(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Mark...

Meredith felt the pressure of his lips on hers and all seemed to fall perfectly into place.
This, she knew, is how she wanted to greet each day for the rest of her life.

He was very gentle, not wanting to wake her, but unable to resist the small contact between them, then he pulled back, almost making her feel like she'd just imagined it.

She had wanted to lose herself in his kiss, but as quickly as she'd felt his lips they were gone, and without opening her eyes whispered, "don't pull away, kiss me again."

Without hesitation he kissed her softly, and she responded lightly at first, playfully biting his lower lip before deepening the kiss and bringing her hands to the back of his neck and gently massaging it and stroking the curls of his hair.

"Uhmmm...what time is it?"

"Six fifteen," he told her as he got up from his crouching position and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Why are you here so early?"

"I couldn't sleep without you, so I just drove here."

"I couldn't sleep without you either."

"Is that why I just had to kiss you awake," he smiled and chuckled.

"I just fell asleep minutes ago."

"Right," he said as he bent down to kiss her again.

"I didn't even get in here till five-thirty, and then I was thinking...and it was ..."

"What were you thinking about that kept you up?"

"Us."

"That bad...it kept you up, and you were crying."

"I wasn't."

"I can see it in your eyes...that you cried. Meredith...does thinking of us make you cry," he asked and she saw the sad expression in his eyes.

"It was a good cry," she told him, bringing herself to a sitting position locking gazes with him as she looped her arms around his neck and brought her mouth to his.

"How can you have a good cry?"

"It's very therapeutic."

"You want to tell me about it?"

"I will, but first, I have to go to the bathroom, I feel like I'm holding a gallon of water."

He got up so she could get out of the bed, and extended his hand for her to rise, which she accepted willingly, then as she got up, she felt the dizziness and the walls of the room began to spin.

Derek noticed it immediately and reached out to hold her in his arms. "Hey, that was no panic attack," he whispered making sure she had her balance.

"No," she admitted, and he could hear the hesitation in her voice, "I must have gotten up too fast."

"That can happen," he said, "let me walk you the bathroom."

"No, I'm fine, I'll be right back."

Meredith came back to the on call room, and found Derek sitting on the chair facing the desk, his mood pensive and not as lighthearted as when he'd kissed her awake.

He reached out to her and brought her to stand in front of him, while she leaned back to sit on the edge of the desk, and looked into his eyes.

"I hope you realize how very much I love you."

"I do."

"Yesterday," he said as he reached out and held both her hands in his, " last night was rough for us, but we got through it...and I'm here...in this relationship for the long-haul, no matter how long I have to wait for you to love me back."

"You...you know how I feel about you...I know you do..."

"I thought I did...a couple of nights ago, I had no doubts in my mind..."

"And now you do..." she asked as tears gathered in her eyes, "you doubt that again."

"No, last night, I had a lot of time to think as well, I don't doubt your feelings, but I do understand you don't want to be hurt again...and I can wait...I will wait for you to feel you're ready to say the words...to trust me enough to say the words."

"What I feel for you...Derek...it's so...big...and...scary...and wonderful..."

"That's enough...for now..." he said as he leaned in closer to her, and his face was at eye level with her stomach. He placed his hand softly on her abdomen and brought his lips closer to kiss her lower abdomen...reverently, as though he knew for certain she nurtured their child.

"Derek...I...I don't want to disappoint you...and I am...I'm going to...I know what you're thinking," she said as she placed her hand over his, and leaned down to kiss the top of his head.

"Shush...now, there's something I want you to do for me, and I don't want you to say no."

"What...what is it...?"

"Again, I need you to understand that I love you..."

"I know you do...but...I can hear a but...Derek...and that scares me..."

"There is no but...only that I need for you to understand that what I feel for you, it's not a passing thing...it's not dictated by anything other the fact that I have loved you forever...even when I've been a jerk, I've loved you and that will not change...I need you to understand that no potential unexpected circumstances are dictating what I feel..."

"Like a baby...an unexpected baby..." she said quietly and in understanding.

He looked up at her and again gently kissed her abdomen and then looked up to her as intense blue met grey green eyes, both filled with tears, "like a baby."

"I believe you...I do...I know you love me..."

"What just happened, when you got up, you had a dizzy spell, that's not normal..."

"Derek...I know you think..."

"Let me finish...I'm worried about you. This is not the first time it's happened and we thought it was all just one of the symptoms of your recent panic attacks...and I understand that it still could be it... I do...but that's not what it was this morning...and I want to make sure there's nothing wrong with you, and I want you to let me draw some blood to find out if you're pregnant."

"Oh."

"Will you do that for me?"

"But...I'm not..."

"Meredith, something is not right, let's find out what it is, please, do it for me."

"Derek, I hate to have blood drawn, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get my period by tomorrow...but if I don't... I'll do it... just for you to see that I'm ok."

"Fair enough."

