(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

DEREK CHRISTOPHER SHEPHERD...jr?

"In the on call room..."

"You remember..." she said, in awe that it held similar memories for him.

"It was one of the most vulnerable moments of my life... afterwards...when you let me hold you in my arms..."

"Mine too...and I think...Derek, I really believe ...our baby was conceived that day..."

They reached for each other simultaneously, tentatively at first, as if afraid to break the magic of the moment, reliving the memories of that afternoon weeks ago. He stroked her cheek gently with his thumb. She reached up brushing a lock of hair away from his forehead. Both smiled, tears evident on their cheeks, and each lovingly wiped away the other's tears.

"Oh, God..." he whispered reaching out for her and embracing her as though he'd never let her go, and totally overcome by emotion said, "I love you Meredith...I love you so much..."

She allowed herself the pleasure of being in his arms, and then pulled back to look at him, as she said, overcome with emotions as well, "Derek...you...you're going to be a dad... Derek...a daddy."

"I'm...I'm going to be a dad..." he said reaching for her hand and entwining their fingers.

"Derek...can you believe it...a baby...me...having a baby..."

"I always imagined it..."

"You did?"

"I did...when I told you...I wanted to have kids with you...I'd already imagined it."

"You're not mad...that this happened...I mean...it wasn't planned, and I don't even know how it happened...Derek...we're so careful... I have no idea how it happened..."

"I can refresh your memory..." he teased, "we failed the condom ad..."

"We did..."

"Maybe if we'd kept using the glow in the dark ones..."he said, and both laughed.

"Derek, do you...do you really remember...that afternoon..."

"I do."

"Me too...like it was today...what do you remember..."

"The truth?"

"Yes."

"I had never felt you so vulnerable...so fragile...so trusting ...you actually spoke of the day you drowned...and I thought, at first, you were going to open up about it...but you didn't."

"Derek, I didn't know what else...how else to bring it up...but I felt I was telling you...letting you know...how much it meant to be in your arms..."

"I felt...when you spoke...like we were finally...finally going to be able to talk...to deal with those issues...."

"Then I was quiet..."

"Yes...and I felt like you were pulling away...and that I couldn't reach you..."

"But you did...you had ...when we laid there, afterwards...Derek...I'd never felt so vulnerable in my life...and it was you...you that made me trust enough to just feel..."

"But you pulled away...you know that day...I was watching you in the OR, and talking to Cristina...and all I wanted was to take care of you...to be there... but I felt you pulling away...more and more...and I told her... I told her that you wouldn't let me take care of you."

"You said that to Cristina..."

"I did...she said she was taking care of you."

"Oh....Derek...we have wasted so much time...and we can't...we can't... keep things our feelings from each other anymore...because....if I had known that...what you'd said to her...we probably would have saved ourselves a lot of heartache..."

"Hey, you know what...no looking back... we just move forward...we have a whole lifetime ahead of us...and we just learn from our past...from now on... we talk."

"That day, Derek, in the on call room, I knew it had changed my life...I just...well, not that we'd be talking about a baby... so soon...but..."

"Why...why did you feel that way?"

"I can't explain it...I just knew...as I laid in your arms...that my life would never be the same again...I didn't know what it meant... but Derek...that day...I realized I loved you...but I didn't know how...how to tell you...how to trust myself to feel..."

"You realized ...you loved me..."

"That night...one of the many nights I couldn't sleep... I knew...Derek...I knew that I couldn't stop...I couldn't stop seeing you... I couldn't stop loving you...I realized what I felt for you...it was...it was that once in a lifetime...the love of my life...you are Derek...it was not about the sex...it never has been...it was never just about the sex...but that moment afterwards...when I'm in your arms...and I feel safe...so safe...."

Their gazes locked, unwilling to hide the emotions clearly reflected in the other's eyes, he leaned in and brushed her lips with his.

"Derek...when I'm in your arms...as I was that day....whenever we've made love and I lay in your arms...afterwards, Derek...the world stops...and I feel safe...and loved...and I'm never going to doubt that feeling again."

"Meredith...it's all I've ever wanted... to love you... to take care of you..."

"Derek...I'm going to let you...for the rest of our lives...I'm going to let you love me...and take care of me..." she said and slowly pulled away from his embrace and laid back against the pillows, and reaching for his hand placed it on her abdomen, "I'm going to let you take care of us...and love us...always..."

He laid on his side and gently caressed her belly and then leaned in to kiss her, "tell me...tell me...everything...everything you've felt...share this with me..."

"You mean today...when I found out..."

"Yes..."

