(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Healing Journey

Meredith and Lexie finished their lunch and were walking towards Kelly's room when both their pagers went off signaling an incoming trauma, putting an end to their plans, and keeping them busy for the next three hours.

"Mer," Alex said as he came to stand next to her, "are you doing ok?"

"Yes, thanks...it actually does help to keep busy, I'm doing better..."

"Ok," he said as he went on to treat his patient, "let me know, I'm here."

It had been the same throughout the day, each of her friends had made a point of checking on her, just a quick word, a gentle hug from George, quick teasing from Mark, each making her understand the importance of the family she had gained the day she began her internship at Seattle Grace.

"Good job everyone, this is one lucky man," Derek said as he made sure all was in order with the patient before heading to scrub out, and then found himself face to face with Miranda Bailey.

"I've been wanting to talk to you all day," she said.

"Is something wrong?"

"You tell me, Shepherd. First, I just wanted to talk to you, then I got a message from the Chief that Meredith needs time off, what the hell have you done now?"

"Why is it that everyone always assumes I've done something wrong, what if she did something wrong?"

"Shepherd," she glared at him, "I know you are not that stupid to really believe that."

"She can do something wrong," he argued.

"Stupid, overly moussed idiot...what the hell have you done?"

"Miranda," he said, and led her to a small room reserved for talking to patients, "did you see Meredith today, did she seem ok to you?"

"Stop avoiding my question."

"I'm not, Miranda, we're fine, we're working things out...I'm asking about her, because she's very good at putting up a front."

"I think she's going to be just fine. Derek...she's worried about you."

"She told you that," he said as he sat down and she did the same.

"She did."

"I'm ok," he said and was silent for a few minutes. "You were right Miranda, none of this means anything without her...and now," he said emotion in his voice, "she's been through so much, and losing the baby, a baby she never expected. I need to make sure she knows, that she understands, she's my life...nothing else matters, for the first time in her life, that she is all that matters, and I owe her..."

"Derek, it was your baby too," she said, and saw the pain of his loss reflected in his eyes.

"Yeah...it was," he said quietly.

"You need to be there for each other, that is the most important thing."

"We know...we've talked about it, I think we're ok."

"Derek, she doesn't feel you owe her. She's being brave and strong and there's all sorts of emotions she's going to be experiencing while her body gets back to normal, but, she's grown Derek...she's not the same Meredith Grey that walked in here as an intern, or went around pining for the married attending..."

"You would have to bring that up."

"It's part of your history, what's made you strong, and I see that now, I see that the two of you have become incredibly strong in your relationship. Don't let doubts and fears get in the way, Derek, you're on you way...don't lose sight of that."

"Miranda, are you ok?"

"Oh, yeah..."

"Miranda..." he said softly.

"Don't you give me that McDreamy crap..."

"I'm your friend."

"Yes...yes you are," she said, "but, I'm just not ready to talk about it...cause I'm not ready to give up...but...I may...I may just need my friend."

"I'll be here, whenever you need me," he said, and reached out and placed his hand over her folded arms, which she acknowledged with a nod of her head, "and don't forget, I'm going to take Tuck fishing," he said and she smiled.

"Shepherd, we have patients to take care of," she said retreating to the safety of her work to avoid dealing with the deeper emotions of her slowly disintegrating marriage, "now, what is this about Meredith needing time off...and the Chief is involved..."

"I'm going to propose to her."

"What..."

"I'm going to propose to her, you know...ask her to marry me..." he smiled like a little boy revealing a major secret.

"And she needs time off for that..." she questioned.

"I know...Miranda Bailey, that there's a romantic heart buried behind that gruff exterior, and you're going to help me..." he said and told her about the conversation with the chief and his plans.

"McDreamy...you've earned that name today..." she said, "and you're making me sentimental...now get out of here and so I can do my job, stupid man, always making me have to work harder and rearrange schedules, and...after this, Shepherd...you're going to owe ME!"

He pulled her from the chair and hugged her, "thank you, Miranda, I will...whatever you want...just four days off...that's all I need...that will work ...thank you."

"Shep, four days will get you there and back... do you ever think ahead?

"I figured, we'd spend three days there..." he added defensively.

"You're going to be stuck in a metal tube for over 10 hours and then back again in 3 days...I wonder sometimes...what makes you such a good brain surgeon..."

"I'm trying to be considerate of your scheduling needs," he smiled.

"She's scheduled to work the next two days, eight to six and then I had her off on the weekend. You make sure, whatever you do, she's back here one week from Monday, ready for pre-rounds..." she smiled and added, "make that a seven a.m. shift. So you've got more than four days, put them to good use, and don't even think of time off for another year, for Grey that is, you take your time off up with the Chief."

