, he did not trust her feelings for him, and that was going to be the most important obstacle for them to overcome. She needed to show him he could trust her. He could trust her not to leave him again, and she knew, she thought as she continued to let tears fall, that he did not trust her not to give up again, just as she had when she had drowned.

She had almost broken down today, and told him she loved him, but even as she had watched his resolve crumble, his fears bringing darkness to his thoughts, something was holding her back. This, she needed to overcome, so she could tell him, so she could share with him all the feelings that were closely guarded deep within her heart, afraid of being hurt again.

In her desire to comfort and reassure him, she had wanted to blurt out the words, share with him her deepest feelings, tell him she loved him, instead, she had asked him to hold her and never let her go.

She continued to ponder every minute of the day, every second shared between her and Derek, and prayed, for the first time in along while, that it was not too late for them, that the feelings she held deep in her heart, the feelings of love they had for each other would be enough to weather the storm she felt was far from over. She sensed that whatever it was looming just around the corner would be their trial by fire, but though she shuddered at the overpowering sense that all was from a smooth road ahead, yet, she also had the most wonderful optimism that if they got through the coming months, they would be able to face anything together.

She was overwhelmed by the emotions flowing through her, but even the fear that they still had difficulties ahead could not diminish the absolute certainty that they would get through all of it together, and their love was truly one to last a lifetime.

She must have fallen asleep at some point, because suddenly she was awakened by the light pressure of soft lips on hers.