(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Sunshine & Rainbows

Meredith and Derek entered the dining room and were seated near a window, overlooking the spectacular views of nature all around them, and the welcoming colors of a new day.

"It's beautiful Derek, look at the colors of the sunrise..."

"Not nearly as amazing as looking at you," he said, smiling and giving her their look.

"That..." she said, "was so corny..." and reached for his hand, "but I love you for it."

"Good morning," they were interrupted, "I'm Erica, would you like some coffee to start with, and do you have any questions about our menu?"

"Coffee is good, thank you, give us a few more minutes."

"I'll be right back with your coffee, and you may want to try our country breakfast, it's one of our most popular items."

"That country breakfast is a lot of food, how can anyone eat so much," she questioned.

"Meredith...I bet you'd manage," he started to say.

"Are you suggesting I eat too much..." she said raising one eyebrow.

"Well, you...kind of...you do eat a lot...and that's fine...I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, it's not like you get fat...and you need to eat nutritious food, which is good..."

"Derek," she smiled, "you're rambling."

"Yeah," he said absently.

"You don't see something wrong with that?"

"No, you do it all the time," he said, glancing at the two people walking toward them, and hoping they would be seated far away.

"But you don't," she said.

"I didn't know quite how to respond, without getting in trouble, do you want to go outside for a few minutes, it's beautiful..."

"Derek, what's with you, you're acting odd, and we can't go outside, we have to order, we need to be ready..."

"Yes...of course, you're right."

"Derek..."

"Meredith, look" he said pointing out into the distance, attempting to distract her.

"What am I looking at," she said amused, "Derek..."

"It's ...I though I caught sight...of a bald eagle," and then what he dreaded happened, as the two people were seated at the table across from them, and their waitress brought Meredith and Derek their coffee and then turned to greet the newly arrived guests at the next table.

"Erica, it is so nice to see you," the very pregnant woman greeted her as her husband pulled the chair out for her, "I can hardly fit anywhere anymore," she joked.

Derek saw her reaction immediately and was afraid of how this would make her feel, and wanted to reach out and comfort her.

"You look beautiful, you should be due soon, right?"

"Two more weeks, and we just got here, but I could not wait to eat some pancakes."

Meredith reached out across the table and placed her hand on top of his and squeezed.

"How is your daughter? She must be close to two."

"Twenty months, and talking about being a big sister, and this one," she said as she placed her hand on her abdomen, "I'm convinced is going to be an acrobat."

Meredith turned her face toward the windows and looked away, her free hand wiping away at the tears that could not be contained, and suddenly felt his hand let go of hers, and her heart began to shatter all over again, feeling and understanding his loss and his disappointment in her.

Derek sensed her pain, her heartbreak at their loss and he released her hand and rose from his seat, and Meredith watched his retreat as her heart screamed in pain, and silently begged for deafness to avoid hearing the words the happy couple exchanged, and tune out the pain of him walking away.

"Well, it's good to see you again, what can I get for you, other than pancakes?"

"Bring me the country breakfast," the husband spoke, "I get the feeling she's going to go through that as well," he teased her.

Meredith felt the heat from his body, as he drew a chair close and sat next to her, and placed his arm behind her, soothing her back and then hugged her close, "breathe for me...just take a deep breath...for me," he said, and kissed her temple.

"I...I thought...I though...I could handle this..." she said, squeezing her eyes shut, "and then...then you let go...let go of my hand...and I thought...you were walking away," and she continued to look away, retreating further onto herself, hoping to mute the conversation taking place.

"You try eating for two," the wife told him while he reached across the table and grabbed her hand and their fingers intertwined.

"Meredith...do you really believe I could walk away..."

"I...I didn't know...Derek...it's your loss too...she was yours too..." she whispered, and felt his thumb wipe the tears away.

"She was ours..." he said gently, and held her hand without letting go, "would you like to leave," he said softly.

"No...it's ok..." she said, turning to him, offering half a smile, and brushing his lips lightly, "you need a good breakfast."

"Erica, can you bring me some orange juice please," the father to be asked.

