(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled

Predictable Emotions

Dr. Shepherd," Patricia greeted him, "he'll see you in a couple of minutes, he's wrapping up a conference call."

"Thank you, Patricia."

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm aware of the situation, but it has been treated with utmost confidentiality, and I did not want to bring it up earlier today."

"Thank you, I know Meredith will appreciate that."

She glanced at the phone, indicating Richard was off the phone, "you can go in," she said and smiled pleasantly.

"Richard," Derek said curtly.

"Derek, please take a seat."

"I don't know if that's necessary, tell me what you need."

"Derek, the board chairman has discussed..."

"You don't have to continue. You can have my resignation, forget the contract, we'll make it a clean break."

"What is it with you young people, always jumping to conclusions. Sit down Shepherd, I thought we got through that issue the other day."

"The other day, I said..."

"Sit down," Richard told him and could not believe the insolence in his attitude.

"Look Richard."

"Derek, we have been friends a long time. I was your mentor, I thought that meant something to you."

"So did I," Derek said, forgetting what he'd told Meredith that all had been settled and things were fine between them.

"Derek, I value that friendship, and I asked you here for two reasons, the first, and the most important to express how very sorry I am for the loss you and Meredith have experienced and to apologize."

"What was the other reason?"

"Derek, you are going to listen. I never should have put you in that position, and sincerely apologize."

"You did not leave Adele's side," Derek stated holding his emotions tightly in check, "but you forced me to leave Meredith alone, waiting for hours Richard. She has been through hell this past year, and you forced me to leave her alone, knowing," he paused and his voice broke when he continued, "she was about to lose our child."

"And that is why I am apologizing. I have known that girl since she was a child, and I asked you not long ago not to hurt her anymore, I held you responsible, but I failed to live up to the promise I made her mother."

"You disregarded our friendship, and the state I was in simply to earn points with the board."

"Derek, you know that is not true. I should not have forced you, but that is not true, there was a child involved, a four year old child that is alive because you were the only one that could save her life."

"She was about to lose our child, Richard, and you forced me...she had never had anyone be there for her, and this...she was devastated and you forced me to leave her alone," he choked out, and Richard understood the depth of the loss as well as the love Derek Shepherd felt for Meredith Grey, and he stood and went around his desk, and placed his hand on Derek's shoulder.

"I am deeply sorry for your loss," he said, and watched as Derek took a deep breath and pursed his lips together and closing his eyes nodded in acknowledgment as he closed his fists tightly, and then brought his right hand to his face and remained quiet before sliding his palm down his face and looking up at the man now sitting in front of him again.

"Apology accepted."

"Thank you," Richard stated, breathing easily for the first time in several days. "How is she?"

"She's devastated and heartbroken," he spoke quietly, "and all the while, she's trying to be strong for me."

"What do you need?"

"I'm not sure how to help her. Sometimes, I feel there's nothing I can do to make things better."

"You were away a few days, did that help?"

"Our relationship is stronger than ever, that is a good thing."

"Derek, how are you holding up?"

Surprised by the question and the genuine concern he heard in his voice made him forget the resentment of minutes before, "when I see her, and I watch her cry...I feel totally useless and a failure."

"I am sure she does not see it that way," he offered.

"I have a lot to make up to her," he said more to himself.

"I mean what I said Derek, whatever you need, if you think time off will help, we'll do that."

"Mark told me about the meeting you called, thank you."

"I screwed up Derek, and I value our friendship."

"So do I Richard, and that little girl," he said, and paused, "Meredith and I are glad I could help save her."

"You did Derek, you are the only surgeon who could have done that surgery within that very crucial timeframe."

"It's done. Let's move on."

"That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about, the Board Chairman..."

"Wants to reprimand my behavior?"

"They damn well should reprimand your insubordination," he said, frustrated at the way he'd jump to conclusions.

"Richard, I've told you..."

"Shep, shut the hell up and listen. Apparently, God only knows how, the rumor mill around this hospital has even managed to reach our board members."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Well, apparently our argument has led to speculation that you have resigned."

"I did hear something about that."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"I haven't been here, and we weren't speaking."

"Well, if you had let me finish my conversation when you got here, I would have explained I got a call from the Chairman in regard to you and Meredith."

"Meredith...what does she have to do with this, she wasn't responsible for anything related to Kelly's case."

"Amazing. You continue to jump to conclusions. You just can't help yourself, can you?"

"What did they want?"

"Whatever you did or said to the Mulligan's..."