"You already know...I couldn't wait Derek...me... dark and twisty Meredith Grey...I couldn't wait...and the thought of a baby...Derek...for the first time in my life the thought of a baby... our baby...was like a breath of fresh air...for our lifetime...because I knew...Derek...I knew without any doubt we created our baby on the most wonderful day of discoveries...at least for me...when I knew I loved you...so much..."

"Meredith...I have never stopped loving you...and I ached...so often because I thought you would never trust me enough to love me again...but now...to hear you say this...I've got hope in my heart again...and I know...we will have our lifetime..."

"Derek...do you realize we've never talked as much as we have the last few days..."

"Yes, and we're never going to stop talking...because, that's been what gets us in trouble...now tell me...what else...when did you decide you were going to get a test."

"You don't want all that detail."

"Yes...yes, I do."

"You mean it was four o'clock, and I was scrubbing out of surgery, and I felt the need to go up to the nursery...and..."

"You did..."

"I actually did...I went up...and looked at the babies...and I knew then I was going to get a test."

"How did you feel, when did you have time to do this?"

"I left here and went to get it and went home and I was scared...so scared...but when I saw the results..." she smiled and he could see the genuine joy in her face, "Derek, I wanted to be with you so badly and tell you...just this time...don't let it go to your head...but you were right...I was pregnant...and I told you I went and bought the baby's outfit."

"No regrets..."

"None...but Derek, I can't talk about being dark and twisty anymore...the baby can't hear that about his mom."

He looked at her and grinned, cocking his head just the way that made her heart fall in love with him each time... "his mom..." he said softly, "you think it's a boy?"

"My dream Derek...our first baby...it's a boy."

"A boy...you think I'm going to have a son," he whispered, raw emotion in his voice.

"Well, I think...we're going to have a son," she teased, "though technically, I'm the one doing all the work, and I can see it now...you getting all the credit...walking around the hospital...bragging about how you have a son..."

"I am going to shout it all over ...to whomever wants to listen...when our baby is born."

"Would it matter...if it's not...if I'm wrong...and it's a girl?"

He laughed, "all that matters is that you and our baby are ok. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl."

"Right..." she smiled, "after all that...you've going to convince me of that."

"Meredith...I would love a little girl that looks just like you...with the same beautiful eyes...and bossy...and caring and compassionate...and feisty as hell...and...I promise you...it won't matter, if it's a boy or a girl...either way...they're both going to be loved the same...and I'll teach them similar things."

"Like what?"

"Fishing and camping..."

"A girl is not going to go fishing...."

"Want to bet?"

"No."

"Can't stand to lose," he joked.

"Derek...I don't care either...but in my dream it was a boy..."

"Then...we won't waste time with names for girls..."

"Well, we should, just in case...but what would you like if it's a boy."

"You expect me to come up with a name now?"

"Well, do you want a Derek Shepherd Jr, or the II or III ..."

"Not really."

"Oh my God, Derek... I don't even know your middle name...we're having a baby and I don't know your middle name...now you have to tell me..."

"Meredith, we're not naming our son after me...we're not..."

"But I may want to."

"You want to name our son Derek."

"Maybe...or we can go with your middle name...which you have never told me, Derek...you asked that I take a lot of things on faith...and I did... remember... Derek... I did...so now...I'm having a baby...and I get to know what it is."

"Christopher."

"Christopher...that's a beautiful name...Derek Christopher Shepherd Jr."

"We are not naming our son after me..."

"Don't you think... if I go through long hours of labor, I should have a say about our son's name...and I like that ..."

"Meredith...I never thought of a name for a son...but if that's what you'd like, we can."

"Seriously...you're giving in that easily..." she teased.

"You're pregnant with our baby...my son...or daughter...yeah...I'm caving in...whatever you want."

"Derek...I was teasing you...we have time...lots of time to find the perfect name."

He placed his hand under her shirt, touching her, caressing her while whispering, "I want to look at you," and raised her shirt, revealing her still flat tummy and smooth skin.

"There's not much to look at ...right now...but soon, you'll be thinking I'm just fat."

"I'll never think that...you're beautiful to me...and I can't wait till we start seeing our baby growing...and moving...Meredith...I can't wait till I feel our baby move."

"You say that now...I'm going to remind you when I'm as big as a whale..."

"Meredith...I love you."

She laughed, "oh, my God...you are in so much trouble...you are really going to think I'm as fat as a whale, aren't you?"

"What...I didn't say that...."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd..." she laughed, "you just said you loved me to divert avoid giving me a straight answer."

"I did not..."

"Really...just like you've been doing the last week or so..."

"That was pure coincidence, I swear... this time... I just wanted to tell you...I love you."

"And...this time... I'm going to believe you."

"So... what else... did you do today..."