"I'll do that right away, just let me get the order at this next table," she smiled, and turned to Meredith and Derek's table, surprised at the change of seating arrangements.

"Sorry, I did not mean to take so long, they're regular customers, here about every three months, and they're here for the babymoon weekend. Are you ready to order?"

Derek ordered for them, "how about the pancakes with honey, they seem to be a house specialty," he said, never letting go of Meredith's hand, softly caressing her, "and I'll have an egg white omelet and salmon, and bring us that pot of hot chocolate."

"I'll do that right away, if you need anything else, please let me know."

"Thank you Erica, we will," he said, and turned his attention back to Meredith.

"I'm ok...Derek... I am...just, it was unexpected...and it's not the last time it's going to happen...but, I'll be ok," she reassured him, squeezing his hand, "thank you...you are truly my strength these days."

"Yet, you thought I walked away..." he confronted her gently.

"I was dumb... and reverted back to familiar dark and twisty ways..." she said, biting her lower lip, but meeting his gaze.

"You weren't dumb...you're hurting, I understand, but you need to know, I'm not walking away."

"I'm learning that," she smiled, and gently caressed his hand.

"Good, then."

"Derek," she whispered, and he saw the glimmer of tears, "I love you, and I'm sorry."

"You're sorry...for loving me?"

"No," she rolled her eyes, and then more serious, "I'm sorry...for not being able to give you this baby."

"Hey...I have you...the rest...we'll see...ok?"

"Yes..."

"Meredith...

"I'm fine...Derek, we're fine..."

"Yeah?"

"They look so happy..." she said, surprising him, "maybe...maybe one day..."

"One day at time...love...one day at a time..." he reassured her.

"I like that Derek..."

"My philosophy..." he questioned, raising one eyebrow.

"The way you ...just that one word..."

"You are...my love...when I think of you, Meredith...there's only love."

"You...you know I'm going to be hormonal for a bit yet," she said a bit melancholy,
"so, you better stop...before I keep crying."

"I can handle it...I just wish you had no reason to cry," he said softly.

"These are happy tears...Derek...they are...maybe...someday..."

"Ok," he said, as he saw Erica approach with their breakfast.

"Here you go, hope everything is to your satisfaction."

"Erica," Meredith said softly, surprising Derek, "you said something earlier...you mentioned a babymoon special, what is it?"

"Meredith..."

"Derek...I want to know..."

"Oh...it's a special weekend, well any day package really, some days away just for the parents, before the baby arrives, and it includes flowers, massages for both and a baby gift and it's quite popular..."

"I see, thank you...that does sound like a special get away," she said, and picked up the cup of chocolate the young girl had poured before she walked away.

"Meredith..."

"I'm ok...Derek...I'm ok," she said and brought her index finger to the corner of her eye, and held it there just long enough for him to know tears had been held back.

"Tell me," he said, as he began to eat "what made you think of fishing?"

"I woke up early, and was just sitting there thinking about everything, how wonderful you've been, and I wanted to do something for you...show you how much it's meant to me...and I saw a brochure they had on the table, and it seemed like the perfect thing for you...I mean it's fishing and you've said you really enjoy fly fishing...so I thought..."

"It was perfect..."

"Really..."

"Yes...but, you know, we don't have to do this...I love the idea, but I'm concerned about you...what you said last night...you're going to see Dr. Cameron."

"Derek...it's ok...really, it is..."

"But, Meredith...how long do you think we're going to be out there?"

"It's about four hours...they told me..."

"Four hours...that's a long time, and we're out in the wilderness, it's not like ..."

"Derek...I spoke to them, it's a luxury excursion...they take us out to the middle...fork or is it the midfork..."

"The mid fork of the river," he told her.

"Right, that's what they said, and I asked if they had, you know set up bathrooms and stuff...and the guy just laughed at me," she said, "just like you're doing now, behind your smirk," she joked, "and he told me they actually do this all the time, where people go for the day or half a day, but they have a luxury van, Great Western I think he said...and it's quite deluxe, and it has a bathroom...so they will provide a chair for me to sit by the river bank, but their van is not far away...so we're ok..."

