One Shots 'The nursery nurse'

Deathly Affair Part III

Sorscha still couldn't believe it, she had let herself get involved with Janice, let her emotions get the better of her at that moment, something she didn't even really understand. The kiss, the hasty, passionate meeting, the desire and the guilt she now felt, as if she had betrayed herself and everything she actually stood for. Still, she couldn't shake the image of Janice in her mind, the light words, the look that had mesmerised her.

When she finally arrived home, her heart was still pounding. She sat in her car for minutes, clutching the steering wheel tightly and desperately trying to calm herself down. Suddenly an unbearable feeling rose up inside her, she felt sick to her stomach. Sorscha wrenched the car door open and barely made it to the bucks tree before she threw up.

She couldn't put it off any longer, she had to face her wife now. Slowly, she stepped through the door. Clodagh was sitting on the couch, paged through a magazine, but when she saw Sorscha, she raised her eyes. She immediately realised that something was wrong. Sorscha had changed, her posture was slacker, her eyes looked somehow empty, as if she was struggling with something.

"Sorscha?" Clodagh put the magazine aside and stood up. "What's the matter? You look... not well." She approached slowly.

Sorscha froze, her heart skipped a beat. She just wanted to disappear into her bed, wrap herself in the covers and forget the world. But there was Clodagh, her wife, whom she loved the most, but feared the most at the same time. For she knew that she could keep nothing from her.

" Nothing," Sorscha said too quickly, her voice trembling slightly. " It's been a long day, I... I just need some rest." Clodagh stepped closer, concern growing in her eyes. " Darling....," she tried to put her hand on Sorscha's cheek, but her wife avoided her touch.

"It's really nothing, Babe," Sorscha replied with a forced smile, but she couldn't manage to look Clodagh in the eye. "I'm just tired. Worked longer than expected, that's all."

But Clodagh looked at her piercingly, even though Sorscha avoided her gaze. She knew Sorscha better than anyone, and something in her demeanour did not make her believe that all was well. "It's not tiredness, Sorscha," she said calmly but firmly. "Something has happened. You can't make me believe that everything is fine."

Sorscha felt the pressure in her chest intensify. She knew Clodagh wouldn't believe her, but the thought of telling the truth was unbearable. How could she explain to her that she had slept with someone else? How could she look her in the eye after she had betrayed her fidelity?

" It... it's really nothing," Sorscha repeated, her voice now brittle. " It's just... Stress at work."

Clodagh took a step back and shook her head. " Stress?" she repeated, her voice sharper now. "That doesn't sound like stress. It sounds like something much deeper. You're lying to me."

Sorscha felt as if the ground had been pulled out from under her feet. She knew that Clodagh had seen through her, that she wouldn't put up with her excuses any longer. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She wanted to apologise, but she knew it wasn't enough.

"Why are you lying to me?" Clodagh asked, her voice breaking. She couldn't hide the disappointment, the mistrust in her tone.

"I'm sorry." Sorscha whispered, but it sounded so empty, so meaningless to her own ears. " I'm sorry, Clodagh... I.... it... I... I'm sorry," was all she could say.

Clodagh looked at her for a long time, as if searching for the truth in her words. "What are you sorry for?". But Sorscha did not answer, she looked down at the ground in silence. A suspicious feeling spread through her, Clodagh reached for Sorscha's hand. Her wife tried to pull away, but Clodagh held her tightly. " Sorscha." she said firmly. "Look at me. What are you sorry for?"