(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Something...special

They had agreed to meet Derek by the nurse's station, and were laughing as they approached the counter. Kathleen's arm linked with his did not go unnoticed by some of the FAB4 team, and treated him accordingly.

"Ladies, it's a beautiful afternoon."

"Dr. Sloan," Amy Lynn and Stephanie responded coolly.

"Mark, you are never going to change, I can't believe they've formed a club against you."

"Not all of them," he said, as Tracy approached, not liking the familiarity with the woman in his arm one bit.

"Dr. Sloan, busy day, I see."

"Not really, didn't have much to do the last hour."

"Obviously found something."

Noticing the tension and bit of antagonism from the group, Kathleen picked up on the dagger looks sent his way by the newest participant, and decided to have fun.

"Mark, you've outdone yourself this time, a club against you...why would the nurses even think of such a thing, I know, I'd never complain."

"Maybe because he's man whore," Amy Lynn muttered under her breath.

"Oh, did I hear the magic word," she laughed, "Mark, even here, they know about it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Men...totally oblivious, Mark, introduce me, or do I have to do this on my own again?"

The three nurses were not happy with him right now, and had no clue to the identify of the mystery woman, who seemed to be enjoying herself by teasing him.

"Oh...yeah, of course."

"Ladies, Tracy, this is Kathleen, my favorite shrink, and," he winked at Tracy noting her annoyance, "Dr. Shepherd's sister."

"Well, why didn't you say so at the beginning and spared us the hostility directed her way."

"AmyLynn, that would not have been any fun, would it, and just imagine the bets taking place about the gorgeous woman with Sloan."

"Mark, I'm not the one you need to flatter," she smiled, "tell me, Tracy, how long have you two been seeing each other?"

Neither Mark or Tracy responded as Derek joined them.

"Ready to go?"

"Yes, and I changed my mind, I'm actually starving."

"Shep, everything ok with the labs you were waiting on?"

"They're not ready, having them sent to my office later today."

"It was great to see you Kat, see you at Derek's."

"Nice to meet you ladies."

Mark stayed and pulled Tracy aside. "Hey, I'll see you tonight."

"That was not very nice Mark."

"What?"

"Flaunting another woman like that, I know we're not exclusive, but that was..."

"I'm not sleeping with anyone else."

"Neither am I."

"We're ok, then?"

"I suppose. Next time introduce me."

"I might point out, you were not at the counter, and I specifically introduced you."

"Fine. Have fun at dinner."

"It's, I need to spend time with her and Derek and Meredith, they're my family."

"I know, I don't have an issue with that. I'll see you tonight."

"Derek, how long has he been dating Tracy?"

"Kathleen, you've been here twenty minutes and you're already interrogating people? Isn't discretion and subtleness part of your job?"

"But, I'm not on the job, I'm dealing with family."

"They've actually just started seeing each other. You have any preferences for lunch."

"Nope, you decide, I'm going to enjoy not having to plan or make menu choices" she said, and linked her arm through his.

"Tell me about home, fill me in on everyone."

"Well, Jenna has of course taken center stage, though you'd think we'd be used to babies by now. But, not us, Mom's already started knitting, as though this was the most important and precious grandchild."

"But they are, Kathleen, don't you feel that way...each new baby...is special. I miss that,
enjoying all those special occasions."

"Derek," she said softly, hearing the wistfulness in his voice, "each one is special...and one day...one day, when you have yours...it will be so special."

"I hope so."

"It will be, and you can always move back."

"My life is here now. I can't imagine ever being anywhere but here."

"Do you think Meredith would move?"

"She didn't even agree to move from her house, much less across the country."

"Derek," she interrupted with concern, "Meredith said you'd be getting married."

"So she did."

"Derek, what's wrong? There seems to be two totally different and contradicting issues going on, you're going to have to talk to me."

"We will," he said, as they reached his car, and he opened her door. "I need to, but we'll wait, till we're home, because, Kathleen, once I start, I won't be able to stop," he paused, and she saw the sadness in his eyes, "and I can't break down in front of the entire world."

He drove to the waterfront and while having lunch, they spent the time catching up on family. It had been over a year he thought, two Christmases, two Thanksgivings, and countless birthdays and celebrations he had missed.

It was almost two thirty when they headed back, when he recalled passing a store on the way, and suddenly knew what he wanted to get her. "Kathleen, I know you must be tired, and want to unpack and settle in, but I want to make a stop, do you mind, I don't think it will take long."

"Derek, I'm not eighty!"

"You're beautiful, you don't look any older than the ten years ago."

"You have to say that."

"No, I don't, you really do, there's a sense of serenity always within you, and it shows."

"Uhmm... it's called love Derek, what I share with my husband, our kids, our family, it's the core of my life."

"I want that...I want that for her...and she's never had it."

"She loves you, that's so clear."

"I love her too, but it has not been easy, I haven't... I haven't given her that."

"Does she doubt that, that you love her."

"Not now, I think, but, I've given her enough reasons to doubt."

"The way she looks at you, right now, I think she knows."

"Here, we are," he said grinning, "pointing to the world renowned store."

"Tiffany's...Derek, are you thinking of buying a ring? That could take hours."

"No, it's just... I need to get her something...something special."

Kathleen reflected on the time they had spent together, but was unable to identify what was going on with him, with them, because this was definitely about Meredith and Derek. The psychiatrist in her felt frustrated and wanted to force him to get to the point, but the sister was patiently waiting to discover the reasons behind her brother's despair the night before, and the sadness and hope of today.