"Thank you," he said and kissed her cheek, leaving her to contemplate what she wanted, needed to do with her marriage.

Meredith's shift had come to an end when she came across her sister, "Lexie, I'm going to visit Kelly before I leave, want to come with me?"

"You really want me to meet her..."

"I do...after my dream...I do," she said and both sisters went to the private room the little girl had been moved to since Meredith and Derek had been away.

"Mrs. Mulligan," Meredith said quietly, "is it ok to visit?"

"Dr. Grey, yes, please come in," she said smiling.

"Dr. Mewedith...you came back," the little girl said, "Dr. Shep told me you would."

"Hi Kelly, how are you feeling," Meredith asked her, "you're looking beautiful, and like your head doesn't hurt anymore."

"Dr. Mewedith, my head don't hurt for many days...Dr. Shep fixed me really good."

"He's a very good doctor, and he was very happy to be able to fix you."

"Who's she?"

"That's Lexie, she's my sister."

"She wears blue pajamas too...is she a doctor?"

"Yes, she is."

"Dr. Lexie, you're a girl too... and you're a doctor and I'm gonna be a doctor."

"You are, and I bet you may want to work right here in this hospital."

"For sure... Dr. Lexie, my grandpa, he told me the name of the hospital is just like his sister, Grace...that's a real pwetty name."

"She talks a lot," Mrs. Mulligan said apologetically.

"She's precious," Lexie said, "the entire staff is in love with her, but I had not had a chance to meet her."

"Dr. Mewedith, why were you gone, it was like you and Dr. Shep dispeared."

"Kelly, you know what Dr. Shepherd said, he had to go away a few days, but you saw him this morning."

"Mommy, I know that...but Dr. Mewedith came to visit me with him, and she dispeared too."

"Kelly, I was sick for a few days .." she said, knowing Mrs. Mulligan was already aware of their relationship.

"You mean you were sick and Dr. Shep took care of you..."

"Something like that."

"But you dispeared...oh...Mommy...they went away together. Dr.Mewedith...only mommies and daddies go away together, even if they're old like my Grandpa and Grandpa and Nana and Paddy... does that mean you have little children like me?"

"No...Kelly, I don't have a little girl like you...but if ever have a little girl, I would love for her to be just like you," she said softly, hiding her emotions while she brushed back the little girls dark hair."

"You know what sweetie, Dr. Grey's been working all day, and it's probably time for her to go home now."

"Mommy she's not Dr. Gwey, she's Dr. Mewedith and her sister is Dr. Lexie...and they came to talk to me."

"Mrs. Mulligan, it's ok...I did come to talk to you Kelly, I wanted to make sure you were all better, and so did Lexie, because everyone here is so happy that you're not feeling sick anymore."

"Dr. Mewedith...do you want to see my pictures?"

"Of course I do," she said and Lexie realized Meredith was associating Kelly with the girl in her dream, and wasn't so sure how healthy that was for her emotions.

"Look," she said reaching for a coloring book, "this is me...that's why I've gots dark hair, and my eyes are just like the green grass of iwland..."

"She means Ireland, my father and father in law are both very proud Irishman."

"And you do have very beautiful green eyes," Meredith said, as the little girl continued to turn the pages.

"This is me again," she said, "but I added my baby brother, he has no hair," she laughed, "and look, this is my angel friend, "her name is Bwianna."

"She has very pretty blue eyes," Meredith said, and felt Lexie's hand on her shoulder.

"Oh yes...her eyes are just like Dr. Shep, and he gots to see this picture, cause I made it for him...cause she said...I should make a pweety picture for my doctor."

"She did...when you had your dream about your angel, she said that."

"She's done nothing but talk about it," her mother said, "and insists it wasn't a dream."

"You know children have very vivid imaginations, Mrs. Mulligan."

"Please call me Colleen," Mrs. Mulligan told her, not understanding herself why she felt the need for a more personal conversation. "We are so grateful to Dr. Shepherd and you...and that he was available, when you were going through your own personal loss, I hope everything is better for your family."

"Yes...it's getting better, Colleen, but you'd have to call me Meredith."

"Mommy," the child protested, "Dr. Mewedith came to see me...no grown up talk."

"Kelly, sweetie, you know better than to interrupt when adults are talking."

"I know Mommy, but it was lots and lots of days since she came to see me."

"You know what Kelly, while you're here, I'll come visit you every day, and I bet Lexie would like to come visit you too."

