(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Heart to heart

The stars on this late June night continued to shine brightly on their drive home and Meredith snuggled up to Derek, resting her head on his shoulder. She had unbuckled her seatbelt when they'd reached his land and suddenly he heard two distinct drawn out sniffles and a sigh.

"Hey," Derek said, slowing down to a stop and turning to look at her. "What's this?"

"You," she sniffled again, "you and your family," she smiled softly through misty eyes, "our family...are determined to make a mushy sentimental sap out of me..."

"But..." he said, and tenderly cupped her face, "our family is not here now," and kissed her lips softly, "and we've already agreed you're mushy and sentimental..."

"Let's go home," she said upon his lips.

"I love you Meredith," he replied with a gentle kiss and tender caress of her face.

"I love you too," she smiled into his eyes, both mesmerized by the other, and reached for his hand as he turned the ignition and once again laid her head on his shoulder until they arrived home and he held his hand out and helped her out of the car through the driver's door.

"Beautiful night," he said, his arm around her waist.

"It is..." she hugged him closer, "can we stay out here...a few more minutes..."

"Wait here," he smiled.

"Derek..."

"Trust me..." he smiled again, and she watched him walk in the trailer and return a few minutes later holding light blankets, two wine glasses and a bottle of champagne.

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith teased when he joined her, "are you going to get me drunk and take advantage of me?"

"I'm going to seduce you... and you are going to take advantage of me," he told her.

"I can live with that," she giggled, and grabbed the glasses from him and reached for his hand, ready to follow him, much like the first time on his land, with trust and complete faith in him...in them.

Derek set the bottle of champagne on the small teak table by the lounges and spread the heavier blanket atop the cushion.

"You're really quite domesticated," Meredith laughed.

"Covering the night dew," he said, "and it's not nice to mock your husband on your third month's anniversary, while he's trying to keep his wife from catching pneumonia."

"Pneumonia," Meredith put her arms around him and kissed him teasingly, "on one of the warmest days we've had all month...with temperatures of 90 expected the next two days..."

"It's not ninety now," he taunted, "closer to sixty five degrees and the cushion was wet...and still you mock me..."

"I love you," she said, and playfully bit his lower lip.

"I don't think that's going to work this time," he told her.

"You think not," she smiled, her lips on his again as her tongue enticed him.

"I may be slightly mistaken," he chuckled and pulled her down on top of him.

"I thought so," she laughed, as she lay back against him, and he nuzzled her neck, kissing her, nibbling, biting his way down to her shoulders as he wrapped his arms around her waist, and she lay her hands on top of his arms, gently caressing, quietly enjoying being held in his arms, her mood turned a bit reflective.

"Meredith," he whispered, "you ok?"

She sighed in response, "how can I be anything but perfect tonight...in your arms..."

"I know you..." he whispered, "tell me what you're feeling..."

"You do know me," she spoke softly, and shifted her body to look into his eyes, "but..."

"But..." he said, as his hands tenderly stroked her body, "didn't we eliminate that word."

"But..." she said, "it's ok sometimes...because, I can feel your emotions too Derek...tell me what you're feeling..."

"I asked first..." he hugged her tighter to him.

"I think," she said, kissing him softly, "we're both feeling the same things..."

"Uhmmm..."

"We messed up a bit today..."

"But..." he said and paused, "see it's still appropriate...sometimes..."

"Uhmm..." she responded quietly.

"We talked about it...and we're ok...right?"

"Uhmm..."

"Not very convincing..." he kissed her temple.

"Yes," she said, "we're ok."

"I love you," he said simply, and there was no need for anything more as she entwined their fingers and remained quiet for a few seconds.

"Derek...do you think...sometimes...it feels as though it can't be normal...to think...to believe...that somehow...our little girl..."

"Whispers...I love you lots mommy...daddy..." he finished, and it was his turn to take a few broken breaths.

