(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Unexpected revelations - Part 1

Derek was stunned that his mother had asked so bluntly, that specific conversation had been shared by both him and Meredith with Kathleen, and though he was conflicted in repeating it, he remembered Meredith's insistence that he speak with his mom about whatever he felt he needed to, and it became incredibly important to comply with her request.

He took a deep breath and without holding back repeated the conversation that had led to that fateful night he'd called Kathleen. Meredith telling him that seeing him with Rose, the idea that he had doubts about wanting to be with her, that he, the first person she'd trusted completely and who'd become the most important person in her life and yet had found her lacking as well, had almost made her wish she'd joined her mother, and as he said those words Carolyn remembered all he'd said about her drowning, "she told me...later...much later...that it was only for a second she'd given up," and her own painful secret memories came flooding back and for the first time since his father had died, Derek witnessed his mother break down and sob, and all he could do was reach out and embrace her, his own emotions controlled for his mother's sake.

Time seemingly stood still, and then Carolyn spoke. "When your father died," she said, suddenly it felt so much longer than the five hours they'd spent together, "I thought my life was over...all I wanted to do was ...all I wished was that I could somehow turn back time," she looked at him sadly, "that I'd never given him that godforsaken watch. And I was so angry...Derek...so angry...at everyone...at him...at God for not answering my prayers...that our life...our dreams were snatched away..."

"Mom..." he met her gaze, his arm still around her, "you don't have to...you don't have to talk about it..."

"I do," she said, and he saw the new unshed tears in her eyes, "I do. It's been so long...and I never talk about it, but now...we will...because...you have to know. Your father was my life...and you....the five of you...I thought I was going to grow old with him...watch you become adults...and we'd enjoy our grandchildren together...and all of it...every hope and dream was snatched away from me Derek...just seconds and my life fell apart."

"Mom..."

"When you said," she spoke quietly, "she gave up...just for a second...she gave up," she no longer tried to stop the tears, "I felt the same way...Derek...right after he died...I felt exactly the same way, and I did... I wanted to give up too...and I thought, if it all could be taken away...what was the damn point of it all..." she said, and he was stunned and shocked by her words.

"Mom..."

"Only Father Dennison knows...no one else. You see, how when you speak of being honorable...I can't let you hang on to that...Derek, I was dishonorable too...in my heart I knew that even if no one else ever found out, I had let your father down...and what she said to you, for just one second Derek..., I felt the same way," there was despair in her voice, "what was the point. So I know how she felt...and the shame I've lived with all these years, but I was lucky...because for me it was just a thought...and nothing came of it...I didn't drown..."

"Mom, please," he pleaded, "please. I don't want you to be this upset... please."

"I need to tell you. After all these years, I need to tell you so you can understand her too."

"Mom...I understood...and Meredith and I have talked, we have...we're..."

Carolyn continued, ignoring what he'd said, finally she thought, it was her own cleansing therapy. "It was a few weeks after your father's funeral, I had no idea how I was going to cope...five children...your father gone...and yes the family had been supportive, but I was alone, and it hit me how I'd never see him again...touch him...laugh with him, and I was driving home one day ...and suddenly...and I swear Derek I closed my eyes for just a moment, and I too thought what was the point. I was driving and knew I should be paying attention but all I kept wondering was if it wasn't best to give up..."

"Mom...no...no..."

"I closed my eyes," she repeated and he could see she had truly gone back in time, reliving the painful memory, "and thought...Irish...how could you do this to me...how could you leave me...why didn't you fight to stay with us...I was so angry with him, while at the same time didn't want to think about spending the rest of my life without him," both Derek and Carolyn had stopped caring about the others tears, "and I hit the accelerator and within a flash...I realized what I was doing...how irrational I'd become and really thought I'd gone insane and hit the breaks...but it was too late as I ran into another car that was making a turn..."

"Your accident...when you totaled the car..." he vaguely recalled the day.