"When...when did you find all of this out?"

"While you were sleeping...I woke up at six, and I got some information from the concierge, and that's it..."

"That's it..." he said, amazed at her early morning diligence.

"Uh huh...so, we're going fishing...well, you're going fishing...I'm going to read...and enjoy the outdoors..."

"It's freezing...Meredith..."

"Well, yes, but I'm dressed warmly, and I can always sneak in the van..."

"You're sure about this."

"Derek, I want to share this with you."

"Ok...finish your breakfast then."

Once they finished breakfast, they want back to their room and waited for the tour guide to call them, and within the hour were on their way, and Derek became engaged in conversation with the man, a very good looking man, had Meredith been in the least bit interested.

"This is our main office," she heard him say, "we'll stop here so you can both pick out your gear and get fitted for waders as well as wading shoes and rubber boots, just in case you decide to go into the deeper pools."

"Oh, I'm not going...I mean I'm not fishing, it's just Derek," she joined the conversation as the car came to a stop.

"Come on Meredith...it could be fun...I'll teach you to cast a line...just for a few minutes...we could do this together..." he asked, and he looked just like a little boy full of enthusiasm, and she could not deny him.

"Fine...I'll get fitted for boots...whatever...and I'll try...but right before we come back, I don't want to smell like fish all day..."

"You'll enjoy it...really...you'll see," Derek told her and quickly kissed her before holding her hand and walking in to the establishment.

While they were in the shop, the tour guide explained they'd need a fishing license, which Derek had, so they did not worry about Meredith having one, as she had no intention of making more than one attempt or taking the fish home. He also commented that the adipose fin was clipped from fish raised in a hatchery, so they could differentiate the wild fish which would need to be released.

"You'll find some hatchery rainbows, but they are quite small, so don't expect to be taking any fish home, but if you do get lucky, you can find they are usually about eight to nine inches, and I've yet to see anything bigger than twelve, but keep that in mind, because we do store the fish for you to take home if you make a catch."

They reached the site where they would settle for the rest of the morning, and
Meredith watched with amusement as Derek chose his gear, and was soon ready to venture into the river.

"Is this what you did," she said, "when you went camping with the boys, you had all this gear to carry?"

"Nope."

"Nope?"

"There was more...we were planning on spending a couple of days..."

"Boys and toys.."

"Don't knock it...and we came back early...I had to get back to you," he said, and kissed her.

"Thank God you did," she smiled, nipping at his lip.

"Tease..."

"Go...have fun," she smiled.

Meredith settled in her chair, an old wooden chair that had a soft cushion added to it making it not too uncomfortable, and bundled up in the blanket she'd grabbed from the hotel. She opened the book she'd picked up in the gift shop, and soon found herself dozing, while later was awakened by the rustling of leaves nearby.

She was startled and delighted when she gazed over to the area where she'd heard the sounds, and found a deer grazing not fifteen feet away from her, and then saw as it walked to another area and began eating the leaves off a tree, and then saw a smaller version join what the imagined was the mother for a few minutes when suddenly both raced away, seemingly frightened.

Meredith walked over to the van, about eighty feet away and took advantage of using the bathroom and helping herself to a cup of hot coffee. It was freezing, but the day was surprisingly sunny, and it felt good to have been outdoors. She walked to her spot and noticed Derek was now back and she could see him clearly walking toward her.

"Hey, where did you go," he asked as he approached her, "I got back from some of the pools down the river and didn't see you, are you ok?"

"I went to the van and took got some coffee while I was there, are you enjoying the fishing?"

"It's fabulous...I'll have to come back...the wild fish are amazing..."

"You mean you catch them and let them go...and that's ok...I mean, isn't the idea to catch fish you can take them home and eat...I mean, I know not in this area, but isn't that the idea of fishing?"

"Sometimes...it's just making the catch..."

"Uhmmm...like the thrill of the chase," she teased him.

"Sort of..." he teased back, "if you're into that sort of thing..."

"Which, you...were not," she challenged.