They walked in and were offered assistance right away, and he told them he was looking for a gift, something simple, and wanted to look around. The assumption was made they were husband and wife, and they laughed at the suggestion, clarifying they were siblings.

"Derek, what kind of gift do you want, there's quite a selection here, something with a diamond, a stone?"

"No, I'll know when I see it, maybe they won't even have something here at all."

"Derek, we are at Tiffany, of course they'll have something here," she said, and he started to walk away, and she joined him at the case where he was looking at various silver items.

"Do you think these look too plain, these items," he asked.

"I don't know Meredith's taste, but some of these things are very pretty, I've always loved her collections, maybe if you told me the occasion, I could help."

"These are a nice collection, you're familiar with the designer?"

"Yes, Elsa Peretti, very familiar, in fact I bought your goddaughter that bracelet for her graduation, and I buy the baby items as gifts all the time."

He wasn't really listening to her, as something caught his eye, and asked to see it, and when he had it in his hand, knew it was the perfect gift for Meredith.

"What do you think, is this pretty, do you think she'll like it?"

"I think she will love that," noting the expression on his face, and partly interpreting the meaning behind it.

The afternoon went by quickly, much more so than he'd expected, and when they reached the island, he knew there wasn't a lot of time left for them to talk before Mark and Meredith joined them.

"Derek, this is lovely, truly a beautiful spot, you didn't need to get the suite for me."

"Of course I did, I wanted you to enjoy the view, and have a place to relax, and the owners here, at Skiff House are very accommodating."

"Thank you, it's a wonderful choice. Give me about 30 minutes to unpack and shower, and we'll be ready to go. Now go on, and sit on the deck, and enjoy the view."

"Derek, answer my phone, I forgot to bring it up here," she yelled to him from the loft.

"Where is it?"

"In my purse."

"I can't go through your purse."

"Just do it, damn it, before it goes to voice mail."

"Fine," he said, and then "hello."

"Damn good thing I know you're her brother."

"You know she'd never consider anyone but you."

"Hey, man whore's out there, you never know."

"Some things never change," Derek laughed.

"Shep, you ok?"

"Yeah...I will be...and I'm sorry, for dragging her out here, but...thanks..."

"You needed her. She wouldn't have it any other way."

"I know, and by the way, she told me you've been dying to come out here to go fishing and camping...so, just tell me when you want to fly out here. You have a standing invitation."

"Thanks, I'm going to take you up on that, and I mean soon."

"Look forward to it. I've missed seeing you guys."

"So has she."

"I know...I'm going to change that, make the effort to get home."

"Are you going to let me talk to my wife?"

"We just got to the bed and breakfast, she's in the shower, and getting ready to go to my place, she'll call you as soon as she's done."

"Tell her the kids want to talk to her, and your sisters and Mom are being a pain in the ass."

"What else is new?"

"Yeah, you're going to owe me for this one, all the lies about where she's at."

"Whatever it takes, just ask for it."

"I think that camping trip and fishing should do it for now. Shep, hope it all works out."

"It will. I know it will. Thanks again, for your support."

"We're family, that's all that matters."

"Kathleen, I'm going to go pick up some stuff for tonight's dinner, I'll be back, take your time, and don't forget to call home."

It was almost four o'clock by the time they were on the way to the trailer.

"Derek, this is beautiful, this land, I can see why you fell in love with it."

"You haven't seen anything yet, wait till you see the lake, and the stream, and the site where I'm going to build a home."

"You're never going back, are you? Seattle, it's home now."

"I hope so, and to build my life with her."

"Derek, why the doubts?"

"If I only knew where to start?"

"How about the beginning?"

"Yeah...the beginning... or maybe...maybe it's the end where it begins."

"I'm here, for as long as you need... I'd thought two or three days, but, Derek, a few more days won't matter, and I need for you to be ok."

"I don't think you have to move out permanently," he joked.

"Stop doing that."

"What?"

"Avoiding the issues, by joking or diverting the subject."

"I'm not doing that."

"You've been doing it for years. And Derek, it won't work, not now."

"I called you. I'm not going to do that."

"Good. We understand each other."

"I want what you have. Twenty years from now, I want that, the love you still have for each other, the kids, the family... I want all that with her, and I don't know how to make her ...how I can make her believe she can have it too."

"Derek you can't make her believe anything, she needs to believe that herself."

"I know."

"But, loving her, being there for her, showing her how much you do love her, that speaks for itself, and there's trust, you need trust between you, do you have that?"

"We...we're slowly getting it back...building from scratch in many ways."

"That's a start."

They had arrived at his trailer and he stopped the car, and she got out immediately.

"Oh my God, it's really a trailer, I mean, I knew it was, but Derek, you live in a trailer," she laughed, "how in the world did Addie last out here more than a week?"

"It wasn't pretty."

"She had to hate this, despise it in fact."

"She did, but I have to give her credit, she tried, she really tried to make it work."

"Meredith loves this, doesn't she?"

"She was the first person I brought here."

"What was her reaction?"

"Complete trust in me, I spent two month with her, and then one night, I gave her snippets of my life and asked her to take the rest of it on faith...and she did..."

"But..."

"Addie showed up...and I had not told her."

"Oh my God, Derek, how could you?"

"You're not being a good shrink Kathleen, you're supposed to be objective."

"I'm your sister first, and I get to call it like it is... if you did that, you were an ass."

"Yes. Yes I was...and even after that, she still trusted me."