"It felt as though I was losing my mind. I was driving home and my thoughts became darker and began to wondered if you might not be better off without me," she paused.
"I hadn't smiled...hardly been able to eat or sleep...and all of you were getting nothing from me but sadness and despair, I couldn't even bring myself to talk some days. You see...why I know...I understand that I've been dishonorable too...and have to believe your father forgave me for that. Somehow," she continued, almost as though each word was cleansing a would, "that dark abyss had its purpose, and I felt God chose that incident to make me see how I was affecting all of you and that there was nothing more important than my children...that the love your father and I shared...each of our miracles as he called you...needed me...and God gave me the strength to accept and understand what I was meant to do...and you see Derek...I had something she didn't, something she did not grow up with...I had faith and I'd had your father's love...and all of yours... and right before I hit that car, I swear I heard your father's voice," she took a couple broke breaths, "I love you Irish...and one day we'll be together again..."

"Mom..."

"Don't worry about what you're thinking, I thought I was crazy then too," Carolyn said, "imagining your father's voice...but it was him...I believe he was watching over me...and I prayed right then and there that God forgive me for my thoughts and my ungratefulness...I had you...five of you who were ever so precious to me and but Meredith she was alone."

Derek was rendered speechless.

"Derek," she asked quietly, "say something..."

"All you've said...in some ways, it only creates more doubts and makes me feel even more dishonorable, because Mom...she had no one...and I knew that, and I chose to walk away, I chose to turn away from her."

"Derek, you've been working on your relationship, you're married...you've done nothing but love her and take care of her the last several months, but if you can't forgive yourself...how do you expect her to put it all truly behind her? How can you possibly forgive me for wanting to give up...when I had all of you?"

"Mom," he said and took a deep breath, "I do understand," he assured her, "and of course I can forgive you...you...you have been there for all of us...and this today, what you're sharing with me, it doesn't change anything...not how I feel about you."

"Are you sure?" Carolyn said, old doubts and fears of what her children would think, how they would judge her, resurfacing after decades long buried.

"Mom," he embraced her, "there's nothing to forgive, and I do understand your pain."

"Have you understood hers...the depth of her despair...have you forgiven her?"

"I think I have, that I understand...and I'm the one that has failed her, I'm the one..."

"Oh...sweetheart...you two have been through hell and back," his mother said.

"She has...because of me..." he said without looking at his mother.

"Derek, she has...yet all she cared about was me knowing she'd never willingly leave you," she touched is face tenderly. "Oh, but I wish I had been closer...that I'd been here from the beginning to offer her some affection...she deserves that so much..."

"Mom," he said no longer uncertain of telling her all that had happened, "there's more..."

"There's more," Carolyn said, "dear God...what more?"

"No one knows this Mom...except her therapist, but the reason Meredith is so adamant, so determined that you know she'd never give up again...when she was a little girl, her mother tried to commit suicide...and she was there...she sliced her wrists in front of her," he said and then continued the story.

"Oh my God," Carolyn closed her eyes, "when did you find out?"

"The night I called you and asked you to come to our wedding..."

Carolyn Shepherd did the one thing she'd been doing for years, offering her love and affection to her children, and reached for her son and embraced him, and mother and son processed all that had been shared in silence until her words echoed through the air. "Derek," she said, and pulled out of his arms and looked at him. "I can't even begin to imagine what Meredith felt. But now, can you forgive me...for what I did...for my weakness and the pain I would have caused you...?"

"Mom," he said, needing time to compose himself, but never more certain of what he'd felt when he finally spoke, "there's nothing to forgive."

"Then," she said, grateful that sharing her age old shame had at least helped to point out something that was glaringly obvious, "if you can forgive me, isn't it time you forgive yourself as well? I'm sharing this with you now, before I leave, because what I witnessed yesterday, those misunderstandings that suddenly turn into more, you both need to accept where you are now is a result of that past, that you have both survived...that you have both truly forgiven each other, but most of all that you forgive yourselves and that the love for each other is going to be enough to get you through anything that life sends your way."

"This is why..." he said, "the reason you've been so accepting of Meredith...you've never judged..."

"Part of it Derek...remember I did not know all that had happened, but I sensed there was so much vulnerability...in so many ways her doubts and yours are reflected, but I will never judge her...because I do know how it feels to believe you've lost all that was important to you and it was my shame to live with because I had you...and your sisters...my five beautiful children...and still doubted myself...my life...all my blessings, and she Derek...she had nothing...she had no one...that poor child had no one and her own mother said horrible things to her..."

