all i heard was the sound of amnesia playing through my headphones. My whole body was numb and the tears kept coming. We had both thrown dishes and everything within reach. We were fighting about something i didn’t even care about, and it ended by you walking out. When you walked out the door i knew it was over, and i sat there not knowing what to do. I slowly walked upstairs and packed my stuff and took one last look around. I saw the box that was full of pictures of us and grabbed it one last time and took it downstairs with my bags. I opened it while sitting at the table, all the memories with each picture came flooding back. All the birthdays, Christmas’s, everything including the time when we went up to the hollywood sign and sat on your car and drank and talked for hours. I sat there crying remembering how happy we were and how in love i was with you…. how in love i am with you even now. I picked up that picture and wrote on the back “This was the best day of my life, you told me i was the best thing that happened to me. At that moment i knew we would be together forever. I love you.” All the writing was smeared with tears and i took my bags to the car and walked into our house one last time and went and grabbed one of your sweatshirts just to remember you and everything you made me feel. Crying i walked downstairs and left my house key on the counter next to the picture i wrote on. I got in the car and drove, i didn’t know where i was going but i needed this.
I drove to the Hollywood sign and sat on the hood of my car listening to our mix tapes, remembering every conversation we ever had. You kept calling me and texting me, but i never picked up because i couldn’t. Every text you sent me said “babe where are you?” “Why would you leave? i love you” “please come home” “Please i cant do it without you.” I wrote back “Ive loved you since the moment our eyes met but Im leaving. I love you” After that i moved to LA and heard you on the radio and it was called amnesia. I sat in my car and cried because it was about me. I dialed the number i knew by heart, yours. You didn’t answer i figured you were with the band. I left a message “I feel so lonely without you. Im not okay without you. I love you. ” I drove to my apartment and changed into your sweatshirt and laid in my bed. It stilled smelled like you i missed falling asleep beside you, i was crying just thinking about you. I fell asleep after a while, i woke up to my phone ringing. “Hello?” i answered without even looking who it was. “Hey.” was all i heard in that Australian accent i fell in love with. “im sorry. Im not fine anymore.” and all i heard was the line go dead, I laid and just cried more i had really lost you. I didn’t leave my bed for a few days because i couldn’t imagine you hating me. I went back to work and started looking at houses in Australia and new york trying to decide where i wanted to move.
Its been about a month and all your twitter is, is old things you use to tell me and lyrics to amnesia and all these songs we use to listen to. I had boughten my plane ticket to Australia and had the house boughten and was ready to leave. I was packing my car to go to the airport and finished packing the moving truck that would be going on a boat to come to my house. I was now taking the final walk through my apartment and found the picture of us at the bottom of my closet. It was the picture i took from our house when i left. I folded it and put it in my pocket. I got in the car and started to drive to the airport, I got to the airport and checked my bags and went to my gate. While i was sitting waiting for my flight there was a huge crowd of girls surrounding some guys. I just rolled my eyes remembering how when i was with you that was always how it was. I looked up just to see who it was and i saw blue eyes. I darted my eyes away because it was you, you were on my flight to Australia. You walked through the gate and onto the plane, being in one of the top bands in the world gave you that luxury.
They called first class and i stood up to walk to the gate to board the plane, i started walking toward the plane and when i got on i saw your body guards, they said hello to me and i looked down the aisle and saw you and the boys. I was sitting right in front of you, while i was going to sit down we made eye contact and my heart stopped. When i looked at you, you still took my breath away. I just put my headphones in and fell asleep, since it was a 2 day flight almost. It was amazing that i still dreamed about you and expected to wake up in your arms. When i woke up everything on the plane was dark except this glow behind my seat, I turned around and saw it was you on your computer. You looked up and saw me and i smiled because wow you were handsome. You whispered hi, i whispered hi back. The seat next to him was empty and he whispered come here and motioned his head toward it. I got up and grabbed my computer and headphones and walked to the empty seat next to him. I looked at his computer screen and of course he was answering emails. There was one that caught my eye, it was from our realtor it said that the house in LA had sold. I pointed to it and you said “I couldn’t live there anymore, everything there reminds me of you. Every tile you made me put up and every room you made me paint, everything about the house reminds me of you.”
I laid my head on your shoulder and you leaned your head on mine. You grabbed the blanket you had and covered both of us and i fell asleep. I slept better then than i had in so long because it was your smell and your broad shoulders i had grown accustomed to falling asleep on. When i woke up you were asleep and now the center consul had been put up and you were laying flat across the 2 chairs and i was on top of you asleep. How you got me in this position and not woken me up i will never understand but i didn’t care. I moved around a little bit to get comfortable again and your eyes opened and you stretched. I looked up at you and you smiled at me. We just laid there looking at each other for about an hour then the flight attendant came around with breakfast and i sat and ate and did some work stuff on my laptop while you did the same. we were holding hands while both of us did this, then the pilot came on the over head speaker and said that we would be landing in about an hour. You just held onto my hand tighter and i smiled while looking through emails. I got up to go to the bathroom and when i came back one of the boys was sitting in the seat next to you, and i just went back to my original seat and luckily i had put my laptop and headphones back in my seat before going to the bathroom. I packed up my bag and got ready for the plane to land. After another 15 minutes we were getting off the plane and of course you and the boys were escorted off the plane early and when you walked past my row you just smiled at me and shrugged. My heart dropped because all i wanted was to be yours again.
Its been 2 months since that flight and im still trying to move on from you, we havent talked since. I was finally feeling at home in Australia, one morning i was checking my emails because i had a photo/style shoot today, turns out it was with your band. So i went and got dressed and got ready to do this. i made sure i had all the equipment i needed and checked with my assistant to make sure all the clothes i pulled had gotten there. When i arrived at the abandoned warehouse where we were having this, my assistant ran up to me with starbucks and a flannel that hadn’t been ripped how i asked. I walked into the room where you and all the boys were, i said hello to everyone and told the hair dresser how i wanted all your hair done. After about an hour i took each of you and the boys one by one to decide on the first outfit, you and the boys walked over to where everything was set up and i positioned you where i wanted you, while i was fixing your outfit and you hair you tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I blushed and then brushed it off and went onto the next boy. I went and stood behind the camera and told them how i wanted them to pose, after the group shot it was time for individual ones and i did all the other boys and of course you were last, so all the other boys left because they were done for the day and so was everyone else. It was just me and you left, i walked up and messed with your outfit and decided i didn’t like it so i walked into the other room and chose a plain white shirt and black skinny jeans and handed it to you. You took your shirt off right where you were and i glared at you because you knew what you were doing to me. You handed me your other shirt and put the other one and i walked behind the camera again. You winked while i was taking a picture and then in the next you flexed and i laughed. I walked into the other room to grab the clothes you originally wore to the shoot and i walked back and handed them to you, you thanked me and leaned down and kissed me. Wow how i missed your taste and your lips. We kissed for about 5 minutes and i broke it apart and shoved you away, i went and started packing up my camera. “No you cant kiss me and then walk away again like i mean nothing,” his voiced cracked half way through. “I’m not walking away, i wish i could walk away but i love you to much to stay away. You still mean everything to me and for some odd reason god keeps bringing us back together, but after the flight you just walked off like it meant nothing.” “That day on the flight meant everything to me, but i was so confused. You hurt me so bad, you broke my heart.” you said as a tear rolled down his face. “I know and I’m sorry for that, i regret leaving everyday. I wish i could take it all back and we could of just made up.” “alright lets try again then. Come home with me and we will have dinner.” “Okay i just gotta pack up” “ you pack up and I’m going to go change and then we can go” you said walking away.
