(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Mama Bear

Derek saw the scene unfolding and immediately went outside, but his sister stopped him with one look, her eyes motioning to be left alone.

"Kathleen," she said after a few minutes, "you said...you said...no matter what happens," and paused as tears continued to gather in her eyes, "does that...does that mean...he may not want ...he's only with me...now...because of the baby...that he doesn't want us to stay together..."

Literally speechless at first, she wasn't quick to respond, before Meredith continued.

"It's ok...I understand...he got sick of the dark and twisty ...and the other night...probably...he got to tell you...and he doesn't want to deal with all my issues anymore..."

"Meredith, stop...right now...good God, you and Derek are exhausting..."

"What?" Meredith uttered in surprise.

"You two are exhausting... you have wiped me out today..."

"I'm sorry..." Meredith said with a hint of defensiveness, "I didn't mean to impose on you..."

"That comment, right now, it has to stop. Listen to me, I know you've been through a very difficult period, far worse than most people ever experience, but there's one thing you're going to need to get used to...and that's me, saying what I think...because, Meredith, you and I are going to be dealing with each other for many years to come..."

"But you said..."

"I know what I said...and you can't take everything literally and analyze it to death..."

"Fine," she said, just a bit petulant, "but how am I supposed to interpret no matter what happens, you want to be my friend...I mean, that would imply you think something might happen, that we're not together...like...well, if we're friends because Derek and I are not together...and..."

"My teenagers and all their friends would be such a welcome relief from you and Derek right now..."

"That is not nice...Kathleen...."

"Neither is you trying to play up the hormones bit...it won't work with me, I've been through this far too many times...more than 14 pregnancies..."

"I thought...there's only 14 grandchildren...."

"It's just a number..."

"Kathleen, I'm sorry...I'm not used to this much talking...or family..."

"That is the only reason I'm not mad at you..."

"You're not..."

"No, just frustrated."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh, and let's see, what does, oh mean, or frustrated for that matter?"

"You're laughing at me."

"Yes, I probably am."

"Hormones or not. That is not nice!"

"You could be right."

"Kathleen, I'm glad you're here...and that you'd like....that you think...you want to be my friend. I've never allowed myself to trust too many people...Derek and I have issues about that...but he doesn't understand, I've always known I could only depend on myself."

"Why is that?"

"It that the shrink talking?"

"Probably a bit of shrink...and sister...and friend...and future sister in law..."

"I can live with that," Meredith smiled.

"So, what's the answer?"

"There's a lot of issues...Kathleen, that I've never dealt with...things...my childhood, I have never shared with anyone...and...they shape your life...whether you want them to or not..."

"I know that Meredith, but, you can't allow your future to become a hostage of your past...one you had no control of..."

"I'm going to go therapy...not today, I had to cancel...but I will."

"You didn't cancel, it was rescheduled, just like we need to reschedule our lives sometimes...adapt to change...or be left behind."

"Derek and I...we've ...I think...we've made progress, right now the past two weeks, we've adapting ...trying to move forward with our lives...we don't want to go back to the way it was..."

"I am certain, without any doubt, that the two of you are going to be fine...you are going to work things out, but Meredith, you two need to talk..."

"We have been...more than ever before..."

"He told me."

"You know everything..."

"I think so..."

"And you still...you still want him...want us to be together?"

"Why wouldn't I want that?"

"What I said to him...about wanting...about....about joining my mother..."

"You see...I don't believe you meant that..."

"I didn't ...but I wanted to hurt him, like he had hurt me..."

"Like you thought, he had hurt you..."

"Yes, I made the wrong assumption..."

"What does that tell you?"

"Right now?

"Yes."

"That Derek is pacing up and down and is impatient as hell and wants to come out here."

"That's his problem..."

"I can see him Kathleen."

"I already told him to stay way."

"You did, when?"

"When he came out here earlier."

"I didn't see him."

"I'm that good...I have kids remember...tons and nieces and nephews to always keep me a step ahead."

"He's probably imagining all sorts of things"

Yes, I'm sure he is, since you two seem to have that unfortunate trait down to a science."

"I feel guilty...we should go in."