"Mom," Derek could not conceal the raw emotions, "she had me...I wasn't enough," he said, "how can I be sure...she won't feel that way again...Mom..." he choked back all the emotions he felt, "I can't lose her again. How can I be enough..."

"If you feel this way, I don't think you've really forgiven her," Carolyn challenged.

"Of course I have."

"I don't think you can," Carolyn told him, "until you accept that she loves you...and just as you are sorry, she is too for the pain she caused you. Don't you see..." his mother touched his cheek, "I had five of you...and still for that moment of sheer hell and insanity I closed my eyes...without fully realizing what the consequences would be... I felt so much pain...so lost...I could have hurt you so deeply if I'd abandoned you too...the five joys in my life...I've never forgiven myself...I never will...but I was lucky...she wasn't."

"I know," he said, "she drowned...and then I failed her...telling her I didn't want to breathe for her, and that's something...I don't even understand how she forgave me...sometimes, like today...when I can see she's still insecure I wonder if she really has. Because Mom, when I allow myself to think about it, how the hell can I forgive myself?"

"She has forgiven you...it's time Derek...time to move on," his mother said, as the both sat in complete silence.

"Mom," after a while, he touched her cheek, "you should forgive yourself, because that's what Dad would want...I know that Mom... and you heard him last night too...Mom, we all got a gift Mom... and I think he meant for us to share last night together, with Brianna," he smiled, "your little angel Mom..."

"Oh sweetheart..." she said, "she is...our little angel...and she's with her grandfather and grandmother."

"I believe she is," he said, and they smiled in understanding, and Carolyn began to forgive herself for that moment in time, as her son put his arm around her and tenderly kissed her forehead.

Carolyn's response was a broken sob, "I love you Derek...I love you all so much."

"I love you to Ma."

"Derek," his mother said, "your father, he would be very proud of you. Please, let go of past mistakes."

"You think..." he said, and she knew he indeed was filled with guilt and regrets.

"I have no doubts," Carolyn said, "none at all."

"I've needed you...thank you for being here for us."

"Derek," she said, "share what I told you with Meredith...she should know."

"Mom..."

"I want her to know...just as she has trusted me...I trust her," and with that comment, mother and son began a gentle journey of healing and forgiveness.

The hours had flown and it was already after three when he said, "we didn't have lunch, I'm going to fix us something before we head back...take it with us on the ferry."

"Let me do that," she said as he held her hand out for her to get up, "while you finish the laundry you started."

"Oh yes," he laughed, "Mer would never let me hear the end of it," he said and when they walked in the trailer took the freshly laundered sheets from the dryer and made the bed, ready to be used by the kids for napping the next day.

"Drop me off," Carolyn said while they were on the ferry back to Seattle, "and go see your wife, she must be a bundle of nerves worrying over what you said to me and my reaction...and that she hadn't talked to you all day."

"You know her well..."

"I understand her," she said simply. "And you need to see her too."

"Mom...do you understand now...why in spite of some doubts, our marriage...what we feel for each other, we're going to make it... Meredith and I will be together...for a lifetime..."

"I understand," she told him, "and no doubts at all."

"Hey," Meredith heard as her heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice, and she turned quickly to look at him standing at the door while she wrote out some charts in the resident's lounge.

"Hey," she smiled, "how was your day?"

"Good..." he said absently.

"Derek..." she got up and walked into his embrace, "what's wrong?"

He took a deep breath and sighed, "very emotional day."

"Are you ok?"

"Yes."

"You don't look ok..."

"It was...an unexpected day...caught totally off guard."

"Derek...I know it's selfish, but, I have to ask...does she hate me?"

"She loves you even more."

"Oh..."

"I love you," he said, "Meredith, I love you so much."

"But...you say that...and you're sad...why?"

"I'll tell you later...Mom shared some things...and ...she wants me to talk to you about it...share a story with you..."

"Are you sure everything's ok?"

"Yes...it is...everything's ok now...but it's a story that made us both sad...and she said to tell you...that she trusts you to know...just as you have trusted her."

