I looked into the mirror in front of me, my reflection almost scaring me. I wasn’t myself these days, the wing of my eyeliner had smudged and the bits of my mascara that were still there had gone all clumpy. I reached for the eyebrow pencil from my make up bag, quickly brushing them into place before trying to fill them in while my hands were shaking. I had gotten home from my last party about an hour ago and in ten minutes I’d have to leave for the next one.
Well technically, I didn’t have to leave, I’m sure my mum wouldn’t have minded if I’d stayed home for an entire day for the first time in weeks. The thing was, I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be anywhere. Ever since Ashton had broken up with me because he just “wasn’t feeling a relationship right now”, I hadn’t stayed home or sober for more than two hours. I wasn’t one to rely on a man, never have been, but Ashton was the only thing that kept me from going insane in my fucked up life and when he left me, I hadn’t seen any reason to not give up.
It had been two weeks since the breakup and I had spent pretty much every day the same: Since I was done with school, I usually went to my friend David’s flat where we got high together and now and then had sex. Something friends with benefits-related was what you could call it, but I honestly didn’t care. In the evening there was usually somebody’s house we could all hang out at, something was always happening and if there wasn’t we’d just hang out at the lake since it was summer.
I had never really been one to drink a lot and if I got high, it was super rare and usually happened out of peer pressure. Half of Ashtons friends were absolute stoners but Ash had always told them not to make me do it. Now I was doing it voluntarily, and regularily. But more important than the pot was the alcohol, I had gotten really damn good at that.
Quickly, I threw on a black dress and my black Dr Martens, my hair was up in a messy bun. I wasn’t quite happy with my appearance yet so I quickly smudged out any leftover eyeliner and applied dark red lipstick to my lips. Before thinking twice about how disgusting I felt, not having slept more than two hours in the last few days, I grabbed my bag and ran downstairs.
Without saying a word, I left the house before my parents even realized I was leaving. In front of our home stood my friend Mayas car and I quickly hopped inside so we could finally leave for the party.
I had now been at the party for a good hour and I was sat outside with my friends. We were a group of about ten people by now, smoking and just laughing, having a good time. There were other people at the party obviously, it was at Michaels house and Michael knew a lot of people. The drink in my hands was strong and every time I drank from it, I felt it burn in my throat but I continued drinking anyways.
As I took a drag from my cigarette, I saw the garden door open. A group of people came out and I immediately spotted him. His curly hair stood out in the group of people, mostly because he was always taller than everybody. Ashton was wearing a white t shirt, a black and red flannel wrapped around his waist, covering half of his black skinny jeans. I bit my lip and drank from my cup, trying not to look at my ex boyfriend anymore.
Of course, his friends had to recognize either me or someone in our group because they were now coming over to us. I looked into the other direction as I blew out smoke in the dark, starry night sky. “Hey guys!” Calum, Ashtons best friend, greeted us cheerfully and all of my friends smiled at him as they offered him and his friends to sit.
As they squeezed between your group, I tried your hardest not to be seen but of course, as I looked up, Ashton was staring right at me. He didn’t greet me but nodded towards me, when Calum saw me his eyes widened. “Jeez Y/N, it’s been a while uh… how are you?” Me and him had hung out a lot while me and Ashton were a couple, but of course that stopped right after he had broken up with me.