"No, that would be avoiding the rest of this conversation, and he can keep himself occupied with that blackberry, treo or sidekick or whatever gadget it is he has, playing whatever game he plays on that thing all day along."

Meredith's laughter could be heard I inside the house, lifting his hopes, but knowing he would not necessarily be privy to the entire conversation taking place.

"I'm not trying to avoid anything...you have no idea...Kathleen, I'm talking to you...like I very rarely ...to be honest...never talk with people...and with you...we've just met, and I feel...I can talk to you...that it's ok...that it's ok to trust you...to trust my heart...and be open with you...I feel...like I belong...like you really mean you want to be my friend..."

"That is the nicest thing you could have said to me," she said, and held her hand, "you do belong...and I do want to be your friend..."

"No one...except Cristina, and I've only really known her since I came to Seattle, has ever been there for me...and Derek, but that's different, what's between us, is different..."

"You know Meredith, when he called me, it was a terrible moment, but I truly believe God works in mysterious ways...we don't always understand His ways...but, I believe He meant for me to be here...and for us to have this time together."

Meredith squeezed her hand, and both women were teary eyed, "I'm beginning to believe He does, Kathleen..."

"Meredith, Derek and I talked about many things today, and I'm glad we're talking now, because, I'm going to tell you what I said to him. You two need to talk, a lot...sit down and start talking...from the beggining, and work it out one issue at a time...you're going to therapy, and that will help, but the key will be you and him talking...trusting each other...you already love each other, so the rest will take care of itself."

"Do you really believe that?"

"That it can work?"

"That we can make it?"

"When he called me, if you had asked me, I would have said, Nancy was probably right."

"Oh..."

Derek could not wait any longer and went outside, "are you two coming in?"

"Derek Christopher, didn't I tell you to leave us to talk..."

"No, you just opened your eyes and shooed me away..."

"Same thing."

"Meredith," he said, kissing her softly, "are you ok?"

"We're ok."

"You've been talking for a long time Kathleen."

"Yes."

"Meredith's not great at talking for a long time."

"Maybe, it's because she hasn't had good conversationalists?"

Meredith giggled, "it's ok Derek, we're just about done."

"Are you dismissing me too..." he pouted.

"Yes," both women answered.

"Fine."

"Derek," Meredith said, reaching out for his hand, and stopping him from walking away, "we'll talk later."

"Fine."

"Derek, that's not nice..." she said, unable to keep from smiling.

"I'm on to you...finish your talk."

"Meredith, when he called me, I knew he had reached rock bottom."

"I know...I'm sorry."

"Don't be... you probably should have said that months ago...because you need to deal with your feelings about that day, he needs to understand, he thinks you gave up, and I don't think you did at all."

"I didn't...I did...but not intentionally, just for a moment I closed my eyes, and then I was struggling...and I couldn't...I couldn't..." she started to get very upset, and Kathleen stopped her.

"Hey, not now...you don't have to remember that now...take a deep breath...that's it."

"He doesn't understand...how it was...what happened..."

"Then make him understand."

"There's things...in my past...with my Mom...when I was a kid...Kathleen, I swear I would never...I'd never do that to him again...it happened, but it wasn't intentional...I would never do that to him...now...or ever, to our kids...and I fought...I fought back...he doesn't now, but I did...just for him..."

"He needs to know that."

"How can he not know?"

"Meredith....none of us are mind readers, he needs to know...he's tormented...he is afraid of losing you again, he is obsessed with keeping you safe."

"He won't lose me, I promised him...he won't ever have to deal with that again, I swear, he won't, I came back for him...Kathleen, just for him..."

"Tell him...it's you and him...the two of you that need to trust each other, Meredith, from what he's said...you've both saved each other from drowning...that's what he told me, you saved him from drowning, a breath of fresh air, and then he literally saved you, brought you back to life...now you need to start trusting each other, and get on with the rest of your lives."

"He told me didn't want to breathe for me anymore..."

"He told me that...and he's deeply deeply ashamed, he wants you to be proud of him...he wants to be the man you can be proud of again."

"I am proud of him...even when I'm angry with him..."

"Those are the things you need to talk to each other about...and yes, I told him he needs to go to therapy too."

"That, I'm sure did not go over well..."