"Derek...we both heard it...and then your Mom she sensed something too, but should I talk to Dr. Wyatt...maybe...I don't know..."

"Meredith," he said and placed his hand softly on her cheek, "I believe..." he paused, smiling, their smile, though a thousand fold more intense as what she saw held deep emotions, what she saw was a glimpse of his soul, "we've been blessed...in spite of all we've been through...the sadness...the hurt..."

"Don't," she said, squeezing his hand, and then her lips gently kissing his palm, "don't go back..."

"We..." he said, and swallowed past the lump in his throat, "have been blessed...as in your dream...with beautiful spiritual gifts...and we should accept them...as they were given to us...to help with our loss...our sadness..."

"I never had reason to believe before...but now...Derek...I do...believe they are watching over us...your dad...my mom...and that God's answered my prayers."

"Yes..." he said simply, "I believe they are," and he settled back into the cushion and held her against him, and they lay in each other's arms marveling at the display of stars against the backdrop of a clear night, and he nuzzled her neck once again, "and our baby angel," he whispered, while his thumb traced the outline of the angel's face on her wrist, "she watches over us too...and yes...I believe again, that prayers are answered."

"Derek," Meredith sighed, "I love you...and I loved her...our baby angel..." and then, she exclaimed, "look...Derek...look...another shooting star..."

"Uhmmm..." he whispered, "maybe...just Brianna saying good night."

"Oh," he heard the catch in her voice, "Derek...I love you...I love you so much."

"I love you Meredith...you're my breath of fresh air...my soul mate...my everything."

"As you are..." she said and turned to kiss him gently at first, and then he deepened their kiss leaving them breathless, and then she whispered, "let's go inside...I promised you...all our favorite things."

Hours later they lay sated and fulfilled, bodies entwined, whispering tender words of endearment and as they would often joke, chattering the hours away.

"It was nice tonight," she said, "spending time with your Mom," and then as she held his hand, "thank you for understanding it was important to me."

"I admit," he kissed her bare shoulder, "I really didn't understand at first...all I wanted was to be with you... I'd spent all day counting the minutes till I could show you what you mean to me, how much I'd miss being with you two nights."

"She'll only be here a few days..." Meredith said, "and she likes me...she really does."

"She loves you," he assured, "you should have no doubts about that."

"I was so petrified of meeting her," Meredith said, "and she's been wonderful Derek and I just never expected to ever have a mom feel that way about me...or for me to feel as I do about her."

"Do you have any idea how happy it makes me...that you feel this way?" He asked as his hands caressed the curves of her body.

"Yeah," she smiled before she laughed, "I do, even as I gave you the silent treatment."

"So I admit it...a brainless moment..." he said.

"Derek," she laughed and turned to face him, "I love you, brainless and all."

"Thanks Mer," he faked a pout and she laughed.

"It won't work Shepherd...I can see right through that fake pout," she said and lay her head on his chest, relaxed and enjoying the feel of his hands on her hair, soothingly and lovingly.

"Derek..."

"Meredith..."

"Tonight...when you overheard my conversation with your Mom...I meant it...I want you to feel you can talk to her about anything...she told me...that the night you called her from Venice...you'd told her about my mom..."

"Meredith," he interrupted her, "I did not betray any of your confidences...I wouldn't do that...I only told her..."

"I know you wouldn't," Meredith looked up at him, "she told me...what you'd said about me being loyal...and all that..."

"You were...so much more than she deserved," Derek said, unable to forgive Ellis Grey.

"Derek," she said, "please, don't be angry with her."

"She made your life hell...and...I told Mom..."

"She did," Meredith admitted, "but she's gone...and I've forgiven her...not so much because of me...but my dream...she's there for our baby...and that's enough...can't we put that behind us...can't that be enough for you too?"

"You are too damn forgiving," he said.

"You forgave me...for that night..."

"Meredith...there was nothing to forgive...not after all I'd hurt you..."

