One Shots 'The nursery nurse'

Ghost of you

It was always the same moment that made Marjorie sit down at the window. The rain pattering against the glass, the cold air moving through the room, the silence that lay over everything like a heavy curtain. The day was almost over and the darkness was taking hold of everything. But this moment, this quiet moment, belonged to her alone.

She looked out onto the dull streets, the rain blurring everything and the glare of the streetlights reflecting in small puddles on the tarmac. It was as if the world outside and the world inside were drifting further and further apart. Her fingers tightened around the edge of the windowsill. She wanted to feel something, to remind herself that she was still here. Not just a ghost walking through life.

"You should stop doing this, Marjorie," said a voice behind her. "There's so much more to this life. You can do it, to get up and live again."

Marjorie let her eyes rest on the rain-soaked world, but the voice snapped her out of her stupor. She knew that voice too well. She had heard it countless times. In her dreams, in her thoughts, in the silence of the nights. Reece.

"I don't want to," she murmured without turning round. Her words echoed in the darkness of the room, as if they were addressed more to herself than to him.

"I'm sorry you feel like this," he continued, the words like a gentle touch. "But you can't sit here forever. You have to live again. You have to feel again. You know I wouldn't have wanted that."

Marjorie blinked as a painful lump formed in her throat. "It hurts so much, Reece. It feels like I'm tearing to pieces every time I try to take a step."

She could feel him getting closer, his aftershave lingering in the air. She knew she should stop this, living in her memories. But it gave her a sense of security.

"I know it's hard," he said quietly. "But you're stronger than you think. You've surprised me again and again. You have to believe that there is more than this. There's still life out there, Marjorie. You have to find it."

Marjorie pressed her hand against the glass, as if to push the pain out of her body. But the images of Reece kept coming back, like floods of memories she couldn't stop.

"I can't live like this.," she whispered. Her voice was a soft lilt, almost a confession, wrapped around her neck like a heavy thread.

"You can," he said, and his voice became firmer. "You can. I will be there, every step of the way. But you have to let go of this pain, so you can move on. You have to venture out into the world again to see what it has to offer you."

Marjorie turned round and for a moment the room was silent. She looked at the chair that stood in front of the book cases, the chair Reece had always sat in. There in the darkness, she could only see a shadow. What was probably just a trick of the light. Everytime she sat here, it reminding her that something was lost forever.

"Why are you still talking to me?" she asked quietly, tears beginning to run down her cheeks. "Why are you still here?"

"Because I love you," he replied, and the words sounded soft but unmistakable. "Because I'm always with you. In your heart, in your thoughts. And even at your lowest, I'm there. Always."

Marjorie stood up, wiped her tears and slowly walked to the bed, sitting down there. Her eyes still fixed on the window. The rain had subsided, but the sky was still heavy and overcast. Her fingers stroked the fabric, as she stared out at the empty streets lost in the twilight.

"But your not here," she said, as if speaking to herself. "And it hurts so much, but... you're right. I have to go on living. For both of us.", a heavy sigh leaving her lips.

With a last look, to the shadow that was haunting her. Stood stood she up, her fingers run over the wedding ring, she still wore. The pain was still there, deep inside her, but maybe, just maybe, she could learn to live with it. Maybe someday she could feel again that life was more than the dark space in which she had lost herself.

"You'll always be a part of me, Reece," she whispered, "But I have to let go. I need to breathe again."

And so, with one last look at the empty chair and the room that had once been full of life, she stepped up and opened the window wide. The wind blew in her face, and for a moment she felt like she could hear Reece in every breeze that blew around her.

"For both of us," she murmured, and as she took a deep breath, it was as if the room opened a little wider. A first step. A step into the world she had forgotten for so long.