"Meredith, Derek always keeps to himself, he rarely ever reaches out to anyone or allows anyone to see his weakness, when he called me, I knew there was something very wrong."

"I know, and it's my fault..."

"I would not say it's a matter of fault, I think it's a matter of love...he loves you so much, he was willing to reach out for help, when he has not done it before, he did it for you, because of you, because he's willing to try...he's willing to do whatever it takes for the two of you to be together, to have a future together...build a life together...he does not want to have a life without you in it, and neither do you, from what I have witnessed."

"I think we can...we can live without each other...but I don't want to, our lives would be empty without each other, and I'm willing to try too, whatever it takes."

"That's the Meredith I've come to know in the last two days...the one that will go ahead and take the leap, and asks the questions, and is beginning to trust. That's the Meredith, I'm so proud to know is going to be my friend and my sister...because, you know what... Jenna is probably going to be your favorite sister in law" she smiled, "but from now on...I'm your big sister...get used to it..."

"Kathleen..."

"Yes?"

"I think," she paused, "I think God is beginning to remember to answer some of my prayers...from a long long time ago..."

"See...He works in mysterious ways...not always our timing..."

"Would you...would you like to know...which prayer he's answered," she asked, and Kathleen felt like her heart would break in two hearing the vulnerability in her voice.

"I would be honored..."

"Nobody knows, but since I was a little girl...after my Dad left...I would pray...pray for a family...I have a photo you know, of my Mom and Dad, and me...by my nightstand...I always just wanted a family...and now...he's given me Derek back...and a baby..." she paused, and wiped the tears away, "and I have my friends here, they've been like family...but now...I think He's really answered, by bringing Lexie and you to my life."

Kathleen was too choked up to respond, but did what she did best, offer the comfort long perfected by motherhood, and embraced her, "and from now on, you'll always have me."

"Thank you...for putting up with me..."

"Hey, give me more credit than that...it was you and Derek," she said, and both laughed.

'We should go in now," Meredith said, "you must be hungry."

"I must be hungry?" Kathleen teased.

"I think you should be, but if you're not, your niece or nephew are."

"Not to mention their mom."

"Not to mention their mom," she said, and placed her hand protectively over her abdomen.

"Speaking of which," Kathleen said, linking her arm through Meredith's, and walked inside the house, "I bought you something."

"For the baby?"

"About the baby...a couple of books, I think you will like."

"Are you two finished with your three hour conversation" Derek asked.

"It was not three hours, barely an hour, and I spent all day talking with you, so don't be a smart ass."

"It felt like three hours."

"That's because you're nosy, and don't know what we talked about."

"Stop being a bully, Kathleen."

"I see some things never change," they heard Mark call out from the kitchen door.

"Mark, what a surprise, I didn't expect to see you," Kathleen said, and went up to kiss him on the cheek.

"I wasn't invited."

"You didn't need an invitation if you wanted to have dinner with us," Derek commented, "b ut you made it pretty clear last night you had plans for tonight, don't tell me you stood up Tracy?"

"Oh, no, Dr. Sloan, the club is going to be back in full gear, if you do that."

"Grey, how could you think that of me?"

"Sorry, I mean...I wasn't trying to be flippant, or anything, just we all know about NUAMS...and well, Tracy is a nurse, and you've been out with her a lot, and there's actually bets about how long...and each night they see you at Joe's there's a new ...oh please, just me up now, I'm sorry, I was out of line...I should not have..."

"Derek," Kathleen said, "I take it rambling is a contagious trait..."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because I've heard it from three of you today," she said, and Mark roared with laughter.

"Kat, you've just been exposed to the Grey Ramble..."

"I have never heard anything like that, you didn't grow up together, and yet you are exactly alike, girls do you breathe during those rambles?"

"Kathleen," Derek said, "I think you are about to experience a...that's not nice...speech from Meredith."

"Don't be an ass," he heard Meredith say, before he felt two simultaneous smacks on each arm, one from Meredith and one from Kathleen.

"Grey," Mark said, "tell me, what do you know about the club?"

"Dr. Sloan, I'm sorry, I should not have said anything."

"Xena, it's ok...I want to know, and Meredith, does Lexie know I'm going to be best man...and...you know..."

