Trapped in the beastworld

Part 93 ~ Pathetic

After a long flight Haffi finally returned home, he was getting tired but the urgency of getting Alma home kept him going on. He could see the village was not ready for Alma, he was disappointed in Fannar, he thought he would step up and do the work but he clearly thought wrong.

Keith was doing a great job, fixing everything as fast as possible while helping with the clean up. There was still too many of dead assassins prey everywhere but that was not the worst, the stench was horrific, it almost made him gag. The other beasts were getting used to the smell so it did not bother them much. It was unbelievable that the village was still standing after the attack from the horde, there were millions of carcasses everywhere still and too few beasts to gather the stones and get rid of them. Keith did what he could but still he was only one beast, fortunately Addis herd helped a lot with moving the bodies to where the alligators made their home. Everyone was working hard but they needed more bodies to help. There were so many problems to solve and Keith was getting a headache from all of it. Beasts were coming from the city seeking refuge. He did not know what to do, they could not help everyone, there were too many beasts and they just simply did not have space for them all nor food to feed them all during winter. Keith was afraid that the beasts would start to rebel and steal. He had been calming them down but it was only to buy time, he was afraid that they would be attacked, beasts could easily become deranged when they were frightened and hungry, he could not believe he was thinking it but he missed Odin, he would reel in the scared beasts just by releasing his beasts aura.

Haffi saw the disappointed look of Keith when he saw Askel, he had hoped Odin would come home first but unfortunately Haffi had brought home another problem to fix. Keith called Tram to come to help and he just looked at Askel and told Keith he would have to examine him to assess his injuries better. Haffi told Tram that Alma wanted Askel to stay in the suite, just as they were taking the hawk to the suite, the minion finally came. He just followed them all to Almas house and when they had made Askel comfortable the minion told Tram all about Askells injuries and the unknown state of the hawks wings. They decided to work together, to help Askel the best they could, it would be a long recovery for the bird, Tram showed him his herbs and the minion showed his, they got on well together and it seemed they would be able to learn well from each other also. Keith and Haffi walked out quietly so that the two doctors could get to know each other better.

Haffi told Keith about the situation with Askell and Alma, he told him about Hafthor and the shark. Keith was glad she had gotten help but sad that she had felt the need to secure her safety by taking in a mate so soon. He knew Alma well and he knew she would not do this unless she felt she had to. He was just scared she would blame herself, she had the tendency to blame herself for everything, things that were out of her control even, he could not understand her sometimes, he wished to know why she was like this, her thinking was so different from anyone else. She could only see what she did wrong and could never see all the good she did, he felt bad and thought that maybe he was not doing enough for her, a proper mate took care of all his mates needs both physically and mentally but he did not know how to help her, it was so frustrating, he felt so helpless, he felt like a failure.

Haffi had fortunately no such negative thoughts, there was no time for it, he snapped Keith back to reality and told him they had to do their best before she would return. Thankfully that was all Keith needed, it was clear they would not be able to finish before Alma came back but they would do their best to make it look as best as it could.

Haffi did not waste time. He ate heartily before going back in the air, the next one to go home would be the sleeping snake.

While Haffi was flying back to Alma, Alma was sitting in the hut alone, technically she was not alone, Odin was by her side sleeping but he could not talk to her. She was trying her best not to resent herself but it was a loosing battle. She could hear Ulfar talking to Pistris and Hafthor but she did not want to go out, she was such a coward, such a pathetic women, here she was not far from fifty and she was scared to talk to them, she felt ashamed of herself and she also felt that she was very unfair to the poor merman king, he had not done anything wrong, she had said yes, even though she did not want to, how was he supposed to know she did not want to, still she could not help but to resent him, she felt he had used her helplessness to his gain but she also knew that this was done in this world. She knew he felt bad and she knew he must be scared she would not talk to him again, she knew she could not hide away forever but she did not want to deal with it, it felt so heavy on her heart, she started to cry again, she hated her self immensely for her weakness, what a useless thrash she was, she thought to herself, how she wanted just to turn off her brain, why could she not stop thinking these horrible thoughts, why could she not be normal, why was she such a failure, she was just a burden, she had been a burden to her family when she was young, she was a burden to her few friends when she was a teenager and she had been a burden to her husband. She had thought about killing herself since she was a child but she was not strong enough to go through it, mostly because she was scared of the pain but also for the reason that she was afraid of dying too. She was just a pathetic being and she was afraid she would always be just that but mostly she was afraid being a burden to her beloved family, she wept in her despair.

Ulfar could sense her emotion, he could sense it better the longer he was with her. He had been talking to Pistris about him getting lobsters for Alma, he remembered how she had talked about how much she loved eating lobsters, he wanted to try his best to lift her spirits and he knew good food always made him feel better. He stopped taking to Pistris and told him to hunt well for her before rushing back to the hut. There he saw her weeping, she felt so defendless, she felt so small, how he wished he could take all that pain away from her in that instant but it just was not that simple. He sat down next to her and held her tightly, he released his calming aura, while telling her again and again, she was safe, she was loved and she was such a wonderful person, he thanked her for accepting him, he thanked her for all she had done for all of them, he told her to try to see that she had done so many good things for so many beasts, because of her many beasts were thriving and happy, she had made such a difference in so many lives. She heard all his words but still she could not accept them, her head was telling her that they would have figured everything out without her, she had not really done that much, she should have done more, she was so tired, she could feel herself getting calmer, it felt nice, she wished she could always feel this way. She was so thankful for Ulfar but she felt she was just a burden to him, her head was telling her that because of her he had to take care of her like she was a child, she shaked her head, trying to get rid of her thoughts, she tried to listen to Ulfar words of kindness even though she did not believe a word he said.

Sorry im late, im feeling a little under the weather, ill try to update again before Sunday but im not making any promises :) thank you all so much for reading, liking and commenting, it truly makes my day brighter❤️