"Oh," she said, and this time her eyes were glimmering with tears. "She trusts me..."

"She does..."

"Ok...whenever you're ready to talk about it, I'm here," she brought her hand to his face, and then kissed him, "I love you. I missed you today."

"I missed you too," he said, "you still have a couple hours?"

"Uhmm...unfortunately..."

"Let me help you," he said, as he reached for one of her charts.

"You're going to help me with my charts..."

"Sure...I know how to do that...I'm a very good doctor you know..."

"So I can dictate to you and you write on my charts..." she smiled.

"No...I thought I'd review your charts..."

"My charts are excellent," she challenged.

"I know," he said, and leaned in to kiss her, "I really need to be with you right now."

"Derek..."

"Uhmmm..."

"Tell me what's wrong...please..."

"I need to think about it...ok...and Mom needed some time alone too..."

"Do you want me to come to your office...I can do my charts there?"

"Yeah..." he said, "that would be good," and he grabbed her charts and carried them, as they walked to his office hand in hand. He sat on the small couch and pulled her back into him, and just held her as she meticulously completed her work. "You do excellent work Meredith," he said at one point while looking over her shoulder.

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd," she teased him.

"You're welcome Dr. Grey..." he smiled.

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith smiled, "I'm not quite sure, but I think your wife's getting jealous of our relationship," she giggled and finally she felt him relax.

"My wife," he said, "knows she's the only woman I love...and want..."

"Maybe you should let her know," Meredith said playfully as she put her finished charts aside, "you know...some small way to reassure her."

"Like this," he said, as he turned her around and kissed her.

"Just like that," Meredith spoke upon his lips, "perfect..." and she deepened their kiss, and knew she'd made him forget whatever was troubling him.

"Any chance you can get out of here a little early," he commented.

"Let me go see what's going on," she said, "it's been very quiet... I'll call you."

Meredith wasn't able to get away, but advised one of her interns to page her if it was absolutely necessary and went back to Derek's office and found him on the couch with his eyes closed. "Hey, couple of others went home cause it was so slow today, so I'm stuck....another ninety minutes, but they'll page me if they need me," she said and sat down and hugged him.

"I think," Derek said after a few minutes, "I should tell you about my day."

She sat up to look at him, "ok."

"It was a good day..." he said, "it was...just lots of unexpected emotions," he summarized most of the conversation with his Mom, which they both already knew all that had happened, so there was no need for much detail, but then, when he got to the point of sharing his mother's story, it became more difficult to deal with the recently discovered emotions.

"It's ok..." she soothed, reaching for his hand, "I'm here...and you can tell me anything...I'll always be here..."

"Oh God...Meredith..." he said and took several deep breaths, "she was so alone...even with all of us kids...she was so alone," he said and told his mother's story, and they both shared tears shed out of compassion and love for the woman they would both call Mom, and for the unexpected similarities of a simple moment in time, when the two most important women in his life experienced painful despair and all hope seemed gone.

"She wanted you to tell me," Meredith felt the tears on her cheek, "just..."

"Just as you wanted me to tell her..." he said, and kissed away her tears.

"She's always so strong...so strong..."

"Promise me," he said, holding her face in his hands, "promise you will always tell me what you feel...no matter what...you will talk to me..."

"I will...I've told you...no holding back...we talk...I promise you," she said and reached out to embrace him and then kissed the tear streaked face, and "I will always...always be by your side...for the rest of our lives..."

"Our lifetime..."

"And beyond," she said, "don't forget it...just as we felt it last night...for always," and their kiss sealed a promise and commitment that would never be broken.

"Mom," Derek called out shortly after seven, Meredith had been able to leave the hospital fifteen minutes earlier than expected, and they walked in the kitchen. "We're home."

"Hello sweetheart," Carolyn said, a bit unsure of what his mood would be like. She knew her son and had half expected him to spend the last few hours brooding, but to her immense relief he came in smiling and teasing Meredith and walked to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I love you Mom," he said quietly, "never more than I do today."

"Thank you," Carolyn said with heartfelt emotion, and knew all between them was fine."

"Mom," he asked, "where are Kathleen and Kevin?"