"Do you want to lay down with me for a little bit," she said as she brought both her hands to his face and caressed him.

"You know I do... but don't you have things to wrap up before you go home?"

"I've already finished all my charts and just need to wait for my shift to end, barring no emergencies...or my interns... it should be fine."

He got up and pulled her into his arms and whispered softly, "I love you, and I need to take care of you, this time...I need to take care of you...please let me."

"I am...I'm letting you," and suddenly as she snuggled closer in his embrace, there was this moment, a paralyzing moment of fear, because she knew that something was wrong, and no matter how much she tried to dismiss the premonition, she knew that something was wrong. "Just as long as you let me take care of you too," she said with as much lightness in her voice as she could muster.

"As long as there's no cooking involved," he teased, as they walked to the lower bunk bed and laid down, and he held her in his arms, her head resting on his chest.

"Derek, I'm glad you came early...but I wish you'd slept longer, you still have a full day ahead of you."

"Being with you was more important."

"We're a bit pathetic, don't you think," she asked him as she caressed his chest and arm with slow gentle motions.

"Uhmmm...how so..."

"We spent so much time away from each other...and now...after just over a week...we can't sleep without each other."

"I couldn't sleep before...it's nothing new."

"You couldn't....you never told me..."

"What could we have done..."

"Talked..." she laughed.

"Maybe...we had to go through this...to figure it out..."

"Maybe...but it hurt..."

"It did...but, we're working it out."

"What did you do ...when you couldn't sleep?"

"Ask the chief...he even made up songs..."

"What?"

"Just teasing you...one morning, he was making fun of me being out fishing at three in the morning and complaining about eating trout every morning...and I told him he sounded like a country western song."

"You were fishing at three in the morning...and eating trout every morning...that's not very appetizing..."

"I know it's not... for you anyway...but it's healthy..."

"It's really disgusting Derek..."

"That's why I brought you breakfast..."

"You did not bring me trout for breakfast...I agree with him, it's kind of nauseating."

"Nauseating," he said raising an eyebrow.

"I'm ignoring all your innuendos..."

"I'm happy to feed your land of denial..." he teased. "No, I brought you a cold grilled cheese sandwich."

She went very still and he heard the quiet sniffle, "you did that?"

"I did...it's packed in my bag...in an ice pack..."

"Oh, Derek...you can't do this to me anymore..." she said

"What...I thought that would please you..."

"It does...but you...you're responsible for all these emotions...and how do you not expect me to get all sentimental... when you're being McDreamy..."

He held her close to him and whispered, "I like you all sentimental..."

"But...I'm not...I'm not doing anything for you...I'm just being needy and crying...and...clingy...and mean...and... "

"I love all those things about you...well almost all of them...you forgot bossy...I love bossy...but, Meredith, being like this, with you in my arms...that's all I need."

She pulled back a little and raised herself to look at him, and he knew at that moment she loved him as she brought her lips to his and they lost themselves in the timeless dance of tongues expressing love, a love that would last a lifetime.

Minutes had gone by when she said, "Derek, how you woke me up today, that's what I want for the rest of my life...how I want to greet each morning...with you by my side."

"That's what we'll have...that's what we'll work on to make sure we have that..."

She kissed him again, this time giggling against his lips.

"What's so funny?"

"I was so tempted, this morning, when you first kissed me, to tease you.... but didn't think you'd handle it very well..."

"I never knew you had a mean streak...first texting Lexie... and now this..."

She kissed him again, laughing, "it was mean...I was going to say..."

"What..." he asked her as he deepened their kiss.

"I forgot..." she said swept away by emotions.

"We need to stop."

"Uhmm... yes...."

"So...Dr. Grey...what mean trick did you have up your sleeve," he asked as he caressed her back in gentle motions.

"I was going to say....Mark...you know Derek will kill you if he finds you here...and you'll never get to be best man..."

He surprised her by laughing, "or godfather."

"What...you're joking...you're not mad..."

"I'm not mad...it could have been funny...especially after our conversation last night at Joe's..."

"Are you going to tell me about it now..."

"No, it's time to go... your shift is up, we can talk in the car."

"Can I have my sandwich?"

"In my bag..."

"I can eat it in the car, I want to get out of here."

"Let's go," he said and watched her start to get out of bed, ever so slowly, knowing she was trying to avoid another dizziness incident at all cost.

"Did you suddenly become eighty years old?"

"Ass."

He got up ahead of her and slowly helped her to her feet and simply held her.

"Let's go face the rumor mill, you're going to need all the support you can get, after your run in with Debbie."

"I took care of that."

"You did" he asked cautiously, "Meredith, what did you do?"

"I set her straight. We understand each other now."

"Oh God."

"Trust me."

They walked to the fourth floor nurses station holding hands, as she needed to make sure the incoming shift was aware of some of the patient's instructions.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd, good morning."