"Ok..." she said with a determinedly bossy tone, "what are we doing...it's our anniversary Derek...three months...and we're happy...and we're not going to rehash the past...all I want is for you to feel free to talk to your Mom...about us...whatever you need to do...that's all...because I want her to know...just like I said earlier tonight..."

"She loves you...you heard her, nothing is going to change that, it's more likely she's going to box my ears as she likes to say."

"Good..." Meredith said.

"Good," he chuckled, changing from the more serious tone, "you want her to box my ears?"

"If she has too...she knows best, that's what Mom's do," she told him.

"Meredith," he said, "her bark is worse than her bite."

"She's told me," she smiled. "But if you deserve it..."

"You're not going to stand up for me...you're going to throw me to the wolves."

"Throw you to the wolves," Meredith smacked him, "that's mean Derek," she laughed. "Besides, she prefers the old wily fox reference," and both roared laughing.

"Once upon a time," he said, "an old wily fox...totally and completely biased in favor of her new daughter in law...sorry, her new daughter, a sexy young fox that had married her favorite son...came to visit her five very chatty grandchildren...five little baby foxes... " and before he could continue Meredith quickly shifted her body and straddled him.

"I'm a sexy young fox..."

"Oh yes..." he looked into her eyes, "a beautiful...enticing...seductive..."

"Stop talking and make love to me..." she whispered seductively, "and you'd better hope...there's never more than one chatty baby at a time...or I'm moving back east with my wily old mom and you can raise the children," she said and their laughter echoed through their home before they gave in to their unbridled passion.

"Derek," she said long after their lovemaking, "we were wrong earlier."

"About what..." he asked.

"The temperature today..." she smiled, as her head lay on his chest.

"You mean...the chilling temperatures," he said, fully in tune with her comment.

"Yeah..." she giggled, "I think we've broken all records..."

"Oh yeah..." he agreed as they both laughed.

"And wouldn't want it any other way," she said, and through the night and into the morning hours they continued to talk of future plans, and as in their legendary symbolical tapestry, weaving in intimate and treasured memories.

"We never drank the champagne," Meredith commented as they got ready to leave the trailer the following morning.

"Didn't need it," he said as he gathered her in his arms, "too drunk on each other..."

"That," she laughed, "was horrible."

"Yeah," he chuckled, "maybe you're right," he said and affectionately swatted her butt.

"Don't think for one moment," she warned him, but ruined the effect by smiling, "we don't have time."

"I didn't say anything," he replied.

"You didn't have to," she teased, "thankfully...I can read you like a book."

"Really..." he taunted.

"Shepherd..." bossy Meredith was back, "are you doubting me?"

"Not for a minute," he said and bridging the small distance between them drew her to him and kissed her.

"You're not going to make me late," she laughed, "let's go, we are supposed to meet your Mom for breakfast at eight so I can get to the hospital on time."

They were driving to the café, still on their land when she said, "Derek..."

"Uhmmm..."

"I lied..." she smiled.

"You lied..." he said, "and you're smiling?"

"I can read you like a book...sort of...but not always..."

"Confession time..." he teased.

"We're not really that great at reading each other, if today was any indication," she giggled, "though we're getting better."

"So...you lied...interesting," he continued to tease her.

"I can read you like a book," she said, her hand on his thigh and working its way playfully, "but mainly...about knowing...without any doubts...when you want me."

Derek took a deep breath, "Mer..."

"Uhmm..."

"You're not playing fair..." he said echoing what she'd said to him in the kitchen days before.

"Who says I'm not..."

He groaned, "if I pull over, you're going to be late...very late..."

"I thought, I'd give you an incentive to come see me at the hospital later...since I'm stuck there till seven..."

He grabbed her hand, and chuckled, "incentive huh..."

"I can almost guarantee...that..." she whispered in his ear, while she kissed his neck, her lips lingering...sucking lightly.