"I did not say anything out of line."

"Can you please be quiet, otherwise we'll be here till tomorrow, and who said anything about being out of line."

"I don't get it."

"Did anyone ever tell you, for a brain surgeon you can be damn obtuse."

"On many occasions," he quipped, feeling the old relationship was on its way to being restored, "especially lately."

"The Mulligan's, I'm not sure if you are aware were one of the first benefactors of this hospital, and have maintained a board seat since the hospital was founded."

"I was not aware, though I recall meeting a Mr. Mulligan during the interview process."

"Yes, you did, John Mulligan is Kelly's grandfather, and his son spoke to the Chairman after you were here a couple of days ago, and as a result, I have been instructed to make you aware, that when I decide it is time to retire, there should be no search for a new candidate. You have already been interviewed, you were my selection and you will have first right of refusal to that position before any further attempts are made to fill it."

Derek was stunned by this information. "Richard, I don't understand, we did not discuss this, at all, in fact the conversation was more personal in nature," he said and repeated what he remembered, including the Mulligan's expression of sympathy to him and Meredith.

"That explains a great deal, Derek the Mulligan's first became involved in the hospital because John's sister as a child, could not be saved for lack of proper medical attention, and they lobbied for a hospital. They own one of the most important and successful construction companies in Seattle, and of course the fact you saved his granddaughter would have a significant impact on that family."

"Richard, Meredith and I did not speak of our situation. Mrs. Mulligan, Kelly's mom somehow understood something had happened."

"Whatever it was, not only do you have first right of refusal to being Chief of Surgery, which by the way, I was told I was not being encouraged to resign," he added with a bit of friendly sarcasm.

"Richard, I've not desire to hold that position, and certainly feel you are the best man for the job, for many more years to come."

"Thank you for your confidence."

"I respect you Richard as a professional, but I was just mad as hell at you, over something personal."

"I'm trying Derek, and I'll do what I can to make it up to you."

"Don't worry, I'm going to hold you to it."

"I have no doubts about that."

"You said, not only...what else was there?"

"I was told explicitly to ensure that Dr.Shepherd and Dr. Grey would never have a reason to leave Seattle Grace, match any offer you in particular are made and top it, and Dr. Grey should have no need to consider any hospital other than Seattle Grace
for her fellowship."

"I don't understand how all of that would come about from the short conversation."

"Neither do I, but I'm glad I won't need to look for your replacement, you cost me enough as it was to get you here."

"I'm flattered, but truthfully, I don't understand any of this."

"You saved John's granddaughter Derek, and that is priceless. In case you're wondering, Grace was his sister's name."

"Really, that appears nowhere in the hospital's history."

"It was enough that they knew, without revealing their personal tragedy."

"It's inspiring to hear that. I've seen far too many philanthropic gifts require all sorts of ovations and ass kissing."

"You did a very good thing Derek. You saved the life of a beautiful and very special young girl."

"I know Richard, it was the right thing to do. There was nothing I could do for our child, but I needed to feel I had not failed Meredith yet again."

"She loves you Derek, that's very clear."

"We've been through hell the past three weeks."

"What can I do?"

"Don't forget you owe me for calling Addie..."

"You're going to milk this, aren't you? But, Derek, at the time you were married and carrying on..."

"Richard, you wee a meddling busybody and should have stayed out of it."

"She was the best surgeon for that case."

"Bull shit...you were wrong in meddling, and if you hadn't...." he stopped, "you know what, forget it, it's done, but now...you can help me make something happen."

"What's that?"

"I want your word, this stays between us."

"You have my word."

"I told you, as soon as she was ready, I was going to ask Meredith to marry me, and I want this to be special for her. I want to take her to Italy, it's something that will mean a lot to her, and she doesn't even realize I remember."

"You're going to take her to Italy and propose there...and how am I involved?"

"We need a week off...the sooner the better..."

"You're really going to make me pay for this aren't you?"

"No, Richard, I owe her this, and I'll take a leave, do whatever you feel is necessary, but she deserves this, and I'm going to make it happen."

"You have the time off Derek, work it out with Miranda about her schedule."

"It's a surprise Richard, I don't want her to know."

"I don't even know where you're going," he said, "I may even make a bet on this one myself...how long before McDreamy proposes."

"Thank you, this means a lot to me."

"Our friendship meant too much not to fix this, as soon as you got here today."

"Or were you afraid I'd kick you off the land or the trailer park, as my sister joked."