"Good morning Debbie, was everything all right with my patients last night."

"Yes, Dr. Grey, and I've left instructions for 4211 to have the CVC flushed again early this afternoon."

"Thank you. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Enjoy your day off, Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd have a good day."

Derek was incredulous, he didn't know what she'd done, but she'd managed to mend the rift with Debbie, if only professionally, but that was all Meredith needed to do her job.

Meredith and Derek left the hospital hand in hand and were quickly on their way to her house.

"Derek, this is really really good," she said in between bites of her grilled cheese.

"I fail to share your love for this food, but hey...you can have whatever you want."

"Derek, if I'm ever really pregnant, are you going to be this accommodating?"

"Whether you're pregnant or not...now or later...I'm going to do my best to be very accommodating," he said reaching out for her hand and bringing to his lips, giving her his best McDreamy smile.

"How did you turn this conversation to sex...we're talking about food... cravings..."

"Food...cravings...sex...who's keeping track," he laughed.

"You have been hanging around Mark too much lately."

"So have you apparently, since you were thinking about him, when I was kissing you," he pouted.

"Derek!" she said using her bossy voice, "you know I was kidding....it was just a joke."

"I know...and more importantly, he knows I'd kill him."

"Well you won't need to... because you're the only one whose lips I want on mine," she told him openly flirting with him.

"Meredith, you are going to have to make up for so much...and when you do..."

"When I do, " she said as she let her hand rest on his thigh and inched it upwards, "you'll be telling me how much it was worth the wait..."

"Promises...promises..."

"You can bet on it," she said as she leaned over as far as she could with the seatbelt strapped and kissed his cheek.

"What else did Mark say, you spent a long time at Joe's"

"Were you keeping track?"

"Not really, but I did want to see you."

"He surprised me, when I got there he was with Tracy."

"Really... I like her... but she may be too nice for him."

"That's what I told him."

"Derek, I really don't like Dr. Hahn, I don't know why he's so hell bent on that..."

"It's the chase, for him, it's always the chase."

"Unlike his brother..." she teased.

"Unlike him...by the way, he's taking credit for you and I getting back together."

"What?"

"Ask him..."

"Derek Shepherd, I hope you are not taking his advice."

"Actually, he's really on your side."

"He kind of was today," she laughed.

"And he's going to extract payment for that."

"You mean another bet?"

"No, our firstborn child."

"Derek! You did not tell him you think I'm pregnant."

"No... I did not, he just assumed we're going to get married, therefore he's the best man, and after today, he said if we can manage to get our act together, he's responsible, and expects to be godfather to our first child."

"Uhmmm...I can live with that."

"Meredith...are you admitting....you...you could be..."

"No...but, I've already told you...I may not be ready yet...but I eventually want a family Derek...I want that with you..."

"You pick the most inopportune moments to say certain things..." he teased her, "to say that as I'm driving seventy miles an hour."

"You shouldn't be going that fast, and it we have a child, Mark should be the godfather."

"I'll never understand either one of you, how this sudden ..."

"Friendship...it's called friendship...and I'm doing it for you...because you've missed him, and I want you to get back what you once had."

"Thank you," he said as he reached for her hand and kept it in his.

"If I have to put up with Lexie's ramblings about her brother in law," she laughed, "it's only fair you deal with Mark's wishes to be godfather."

"You didn't finish telling me what kept you up...what made you sad enough to cry."

"It wasn't anything bad, Derek, I was just thinking about everything that's happened with us, and especially the last day or so, and I realized...." she paused.

"Go on...we can talk about anything."

"I haven't been fair to you...there's a lot that I have to work on Derek, and I'm glad I've decided to go to therapy...because, I really do want for us to have a chance...the best chance for a healthy lasting relationship."

"We will have that, I know we will."

"I know that too...but Derek, while I lay there thinking back over everything that's happened, all we've said...I just have this feeling that we may have to work at this a lot...that it's not all going to be smooth sailing...and that makes me scared...and it made me cry."

They had exited the highway, and it gave him an opportunity to pull off the side of the road and bring the car to a stop.

"Come here" he said, while releasing the seatbelt and drawing her close for an embrace,
"all I can tell you is that I'm scared too, that I can't bear the thought of losing you again, but I can promise you, that whatever we have to deal with...we will, and I'm not ever going to give up on us...whatever I need to do, I will, to make sure you and I get through anything that comes our way."

"I promise you that too...no matter what happens, or how bad things get, Derek...I'm in this...I really am...and I don't want you to let me go...or give up...no matter how I may fight you...how much I may revert to my old avoidance patterns...please...remember this moment...remember that what I want is for you and I to be together."

"We will, we will be together...I promise you that," he assured, holding her for several minutes before they were on their way home once again. But, but her words had an ominous feeling he could not shake, and vowed to himself to remember this conversation wherever they encountered bumps on the road to their being together, to them sharing a lifetime.