"Branding me," he laughed.

"Oh crap," she said, "forgot...we're meeting your Mom...you can button your shirt."

At that moment her phone rang, "it's your mother..."

"Great timing," he laughed, and heard the one sided conversation where apparently she was already at the café, something about having joined the inn's owner for coffee and then driving in to the restaurant together.

"Good morning," Carolyn smiled as they approached, and she kissed Meredith and Derek's cheeks, "they said it'd be about five minutes and we'd have a table."

"How was your evening," Meredith asked. "Did you get to read as you'd wanted?"

"I did," Carolyn said, "one of my all time favorite romances."

"Mom," Derek teased, "you read romance novels?"

"I always did dear, and do not even consider making fun of me."

"What were you reading?" Meredith asked, but before she got a chance to respond, they were greeted by John and Colleen Mulligan.

"Meredith, Derek," Colleen said, "what a lovely surprise."

After the mandatory introductions, Meredith asked, "where are the kids?"

"They spent the night at my parents," John said, "and we actually got to sleep in this morning."

"Sleep in," Derek laughed, "it's barely eight, and according to your daughter...you get lots of sleep on the weekends."

"I swear," John laughed, "she repeats everything, and at the most embarrassing times, but how do you tell her she shouldn't say things like that...we've decided to take it one day at a time...out of the mouth of babes..."

"She's beautiful," Meredith said, "and smart and you shouldn't curve her enthusiasm, especially since nowadays there are times you really do want them to talk...not to keep any secrets they may be asked to keep and things like that," and then stopped herself, "I'm sorry...what do I know about kids."

"A lot it seems," Colleen said, "because that's just what our parents encourage."

"They're right," Carolyn said, "most of the time...other adults understand, it's a fine line as they get older to explain to them that certain things that happen at home are family moments only. How old is she?"

The conversation continued for a few moments, including the Mulligan's comment that they wanted to make sure the kids would always know they should share everything with their parents.

"John, Colleen," Meredith said, "it's very last minute, but if you don't have plans for tomorrow, we'd love for you to join us for an early afternoon barbeque, it's only family and friends...and we just planned it last night."

"We wouldn't want to intrude," Colleen said, "and the kids behavior can be so unpredictable."

"We'd love to have you," Meredith said, "Carolyn's been missing her grandkids and I know she'd love to meet Kelly," suddenly it had become important to her to include their newly found friends, it was one of those moments when she knew things, and theirs was a friendship that would last a lifetime, "she's heard me talk about her a lot."

"I have," Carolyn said, "and I would love to meet her and Sean."

Derek was surprised but pleased that Meredith had talked about the kids to his mom, and encouraged them, "we'd love for you to be there, in fact, we're going to ask Miranda to join us as well and the kids got along very well."

"They did," John said, "and I have to admit, Kelly's been asking," he chuckled, "actually, more like pestering me about going to the trailer, she'll love it."

They were shown to their two tables at the same time, and both parties had a pleasant breakfast and coincided on the way out, and once the Mulligan's realized Derek was taking the ferry to drive Meredith to the hospital, they offered to do so, as they were already on their way to get the kids. Meredith accepted immediately. Somehow, it seemed right that Derek and his mother spend part of the day on Bainbridge, on their their land, as the two would engage in a long overdue conversation.

"Let's walk for a bit," Carolyn said once the others had boarded the ferry, "it's a lovely little town...and it's nice to get to know where my children live."

Meredith's day would prove to be an unusually quiet Saturday, providing far too much time to think as she allowed some doubts to creep in, what would his mother think of all that had happened between them, could ...would she still think of her the same way after she and Derek spoke, and yet unlike before she was now able to rely on the promises they'd made and the absolute commitment to their marriage and place her doubts aside.

"You're off in mcdreamy land," Cristina commented as she sat down next to her at the cafeteria, "it's embarrassing Mer, it's like a neon light shouting...I'm having great sex with Mcdreamy all the time."