"You know the rest...up to Joe's...and then...but I don't want to talk about that...except, Derek, I know what happened, Lexie told me...and I'm sorry, truly sorry...for not listening to you...for running away...and for the things I said...I will always...always be sorry for that."

"I'm sorry too...for trying to keep things from you...but Meredith...even that...all we've said and done tonight...it got us here...to this moment...and that can't be all bad."

She reached up and placing her arm around his neck, pulled him closer and kissed him.

"This moment ...this morning...all we've shared...has been priceless..."

"No more running away...either one of us..."

"Derek...if I do...if I ever run away...or try to avoid dealing with our issues, please...don't let me...and I know therapy is going to help...but it's hard....it will be hard to break some habits..."

"Don't worry...I'm never letting you pull away...and Meredith...you have to do the same...don't let me...don't let me avoid or pull away either..."

"Derek...you know what's funny...at Joe's...did you hear Mark's comment?"

"About what?"

"He knows I'm pregnant..."

"What, you told him...you told him before you told me..." with a bit of a pout.

"Don't be a moron..."

"Do I assume those are hormones talking."

"Ass."

"Yes, that's a safe assumption."

She swatted his arm, "was he really right about your sisters' pregnancies?"

"Yeah...he actually was, and apparently Lisette as well."

"Derek, he knows I am..."

"How can he know?"

"Didn't you just finish telling me he was right...well, he looked at me tonight, and he started to say something, but he knows...and I avoided looking at him...but, we're not going to get away with it...and I just don't want anyone else to know right now."

"You don't want to tell anyone...why?"

"I just want to wait...till we get my blood work...and Derek...just to be sure...you know...that everything's ok...with all that's been going on...just ...let's wait a couple of weeks... please..."

"We can do that... we can wait...a couple of weeks...it's going to be hard...but I can wait...till you feel it's ok to start telling people."

The rays of sun were beginning to filter through the thin lacy curtains, welcoming a new day and restored hope for two people determined to embrace the unexpected changes in their lives...the unexpected joy of a new life.

"Derek, what time do you need to be in today?"

"I've cancelled my surgeries."

"You did...when?"

"Last night."

"Oh...because of me...you cancelled..."

"No, not because of you...I realized it was best, to take today off."

"I see."

"That's like...I'm fine...or I love you Meredith..." he teased.

"It's not funny."

"No, it's not...Kathleen is flying in...and when I called her last night, I knew I was in no shape to work today...that's the truth."

"Thank you, for being honest."

"We owe each other that...from now on...we owe that to each other."

"So, you're not going in today."

"Yes, I'm going to drive you to work, and get your blood work done, and then I'm going to get Kathleen at the airport..."

"She's going to hate me...just like Nancy."

"She's going to love you, and you're going to love her."

"But...Derek...she knows...she's going to know...I'm the reason...why you called...and it was bad...and she's...going..."

"She is my sister, and she's coming here because I asked her for help, and we need that...and just as you've made taken the steps...and were brave enough to seek therapy... ...tonight...I realized I need to do the same...and I reached out to my sister."

"She won't hate me?"

"She will love you. Trust me."

"I do."

"I don't want to rush you...or pressure you...but will you have dinner with us tonight?"

She was silent, pondering the implications. "You mean...the three of us...."

"Avoiding the answer..."

"No...just asking..."

"Maybe Mark can join us...you can have someone else in your corner..."

"I think I'd like that... oh...but no, Derek... he might blurt out that I'm pregnant."

"Meredith...you're assuming he knows..."

"He knows...I saw it in his eyes."

"Then we won't take him with us."

"Maybe he won't say anything."

"Meredith...we're talking about Mark."

"I think we can keep a secret...if he says anything...I'll threaten that he can't be bestman...or godfather."

They both laughed, and he hugged her kissing the top of her head and then bringing his mouth to hers for the kiss that sealed their commitment to each other forever.

She laid in his arms quietly and after a while, whispered softly.

"Derek...while I was waiting for you to call me..."

"Yes..."

"I told our baby...that his Mommy made you sad and she was sorry...but if you could...you would have been here....touching and kissing my tummy...and that you'd be all hovery and if you'd heard me talking...would wonder what alien took over my body.... and then I said...I love you baby. Mommy and Daddy both love you very much."

She heard his sharp intake of breath, and the soft sniffle. "Do you think he heard," he said again laying her against the pillows and placing his hand over her stomach, lovingly caressing her, "do you think he knows how true that it is...that his Mommy and Daddy love him?"

"I know he did....in fact... I think...in spite all odds, all our precautions...he knew how much he would be loved...the day he decided he wanted to be part of us....that afternoon...when he became part of our lives."

They basked in the new found knowledge that their life was about to change, and each touch, each caress, each kiss expressed their love and commitment to each other.