"Believe it or not," Carolyn said, "we forgot dessert yesterday. They should be here any minute. Alex is upstairs and the other three kids are apparently in your den playing some game or other."

"Three kids?" Derek questioned.

"Mark, Lexie and Cristina," Carolyn said.

"Of course," Derek chuckled, "the three kids, let me go check on them."

"Carolyn," Meredith walked to her and both women faced each other, and surprising his mother, she reached out and embraced her, and said "thank you...I never knew how much I needed you...how grateful I'd be to have you in my life."

"Oh Meredith," the older woman took a few broken breaths, "you have no idea... what that meant to me today."

"But I do..." she hugged her closer, "I really do."

"He talked to you..." Carolyn said.

"He did...and I'm so sorry... and I know...you shared that with him because of me..."

"I wanted him to understand," Carolyn admitted, "how one moment of unbearable pain."

"I know..." Meredith said, "but now...it's behind us...both of us...and he loves us, and knows that we love him...he has no doubts...that we both love him."

"My son," Carolyn said, "is a very lucky man."

"I'm a very lucky woman...I'm very blessed...to have him and you in my life."

"I think," Carolyn said, "that God certainly works in mysterious ways."

"That's exactly what Kathleen said when we met...and then...I wasn't sure, but now, I know He does...I love you Carolyn."

"Meredith," she touched her cheek lovingly, "I love you too sweetheart," and they exchanged one last embrace.

"What's going on," Kathleen said as she walked in the kitchen, sensing something very important had taken place that day between her mother, Derek and Meredith.

"Mom," Meredith smiled, "has agreed to teach me to cook."

Carolyn's expressions were priceless, joy, shock and recovery. Joy, when she'd called her Mom, and told her she loved her. Shock when she'd mention cooking, that had come out of nowhere, she thought. Recovery, she just went along with it and hoped she wasn't as bad in the kitchen as everyone kept joking about.

"You're lying," Kathleen said, "but I'll figure it out."

"It's true dear," Carolyn smiled at Meredith, "next time I'm out here...I'm going to give her some cooking lessons."

"You're both lying," Kathleen said, and went over and hugged her mother, who she could tell had been crying, "but...I love you anyway Mom," and turned to Meredith, "you on the other hand," she scowled at her, "sisters don't keep secrets."

"What..." Meredith argued. "She told you...she's going to teach me to cook."

Kathleen smiled, "Meredith, you're a terrible liar," she said and stood in front of her, "but whatever your reasons," she said and hugged her, "I love you too."

"Kathleen," Meredith said, "I'm glad I have you as a sister..."

"Me too Meredith."

"Mama Shep," they all heard Cristina, "we're starving...and everything smells so good, how long before you feed us?"

"A half hour dear," Carolyn replied, "wasn't expecting Meredith to be here so early."

Before long everyone was gathered in the kitchen and helped to bring countless dishes to the dining room table set for ten, as the only one missing was George who was working.

"Mom," Derek said, "I don't care what anyone tells you, especially Kathleen...nobody can cook this better than you can," he referred to his favorite dish.

"Thank you dear," Carolyn said, "I noticed you did not extend that to all the dishes."

"He knows better, you can tell when he lies," Kathleen quipped.

"Do you always have to contradict everything," Derek said, "Kathleen...really..."

"Just because it's true...and you know Jenna told her," she smiled, "and tell me what you're eating now is not better than mom's."

"Children," Carolyn said with a serious tone, "you sound just like when you were ten years old, surely you've matured a bit more since then."

"You always say that Mom...but he's the one..." Kathleen started.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "you could always ground them, or what is it people do with kids now...time out, give them a sex time out, that would make them behave," she said and everyone roared with laughter.

"Is this what I can expect," Meredith said, "when we visit, except there'll be five grown kids at the table instead of two?"

"That's pretty accurate," Carolyn said, "not to mention my son in law."

"Yes," Meredith said, "Kevin, I found out that was you."

Kevin laughed, "Kathleen's right, you're a bad liar, and we spoke to Jenna on the way here, so you're still in the dark."

"That is so mean," Meredith said, "just for that, you're not invited back..."