"Don't make fun, just because you're not," Meredith told her.

"It's true, I'm not lying," she said and took a bite of her sandwich, "Lexie, come over."

"Hi Mer," her sister said and sat down at the same table.

"That's what I was missing," Meredith said and dipped into her French fries, "they weren't ready when I went through."

"I'll share those," Lexie said, and meant it. "But no more...I love these."

"Sibling discord," Cristina mocked.

"Oh shut up," both sisters said.

"Lexie," Cristina asked, "isn't it true...she's like a neon sign flashing I'm having great sex and you're not."

Lexie choked on a fry, and then laughed, "I guess you're right."

"She is not," Meredith whined, "stop agreeing with her, she's not going to treat you any nicer...or teach you any better."

"Actually," Lexie said, "she's not a bad teacher," and earned a smile from Cristina.

"I'm a better teacher," Meredith said, "I genuinely care," she said, and there ensued a friendly competitive taunting and teasing conversation that ended up with all three laughing, and just as they were ready to leave Izzie walked in and they shared a few minutes, agreeing that Meredith and Izzie would drive home together that evening.

"Derek, this is truly lovely, this land, it suits you and I'm sorry to admit that," Carolyn said as they stood on the cliff, "because I know this is your home now...that there's no chance you'll be coming back east."

"Mom," he said, "I think it's right for us...the place where we'll raise our family."

"I've missed you son," Carolyn told him frankly. "It was very hard when you just got up and left...and months without really knowing what was going on with you...wanting to catch the first flight and come out here...but the girls wouldn't let me."

"So, you sent Nancy," he said.

"She volunteered," his mother said, "we were all concerned about you Derek, and you need to ease up on her a bit."

"Mom, she was a bitch to Meredith."

"You were a married man and we had no idea what had gone on between you and Addison, and suddenly there's a divorce."

"Not the best time in my life," he stated. "Nancy assumed I was cheating on Addison because of her, you all made a lot of wrong assumptions...calling her slutty..."

"We had nothing to go by...hearsay...all obviously wrong..."

"How much do you know?"

"All of it..."

"All of it..." he repeated.

"Kathleen was the one that insisted one of us come out of here, Nancy was the one we chose, she was more likely to be blunt and get the answers we wanted...we'd heard she wasn't single and an incident..."

"You know..."

"About the panties on the board..." Carolyn said, "I do."

"Meredith's going to kill me."

"It's time Derek," Carolyn said as she hooked her arm through his, "we need to talk about this...all that has happened, and Meredith...she's not going to kill you."

"I know Ma," he accepted, "I know. Let's go back to the trailer," he said, and they did where he grabbed some cool drinks and walked with her to sit under the tree canopy, offering shade and a gentle breeze to combat the unusual Seattle heat, luckily it was several degrees cooler on Bainbridge.

They sat in companionable silence for several minutes before she spoke, "Derek...no matter what's happened, I'm not going to judge...not too badly...but I do want to understand, if for no other reason but to make sure it doesn't happen again...you were married Derek, eleven years...where did it all go wrong...why didn't we know how bad things were between you? How are you going to make sure it doesn't happen again?"

"I love Meredith," he told her defensively, "it's not going to happen again."

"For it not to happen again," Carolyn said, "you need to understand why it happened in the first place...learn from your mistakes Derek."

"Mom...what I feel for Meredith," he said, "it's nothing...nothing like it was with Addison...and all we've been through Mom, it could...should have torn us apart...and it didn't...it's made us stronger...much stronger...we're not going to let anything happen to our marriage."

"What went wrong?" Carolyn asked again.

