(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Cuddling

Meredith allowed herself to bask in the luxury of his tender care and gentle caresses. It had been so long, so long since he had been in this room. She felt a bit melancholy when she couldn't remember the last time they had simply laid on her bed and held each other all night long.

He finished his tender ministrations and reached for a dry towel, wrapping it around her and gently turning her to face him. They stood gazing at each other as if for the first time after months of absence from each other's lives, and he reached for her and just held her in his arms.

"I love you Meredith," he told her as he lightly kissed her forehead.

He felt her tremble and heard her sigh, as she buried herself closer in his embrace, holding on to him as though she'd never let go, and then he felt her tears dampen his shirt.

"Please, don't ...Meredith, don't cry. I feel that's all you've done, the last couple of days, and I know I'm the only one responsible, and I'm so sorry, so sorry for what I've done to make you feel this way."

She pulled away slightly and pressed her lips to his, he could taste her tears and his heart felt like it would break, as he was suddenly transported back to the day she kissed him and told him she didn't want to hate him anymore.

She smiled softly and said, "no more tears," as she brushed them away.

He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her gently at first and soon they were both lost in a world of passion and desire that left them breathless.

"Meredith," he whispered, his voice hoarse with desire, "we have to stop...I'm sorry...I know you're not ready...I don't want to pressure you...."

"Derek...I want you...I do...but...so much has happened... I ...just..."

"It's ok...well...it's not ok..." he joked teasing her, "but... I'll wait...I'll wait till you're ready...but, you're going to have to change into something more than a towel..."

She leaned in and kissed him lightly and walked into the bedroom to change.

She threw on her a pair of grey sweat pants and her old Dartmouth t-shirt and joined him in the kitchen a few minutes later.

He had served them each a plate of food and they sat across each other at the kitchen table.

"This is really good, thanks for cooking."

"Well, I can't very well let you starve, since apparently Izzie is on call tonight."

"I would have found something to eat, and besides George and Lexie always manage to come up with food."

"So there was no need for me to come over...uhmm... that's good to know."

"There was a need."

"Was there?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I needed you...tonight...I needed you here with me."

He reached out and their hands met across the table.

"Did you bring desert?"

"Your favorite cheesecake..."

"You brought me cheesecake from ..."

"Your favorite place..."

"Oh...that was ... thank you."

"You're welcome."

"It's only fair I do dishes..."

"What's going on with you and Cristina?"

"What do you mean?"

"Earlier today and at Joe's, you've been..."

"Vocal about her sarcasm..."

"It doesn't usually bother you."

"You're right, it's just that lately, she just doesn't quit, and it gets tiring, to always have to defend what I do or say."

"Uhmm..."

"What aren't you saying?"

"Nothing."

"Derek nothing... or Meredith nothing?"

"Meredith nothing."

"You can tell me what you think, I'm not totally blind to her shortcomings."

"Let's just say, I don't always think she takes into account that you are a sensitive, caring individual... and I think she should."

"I know... but she's my friend."

"I get that...and she's been there for you."

"Yes...and lately, well I've just been feeling like I don't want to always hear such harshness."

"I'm proud of you Meredith, I was today, when you stood up for your Lexie."

"Ah...Lexie..."

"What...I haven't said anything."

"But she has...you two seem to have lots of conversations."

"We have a lot of in common."

"You what," she questioned...

"You, Meredith, we have you in common."

"Oh..."

"She's nice. I'm glad the two of your are getting to know each other."

"I was wrong about her, she's sweet and caring and compassionate, and she's being a good friend right now."

"Uhmm..."

"I could describe you exactly the same way..."

"If you ever consider flirting with her again...you're both dead."

"Jealous..."

"I don't get jealous..."

He laughed and reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, "you don't need to be, you're the only woman I want in my life."

They finished their meal and cleaned up the kitchen, and went to sit on the couch after switching on a movie. Derek held her in his arms as she snuggled closer and soon the emotions of the day had them both falling asleep, and that was how Lexie and George found them when they arrived home a couple of hours later.

"George, don't make any noise...look... maybe their finding a way to work things out."

Though they were quiet, there was enough commotion that Derek was awakened and Meredith stirred in his arms and yawned.

"Hi guys...did you just get home?"

"Yes, sorry we didn't mean to disturb you."

"It's ok...didn't even realize we'd fallen asleep and it must be late, I need to go."

"Did you find a place?"

"Not yet...but we're trying, Mer, so we can get out of your hair... I mean... George is the one here...but I've been spending so much time here...that I really need to just go home tonight...and you know... not impose..."

"Lexie...you're not imposing."

"Don't say it..." Meredith told Derek as she saw him smirk.

"I can't help it... I've never seen two people ramble on like you two."

"Listen guys... Mer.. really if you don't mind.. I'll stay...and call it a night."

"I don't mind...good night guys."

Meredith and Derek found themselves alone and they snuggled close together. "I have to go, it's late."

"Derek...you could stay..."

"You want me to stay?"

"Yes... if you want...I mean.. it's a lot to ask, I know... cause I'm not ready for us..."