"I would, Kelly, I have a little niece that I hope is going to grow up to be just like you."

"What's her name? Is she big?"

"Her name is Laura and she's almost a year old."

"Do you know her Dr. Mewedith?"

"Yes, she's my niece too...and I was there the day she was born."

"Was she ugly?"

"Kelly, all babies are beautiful," her mother said.

"No, Mommy...Sean was ugly, but he's beautiful now, even if he has no hair."

The three women did not want to laugh, and it was true they thought not all newborns were beautiful.

"Kelly, all mommies look at their babies and think their beautiful, because they know just what they will look like."

"Mommy, I see my baby pictures, I was not ugly like Sean."

"You were beautiful," her mother said, kissing her forehead, "since the day you were born."

"Don't tell my baby brother Mommy, cause he don't know he was ugly."

"We won't tell him but he was always beautiful to your Daddy and me."

"Dr. Mewedith...you gots to meet him...I love him lots and lots..."

"I'm sure he loves you lots and lots too..." she said, "maybe I will meet him before you go home."

"You gots too...he comes to visit with my Daddy."

"Tell you what, I'll be back tomorrow, and maybe I can see him," she said.

"Dr. Mewedith, is Dr. Shep coming back, cause I got to give him my picture."

"I bet you he is, before he goes home," and just as she said it, Derek walked in and was surprised to find Meredith and Lexie.

"How's my favorite patient?" he said as he went to Kelly's side, "how was your day today?"

"I'm all better, can I go home?"

"I think you're going to go home very soon," he said, and walked over to the other side of the bed, and kissed Meredith's cheek.

"Dr. Shep, you kissed Dr. Mewedith and she said you dispeared together...do you live in the same house?"

"Oh God," they heard her mother mutter.

"It's ok Colleen, I've got fourteen nieces and nephews...I'm used to this."

"We're going to build a house and live there together as soon as we get married," he said surprising Meredith with the familiarity he was expressing himself in front of Colleen.

"You're going to be just like Mommy and Daddy..."

"Yes...we probably will be," he said, reaching for Meredith's hand.

"Dr. Shep, I made you a beautiful picture..."

"You did...can I see it?"

"Dr. Mewedith see it already and she said you would come to see me before you went home."

"She did...she's very smart."

"Of course she is, she's a doctor, I'm going to make one for her too, and you have to put it on your frigerator."

"Ok...let's see, this is you, and this is your baby brother...and who is this?"

"That's Bwianna, she's my angel friend," she stated, "and she said I should color you a picture."

"She told you that..." he said, squeezing Meredith's hand, "when you had your dream?"

"She was here Dr. Shep...not my dream...Mommy knows, I told her the whole story...can I tell you the story?"

"Kelly, sweetie...Dr.Shepherd is very busy...he has other patients..."

"It's ok, Colleen...I would love to hear the story...and I bet you Meredith and Lexie would too."

"Oh...Dr. Shep...she was so beautiful...she was a little girl just like me, and she giggled really funny...cause she told me a story and I thought it was silly...and she giggled and told me I was silly too," Kelly laughed.

"Dr.Shepherd, I'm not sure if we should encourage her...she really believes this..."

"You know what...who says she didn't?"

"You think...but you're a doctor..."

"I believe in miracles, Colleen, and her fever dropping after so many hours like it did, it had nothing to do with medicine...and yes...I believe in miracles..."

"You think...that she ..."

"I believe she has angels watching over her...and why not a little girl named Brianna."

"That's....that's what my mother in law said..."

"That's my Nana Maggie," they heard Kelly say, obviously listening to the exchange between the adults, "she says my friend Bwianna is my own little angel."

"Kelly, do you want to tell us the rest of the story," Meredith said, as she came closer and gently touched her cheek.

"She was right there, Dr. Mewedith, sitting right there, and my eyes were closed and my head hurt lots and lots and she touched my arm and whispered really low....and she said...Kelly you gots to wake up...lots of times and I opened my eyes and she was looking at me and I wasn't scared cause she was a little girl just like me, and she said I had to get waked up because Mommy and Daddy were so sad...and they wanted their little girl to get better...and that was me, cause Daddy says I'm his pwincess and she said if I stayed sleeping mommy and daddy would cry lots and lots and be sad and I had to get better and we talked about funny stories."

"Did you feel better when she visited you?" Derek asked, "did your head stop hurting?"