Meredith was standing next to Derek, and placed her arm around his waist, "Mark, the entire world knows you're going to be bestman, and...does you know, mean, does she know you're going to be godfather?"

"She knows?"

"She knows."

"Thank God, I can talk to someone about it...well Xena, I think you can start calling me Mark...since we're going to be godparents together..."

"Dr. Sloan...I don't..."

"Grey...come on...we're going to be Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark..."

"Mark...I suppose I can do that..."

"Very good Grey."

"Are you staying for dinner?"

"I wasn't planning on it, I just came by to see how Mer was doing, and I can see she's much better than this afternoon. Did you get some rest?"

"I did," she said, and walked to him and kissed him on the cheek, "thank you, for today."

"I'm taking my responsibilities seriously."

"Yes, you are, and both of us...all three of us thank you," Derek said.

"I'm starving," Kathleen said, "can we eat?"

"Of course. Lexie do you mind setting up the rest for dinner, I'll be right back," she said pulling on Derek's hand and leading him to the living room.

"What's going on?"

"Hold me," she said and walked into his arms.

"Rough day?"

"A little."

"Are you ok?"

"I think so."

"But?"

"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry, I overreached about the pizza when you came in with Kathleen, and I needed to say I love you, just us, alone."

"I love you too, and no apology was necessary, I understood."

"All the more reason, I wanted to apologize," she said, lightly brushing his lips with hers.

"Ok...did you have a good talk with Kathleen?"

"The absolute best...I'll tell you later, let's go eat."

"You're feeling ok? No more faintness?"

"I'm feeling ok."

They were walking back, when Kathleen came out of the kitchen.

"I'll join you in a second, want to get your books."

Meredith was pleased there were no intrusions from the interns/residents at home tonight, as the five of them enjoyed their evening meal, allowing them to speak freely.

"Meredith, I got you these two books, I know everyone gets, What to expect when you're expecting, but you two are doctors, and I think that one is fairly basic..."

Meredith and Derek laughed, and he reached over for her hand, bringing it to his mouth and placing a gentle kiss, "Kat, I think we both failed the we're doctors bit, since neither of us even realized what was going on till several days ago."

"You've never had kids before, that's understandable..."

"You don't understand, Kathleen, we are talking major monumental denial from Meredith," Lexie said.

"Oh, be quiet...just because you thought about it the first day...I had..."

"Yes, Meredith..." Lexie teased, "the first day you had any symptoms...I even joked with her, when she was so adamantly sure she could not be pregnant, and told her I wasn't aware she and Derek were abstaining," she said, and they all laughed, when Derek almost spilled his glass of wine.

"Cant take the heat Shep?"

"Leave him alone Mark...you know...I have some influence over bestman..."

"Grey, you can't continue to hold that over my head."

"Wanna bet?"

"Children...behave," Kathleen joked. "Meredith, these two books I really like, and as I started to say...I know you two are doctors, but this experience the first time having a baby, you still need a little everyday guidance."

"These are great, Derek and I were talking about getting some books the other day, and these sound perfect," she said holding the books, "look Derek, The pregnancy Bible and The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, maybe we can each start reading one..."

"That's a good idea, we can compare notes...as we go along," he said, and held on to her hand. "Thanks Kathleen, we appreciate."

"I wanted to make sure you didn't do the cliché thing of the usual book, these are better."

"So, Xena, you did not tell me what you know about the club..."

"Dr. Sl...Mark, I don't think you want...I mean, you don't really want me to talk about that, now...while everyone is here...it's kind of..."

"Ok," Kathleen in interrupted, "I get NUAMS – is Nurses United Against Mark Sloan, but what the hell is this Xena thing about?"

Mark roared, and explained the nickname.

"That makes sense, very fitting indeed, from what I've heard."

"Is there anything you haven't heard, Kathleen," Mark questioned.

"What do you think?"

"That's what I thought...though, I bet you haven't heard about the bears on Shep's land...and Mama bear."

"Mark, that is not nice...really, not nice at all...just because Derek has a big mouth...and he...was making fun of me," Meredith said, biting her lower lip, "you don't have to..."

Mark looked at Derek and Kathleen and Lexie, as if asking for help out of the situation and got none, and then at Meredith who had lowered her head, and he heard a sniffle.