"Which, I was not...but since we are now talking about fish...yeah, it's the catch sometimes."

"Whatever," she said rolling her eyes.

"Are you ready?"

"For what?

"Fishing...did you forget?"

"No...but not till it's time for us to go."

"It's almost time...another hour or so..."

"Then go, you're wasting time here..."

"I'm with you..." he said, and kissed her lightly, "never a waste of time."

"Go on," she giggled.

"You didn't get much reading done," he said.

"I fell asleep, and...oh Derek, I saw a deer, two...I think one must be the baby deer, and they were just grazing not fifteen feet way, but something scared them away."

"They usually stay away from humans...it could have been that."

"Ok...go...get your fishing hours in."

"I'll be back...forty five minutes, and I'll be back."

"You're serious about this, aren't you," she said when he came back.

"Of course I'm serious...come on, let's get you all geared up," he said full of enthusiasm.

"Derek...really...this is crazy, I've never done this...and I'm not sure...well...I'm not..."

"Meredith...we don't have to, it's ok..." he said, thinking she may not be feeling well, "we can do this another time, when you're feeling better."

"Oh...no...Derek, I'm fine...I'm feeling fine...just, fishing Derek...I have never been fly fishing before...and...well, just for a few minutes, ok..."

"Just for a few minutes," he said, "I know you're not up to more than that...I do...and it means a lot to me, that you'd even try..."

"You've done so much for me..."

"Hey...no more of that...we're here for each other..."

"Yes...that's really it...being here for each other," she said, "let's go..."

Soon he had outfitted her with waders and a fishing line and was walking with her towards the river pool, making sure she was steady on her feet... "You ok there, just hang on to me."

"Hang on to you...so we can both fall," she joked.

"Here we are...now, this is what you do," he began to explain to her.

"So...you pick one of these flies," she laughed, "oh Derek, I can't believe I asked you if they were dead flies."

"Notice I did not make fun of you," he laughed now.

"You showed incredible restrain... at the time," she emphasized, and jokingly swatted his arm.

"So, yes, you pick one of these..."

"So I get to pick?"

"Well, I was going to use this one," he said picking it up.

"Why?"

"Because, it's probably best for a catch," he said, and she almost burst out laughing at his attitude that she was questioning his choice.

"But, I like this one," she said, pointing to another one.

"That's not the best one Meredith, not for the kind of catch I've been getting all day."

"Can we try it anyway, it looks pretty, I like the red."

"You like the red," he said, and was about to tell her all the reasons not to use it.

"It's pretty Derek, I'm sure it'll catch their attention."

"You could catch a little one maybe...might get the attention of the smaller fish."

"Well, I'm not really looking to catch a huge fish, and we have to put it back anyway, so, yes, can we use this one?"

"This one is fine, it's called a humpy red, by the way."

"Humpy red," she looked at him and started laughing, "Derek, that's hilarious."

"Let's get serious here, we have some fishing to do," he said and began to explain what they were about to do, and first he cast a line with his to show her, and then guided her with her own.

"That's it," she said after she'd cast the line, "now we wait?"

"Now we wait," he said and smiled at her.

"How long?"

"I don't know...it depends," he said, "sometimes you don't catch any fish."

"Really...did you catch any fish today?"

"Yes, about six, not very big, the biggest one was about nine inches."

"And you had to let them go..."

"Yes, they were all wild fish...mostly rainbow trout."

"So, we just wait..." she said.

"We just wait," he smiled, "and you can enjoy the scenery."

"We could...it's beautiful here," she said, "I'm glad I came with you, it was fun...well, you know, relaxing, and I got to watch you...and the deer..."

"Uhmmm..."

"Derek..."

"Uh huh..."

"I think I could like this...going fishing with you..." she said, and bit her lower lip out of habit.

"Really...you mean sitting by the river bank sleeping all day..."

"No...I mean watching you from the river bank...and being this close to you...you're very sexy you know...the rugged fisherman...sexy stubble...watching you knee deep in water casting lines..."

"Meredith..."

"Uh huh..."