"I waked up and my head heart but not lots and lots, and I asked her why she was alone...cause she was a little girl like me...and she said her grandma and grandpa were taking care of her, but I did not see them, and I told her about my Grandma and Grandpa and Nana Maggie and Paddy and that Mommy and Daddy took me to the hospital to get all better, and she told me her Mommy and Daddy were far away."

Derek reached for Meredith's hand, and felt her slight tremble and stood closer to her, ready to offer the emotional support he knew she needed.

"Did she tell you where she was?" Meredith asked softly.

"She said she had to go to heaven when she was just a baby and her mommy and daddy did not get to brings her to the hospital to get all better but she got to be an angel...and I ask what her name was...and she was so silly, right Mommy, so silly," she giggled, "cause she said her mommy and daddy called her baby bear..." she giggled again, "that was so silly...she was a baby angel not a baby bear..."

Colleen Mulligan watched the emotions on the faces of Meredith, Derek and Lexie, and she too began to understand the depth and poignancy of the spiritual gift little girl had experienced.

"That's right, sweetie, your friend Brianna was a little silly, but I bet that her Mommy and Daddy were very sad they could not make her better, and you know how Daddy always calls you his little princess..." she said as Kelly nodded, "I bet Brianna's Mommy and Daddy called her their little baby bear," she finished and fought to keep the tears from falling, "because she was such a tiny baby she didn't have a name yet."

"Mommy, that's so silly...remember when my baby brother was in your tummy... and Daddy was so silly and called him peanut," she giggled.

"That's because he was very little and he was about the size of a peanut," Colleen said, kissing her and drawing her close to her.

"But Mommy...a baby bear is big...so why would Bwianna's Mommy think she was a baby bear when she was in her tummy..."

"Out of the mouth of babes," Lexie murmured, and Meredith reached for her hand, and squeezed.

"You know what Kelly, I think Brianna's Mommy and Daddy thought it was a silly name too...but your friend, she has a beautiful name for a little angel, you want to tell Meredith what she looked like."

"She's beautiful Dr. Mewedith...I'm never going to forget her...cause her eyes are always sparkly and she's so happy...she said she was happy being in heaven and she could come and help be my little angel...but she was not really supposed to come talk to me...but she did...and she said she would always be my friend."

"I'm sure she will be..." Meredith said, and didn't even try to keep the lone tear from
falling.

"Dr. Mewedith, why are your eyes wet? Are you sad?"

"No sweetie, I'm not sad, but sometimes...your eyes are wet when you're happy."

"Everybody's happy now...cause Dr. Shep and Dr. Lexie have wet eyes too..."

"We're all happy that we got to meet you and that you are such a special little girl that is going to go home very soon, right Dr. Shep?" she said, turning to Derek.

"I think..." he was about to answer when the door swung open and John Mulligan walked in with a chubby bald seven month old with bright green eyes that looked around at everyone in the room and then, let out an excited "li...li..."

"Daddy, I missed you so much," Kelly said, "and my baby brother," she said, as the baby continued to repeat her name, "Li....li..." and was not quiet until he was brought to her side and cuddled against her, and just as suddenly looked up and searched for his mom.

"Ma-ma, ma..ma..."

"So, you remember me," Colleen said lifting him from the bed, and cuddling him.

"Dr. Grey, Derek."

"John," Derek said extending his hand, "this is Lexie Grey, Meredith's sister."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Lexie, has this one been talking your ear off?"

"Daddy, you are so silly...ears can't talk, ask Mr. Rabbit...and he has big ears," she said cuddling her stuffed animal.

"John, I was just going to tell Kelly here, that she can probably go home in a couple of days, but," he said, speaking to the little girl, "you have to do everything your Mommy and Daddy tell you, do you think you can do that for me?"

"I can...Dr. Shep...I can...cause I want to go home so much..."

"Well, you just have to remember that you have a big owie on your back...and you have to do everything I'm going to tell you...and that means you're going to have to stay in bed most of the time, but soon you can do everything you could do before you got sick...do you think you can do that?"

"Oh yes...I can follow twuctions very good."

"She means instructions," John added smiling, "and she really can go home in a couple of days?"

"I don't see why not, I'm going to monitor her the next forty eight hours, and if all continues as it has, there's no reason she can't go home, as long as she's supervised all the time."

"Of course," he said, "Colleen and I will be there and her grandparents, but we will also have a nurse full time, so there's no risk to her recovery."

"She's going to be fine, and she will make a full recovery."

"Dr. Mewedith...do you think my baby brother looks like the picture I draw of him?"

"Yes, he is just as beautiful as you told me," Meredith responded, as the baby who had been entertaining himself with his mother's necklace and putting it in his mouth, looked up towards her and flashed a toothless grin that tugged at her heart.

