If we are being honest with eachother right now, I haven’t stopped smiling since the moment I stepped off the plane this morning. I am not good when it comes to air travel, and this being the first time I have done it alone, it was not something that I was very happy with but stepping onto solid ground was a huge plus. Being picked up in a limo that Michael had his manager send only increased my happiness and being led into an stadium where I was going to see my boys play while sitting in the front row, my life was pretty much perfect. I caught Michael’s eye as soon as they made thier way onto the stage and he blew me a kiss before they started thier first song. I sent small waves to the other boys when they saw me and sang along with everyone in the crowd as we sang back to the boys. It was almost like the last 4 months of not seeing Michael hadn’t even happened when I saw him on stage. He was in his element, he was content, he was where he belonged and I could never take that away from him…even if those 4 months have been the worst 4 months of my life.
"We want to leave you guys with a song that gets everyone a bit emotional and that’s okay because it hits us too" Luke says.
"Usually we leave on a high note but we decided that since this single was just released, it was the right thing to do" Michael finishes for Luke.
You could physically feel the shift in the air as the boys brought forward stools on the stage. Ashton stayed at his kit but grabbed different sticks and Luke and Michael both took hold of thier acoustic guitars. Everyone knew what was coming and I tried to steel myself for it. I felt like my heart was being constricted as soon as Calum started the song and I found myself suddenly on my seat. Every word that was spoken brought back memories from Erin and I wasn’t able to avoid thinking about it.
"I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted" Calum sang and I cried. Erin and I had been friends for 12 years. We met in primary school and were inseparable from that point on. Legal drinking age was more of a suggestion to us and we used to sneak out and meet in one of the 8 designated spots for nights where we wanted to rebel agains the world and show society who we were.
"I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things, like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you, and the memories I never can escape, cause I’m not fine at all." The first time Michael went away on tour I was an absolute wreck and he was only doing a national tour. I went with him to the first two shows but after that, our apartment was just so empty and I was having a hard time coping with that. Erin would come over at whatever ungodly hour that I would call and just hold me until I was able to sleep. I know that sounds weird to some people but she had the ability to make me feel like it was Michael holding me and that pushed me through most days. At this point I don’t know where they are in the song because all I can hear is my heart beating in my ears, I need to get away, I can’t be here anymore. When I stand up I see Michael notice what I am doing and he gets the attention of his security guard quickly. I am allowed through a back stage area and shown into the dressing room where I sit on the couch.
———
I don’t know how long it’s been. It feels like hours but I suspect that it has been about 3 or 4 minutes when Michael comes barreling into the room.
"Baby what’s wrong?" he says quickly as he rushes to my side. I gasp in a few breaths as I register that he is here, he is holding me.
"Erin" is all I say.
"Do you want me to call her?" he asks confused.
"NO!" I practically shout. The tears are still flowing but I am able to talk a bit better.
"She is gone, she says we can’t….we can’t be friends anymore"
"WHAT? Why?"
"Apparently I’m a miserable person and no one wants to be around me. She doesn’t get why you are still interested" I say and start to cry harder.
"Baby, no. You are not a miserable person and of course I want to be here. I will always want to be where you are" he tells me as he strokes my cheek. "Come on, up" he says as he stands in front of me and gestures for me to hop on his back.
"Absolutely not Michael, are you crazy?" I ask.
"Yes, now hop on. The van is waiting and there is a playground that we found by the hotel. Ashton’s got the beer"
"Do you really think it’s wise to go out and drink now? What if someone sees you?"
"Then they will take pictures that Erin will see and she will finally understand that the world doesn’t revolve around her and the world doesn’t owe her jack shit….much to her disbelief" he smiles. I give a small smile back.
"I know you never liked her"
"I pretended to because you were best friends and all I wanted was for you to be happy. I’m sorry that she ruined that for you" he says when I am finally on his back. He does a little trot to the van and I giggle the whole time.
"This is the most physical activity I have seen Michael do off stage in the past year" Calum laughs. He gives me puppy dog eyes afterwords as if to ask me if I’m alright. I’m sure they all saw me run off.
"Just wait until tonight" I whisper in Michael’s ear. I hear his breath hitch and he looks up at the guys.
"So um….you go to the park…..Y/N and I are just going to stay at the hotel and….talk" He sort of stutters out.
"Smooth babe" I say, still slightly sniffling.
"You guys got your own room at the other end of the hall so we don’t have to hear you" Ashton jokes. I’m happy again and I know that I don’t need Erin around to make me smile. I have to prove it to myself though, I have to be me again. I look up at Ashton with no sign of shyness.
"Who says you won’t hear us from down there?" I ask him. I hear Michael choke on his breath and watch as Luke turns bright red. Calum gives an approving nod and then pats Ashton’s shoulder.
"You started it dude"
Yeah, I’m back, I’m me and I don’t need her around to ruin this.