"That wasn't important Derek, I hope you know that."

"I do. Thank you, again for this talk, and the meeting you called."

"Shep, how soon are you planning on taking that week?"

"Three...four days from now at most."

"You both deserve to be happy...I'm glad...I can have a small part in this, and hope we, you and I can put this behind us," he said, and Derek nodded his head as he rose from the chair and then extended his hand in acknowledgment.

"Have a good day Patricia," Derek smiled as he walked out.

"Thank you, you too Dr. Shepherd," she said and walked in Richard's office.

"Chief, I take it that went well."

"It did Patricia, very well."

"Good. Apologizing was the right thing to do."

"How do you know that?"

"Because you should not have forced him, and I know you, and you knew that was the right thing to do."

"Any other pearls of wisdom?"

"No sir, just what did he get out of you?"

"It's confidential."

"I'll have to take care of it sooner or later."

"He's taking a week off, and so is Meredith."

"You got off easy," she said and turned around and left his office smiling, "especially since the resignation rumors were true, he did tell you he would."

Meredith was in the Pit and not thrilled about it, but it was good to get back to work, and her interns seemed to have missed her, she thought, but then again, although they had rotated, having Cristina as your resident for even one day would make them miss her.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Believe it or not Cristina, I was thinking about you."

"Why?"

"Because my interns were happy to see me, especially the ones that endured twenty four hours with you," she delivered the statement seriously.

"Bitch."

"Exactly," Meredith answered.

"Mer, I've told you before, leave the sarcasm to me."

"It's good to be back, Cristina."

"Yeah, you realize how much you miss this."

"Grey, Yang," they heard and reacted immediately, "there's work to do, this is not tea time."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey," the replied in unison, and Cristina walked away.

"Meredith, are you doing ok?"

"Yes,Dr. Bailey, thank you."

"You can expect to be tired, if you need to take a break, please...take care of yourself."

"I will Dr. Bailey, thank you for your concern," she said and turned to go see a new patient when her blackberry vibrated.

-all ok with richard fill u in later
-you really ok?
-yes don't worry
-you made up?
-guess u can say that
-I'm glad
-love you see u later
-love u 2
-bye
-bye

He smiled and was ready to put the phone away when he saw another message

-did u see Kelly yet? She ok?
-on my way
-ok if I stop in to see her?
-yes
-ok, bye
-don't over do it today, remember to take a break
-that's what bailey said
-pay attention she knows everything
-lol

"Grey, are you playing phone tag with McDreamy," she was caught red handed, and smiled, in a most uncharacteristic and surprising manner showed Miranda Bailey the text exchange.

"He's not as stupid as I thought," Miranda said, "and he's got it right, I know everything."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey, your certainly do," she said and went to talk to her patient.

The morning hours went by quickly and Lexie came to find her at almost two o'clock to have lunch and Meredith left one of her interns covering the Pit.

"How's your first day back at work?"

"I won't ever admit this to her, but Dr. Bailey was right to have me in the Pit, I really am tired, and probably wouldn't have handled other areas as well today."

"Mer, how was your doctor's appointment? Is everything ok?"

"Yes, I have to go back in a couple of weeks to get my HCG levels checked until they are back to normal."

"Do you want to eat in the cafeteria or go sit outside?"

"Outside, so we can talk without eavesdroppers."

"Is ...Mer...is everything ok...you and Derek, I mean...yesterday..."

"Lexie, everything is ok, I just want to talk to my sister in private and share something with you."

"OK."

"Meredith, Xena," they heard a voice behind them, and stopped before going in the cafeteria.

"Derek," stop teasing her, "you're as bad as Cristina."

"I am not," he said in mock offense, "Lexie, I'm just joking..."

"It's ok Derek, really, I don't mind...when your or Mark say it."

"Lexie Grey," Meredith started to say, "you better not be flirting with Mark Sloan..."

"Xena 2...I really do love you," Derek told her laughing and kissed her lightly, "I wanted to see you before I went to the OR...you ok?"

"Yes, but you better not encourage him to flirt with her, Derek...I mean it..."

"Ask them Meredith, maybe they like each other," he teased her.

"He is too old for her, and Lexie...you said..."

"Meredith, he's putting you on, relax."

"Oh, you are going to pay for that...Derek..."

"I already am," he teased.

"Wait, what about the Chief..."

"We'll talk later. Don't worry," he said and rushed off to his surgery.

"It's really a lovely day, after last night's storm," Meredith said as they sat at a bench outside the hospital.