"Kelly, we're going to go now, but I'll be back to see you in the morning," Derek told her, realizing it had been a very emotional encounter for Meredith.

"Dr. Shep, don't forget your picture."

"I'm going to put it on the refrigerator just like you told me, thank you for such a beautiful gift," he said and bent down and gave the little girl a kiss on the cheek.

"Dr. Mewedith, will you come back so I can give you your picture?"

"Of course," she said, "I will stop by tomorrow."

"Can I give you a hug Dr.Mewedith...cause you don't have a little girl, and Mommy says little girl hugs are very special and they make wet eyes go away."

Meredith reached down to hug her, and felt her little arms go around her neck and hug her tightly, and emotions yet to be discovered planted small seeds of hope in her heart, as she was certain she heard a faint familiar whisper, "I love you lots mommy," and her soul continued its gentle healing journey.

Baby Sean began to get restless, "Da...da...da...da...li...li..." until his father took him, and was holding him when Derek and Meredith had walked around to leave.

Derek extended his hand to both John and Colleen, "I'll see you tomorrow, thanks again, for everything," he said, leaving Meredith a bit confused over that comment.

"Ma-ma, ma...ma...ma..." the baby now wanted to go back to his mother, who was standing closer to Meredith, and he extended his chubby arms to tug at Meredith's hair, and began talking to her.

"He loves blondes," John chuckled, "all of us are black Irish, so he goes for the opposite, don't you Sean," and the baby laughed at the sound of his father's chuckle.

"Well Sean, you really are precious," Meredith said, and the baby smiled tugging harder at her hair, "you sister was right," she said and the baby just giggled, and Colleen saw the melancholy in her eyes and handed the baby back to her husband, and pulled Meredith aside.

"Meredith, you just lost a baby, didn't you?"

"Very few people know...but yes...and we...we called her baby bear," she said quietly, and felt herself pulled into her Colleen's embrace.

"She's my Kelly's angel...Meredith, I believe that...I believe in miracles, and you, the two of you...he saved her in the operating room...and Brianna...she was yours...and I believe she was her angel."

"Thank you..." Meredith said, and hugged her back, "thank you."

Derek and Lexie witnessed the embrace between the two women and taken aback, as it was very unlike Meredith to easily accept any form of intimacy.

"Lexie, it was very nice to meet you, I hope you'll stop by again."

"Mrs. Mulligan, it was very nice to meet you too, and I'll be back to see Kelly."

"Oh, please, call me Colleen."

Kelly was beginning to feel left out, "Dr. Mewedith...you won't forget...to see me and come get your picture...this one is going to be me and my friend Bwianna."

"I won't forget...Kelly, I'll come see you tomorrow," she said and walked to the bed again, and kissed her cheek, but the little girl hugged her again, "you have sweet dreams tonight."

The three of them walked outside the room, and Lexie simply reached out and embraced her sister, "amazing...Mer...that was amazing...your dream Mer...and now this...I hope you realize what a gift they were..."

"I do, Lexie...I do," she said, and turned to look at Derek and smiled. "I'll see you at home."

"Bye Derek," Lexie said, giving him a sisterly peck on the cheek, and she walked away as Meredith turned to Derek and reached for his hand and they both walked towards his office in silence.

Derek closed the door behind him and she immediately walked into his embrace and released all the tears she'd been holding back, from the moment Kelly had began to tell her story.

"Oh...Derek...she believes she had a little angel visit her...and her Mommy and Daddy called her baby bear," she cried.

"Our baby...Meredith...she's Kelly's little angel," he said, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

"Colleen said that Derek, she understood...she knew Kelly was talking about our baby."

"I believe she did," he said, gently caressing her back.

"Derek, you don't think I'm crazy?"

"I think," he said, kissing her softly, "you were given a beautiful gift, your dream, and now today...we were both given something very special...something that we were meant to hear, and Meredith, I believe...I truly do...even though I did not understand it at the time, that Kelly was meant to come into our lives...so our sadness and our loss would be a little more bearable...and all of this, it's like the first step of a healing journey."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you Meredith, let's go home," he said and both understood that home was not always a physical location, and as long as they were together, the emotions and feelings of love held dear within their hearts would ultimately dictate the right place they would call home.

Earlier that day, deep in the hours of the night, an unexpected and inexplicable dream and an angel's touch allowed two soul mates destined to be together for eternity to believe in dreams and miracles; and their loved ones far away, yet always spiritually near, rejoiced, for their messages had indeed been delivered and the healing journey had begun.