"You are the biggest damn tease..."

"I'm not...it's true...and Derek...next time...if we come fly fishing, make sure we can have sex..."

He dropped his line, and almost lost his footing, but managed to balance himself and picked up the line, and walked closer to her, "you are going to have to make up ..."

"I'm going to make it up to you...with all your favorite things," she murmured, "over and over again..."

"You are going to kill me...before ..."

"Derek...oh my God, Derek...it's pulling, something's pulling on my line...what do I do..."

"Don't let it go...hold on ..." he said, and began to pull the line in...and at the end was a thirteen inch rainbow trout.

"Derek, that is huge...the guide, he said....the biggest one maybe ten inches or so...this is well over a foot...and look, it's not wild...it's not, Derek, we could take this catch home," she said excitedly.

"You want to take this home..." he asked incredulously.

"Of course...Derek...we can, it's not wild, and I caught the biggest fish, I did."

"Yes, you did," he said.

"Oh," she said, realizing he was not was excited as she was, "I shouldn't brag, should I," she said scrunching her nose, "I know, it's a male fishing thing...I should not be bragging, since I got the biggest fish..."

"You can brag...I can handle it..." he told her, happy with her enthusiasm and the lighter mood that prevailed.

"Are you sure, because...when we get back...I really...really do have to brag...you won't mind?"

"Not if you make it up to me...you know...tend to my ego...in other ways..."

"I can do that," she said, "I can certainly do that."

"Brag away," he laughed, as did she.

"Derek...you have to take care of the fish, I'm not touching it."

"You're a surgeon...you have to clean the fish."

"No, I don't...I don't deal with dead fish...that's your specialty."

"Since when..." he argued.

"Since..." she said, and getting closer to him whispered in his ear, "and...when we can...I promise, I'll..."

"I'm sold...say nothing more," he said and took care of handling the rainbow trout, and had her hold on to him as they walked backed laughing to the river bank.

They got back to the spa and Meredith complained she could no longer stand the smell of fish and needed a shower.

Derek had a few moments alone, and dialed a very familiar number. He had been thinking about this all day.

"Derek, I didn't expect you to call, is everything ok with Meredith?" his sister asked with concern.

"Kat, yes, everything is fine, but I only have a couple of minutes, Meredith is in the shower, and I'm not going to have time to call back till tomorrow night maybe, or when we get back to work, day after tomorrow."

"What's going on?"

"I need your help, your opinion really...I'm getting her engagement ring, and I want you to see it, tell me what you think, yes, it's on the website, write it down," he told her, and rattled it off.

"You just want my opinion? What if I don't like it?"

"Of course you're going to like it...I just want to make sure it's right for her...and by the way, did you make it home safely?"

"We both made it home in one piece, though for a while there..." she joked.

"Kathleen...I don't want to hear about your sex life."

"Derek, you're such an idiot."

"Fine...and one more thing..."

"What."

"You were right...you're feeling about a passport...help me find something...and email me..."

"What do you need?"

"I'm taking her to Italy...she does not know, but that's where I'm going to propose."

"That is so romantic...Derek, she really deserves all of this you're planning, but are you going to have the time off?"

"Yes, Richard owes me, it's a long story, but yes, and it's only five days. Listen, she's going to be out in a minute, but this is what I want to know...can you help me get the information?"

"Yes...of course...and no, I won't say a word...Derek, she's going to love it."

"Ok...have to go...I love you Kathleen, yes, you'll be the first to know when she says yes...yes...even if it's in the middle of the night...bye," he said, and disconnected the call.

"Derek, who were you talking to?"

"Housekeeping, I asked if they could pick up our clothes and get them washed before we go back, so we don't have a car filled with fish scent."

"Oh...thank you. I don't think I could stomach that."

"That's what I thought" he said as he walked in to the bathroom, "we may have to call them again, I said, I'd call when we were ready for them to pick up the clothes."

She waited till he closed the door, and picked up his phone. She was certain she'd heard him say Kathleen, and though she knew it was wrong, looked at the last number dialed, and smiling, dialed it again.