"Here we go," Kathleen mumbled to Mark who was sitting next to her.

"What..." Kevin said, "Shep asked me...and he said I should leave some of my gear here, since we're coming out again before I'll use the stuff at home..."

"Meredith," Kathleen laughed, "welcome to the family...you're going to fit right in at Sunday dinner...and Mom...that's five daughters...four sons...and a son in law," she winked at Carolyn.

"I believe you're right dear," Carolyn said and placed her hand over Meredith's arm, "I'll have a new daughter at the table."

"Grey," Mark drawled, "don't let them fool you...that son in law is a rotating position."

"You know about that," Meredith laughed.

"Yeah...two asses that take turns...just like Jenna must have told you," he said.

"Dude, I don't care who cooked the meal, but this is the best home cooked meal I've had in a long while."

"Thank you Alex," Carolyn said. "I'll take partial credit, since Kathleen got here before I did and started some of the cooking."

"Some of the cooking," Kathleen laughed, "Mom, tell the truth."

"Fine," Carolyn said, "so you started most of it, except Derek's favorite."

"Alex," Lexie asked, "when did Izzie say she'd get here?"

"Not for another hour," Alex said, "she and O'Malley are both in surgery."

"It's too bad," Kathleen said, "that George couldn't make it, he's the one we haven't had a lot of time to visit with."

"Well, you will when you visit again," Meredith smiled, "who knows...I may even be the one cooking that meal."

"What..." a chorus echoed through the table.

"I'm not that bad," Meredith argued. "Derek...tell them."

"Uh..."

"Derek..." Meredith smacked him. "I've been cooking."

"She has," he smiled at her, "best scrambled eggs in the world...and toast..."

"You ass," she laughed, "sorry Mom..." she said so effortlessly, Derek's smiled could have lit the room.

"I've heard worse dear," Carolyn said.

"In any case," Meredith said, "Kat you'll spend more time with George next time."

"Uhmm..." Carolyn mumbled, without even realizing she'd done so.

"Mom," Kathleen said, "did you say something?"

"No dear," she said, her smile never quite reaching her eyes.

"I think we have one more toast to make," Kevin said, "to all of us being here again."

"With Izzie and George," Meredith commented, and again Kathleen noticed her mother's expression and knew to ask her about her comment later, and when she did, while they were in the kitchen getting dessert, she'd simply said, "just a feeling dear...not sure all of Meredith's friends will be here."

"Mom..." Kathleen would say to her. "What are you thinking?"

"You know how it is Kathleen, I can't explain it...but George...when we're back here, at least when you and I are back here together, he won't be joining us."

The evening was a true family celebration, where Meredith for the first time in her life looked forward to the day she'd meet the rest of Derek's family and even the possibility of enjoying the inevitable sibling arguments over the traditional Sunday meal. Tonight every one at the dinner table had enjoyed a partial glimpse of the future, and the extended family who would gather again in celebration.

"Kevin," Meredith said as their evening meal came to an end and everyone began to help clean up,"you know I was teasing...you're welcome here anytime."

"I know," he smiled, and hugged her. "I'm used to it. Remember five brothers and sisters plus the Shepherd clan."

"Just in case I haven't said it," Meredith said to him, "thank you...for not pressuring Kathleen to go home last time...it meant a lot to me...to us..."

"No thanks are necessary," he said, and kissed her cheek, "that's what family is all about."

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "are you flirting with my husband?"

"Yes," Meredith said with a deadpan expression.

"Mer," Kathleen smiled and walked up to them, "you know we've been teasing...we always do this...drives Mom crazy."

"Yes," Meredith smiled, "that's exactly what we were talking about."

"Speaking of flirting," Kathleen said. "Have you noticed..."

"Yes," Meredith laughed, "Mark's being very quiet around Lexie..."

"But, only when we're around, if we're not looking," Kathleen said, "he's very attentive...leaning in to talk to her...secrets and smiles..."

"She has no clue," Kevin said, "and you should both stay out of it."

"Oh, be quiet," both women said simultaneously and started laughing as they realized it.

"I'm telling you," Kevin said, "they are both oblivious to what's happening."

"And you would know this," Kathleen said, "because..."