"What went wrong?" Derek repeated and took a deep breath and reluctantly but confidently began to talk, without many details about his life with Addison, but briefly summing it up to both becoming distant in their relationship, caught up in their careers without realizing that perhaps because their feelings, their commitment, had already began to change, that things were going from bad to worse. "Then," he said, and repeated much of what he'd told Meredith right after Addie had arrived in Seattle, "one night..." he was never likely to forget what he'd said to Meredith because each time he'd talked about it, first with Meredith, then Kathleen and now his mother, the memories were deeply etched in his mind, "and see that my wife is cheating on me."

Carolyn's eyes had filled with tears, fully empathizing with his pain.

"With Mark," he said, and here the story changed, because his mother knew what Mark had meant to him, while Meredith had not. "He'd been my brother..." Derek said with deep felt emotion, "my brother, my refuge away from four nagging sisters. It was common, dirty and cruel. I left and came out here."

"And you met Meredith."

"And I met Meredith," he said. "She accused me you know, once she found out, that I'd used her..."

"Did you?"

"No," he said confidently. "Mom, she saved me...I felt like I was drowning...and she saved me. My breath of fresh air..."

"Derek," she said, "what I don't understand...why didn't you talk to us...tell us...instead of leaving us to make assumptions that were wrong, instead of letting your family be there for you?"

"I'd failed," he told her. "My marriage, my family...all your expectations...I knew how you would feel so I just left, unable to deal with it...unable to justify her actions or forgive her...or him."

"I can accept that," Carolyn said, "for a while...but when she came out here...you were trying to work it out and yet...you were still continuing your relationship with Meredith."

"No, I was not. The day she came out, I was ready to tell Meredith everything, and it turned out to be the worst day of my life, how it happened...how she met Meredith..." he said, and was unable to speak.

"Take your time..." Carolyn said as she reached out and held his hand.

"The worst moment of my life," he repeated, and tears filled his eyes, "until the day I lost her...Meredith...the day she drowned."

"It's ok sweetheart," Carolyn soothed gently as she placed her hand on his back. "She's ok...she survived."

"Mom," Derek said quite a bit later, "when Kathleen was here...when I told her...all that had happened between us...and then...Meredith lost the baby, I know I'm skipping ahead...but please...please don't judge her...she had no idea I was married...that..." he paused, and gathered his composure, "that will always be my shame...and then...how I treated her...how I made her feel...I've let her down...and you...and Dad...over and over again."

"You were involved with her," his mother questioned, "and you felt you let her down...and us...but not Addie."

"Addison cheated on me," he said angrily, "I walked away, my marriage was over...and yes, I should have told Meredith...but I didn't...but once she found out...she walked away...she wouldn't have anything to do with me."

"I don't understand Derek, when Nancy came out here...she told you, I know she did what Kathleen had told her." He wished there had never been a need to have this type of conversation, even if he kept some of the intimate details to himself, with his mother.

"Once..." he said quietly, "once in all those months...we were together...that night, when I went to her...she asked me to leave her alone, ran away from me...but I couldn't...she was the woman I loved...and it wasn't slutty or cheap...I had tried for months...wasted months of my life trying to make my marriage work, but that night, I knew it was a farce...it was over...and what Addie did...it was to humiliate Meredith," he said, and they continued to talk and he became angrier, "she had the unmitigated gall to try to humiliate her...when she had spent months living with Mark...and then..." he stopped, there was indeed honor left in him, he would not reveal she'd also had an abortion.

"She had an abortion," Carolyn said shocking him.

"What..." Derek looked into her eyes.

"Mark told me," Carolyn said, "after you left, in Venice. He wanted to come clean...he told me everything."

"He did..."

"He loves you Derek...you are his brother...we are his family, nothing, he told me, was more important to him than to get his brother to trust him again," she said, and that conversation continued through the process of how they got their relationship back on track, all because of Meredith.

