Together Again (A Not So Romantic Lovestory) || Michael Jackson

21 - Secret Portrait

Michael

The rest of the day flowed smoothly.

Well, except for the abnormal beatings of my heart and my constant exasperation to a nonexistent thing.

Faye noticed the change in my mood but I just told her that I am okay. She knows that I'm showering her with lies but she is too good at handling my hardheaded ass so she just left me alone and let me breathe on my own.

Maybe that's what I needed.

I'm craving for her presence though. It seemed like I'm too dependent in her presence that it makes it difficult for me to be alone anymore. I'm used to being alone but that was before I met her. 

Ever since I found my comfort in her, everything became a roller coaster ride for me. 

In a good way.

I can face any negativities that comes with this fame because I know that Faye is with me all the time. 

She is my shoulder to lean on. She is my source of energy to recharge my draining soul. She is the one to hold onto when everything else is failing.

I'm just thankful that she is staying beside me even though we can't stop bickering at each other. That's Michael and Faye. That's the foundation of our friendship.

With a pencil in my right hand, I let my fingers work on its magic. The fresh breeze of nature from up here, in my giving tree, is giving all the inspirations I needed. I'm not working on a song though. I already consumed my energy allotted for it when I was at the studio earlier.

I'm working on something else.

The soft but solid strokes of my pencil tip is working its way on the paper. Every movement of my wrist is like dancing freely in the wind. 

It seemed like the graceful movement is a product of long years of dedication and practice. Maybe, this is what really happens when you are sketching the same subject for numerous times now.

I already completed her beautiful eyes and her long eyelashes. I can draw the perfect curve of her nose too in a heartbeat. I am now working on her jet black wavy hair. I'm always letting some strands of her hair to mess with her face. 

I like it that way.

Her wavy ends can showcase the soft features of her face. This is just one of many. That is the trademark of my sketches of her - the wavy hair that is messing with her face.

After I finished this portrait? I'm just gonna pile it together with the almost a hundred random sketches of her in my secret drawer. 

No one needs to see it. It's just my random and uncontrollable hobby. 

No, it's not obsession.

I just like her as my subject.

Satisfied with my work, I closed the notebook. I wandered my sight around, appreciating the beauty of nature. I also noticed that most of the lights in the main house are already closed. 

It is when I became aware of the time. It is already late but I'm still here at the top of a tree as if it will make me sleepy. All my nerves are still working so I doubt that I can sleep right away.

I'm sure Faye is not yet asleep.

I'm hoping.

I really miss this part of my life. 

The normal and happy life. 

I'm not saying that I'm not happy right now. I'm very thankful for it. It's just that, I really can't live as a normal person now. 

That's what I envy the most. My siblings can spend their normal lives. With the presence of some paparazzi, of course, but unlike mine, they don't need to have a security team who will follow them everywhere they go.

I just sighed to myself and let the negativities to be blown away by the wind. 

I grabbed my things and with an undeniable hope in me, I sprinted my way to my room to have a quick shower and to hide the newest addition of vaulted portrait in my drawer. 

These things will never be revealed.

I let out a deep sigh before knocking on her bedroom door. I just know that she is not yet sleeping. I can feel it. Either she is immersing herself on her phone or she is reading a book.

She loves that you know.

She loves romance. She believes in romance. 

She knows that there is someone written in the stars who will love her unconditionally. She believes in that kind of things. She believes in fairytale. In happy endings.

I'm not blaming her though. That's what the books and movies are showing her. And who doesn't love happy endings? 

I love happy endings.

I just don't know if I will have my own happy ending. I'm a prisoner of my own shell. 

Being an uncle to Naomie's and Anthony's kids is already a gift from heaven. I can feel it in my nerves, being their second father. Despite of being a happy uncle, I also love to have my own family too, of course. To have my own kids. 

That's what I'm always dreaming about.

Maybe that's my true calling.

To be the best father in the whole galaxy.

But unlike Faye, I don't really believe that there is someone written in my star. In my head, I'll be lonely and alone.

Forever.

It's better that way.

Who wants to be with me anyway? With all these fame and controversies? No one can sleep peacefully at night. As long as that someone is with me.

After a few knocks, Faye is not yet responding so I decided to open her door. It is unlocked anyway. I invited myself in but it seemed like, no one is here. Maybe she is in Janet's room? Or in Naomie's?

Are they having a girls' night out kind of thing or something?

"Faye?" I called her name but still, no one responded.

I slammed my body on her bed and her intoxicating scent invaded my nostrils right away. 

The white ceiling is waving at me so I just rested my arms behind my head. My eyes are roaming around but nothing is flashing through my mind. 

It is blank. It is empty.

The only thing that is sticking inside my head is that, the tour will start again real soon and I'll be lonely again. I'll be in Europe for the next four months. I'll be in hell again and no one can save me.

But maybe, Faye can save me?

I need my comfort. I need her warm hugs. I need to feel her presence as long as I am here.

Where are you Faye?

Can I sleep under your warm embrace tonight?