"Honey, you've had me wrapped around your little finger my entire life..."

"Your point Kevin," Kathleen said as she raised an eyebrow at him, much like her mother would do.

"He's not going to know what hit him..." Kevin laughed.

"Are you saying," Kathleen taunted, "that you have regrets..."

Kevin leaned in and kissed her, "I'm saying...it was love at first sight for us, and it's not that way for everyone, so stop meddling. It will happen...if it's meant to happen in their own good time."

"You two met and it was love at first sight," Izzie said as she overheard that part of the conversation, "that's so sweet."

"It was," Carolyn said laughing, "especially sweet, when he would steal his mother's cookies and bring them to her right out of the oven and she couldn't figure out who was taking them."

"That is so cute," Izzie said, "were you high school sweethearts?"

"More like nursery school," Mark laughed, and they went on to explain how they'd met.

They had all ended up scattered throughout the living room, and Derek and Meredith where sharing one of the big arm chairs, "hey," he whispered, "where are you?"

"What," she said, realizing he was right, she'd become lost in the scene before her.

"You're a million miles away," Derek said as he kissed her temple.

"Not really," she turned to him, "just thinking how lucky I am."

"Uhmmm..."

"Derek," she said quietly, a private moment between them amongst all the banter and laughing around them. "This is the first time I can ever remember when this living room truly feels homey...it's a good feeling..."

"I love you," he whispered.

"Me too," she whispered back as he wrapped his arms tighter around her waist and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "have you warned the family back east about the endless mcdreamied episodes..."

"Yes dear," Carolyn smiled and her heart filled with joy as she glanced over at Meredith and Derek. The conversation with her son had been gut-wrenching, but as she watched them, she knew with absolute certainty the two of them would survive any of life's unexpected curve balls. "I've also told them earplugs are a wonderful investment."

"Mom..." some would say, Derek whined.

"It's true dear," Carolyn commented, "weren't you glad when Meredith told you I had them with me earlier?"

"Oh God," Derek mumbled.

"Mom," Kathleen laughed, and Meredith placed a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing, "you are determined to embarrass him...and make sure everyone knows he's become a prude."

"No dear, I'm determined that he realize I'm not a prude."

"That's been made perfectly clear," Derek mumbled again.

"Especially," Kathleen said, "when we made reservations for you at..." she paused, "oh crap...Mer...sorry."

"He knows," Meredith said, "I told him last night."

"Grey," Mark said, "not nice to keep secrets."

"It's not a secret," Kevin laughed, "just that Mom purposely misled the innkeeper in Friday Harbor letting her think she was booking a romantic weekend..."

"Friday Harbor," Lexie said, "has some nice bed & breakfasts, there was even one that's mentioned in Martha Stewart's weddings..."

"That's the one," Meredith said.

"You were looking at wedding magazines?" Derek asked incredulously.

"No," Meredith said, "Izzie was, she told me, and it was also in Travel and Leisure."

"Lexie," Mark smirked, "are you keeping a secret yourself?"

"About what," she said.

"Wedding magazines, maybe there is a boyfriend we don't know about," Mark said.

"Right," Lexie laughed, "as though any of this group can keep a secret, not to mention the gossip mill at the hospital."

"You didn't really answer the question," Mark commented with a scowl.

"No boyfriend," she said, and four women exchanged glances as they saw his smile. "Remember... photographic memory, I actually came across a mention of it in a travel magazine.

"Speaking of weddings," Carolyn said, "don't think I forgot, tonight you were supposed to show us your wedding video after dinner."

"That's right Mer," Izzie said, "you've only let us see the photos and have been making us wait till Carolyn visited."

"Talk about being mcdreamied," Cristina said, "though I do admit...it was a beautiful wedding," she smiled at her friend and Derek raised an eyebrow at her, the truce remained, and they in fact enjoyed the thirty minute edited video of their wedding and reception.

"That was beautiful," Kathleen said, "even more so having been there."

"It was," Carolyn agreed, "but don't think for one minute your sisters are going to agree to see the edited version. When you come home, you need to bring the full video as they will want to enjoy the entire experience with you all over again," she said and Derek and Meredith nodded their agreement and soon everyone called it a night.