The hours went by as mother and son spoke with complete honesty, both at times emotional about their revelations, all the while Derek spoke of his love for Meredith, of his shame at letting her down, his feelings of being dishonorable in his parents eyes, and his loss of faith, how he'd gained some of it back as a result of Meredith's miscarriage. How the spiritual gifts they'd been given had made him believe again...that God perhaps would answer their prayers, but always...he protected Meredith's privacy, while honoring her request that he be open with his mother, and so he spoke of her mother's behavior and her issues of abandonment. A few times they argued, as his mother admonished him for his actions, and was horrified that he'd let her walk away...that he'd failed to care for her after she'd drowned, yet his mother had reprimanded, he claimed to love her. But above all the trust and love between mother and son prevailed, and misunderstandings were explained and wounds began to heal as the mid afternoon sun symbolically warmed their heart and souls.

"Ma," he said at some point, "is there anything you don't know?"

"There is...there was...when Kathleen flew out here, she felt there were things you'd shared that should be private and I know they have not been discussed with your sisters. I also told her Meredith spoke of this sadness you'd experienced and that I wanted you and Meredith to share it with me...when you were ready and not before."

"Thank you," Derek said. "That means a lot to me...and I know it did to Meredith."

"Now," his mother said, "let me tell you about being honorable. Derek Christopher, you are...don't ever doubt it...because a dishonorable man doesn't worry about it...there is no guilt or shame...there is no recognition or acknowledgement of the times we act less than with honor...just as I've done..."

"Mom...you've never..."

"I have," she said, "but let me finish...I wish you'd come to me...that you could have talked to me...but, Derek...as I look back, and see what your life has become...I'm proud of you...very proud of you...and your father, I know in the depth of my soul is proud of you too."

"Mom," he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion, "I failed...so many ways...how can he be?"

"You did not fail..." she said, "you made sure that you acted to correct what was wrong, it takes courage and strength and honor...and that is what you have done."

"You are not angry with me," he said, "over Addie...and lying to Meredith...and..."

"I am not happy about it," she said, "but I understand, and you were doing the honorable thing in trying to make your marriage work."

"That's what Meredith said, when I told her about my conversation with Dad...on the way to Venice."

"She's right, there was no use holding on to the past...and I'll tell you this, if only you could have known earlier...about Addie and Mark, I'd have been the first one to tell you to give up...to look for happiness with Meredith."

"Mom..."

"Now, I will tell you," she said, "the only thing I am upset with you about, because I do not understand it, is that you'd ask another woman out the minute you broke up with Meredith, how could you?"

"You know about that...but how...if Kathleen didn't tell you?"

"Meredith told me."

"Meredith...when..."

"Same time she told me about the miscarriage, we were sitting in the old church...and she wanted to start her wedding day with all of that behind her."

"I can't believe she told you..."

"She did...not in a lot of detail, I could see she tried to tell me in such a way that she did not portray you in a bad light," she smiled, "much as you've done today."

"I've hurt her a lot."

"Yes, you did, but she's moved on...and you should be so proud of her..."

"I am Mom...sometimes I think I don't deserve her forgiveness."

"Derek, she obviously does not feel that way, and just as you should be proud of her, how much she's grown, I can see it...talking to her...seeing you together, but sweetheart, I'm so proud of you too... that after so long you reached out for help and called your sister, and I know it was because of her, because of your love for Meredith."

"I couldn't lose her again...Mom...I held her lifeless in my arms," he said, and broke down as he recalled that day, and his mother comforted him as wounds and hurt continued to heal.

"She told me she'd said something horrible to you...and how she thought I would not be able to forgive her for hurting you...but she never explained why. But, she told me she wanted me to know that she would never hurt you like that again...that she'd always be there, for you and for your children...that she'd never willingly leave you."

"She said that..." Derek cleared his throat, "I accused her of not trusting anyone...and yet...as afraid as she was of dealing with family...with you accepting her...she spoke with you and Kathleen..." he paused, "and I know...she did that for me...for us..."

"Derek, what happened?" Carolyn finally asked. "What was so terrible that the two of you almost didn't make it...what could she have said to you that was so unforgiveable?"