Together Again (A Not So Romantic Lovestory) || Michael Jackson

102 - Price To Pay

It didn't occur to me that this chapter has ~4.6k words omg. Anyways, just a heads up that I'm starting to hate the future chapters HAHAHA

Faye

What to feel?

Guilty? About what exactly? I felt bad. I felt really bad, of course. I didn't tell Jesse about it even though I was sure that he could understand. I was so guilty about what happened. I was in a deep pit even though I had no clear information about it but I still categorized it as cheating.

Even I was left in the dark, I cheated. I had sex with someone and that someone was not my boyfriend.

Everything went well after that. It was well if I was not thinking about the bad thing that I did. I came back to normal as if nothing happened. It was still me. I remained myself even though that the moulting that I wished never happened.

However, I couldn't escape this thing for long. It cannot be buried just like that. We cannot just get away from what we did. Not that easy. We can just forget about it. Forget everything. It was easy to say but when I was trying to erase it from my mind? I can't. I just can't.

It was haunting me but not in a very negative way. I felt different about it that I had these doubts that something was violated but then, nothing proved that I was violated. It just felt wrong because it was really wrong.

Maybe that was why I felt all guilty about it. Aside from the fact that I actually cheated without my knowledge, there was nothing wrong with me. It would be easier if there was something wrong with me.

I was guilty too because of the fact that I had these thinkings about that night. Negative thoughts that maybe, he hurt me or he forced me to something that I didn't want to do. That maybe, he talked me to it that was why we did it. He seduced me or something. I was tempted so I agreed.

What if the truth, it was consensual? What if we were both active participants during that night and we didn't have anything inside our minds but to jump on each other's bones?

No. It shouldn't be it. Did I give consent? I can't remember. I really can't remember. Did he take advantage of me? Maybe.

But there was a way to find out.

I meditated for this day to come. I collected all the strength and courage to do this thing. I needed to talk. I needed answers. Even though I was still uncomfortable and a little bit shaky about it, my mind was made up. I had the negative side of the story and I can't digest the information. 

I felt bad. I didn't want it to happen.

I was drunk and lost and helpless but still, he kissed and threw me on the bed. And it happened. It happened.