"Mom," Kathleen said as they walked around the deck on the ferry back to Bainbridge, "what were you thinking, when we spoke of everyone getting together again, here in Seattle?"

"Nothing in particular," Carolyn responded.

"Mom," Kevin said, "she's not going to let up till you tell her, and if you don't tell her, she's going to drive me insane on the way to Fiji..."

"That's not very nice Kevin," Kathleen smacked him playfully.

"You know it's true, so let's get it out of the way...Mom...please," he said.

"You know dear, when you get those feelings..." Carolyn said.

"I know Mom, that's why I'm asking, you implied you didn't think everyone would be there, and I don't want to worry about what that could mean till..."

"Their friend, George," Carolyn said, "I just don't sense he'll be there...odd..."

"I think you're right," Kathleen said, "it seemed that when we were talking, being together with the group again...was just those that were present," Kathleen paused, "but what was really odd is that Izzie wasn't there either...who knows," she laughed, "maybe they'll be a couple and move away."

Neither woman was aware that they in fact were right about the future, George would not be joining them the next time they were together in Seattle.

"But," Carolyn smiled, "the good thing is...I'm almost certain...almost..."

"God help him," Kevin laughed.

"Kevin dear," Carolyn said, "I'd think you of all people would be more of a romantic at heart."

"I am Mom," he hugged her. "Ask your favorite daughter," he said and all three laughed.

"My favorite daughter," Carolyn said and smiled, "just don't let Jenna hear you."

Kevin roared laughing, "Mom, how many times do you use that with each of the girls?"

"You should know by now," she smiled, "every time I need to, and speaking of which, you all better stop teasing Meredith about the son in law."

"Teasing," Kevin said, "you know that one in particular is an ass."

"Yes dear, but even I have to pretend sometimes...for that favorite daughter's sake."

"I love you Mom," Kathleen said.

"So do I sweetheart...I love you both..." she said, "and don't ever forget...what I said Kathleen, you were our first...and your father...you were our first little miracle."

Long after their friends and family had gone home, Meredith lay in bed, her head resting on his chest after they'd made love, "Derek," she said, "did you really like your gift?"

"I loved it," he smiled as he lifted her chin and kissed her lips softly, "but I'm sorry I didn't get anything for you...last month you said we were not going to be one of those sappy sentimental couples that got gifts every month...for their anniversary."

"I know," she said, "but you got me flowers anyway, and you're always doing things for me...so I wanted to do this for you...for us," she smiled trailing kisses across his chest, "and it's for the only weekend we have off together in July."

"I can't believe," Derek chuckled, "that Mom told the innkeeper the room was for her, Mer...she never ever talked about sex with us growing up."

"She's wonderful," Meredith said, "Derek...I'm so grateful she's in my life...it's like I was given another chance...I mean...I think she really means it when she says I'm her daughter."

"Of course she does," he assured her. "Mer...she loves you..."

"I love her too," Meredith said, "I told her that."

"You did..." he smiled.

"I do...it's odd and weird, and I never expected these feelings...but I want to be that girl Mom's like Derek...and she likes me...and it feels real...and so good...that she doesn't hate me...with all that's happened."

"She was more on your side than mine," he admitted, and got quiet, "don't doubt it."

"Hey," Meredith said, properly gauging the sudden change of mood. "Talk to me."

He took a deep breath, "uhmmm..."

"Yes..."

"Very emotional day today," he told her.

"It was," she said, and kissed him softly. "But it was good; right...look how it turned out."

"Yes," he agreed, as he looked at her, "it was good," and embraced her, "very good."

"Derek..." she said poignantly, "thank you..."

"For what..."

"Our family...a mom...in spite of all my dark and twisty...still loving me..."

"It's more than that Meredith," he said tenderly, "I adore you..."

"So do I Derek..." she said, and tears gathered in her eyes, "and just like you told your Mom...you and I...no doubts...we're in this...we've promised..."

"We are," he said, "a lifetime..."

"I love you," she said and kissed him, and tenderness turned to passion.

"Mer," he said breathlessly as he pulled her on top of him, their naked bodies pressed intimately together, "want to go again?"