"Mer, we're not here to talk about the weather," Lexie commented.

"No, we are not. Last night, Derek and I had an unexpected ..."

I knew it...something is wrong, but just now, you seemed ok, what did he do Meredith?"

"Oh, no, you've been hanging around Cristina too much," she joked, "you're jumping on her hate Derek bandwagon, I'm going to have to ask that they switch you to someone else."

"Meredith, this is no time to joke, seriously...how can you, when I could tell you were upset before he got there last night, almost like you didn't expect him to show up, and now you say this...and you want to ..."

"Lexie," she said grabbing hold of her hand and bringing it down to her side, "listen...stop talking and waving your hand."

"You do it too," she retorted.

"Yes, I do. Now, what I was going to say is that ..." she smiled, unable to resist leading her on, "your brother in law and I..."

"Brother in law..." she paused, "he proposed...after dinner...he proposed..."

"You've been calling him your brother in law without him proposing, why would you think..."

"Meredith Grey, this, does not suit you...you purposely led me to think that he proposed, and three's no reason to be sitting out here wasting time..."

"Lexie, I feel like joking for the first time in a long while...I was kidding around."

"Mer," she said apologetically, "I'm being insensitive, I'm glad you feel like joking...really I am."

"You're not, it felt right to joke around with you, I don't do that often."

"I know...and I'm glad, Mer, that you feel you can do that...it's nice."

"It is," she agreed. "Now, what I was going to say is Derek and I had an unexpected experience, and I wanted to share that with you."

"This is not about sex is it? I mean Mer we can talk about things, and I'm not a prude... but I don't know right now, it seems talking about you and Derek and sex and things unexpected...I don't know..."

Meredith's laughter interrupted Lexie's ramble.

"What?"

"Oh, Lexie I cannot wait to tell Derek your reaction," she said an laughed again.

"Meredith...why...why would you do that..." she asked.

"Because we really are talking about everything, and he will appreciate I had a good laugh."

"Laugh at my expense...I can handle that...I guess, for flirting with him way back when," she said without revealing in her expression she too was teasing her sister.

"Ok...bringing that up...it's not going to win you any points you know."

"Thought you didn't get jealous?"

"Damn right I do, and don't you ever tell him," Meredith said smiling.

"Meredith, I love to talk with you...but I am going to have to get back to work...soon..."

"If you had let me finish my sentence, I would have told you I had the most unexpected experience, this dream Lexie, that later I shared with Derek, and I knew I had to tell you," she said and quietly began to share one of her most cherished and healing moments with her sister, once again strengthening the familial bonds that neither had ever expected and now could not imagine having to live without.

Lexie and Meredith both had tears in their eyes throughout the conversation, "Mer, do you...do you really think it was Mom, giving me...us a message?"

"I have absolutely no doubts," she said, reaching for her hand, "and neither does Derek," she smiled, "she was there Lexie, that night you felt her presence, she was really there."

"And...and in your dream...you said..." she paused and wiped the tears away, "you told Brianna to tell Mom you love me..."

"I did...but, Lexie..." she said smiling, "I think she already knows," and each sister at that moment simply squeezed the other's hand.

"Thank you...Meredith...thank you for letting me in your life...you're...I don't have many friends here...and Molly is so far away, and Mom's gone...and Dad...and to have you..."

"I need you too...we need each other..."

"We really are like two watering pots, aren't we..." Lexie said.

"You surprise me, Xena..." Meredith said, "no wise quotations..."

"It is such a secret place, the land of tears," Lexie replied.

"You just made that up," Meredith said, "didn't you?"

"The Little Prince, Meredith, did you ever read that, it's a classic?"

"No, Mom wasn't big on children's books."

"It was a wonderful book, about so many things in life, I actually liked it better as an adult."

"If...if I have kids...one day, I'll make sure they read all those children's books..."

"My godchild and the brother and sister that may follow are going to enjoy every single one of those books...and I'm going to spoil them rotten."

"I hope...Lexie...I hope my dream comes true," she said, melancholy in every word.

"Meredith...it will, I know it will..."

"I have hope Lexie...I do...I want to believe that Derek and I will have that..."

"Mer, you will...and remember this, One can't see well except with the heart, the essential is invisible to the eyes."

"I remember hearing that," Meredith said smiling.

"Mer, thanks for sharing your dream...it was a beautiful gift."

"Lexie, do you want to come with me, and meet Kelly, she's so special...and my baby...my little girl was her angel."