He silenced her with a gentle kiss, "would you like me to stay and just hold you all through the night?"

"Would you, please..."

He released her from his embrace and got up from the couch extending his hand to her,
and walked with her towards her room.

He still had some clothing and toiletries at her house which made them feel they were back to the times they had been a couple, before either could have anticipated the situation they would be in right now.

He joined her in bed a few minutes later pulling her into his arms, spooning her and taking in the lavender of her scent.

He felt at peace, he felt at home.

She felt...simply felt...safe.

"Meredith, stop thinking, go to sleep."

"How do you know I'm thinking?"

"I can feel you."

"You can feel me thinking, Derek's that's impossible."

"When I hold you in my arms, I can feel your every emotion."

"Oh..."

"Uhmm..."

She snuggled closer, and he heard her take a deep breath. "Now you're trying to keep from crying...is it so bad... me being here with you...?

She turned to face him, each lying on their side, "oh no... please...don't think that...but it's not that... " she turned to face him.

"Then what?"

"I've missed you so much...and I'm still so afraid that we....we won't...we aren't meant to make it..."

"Let's just take it one day at a time..."

"You're going to be ok with that..."

"It's going to be ok... and I assure you, we're meant to make it."

"Derek...can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything."

"I don't want you to get angry with me."

"I won't."

"You don't even know what I'm going to ask you yet ."

"No, but you've already told me it's something you think might make me angry, and I will make sure that I listen to what you want to say before I react."

"When we were arguing... last night...you said ...... we .....we crossed the line Derek....the things you said.... and I almost slapped you..."

"I was angry, and I said things I should never have said."

"But you did..."

"Yes... yes... I did...and I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that."

"Derek, we've really hurt each other."

"Yes, we have."

"Do you think...we can get past all that?"

"I love you, and I'm not going to give up on us..."

"I don't mean to... I don't mean to shut you out or turn away."

"I know you don't... but you still do, he told her honestly, and it hurts just the same."

"And...you're....you're still willing to try...and I'm not ready...I want to be... but..."

"Shush...how about we just get ready together...because I've come to realize, I haven't been very supportive or recognized you have...had been trying..."

"I was...I wish I could be bright and shiny for you... but I don't know that you'll ever get more than dark and twisty from me ."

"Meredith... I told you once before... I may not be cut out for bright and shiny either."

"You remember..." she smiled.

"How can I ever forget sharing a bathtub with you, even if all we did is soak till we turned into prunes."

"I've never cared about what anyone thought of me...couldn't afford to, if I was going to survive, and Alex may not be too far off when he says I was raised by wolves, she joked, though he could hear the sadness in her voice creeping through."

"You should be proud of who you are and all you have accomplished, on your own."

She was not used to many compliments and when she heard them, they went ignored most of the time.

"When I met you...I began to care... I care what you think...and you said some things... some things that just weren't true and you weren't being very fair."

"Again, I'm sorry that I hurt you...more than you can possibly know."

"You said I hurt you every time I got drunk and brought someone home."

"I had no right to say that."

"It's not about having rights.. it's about ... how we react... how we feel."

"You said you never cheated on me...and technically that may have been right... but it didn't hurt any less."

"Derek...when you and I have been together.... I have never been with anyone else..."

"Meredith.. it's ok...it's in the past..."

"No...it doesn't seem to be."

"Look, I believe you... when we were together, before Addison ... I believe you..."

"So, you're doubting what I'm saying..."

"No," he said, though he was pouting.

"Derek, I'm not proud of the drunken nights and inappropriate guys....but it didn't mean anything... and you'd chosen Addison...and getting drunk was the only way I had to cope...and we were over...and then I realized it wasn't what I wanted...and stopped... because none of that mattered anymore..."

"Meredith, it's never been over between us... and I get it...at that time...I had no right to expect... but... still ...it hurt."

"You had a wife, and I had no one. It wasn't the best way to deal with it, but I dealt with it..."

"Until you started knitting..." he laughed, attempting to bring a bit of lightness to the mood that had been created.

"Knitting...it didn't help you know..."

"What? The knitting..."

"None of it... trying to forget you... it didn't help...because you were ever present in my mind...in my heart and I ached for you each night..."

"Oh, Meredith....there are so many things I would change...I'd never have attempted to make my marriage work...so many things..."

"It's ok... we just need to learn from that... I guess... maybe it may help us now..."

"I've lied to you Mer..."

"What???"

"About not being jealous...I was consumed by it... unable to function properly anytime
I thought of you with someone else... especially ....when it wasn't just one night, especially then..."

"You mean Finn."

"Yeah...that consumed me alive."

"Derek... if we're trying... trying to move forward... make things work between us shouldn't we... I mean...should we try to be really honest with each other..."

"Yes, of course... that's the only way I think this will work"

"I think we're going to need to spend a lot of time talking Derek... and I'm not used to that."

"Well... what about I take your advice ...and we do like you suggested... little steps... one step at a time..."

"Derek...about being honest..."

"Yes..."

"There was no need to be jealous..."

"Are you referring to one particular situation?"

"Yes..."

"Uhm..."

"I never slept with Finn."