"You started it," Derek said.

"Mer, I wasn't making fun of you."

"Yes you were, and I already told you..."

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not, and you probably already repeated the story to the entire hospital."

"I haven't, you know that, I'm not talking about Baby Bear to anyone, but you," he teased her.

"Baby bear..." she looked at him, feeling softer, gentler and smiled, "fine, apology accepted."

"But, Meredith, it's a funny story, can I please tell Kathleen?"

They all waited for the rest of the emotional outburst, and instead, Derek got swatted on the arm, "it's all your fault, for having a big mouth."

"Mer, can I tell the story?"

"No," she said irritably, and then softer, reaching out to hold Derek's hand, "but Derek can."

"You want me to tell the story," Derek asked cautiously.

"It's ok, it's sort of a funny story."

"You're sure."

"Yes," she said, rolling her eyes, and listened to him tell the story.

"Derek, I don't think it's funny," Kathleen said seriously, "I think she's right, she's absolutely right, I never stopped to think about it, but you are building a house on a cliff, and it could be surrounded by bears, Derek, are you out of your mind, oh my God, wait till Mom finds out."

"I told you," Meredith said, "it's not such a crazy idea, Derek...you're so caught up on the view and the land, and the lake and those forty acres could be full of bears."

"Bears...they have bears on the island? Mer, you can't keep bears away with a fence, and kids, they don't know any better, I mean a fence could keep them away from the cliff, but what do you do if there really are bears, you could be sitting there unexpectedly and all of a sudden there it is...and what do you do, even if they're baby bears they can be..."

"See...what you started, you idiot..." Derek looked at Mark.

"What...how the hell was I supposed to know rambling is contagious?"

"What?

"Kathleen, her ramble was worse than the Meredith and Lexie."


Kathleen heard that, and started to laugh, "oh my God, it is...I sounded just like Meredith and Lexie and Derek!"

"Not nice guys...really, and I don't mean that in Meredith's hormones kicking in, but it really isn't nice to make fun of us. Lexie and I can't help it, as Kathleen said, we grew up apart, and we still have the same trait, so maybe it's in our genes, and can't help it, maybe it's a Shepherd trait as well," she teased.

"Baby bear is doomed to ramble..." Mark laughed.

"Hey, watch it..." Meredith said.

"Yes, Mama bear," he said, and they all laughed.

"That brings us to the more important question. Derek, you have still not answered me, if there are bears on the island or not."

"I have answered you, I told you, those two bears we heard about, were a fluke, they swam over the sound."

"Derek, what would keep them from swimming over again," Kathleen asked.

"Whose side are you on?"

"It's not about sides, it's about you building a house on a cliff with bears."

"Remind me never to invite you here again, you are totally biased, and taking Meredith's side on everything."

"That's fine, if you don't invite me, Meredith will."

"Of course she will, you're taking her side."

Derek had pushed his chair away from the table, leaving a comfortable distance between the two, and Meredith got up from her chair and stood by him and reaching for his hand, she sat on his lap and kissed him softly.

"She is definitely on our side, and Kathleen you are welcome anytime."

"Thank you, and I plan on taking you up on that."

"Lexie, now that Mark managed to stir up trouble, why don't you fill us in on the rest of the Mark Sloan bets," Derek encouraged.

"Derek, I don't think...I mean, Kathleen..."

"Lexie, I have known stories about this man whore since before you were born...do tell, besides, we're all family...no secrets allowed."

"Well," Lexie, said and divulged all she knew, turning the rest of the evening into light and playful banter.

"Derek," Kathleen said, "I think our evening deserves a toast..."

"Do you want to do the honors?"

"Meredith?"

"Please...do."

"To family...brothers and sisters...old and new bonds, strengthened and nurtured...to be cherished forever..."

They all raised their glasses for the toast, except Meredith, and suddenly Derek felt her tremble, "are you ok" he whispered softly against her ear.

"Yes," she whispered, desperately trying to dismiss the feeing, that this evening, would be fondly remember, as their last evening together, before the winds of change swept in, unpredictable and uncontrollable bringing heartache and despair, though eventually the winds would change again, restoring faith and hope and finally answering prayers of a lifetime.